Once upon a time, not too very long ago, I bought a little flower sprinkler in Target one year before I even met Dennis. I thought it was adorable so I got it though I had no need. I was working constantly at the church, living alone in this parsonage, praying and imagining that perhaps one day I would have beautiful children who would play in such a sprinkler, but also quite sure that would never actually happen.
I also prayed, prayed, prayed with all of my heart for someone who would love me and cherish me who I could trust and who was capable and intelligent and clever and kind and would be a wonderful husband and would also be a wonderful father. But I was quite certain that person would never actually arrive, let alone blow bubbles for our daughter on a day when he was trying to get work on a car finished. 
When I was little, about 5 or maybe 6, I had a beautiful porcelain doll. Marissa had a matching doll that was slightly different. They had orange-flowered dresses and I thought they were just hauntingly beautiful. Mine had medium brown hair and big brown eyes and little bangs cut straight across her forehead. I used to pray to God that one day I'd have a daughter who looked exactly like this doll. 
And when I was out of college I found a precious advertisement for flooring of all things that featured a little reddish-blond haired, blue-eyed little boy and I tore it out of the magazine and carried it with me because it spoke to me so strongly.
Now, I know that God is not in the business of wish fulfillment. And I would hate to suggest to others who have hoped and prayed far more deeply than I could ever imagine that the Lord has ignored their requests and granted mine. I just want to mention that my heart feels very, very full of blessing today. So many of my dreams are real. And I am so very thankful.
I also prayed, prayed, prayed with all of my heart for someone who would love me and cherish me who I could trust and who was capable and intelligent and clever and kind and would be a wonderful husband and would also be a wonderful father. But I was quite certain that person would never actually arrive, let alone blow bubbles for our daughter on a day when he was trying to get work on a car finished. When I was little, about 5 or maybe 6, I had a beautiful porcelain doll. Marissa had a matching doll that was slightly different. They had orange-flowered dresses and I thought they were just hauntingly beautiful. Mine had medium brown hair and big brown eyes and little bangs cut straight across her forehead. I used to pray to God that one day I'd have a daughter who looked exactly like this doll. And when I was out of college I found a precious advertisement for flooring of all things that featured a little reddish-blond haired, blue-eyed little boy and I tore it out of the magazine and carried it with me because it spoke to me so strongly. Now, I know that God is not in the business of wish fulfillment. And I would hate to suggest to others who have hoped and prayed far more deeply than I could ever imagine that the Lord has ignored their requests and granted mine. I just want to mention that my heart feels very, very full of blessing today. So many of my dreams are real. And I am so very thankful.
8 comments:
Wow. You are blessed. Thank you for sharing the alignment of your dreams and your reality. Gives me hope... wish I had taken more concrete actions towards my dreams though... i have some things in a drawer for a nursery... does that count? Love ya, April. Love your blog.
You are lucky and blessed indeed, and I know you always recognize it. I am proud of you and happy for you beyond measure.
And no updates on Elizabeth yet . . .she hasn't been at work, and since Jim's been working nights, he doesn't see the people who might have the info. He is trying to find out something, and when he does, I will let you know.
I think your reality surpasses your dreams.
Thanks, friends. And, Mike -- so true. So very true.
It is so moving to hear you count your blessings.
And you've done it so pastorally, not discounting others' fervent prayers and hopes.
There is just no other response than to breathe deeply, look around with you, and feel deep, profound joy.
Thank you for writing.
What beautiful dreams, beautiful writing and a beautiful family. I love reading your reflections!
Very blessed, indeed. You have a wonderful family of your dreams.
Oh my, I have "Holy Spirit" bumps - beautiful! Sometimes I think God whispers in our heart way before He realizes our dream, just so we'll be ready to see it when it comes our way.
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