Seeing things

It's a slow start to our weekend here. I'm sitting in our living room which is lit only by candles. Dennis got home just a few minutes ago and is taking a brief snooze on the couch. Peter is fast asleep in my arms. The older three are watching a Scholastic dvd and Pete Seeger is reading to them in the den. There's a pot roast and potatoes in the oven. It's been unseasonably warm here and I see a bit of a mist is starting to descend.

This week, we received the sad news that a classmate died suddenly. She was 36 with three little girls and a husband who adored her. We all adored her. She was wonderful.

I know it is cliché in times like this to reflect on the brevity of life. But it occurs to me that if I knew this life were to end tomorrow, I'd want to spend it just like this, with eyes wide open to the quiet beauty all around me.

Somewhere to be real

"When the world can turn around and see a group of God’s people exhibiting substantial healing in the area of human relationships in their present life, then the world will take notice. ~ Francis Schaffer


Why is it that church people find it so very hard to be real with each other?

I hear of people wandering through their church experiences deeply wounded, longing for real connection, fearing judgment, unable to let down fences and guards and walls. I hear of churches deserting people in real need, dropping people who end up being sinful. I hear about pastors and parishioners without grace, without mercy, without humility.

So often Christians insist on being surprised, disappointed, afraid, angry when we find out people have failed. We accept the pretense that a Christian should have it all together. We act as though we are above sin, beyond sin, over sin.

If there is ONE PLACE where we ought to be able to be as broken as we actually are in real life, it is the church.

If there is ONE PLACE where we ought not fear if other see us fully, cracked and shattered, it is the church.

If there is ONE PLACE where we ought share our desperate need to be filled with something (actually SomeOne), who will not ooze out of us but will remain, abide, heal... it is the church.

If there is ONE PLACE where we ought practice confession and repentence, it is the church.

If there is ONE PLACE where we ought preach and teach and LIVE forgiveness and love, love, love, it is the church.

So why is it that it is so hard to be real in this one place?

The D-word

I am a distracted person. Flylady would call me Sidetracked. But what I think of as "the D-word" makes more sense to me. "Unable to concentrate because one's mind is pre-occupied." Yup. That's me.

Over the past 6 3/4 years of motherhood, I've found that distractions are a little like a drug to me. I am embarrassed to admit that I have a hard time being "present" to my children minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. I know some women who are just really wonderful at tuning in to their children's wants, needs, dreams, etc. And I'm, frustratingly, not one of them. Give me the opportunity to be distracted and I'm there!

Honestly, I like to think about grown-up things. Big ideas and deep conversations get me very excited. And while I know that one day my children will be able to engage in those conversations with me...well...that's a long way off.

I've been simultaneously glad for, and loathing of, the outlet the internet has provided for me. I find it hard to be a homeschooling mother of people who mainly want to talk about the toys they want to buy with the mythical money they'll never earn doing chores they refuse to contemplate. I've loved the internet -- reading the bloggy thoughts of women and men far wiser than I -- the opportunity to create some sort of alternative community -- it's all made this very isolating job of stay-at-home-schooling-mother a little easier for this extrovert.

But I've also noticed over the past few years "the D-word". I'm just distracted. I found myself crafting facebook status updates while washing dishes. Or wondering about a controversial blog post while reading a book to a child. Or completely ignoring the mountain of laundry on which we live while I spent time reading about the role of women in the New Testament on various internet sites (yeah, nerd-dom never leaves this girl). I just was not here and available to this family emotionally like I should be. Like I want to be. Like I really believe God wants me to be and has called me to be. Distracted.

To combat this, just a little, I got rid of my smartphone a month or so ago. Doing so, means that I don't have access to the internet until Dennis brings his smartphone (which has our wiresless hotspot on it) home from work. I have found it to be a big adjustment. For the first week or so, I felt like I had an itch I could not scratch. But after that, I've found a lot of peace in the disconnection. And once I got used to not having immediate access to information, I think my brain became a little less stream-of-consciousness and that I'm a little more linear. More focused, maybe. (A teeny bit, at least.)

I guess what I've experienced is another D-word that I've always dreaded. "Discipline". I know other people learn this as young children. I'm learning it now. And, you know... it's not ALL bad.

We are so blessed to have him

My beloved grandfather turned 88 this Aug 3. Here he is with 6 of 7 great-grandchildren. We all gathered to celebrate and give him presents, but we all know WE are the ones with the gift.

Wherein she attempts to defeat Ecc. 5:3

"A fool's voice is known by many words" Ecc 5:3b

The last twelve months have been such a rich time in our lives. We've started homeschooling, moved into a house, had a baby, visited the NICU while said baby was healing, started unpacking, continued working on the house, continued homeschooling, continued working on the house, continued unpacking, finished homeschool, continued unpacking, continued working on the house, continued unpacking, continued working on the house...

It feels like there has been A LOT to process. And while I'm one who processes "verbally", as it were, it has seemed like a year to be silent here, for the most part, and reveal fool-ishness elsewhere.

But we are all doing well - growing in age and, hopefully, wisdom, too, and I find that I'd like a bit more of a record of who we are and what we are doing than I've had over the last year here. So maybe now is the time for more words. We'll see...

This third child

My little Emmeliese Elizabeth turned two today.

I do love this third child of mine. She is one of the cutest things I've ever seen. Big brown eyes. Hilarious expressions. Engaging laughter and mannerisms. She's adorable.



Emmeliese loves to be in the thick of whatever is going on with her siblings. She won't stand for being left out of some activity; she inserts herself into the center of the action. She tends to want to play with whatever is being played-with, draw with whatever is being drawn-with, eat whatever is being eaten, go wherever others are going, do whatever others are doing.

She loves her little brother and constantly wants to hold him. Or rock him. Or cram his pacifier in his mouth to "help" him.

A story for posterity on the occasion of her second birthday.... Emmeliese also happens to be a total and complete mess-maker. Her father and I call her Destructo because the kid breaks, bends, amends or alters almost everything she touches. She doesn't do these things maliciously and she's not particularly disobedient; she's just so. flipping. curious! I've gotten so accustomed to her constant alteration of items, surfaces, plans, etc. that I sometimes don't realize that the poor thing hears, "Emmeliese! NO!" at least fifty times a day. And that's just from me.

A few weeks ago, my mother-in-law was visiting. My MIL is someone who likes things to be in original order all the time. When the kids spill something, she cleans it up immediately -- no waiting for them to clean it up for themselves. When something is out of place or slightly askew, it drives her nuts. Her children have tormented her in the past by moving the zipper on her purse so the pulls were off-center. You know the type, right?

Emmeliese kept the poor woman on her toes. It was hilarious, and thankfully, my MIL has a sense of humor to match her desire for order and saw that herself. Through her reactions and attempts to right that which was wrong, I saw anew the wondrous and terrifying power that is Emmeliese Stewart. Here's a literal rundown of about two hours for Emmeliese.

- Eat cereal with spoon until cereal is below milk level and spoon is on floor.

- Proceed to eat cereal with hand.

-Wipe hand on hair and table.

- Get down from table.

- Find orange crayon near table.

- Draw circles on the wall nearest table.

- Notice Mommy noticing the drawing on the wall.

- Move to the kitchen, out of Mommy's eyesight to draw on drawers there.

- Discover alphabet magnets on fridge.

- Get into lower cabinets to find the perfect carrying container for magnets.

- Leave rejected receptacles of pyrex and cooking sheets on the floor.

- Carry magnets into living room.

- Dump magnets on floor.

- Pick up magnets one at a time and place in VCR slot of tv.

- Move to library when Grandma is alerted to presence of magnets on tv.

- Find wooden lacing beads in box.

- Pull off of shelf

- Take beads out of box and attempt to string on shoestring.

- Scream loudly when frustrated with attempted lacing.

- Watch Grandma and Daniel trying to put together a puzzle.

- Dump other puzzle pieces into Grandma and Daniel's stack.

- Move to books on shelves.

- Climb up one shelf of books to reach pop-up book about fairies.

- Read pop-up book.

- Decide pop-up book should be dismantled.

- Act dismayed and cry when Mommy takes book away.

- Find Daniel's birthday card on floor.

- Run around with card, screaming when Daniel gets close enough to grab card.

- Rip top off of card.

- Cry when Daniel takes card back and says, "NO, BABY!!"

- Go to Mommy to report Daniel's behavior.


I suppose one could get pretty upset or exasperated by this crazy kid. But for some reason, this stuff doesn't much bother me, her daddy, or her older brother and sister. They get annoyed with her but all is erased when she runs up to them to offer a kiss and a hug.

I don't know if I'm just a more relaxed parent or whether I've realized that most things can be fixed or that I am learning that most of the stuff that's easy to see as a parent is not worth making a mountain over. Those are possibilities as to why I am relatively unfazed by her redecorating, most of the time. But I think the real reason is because she's just so darn cute.

And cute goes a long way around here. Happy birthday, sweet little E!!

Peter smiling

I snapped this with my phone's camera the other morning. It's not great quality, but he sure is cute. :)

Love bade me welcome

At Valentine's Day, one of our traditions is that I force anyone who will stand sort of still for a bit to listen to poetry. This is one of my faves.

Love bade me welcome

Love bade me welcome, yet my soul drew back,
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-ey'd Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack'd anything.

"A guest," I answer'd, "worthy to be here";
Love said, "You shall be he."
"I, the unkind, the ungrateful? ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee."
Love took my hand and smiling did reply,
"Who made the eyes but I?"

"Truth, Lord, but I have marr'd them; let my shame
Go where it doth deserve."
"And know you not," says Love, "who bore the blame?"
"My dear, then I will serve."
"You must sit down," says Love, "and taste my meat."
So I did sit and eat.
-- George Herbert

It's even more beautiful in the setting by Vaughan William, I think. This version is so gorgeous and I was so excited to see that Thomas Allen is the baritone for this. Sublime.

One of my favorite pictures ever

Meeting little brother for the first time

Those on facebook have already seen this, but I wanted to share here. (And, fyi, there are more pics at this link.)

Preparing for Snow-maggedon

So... it's supposed to snow...

We're in the 13-18" area.

My facebook friends headed to the store to stock up on things yesterday and today. I resisted the urge to do the same. Instead of heading to Walmart, I thought I'd prepare by finding some links to fun snow-day activities. If anyone else has fun snow-related activities to do, I'd love to know about them! Here are just a few to get started...

Snacks and Treats

We will likely make Snowman Soup. We have one good story to accompany our Snowman Soup, but I think we need another, so we'll likely write a story and illustrate it as part of our preparation.

I've been waiting to make these frozen banana snowmen with the kids.

We may also make some sort of snowball cake sort of like these. I love the yellow cake recipe here. It's so easy and I always get delicious results. We'll top with coconut, which my children love and we hardly ever have. A snowman cake is here.

Here's a Snow White Pizza that looks different and deliciously fun! Or one could make it with alfredo, carrots, and mushrooms and make a Snowman Pizza.

Crafts and Games

There's always snowflake-making. We're going to do ours out of leftover white tissue paper from Christmas and we may cut them into hearts to work as a Valentine decoration.

These snowman pins are cute and would work as magnets, which we happen to have on hand.

Tic-Tac-Snow is fun. The gluing of the cottonballs to the penny is quite the event. I don't usually let my children glue things. :)

School

I think I'm going to have Annalivia and Daniel do the snowman name graph and scarf pattern found at this link.

And Almost Unschoolers has many cool projects involving snow. We'll be doing this experiment, but I'd suggest searching her blog for "snow" to see her brilliant ideas!

And, if this snow drags on and on, we are going to scrap the winter-related themes and get out the gardening book and seed catalogs! Happy Snow Day(s)!!

My perceptive son

My kids are fans of the PBS show, Wild Kratts which features Kratt brothers Martin and Chris in various wild animal related adventure. The brothers are animated and one is always depicted wearing green and the other wears blue.

For the record, here is a picture of Chris Kratt.

This morning, Daniel was watching PBS - Sesame Street this time - and discovered that there is a character on that show named Chris. Daniel watched for a while and then came over to explain to me that, because the Chris-es have the same name, they have different colored shirts. The different colored shirts eliminate the confusion one might encounter in dealing with two individuals of the same name. It is, he explained, how we can tell them apart from each other.

For the record, here is a picture of Sesame Street's Chris

And a side-by-side comparison, just in case.

Isn't PBS thoughtful? :)

A theology of Gratitude

I've been reading Ann Voskamp's blog for a long time... before I actually understood what a "blog" was, really. She's an extraordinary presence - immensely gifted, even more humble, passionate and yet also compassionate, wise and still seeking, artistic and also grounded in the literal dirt, sweat, blood, and tears of life. (And, as an aside- is there a more well-read woman in the northern hemisphere?) I've longed to have her spiritual maturity and honest longing for God. I've followed her suggestions at Lent and Advent and dutifully started up a gratitude journal. I've made some embarrassing attempts at emulating her writing style. I've even more embarrassingly read and re-read the comments she left here a few times. :) I've not googled her to find out where she lives, yet, but I could have wondered... :)

Anyway - let's just say - I've been a fan for a long time.

So I don't know why I was surprised.

But I was.

I opened her book and began reading. I expected to be moved, expected to be inspired, but did not expect to be shifted into another universe of thought, did not expect to be fundamentally changed.

This book... oh my...what to say about this book that has taken my breath away and swept me up into her dizzying, gloriously stretching, delightfully revealing journey?

This book... is good. And I don't mean "good" as in "nice, fun, happy". I mean "GOOOOOOD!" I mean, "God looked at his creation and saw that it was GOOD" sort of "good." It's the sort of "good" that can only come about after total emptiness has been filled by the Divine -- complete with all the breaking and burning and molding and shaping and groaning that divine birth involves.

This book is so much more than a practical guide to creating a gratitude list, though one could find that in it. It is more than a memoir, more than a reflection on the intersection of the mundane and the divine, though it is definitely these things, too. What this book is, at its essence is a book of profound contemplations on the desire of a creation to be returned to communion with its Creator. From her opening assertions that the original sin is one of ingratitude, Ann spins the tale of how she runs, dances, stumbles and gropes the path of redemption found in a life of thanksgiving.

What Ann has created is an extraordinarily insightful, nuanced and deeply honest theology of Gratitude. The answer she has found to the meaning of life (living in intentional thanksgiving) appears to be simple. But the answer goes beyond just keeping a numbered list of God's gifts, something I've done without the essential accompanying contemplation of God's very nature, His plan for our restoration, His willingness to enter into our lives. Ann knows that living out the satisfied life is so much more than a sterile list. Ann knows that living eucharisteo is perhaps the most challenging task a mortal, fallen creature can undertake. She treats her exploration with all the raw desire, startling honesty and passionate reverence that such a task deserves. It's amazing.

I really wish I could buy tons of these books to hand out to family and friends and church members. And strangers, for that matter. If people get hold of the concept of a life-lived-in-thanksgiving, well... it could be life-changing. I know it already is changing mine.

Thank you, Ann.

Prayer calendar

I've been working on getting a prayer calendar together that will import to my smart phone. I've finally got this one on my Google calendar and thought I'd share the link in case it could help anyone else.




The link for XML (feed readers) is here and iCal is here and the link to view it in HTML in a web browser is here.

When I get together my prayer calendar for Dennis, I'll post it here, too.

Just So Stories

Recently, we got a Kindle onto which I eventually plan to load a bunch of homeschool books. To fill the gap between receiving the thing and that time at which I unpack the curriculum discs or, more accurately, the time at which I find the instructions for loading said curriculum onto a reader, I downloaded a free copy of Kipling's Just So Stories. I've been reading them to the kids and have been having so much fun!

I haven't read these stories since late junior high and I never appreciated the wit and humor in them back then. The language and vocab is so rich and the characters so lighthearted... They are just a pleasure to dramatize vocally, and the kids sit in rapt attention (mostly) even though the meaning of a good third of it must go right over their heads. It really does make me eager to find more classics to share with them!

Resolutions- the 90 day version

I love the first of the year, and while I wish I were evolved enough to join the trend toward not-making resolutions, I also love this particular tradition, even though I've never actually fulfilled a resolution in my entire life. :)

This year, I thought I'd get fancy and try my resolutions in 90-day chunks. Dennis recently had a fabulous success in reading the New Testament in the 90 days before Advent, and it inspired both of us to "think small" when it comes to big changes in life. So here's what I (and Dennis, too, actually) will be doing in some 90-day chunks in the near future...
-Reading the Bible in 90 days ( a la biblegateway.com - it's delivered to our smart phones, which makes reading throughout the day pretty manageable!)
-Joining Weight Watchers online (after I'm cleared by my doc @ my 6 week appt.) and following the plan (again, the accessibility through our phones is just awesome)
- Joining e-mealz.com and cooking at home, mostly (we did lots of eating-out in Dec.)
-Sticking to a written budget ( we sort of got lazy w/ this during the move and near Peter's birth/hospitalization, etc.)
and most important...
- Making time several times throughout the day to give kisses and hugs to the kiddos (it's embarrassing to admit, but my kids are usually so good to each toher and me that, if I'm not careful, I find myself reacting only to negative behavior. My mom suggested setting a timer and having a hug-and-kiss break every hour or so, and it has been a big help. Again, I'm embarrassed that it slips my mind to do it without help, but this is working for us!)
Anyway, those are the things in the works for the next 90-ish days for us. I'm going to keep telling myself when I want to get off-track, "It's
only 90 days!"

We'll see how it goes!

Peter the Magnificent

I am home and pumping because my little Peter is in the hospital being treated for meningitis. :(

I'm not exactly sure he HAS meningitis, and neither is the neo-natologist, frankly. But the pediatric infectious disease doc has given that diagnosis, so we will treat it.

The bad news is that he has to have a PICC line and will be in the hospital for 14 days total. But that's the only bad news, really.

The good news (which, on the tiny keyboard on my phone, I always type as "god news". Coincidence, I think not!) is profoundly greater, in number and substance. The good news -- all of Peter's systems look not only good, but wonderful! His white cell count in his blood is perfect, which means this infection is not multiplying. (i.e if he does have the bacteria, it's just hanging out). His breathing is good, his oxygen levels are good. His sleeping is good...

But the most wonderful thing, to me, is that he can be fed "ad lib" meaning whenever-he-wants AND, glory of glories, he's been a really good nurser!!! He opens his mouth wide, latches on almost right away, and then nurses himself to sleep. I LOVE it!!! I think my mammaries are so excited that I might have a little overactive letdown going on. The poor child was gulping as fast as he could the other day and the milk just kept pouring forth.

I cannot describe the joy this gives me! After nursing Annalivia for 14 months, which was such a sweet experience, both Daniel and Emmeliese were my feta-makers -- fed on homemade goat's milk formula. Long-term, they are none-the-worse-for-the-wear, and there were parts of bottle feeding that I enjoyed, namely being able to hand them off to someone else to have a bottle. But I missed breast-feeding. There really is something there that cannot be duplicated in bottle-feeding, regardless of how close one can come. I'm not sure what it is. But that "je ne sais quois" is remarkable.

And I get to experience it again...

Such sweet joy this little one has already brought... :) :)

For a few more pics, click here.

7 Quick Takes

1. I can't believe that Peter is here. It is so surreal to think about my fourth child being here in this world now. He is beautiful. He is evocative of the other kids and at the same time, he just looks completely like himself. He reminds me of my uncle for whom he is middle-named, and he also reminds me of pictures of Dennis' dad. It's very sweet to look at that little face and contemplate who he will be and who he will resemble and what he'll do and become. I really do love being a momma.

2. Peter is in the NICU. For those not on facebook, he was moved there originally because he was not able to keep his temperature and oxygen up and his respiration rate down. He had a blood culture and lumbar tap which ruled out infection, then he received surfactant to bring his lungs into a bit more maturity. Right now, he is under the bili-lights.

3. I have to go home today. I've decided to believe that Peter is going home today, too. One of my prayers for the last few months has been that we could go home together. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like God has been asking me to continue to believe that He'll take care of things to make that happen. I'm someone who usually has many thoughts about what may or may not happen and how things may or may not work. But not this time. This time, I feel like God is asking me to abandon some of my "what-if's" and just do some simple (which, as it turns out, is not so simple) trusting. To quote a line from Facing the Giants, "I'm preparing for rain."

4. I am amazed and astonished by how different the C-section experience was for me this time. When Emmeliese was born, she was an emergency C after 20 hours of active labor. Because of the way she was positioned, the docs had to do a classical (vertical) incision on the uterus. They also had to make a classical incision externally, which meant that I had this very painful wound around my belly button. It was so difficult to move around, hold the baby, nurse, etc. This time, my amazing doctor worked really hard to take the incision low on both uterus and belly and oh. my. goodness., what a HUGE difference it has made.

5. I have been reminded over and over again how blessed we were through the experience with Emmeliese and the how the things we endured then have made Peter's birth so much easier. Because of E's history, Peter got antibiotics immediately when he was having trouble breathing instead of waiting for cultures to come back indicating an infection. Because of my experience with the surgery last time, I have known to ask for certain considerations. And...

6. Because of our experience in the NICU last time, we've been able to confront some communication problems brought on by the hospital's move of the NICU into a separate building while the Labor and Delivery ward has stayed where it was. In order to get to the NICU, a mother has to get into a wheelchair and be wheeled through two wards to an elevator, get on the elevator and go down two floors to a skywalk and then follow a circuitous path through another building which involves automatic doors that must have a button pushed on the opposite side of the door than that through which a mother is passing, then proceed into the final building, get back on the elevators, and finally, sign in at the NICU. This process must repeat itself anytime one wants to visit one's baby. And someone else must repeat it anytime one pumps and wants to deliver breastmilk. To say it is ridiculous is a MASSIVE understatement. The accompanying communication difficulties have been frustrating. I will be writing several strongly-worded letters. (Say that a la Gob Bluth. It sounds cooler.) :)

7. I have been so thankful for facebook and the ability to communicate information and, for that matter, hopes and dreams, needs and desires, etc. with lots of people. I have been so moved by the amount of people who are praying for us and our family. I tend to have a lot of inner conflict concerning facebook, but I've been nothing but thankful for it this week.

For more quick takes, see Conversion Diary!

Peter John

He's here! Peter John Stewart, Monday Dec. 13, 2010, 7 lbs .4 oz, 19 3/4 inches long. A few more pics can be seen here.

Just in case anyone reads here anymore...

It has been such a busy month or so for our family! We moved into the new house beginning at the first of November, fully intending to take our time and sort through junk/ not move unnecessary things, and instead, as always seems to be the case for me, ended up throwing things in boxes and "just getting it done already!" at the end of the month. One of our pastors let us use his trailer and, rather unsuspectingly, told us he didn't need it "anytime soon". He probably didn't realize that it is a McStew family trait to procrastinate as long as possible, so he MAY be getting back his trailer before Spring. Maybe. And in the midst of last month's craziness, we found out that Peter would be delivered early- a full two weeks earlier than expected. And I got put on "limited activity", which has made me about as helpful as a large walrus with definite opinions on how everything should proceed. I need not mention, I think, how my sainted husband is earning his stars-in-his-crown by the bucketful. :)

What all of this has meant, practically, is that we have a large house full of stuff that is not categorized or sorted, boxes most everywhere, Christmas decorations in our pastor's trailer parked, attractively, next to the house, six inches of snow on the ground, an overworked Daddy, a kindergartner on perpetual fall/ Christmas break, and a baby arriving in 6 days.

BUT- it's all good. We're in the house and I pray we will never, ever have to move again (though if I were God and Miss April let me know that she didn't want to move for another 50 years, I'd think she was just "askin' for it" :) ). Little Peter is doing well so far, and so am I, really. The kids are happy even we still haven't hooked up the tv. My mom has been taking them to her house every day and we wer reminded again of what an amazing fam we have when they all helped w/the move... There are just a lot of gifts in this process.

One of the most lovely, timely gifts is that this whole experience has afforded me yet another opportunity to reflect in this Advent time on how God took on human flesh and came into this messy, disorganized, not-at-all-ready-for-Him world and how He will come again - into the world, into my heart, and into the hearts of my family. I really wish this Christmas He would find the arrangements at the McStew house less like a stable than they will probably be, but I'm taking comfort in the fact that he WILL find a family waiting for Him. And in the end, the dusty, unorganized, chaotic chambers of our hearts will be His dwelling place again.
Even so, Lord Jesus, quickly come!
Hope you are having a blessed Advent. I'll try to post here after Peter is born next Monday!

School -- a mid-term evaluation

It is now the third week of October, and we have been "doing school" for about 8 weeks now, more or sometimes less, successfully. In public school, we always had a 9-week evaluation as students. I thought that was a wise idea and that I should do an evaluation of what is and is not working for us in this first year of homeschool.

Assessment

:: Learning (and teaching) style -- I think so far that I've discovered that both Annalivia and I are interest-led schoolers, at heart. She does really well with learning that she initiates. She does ok with things I ask her to do; she's not resentful or difficult, it's just that she really sparkles with things that she wants to do. And, thankfully, she has wanted to do something with pretty much every subject. It's just a matter of figuring out what really excites her about each.

:: Sonlight Curriculum -- While I love the idea of Sonlight, I've found that, in practice, it's just not a great fit for me. I really like the literature-centric approach in that most of our learning can take place doing something (reading together) that we all like to do normally, but I think I might be more of unit-study homeschooling parent. So far, I like Sonlight's selections, but, for my interests, I want more integrated history, science, art, etc. I am thankful for the teacher's guide that details a schedule, but again, it doesn't really work for us. Most of the time I spend with it is working on adapting it. I think we'll use something else next year.

:: Reading -- Annalivia is doing very well at basic blending. The readers that came with our Sonlight program are very good -- simple and easy with illustrations reminiscent of the Frog and Toad series. And these little books also have a story line, which is really something when they only use words ending in -at and -ad! She likes to read them and does best when I let her initiate the reading and just sit by her to help, if necessary.

:: Spelling -- I bought the Spell to Write and Read program and really like the concept of it, but in execution, it does not fit us very well. Yet. I have thought about it, prayed about it, turned it over in my head a thousand times, and have come to the conclusion that I need to let Annalivia learn to read the way that she is already learning and use the SWR program in a grade or two. I think this may mean that she'll have to re-learn some things, but holding her back from reading to try to get her to work on this program is just creating frustration in both of us.

:: Math -- We started Math-U-See Alpha and I decided we needed to go back and do Primer. I haven't even gotten it out, though, since we are moving soon and I'd really like formal math to be something we do every day. Instead, we are working on writing numbers on the white board, which is just about the most thrilling thing that Annalivia and Daniel get to do, in their opinions, and identifying the plus and equal signs and talking about what they mean. And I'm trying to work informal math lessons into life more frequently.

:: Handwriting -- This and Reading are the two areas at which Annalivia really excels. She LOVES learning cursive handwriting and I love the program (New American Cursive) and the accompanying computer program (Start Write) that allows me to customize pages for her to practice writing. She's learning to write her name in cursive and is doing really well, though having a bit of trouble with the double n's. Dennis was telling me that the n's were always hard for him, too. :) Annalivia loves to practice "pretty" writing. I think it appeals to her artistic side.

:: Bible -- The Bible curriculum that came with our Sonlight core is the Egermeier's Children's Bible. Annalivia and Daniel really like stories from it, and I like reading the stories to them. The stories are relatively short, descriptive, and the interpretive details are good, or at worst, benign. The cd of memory verses, is, frankly, lacking, and a little boring. And, other than making a timeline, there's nothing else included in the program. Personally, I'd like a little more.

We have supplemented the Egermeier Bible with watching the new What's in the Bible dvd's from Phil Vischer. We love, love, LOVE them! They are funny and engaging and very informative. Annalivia and Daniel can tell you that the Septuagint sounds like a sneeze, but is also "a copy of a copy" of the Bible, and they know the definitions of "salvation" (to be saved or rescued from danger) and "redeemed" (to have your debt paid by someone) and they can apply those things to Jesus. And they know the patriarchs, and are learning the judges, and are fascinated by pirates in hot-air balloons who have to use the bathroom. I think this series is worth every penny we will spend on it.

:: Science, Art, Music, and the rest -- This stuff is easy for me to come up with and work on with the kids. Annalivia and Daniel love to draw and paint and things like nature study, art journaling, drawing still-lifes, dancing to music, singing hymns... that's all just part of things here.

Things to think about on the way forward

:: The reason for it all -- Sometimes I need to remind myself that the reasons we homeschool are to experience learning about the life with which God has blessed us, in the family with which God has blessed us, using the gifts which which God has blessed us. We don't homeschool to meet state acheivement test requirements or justify how we spend our days or compete with peers (mine or the kids'). I can get out of focus so easily. I need to tattoo these things backwards on my forehead so I read them in the mirror each morning, you know? :) There's a lot of grace in this...

:: Impending events -- the upcoming arrival of Peter, the complications I've experienced from my previous c-section (serious muscle separation resulting in three hernia necessitating "limited activity" from me) and the moving into of the house (we get to start moving next week, hurrah!!), not to mention the holidays, are going to change how we do things even more. I think we're going to cut to bare-bones (Bible, reading practice, handwriting on-demand only) until after Peter is born. Or, on the other hand, we may do a couple of unit studies on Thanksgiving and Advent. I could get excited about those.

:: Incorporation of Daniel (and Emmeliese) -- So far, Daniel has been in peripheral attendance, but he is getting interested in "doing school" too and I need to start working with him more intentionally. Emmeliese LOVES to draw when the other kids are drawing, and needs to be incorporated...somehow. Otherwise, she's just a screechy pest. :)

:: Curriculum -- I'm going to be deconstructing the Sonlight core and trying to figure out how to put together something a little more interesting to all of us. And I need to plan to attend some sort of curriculum preview/ homeschooling fair this year. Extensive internet research is helpful. To a point. Then, I just need to spend some time with some materials and find out what works. And doesn't.

Late night update

It's after 11 p.m. here and I have a baby boy inside me who has hiccups, I think. Only they are the kind of hiccups that apparently cause his entire body to flail rhythmically against my bladder. I should be asleep. But feeling like I need to pee every 30 seconds is not conducive to sleep, regardless of how tired I happen to be. So, I sit here. Very awake.

I have been working for a bit on trying to begin crocheting a rag rug. I bought a bunch of sheets from the thrift store today for $1.25 and ripped them into strips. I was inspired to do so after looking for rugs for the bedrooms of the new house and realizing how bloody expensive those things are, even second-hand. I am sure I'll be able to make a couple of decent rug for the girls' room and the nursery for less than $10 each. If my wrist holds out, that is. Right now, my largest hook is a K hook. I think I need at least an M. My hand is cramped from pulling the fabric so hard. On the plus side, though, the rug is nice and tight. On the negative side, I may not be able to use my right hand tomorrow.

I'm doing my crochet while listening to Andrew Peterson. I am so, so, so excited to have found a Christian artist, other than Fernando, whom I absolutely adore!! I love Peterson's voice, his melodies, his harmonies, the way his albums are produced, his lyrics... everything. Love it. I think Counting Stars is my favorite album, but that might be just because I've listened to it most. It's just so good!

I really should be asleep. We had a mostly good day which, once again, had a bit of friction in it today. This happens to us most Thursdays and I think it's because we just don't have enough sleep/ rest/ recovery from the night before. We have a great kids' program at our church on Wednesday nights. Annalivia was involved in it last year and really enjoyed it and Dennis ran the sound for the program. But this year, Dennis is working on the house, so Daniel, Emmeliese and I have been taking Annalivia to the church and then helping with the nursery care. We get home late about 8:30 on Wednesday nights and get in bed by 9:30, usually, but I think it's kicking our rears. I'm considering having us take a break until after Christmas. In fact, I think I've mostly decided that we need to take the break. I hate to leave behind such a good thing, but I know we need to choose the better thing, which is peace between us all at a pretty hectic time. I just need to get up the courage to tell the pastor that I'm leaving him without a nursery attendant.

Tomorrow, we are going to go to the apple orchard, I think, with my niece and pick the last of our fall apples. I've been canning applesauce and apple butter and apple/cherry jelly, but I think I need to get some apples and make some applesauce to just freeze and eat in the next few weeks. My children love homemade applesauce so much; they will eat quarts of it at a time if I let them, which I do since I don't add sugar to it and the fiber in it tends to help their little digestive systems. I'd like to have some available over the next weeks without breaking into the canned stuff until later in the winter.

Anyway, I best go to bed. In just a few minutes, it will be the first day of October, which means 4 weeks until we move into our house, 8 weeks until Thanksgiving, 11ish weeks of pregnancy and 12 weeks until Christmas. Goodness, that's a lot to do.

Because blogs never tell the whole truth

It was a day when nothing and no one fired on full cylinders here. It was cloudy and raining and everyone in the family was tired and fussy from the beginning of the day, all the way through to the end. At some point we sent Daniel and Annalivia up to their beds to just chill out for a bit, away from us, and sort of separated from each other, and Daniel fell asleep. It was obvious from his behavior before his nap that he was exhausted, so we were thankful. Until we realized he was going to have to get up again. I was getting supper together and Dennis asked if there was anything he could do. I told him he could go wake up Daniel. He grimmaced and said, "Is there anything else I can do?"

His foreboding was spot on. Daniel got up and sat on the stairs and sobbed for a good 20 minutes while the rest of us ate dinner. And in the midst of that lovely ambiance, Dennis declared, "I think we need a do-over today."

I think so, too. It's time for bed and, thankfully, we get to start over tomorrow.

Yum, yum, yum...delicioso!

Last week, my sister tipped me off to a great little apple orchard near here that only charges $1/lb of apples. The kids and I went and picked a bushel of gorgeous, juicy Jonathons. That many apples inspires apple pie and applesauce. But I wanted to do something new, so, the last few days I spent canning applesauce and finally decided to make apple butter for the first time.

Since I've never made apple butter before, I didn't really know what I was doing. I just put two big batches of pure applesauce in my dutch oven and added some brown sugar, cinnamon sticks, ginger, cardamon, and cloves -- way too many cloves since I added the other spices first and assumed the cloves had one of those little sifter things over the opening. It didn't. I ended up scraping up a whole lotta cloves and throwing it away. I also tasted it as I got it going and decided it needed some molasses and stevia, so I added those, too.

About two hours into it cooking, it occurred to me to look up a recipe for apple butter. All of the recipes I found referred to reducing the applesauce and adding a teaspoon or two of cinnamon and a bit of cloves in the last hour or just before finishing. I was worried. I had added a whole lotta cloves... and other spices. And up front.

But I kept stirring for hours. Finally, I was tired of checking on it, so I turned it up to high and pulled up a stool in front of it and stirred it near-constantly until it was reduced by half. Then I canned it.

There was just a bit left over and I stuck that in the refrigerator. I had been tasting it as it was cooking and thought it was good, but just that -- good. Tonight I got it out of the refrigerator for our bedtime snack and spread it on some thick slices of homemade bread and.... ooooooooh, aaaaaaah....mmmmmmm.... total deliciousness.

I was thinking that the stuff I canned I would give away as Christmas presents, but I'm not sure I can wait to share this goodness! Apple butter -- the highly spiced kind -- is going to be a regular fall event around here. It is SOOOOOOO delicious!!

School and play

What a day this was!

School went fairly well today. I've realized, though, that Annalivia needs to go back and do the Primer in Math-U-See instead of starting with Alpha. I had read that the Alpha program covered everything in Primer and that it was very repetitive. But she is genuinely frustrated and I think she inherited my propensity to be truly anxious about math if she doesn't understand. (Aside -- if Math-U-See was not such a cool program, I would ditch it based on the pain-in-the-rear website and terrible phone customer service. Talk about frustrating!)

As I took the kids to Mom's for lunch, I "happened" to turn on the radio and heard a Family Talk program about homeschooling with a mother and father with 7 kids who are veteran homeschoolers. It was such a reassuring message and reminded me to focus every day on why we've decided to start doing this in the first place. One of the main reasons was to be able to teach our kids at their pace and instill in them a real love of learning from their first educational experiences. I think we'll change some things around to do that. Probably I'll understand more about what changes to make after four months, as opposed to four days. :)

Also around lunch, our kitchen cabinets were delivered to the new house. They are so amazing! We had a friend from church who was laid off from the custom cabinet shop where he worked for 13 years and then decided to form a business with a friend, do the work for us. They are so amazing. The kitchen and bathroom both have a 10-foot floor-to-ceiling cabinet in them that house the laundry chute and the space for the future dumbwaiter. It is so cool -- exactly what we imagined! Awesome!

For dinner, Dennis and I got to go on a date without the kids thanks to my mother's generous offer to hang out with all three of them for a couple of hours. It was so nice to just be together without having to cut up anyone's food or make sure the drinks were out of the way of Emmeliese's grabby hands.

When we came home, we drove through a major rainstorm and then picked up the kids and went to the new house. The rain slowed when we pulled in the drive and Daniel, who has been wearing constantly his "fire boots" (rain boots that look like firemen's boots) began jumping in puddles in the yard. Pretty soon Emmeliese joined in. Annalivia finally got into things and all three got very wet and muddy. I asked if they wanted to walk back to the house we rent and they said yes, so the four of us walked home while Daddy drove the van. We went through another dozen puddles. Daniel's boots were full of water, Emmeliese sat down in a puddle and Annalivia did so much jumping that her skirt and legs were splattered with mud all the way to her belly. It was so fun to see them having so much fun! When we got about halfway down our block, here came Dennis with his rubber boots on over his jeans. I was more impressed than the kids, I think, but it was sweet to see Daddy join in.

And, finally, tonight after the kids were to bed, I made up some baking mix and I'm going to turn on the oven tomorrow!! The storm was the leading edge of a big front that is bringing wind and cooler temps overnight. The high for tomorrow is supposed to be 74! Oh, so glad for fall!! I think we'll celebrate by taking a field trip to an apple orchard. Since we're homeschoolers now, we can beat the weekend crowds. At least, that's how I hope it will work!

Hump day

Tonight the kids started our church's mid-week program. Daniel desperately wanted to attend, though the program is supposed to start with 4-year olds. Dennis volunteers and so, technically, Daniel could get special dispensation to attend. Dennis and Annalivia left early and talked to the pastor who agreed Daniel could try it so Dennis called me and I took Daniel over to the church.

Before we left, I gave Daniel a little lecture about listening to his teacher and obeying. He was ok with that. I also told him he couldn't fuss and he couldn't cry for Daddy. His lip trembled a little and he said, "Can I just give Daddy a hug?" I told him I was sure it was fine. I'm anxious to hear how it went when they all get home in an hour or so.

We've been working a lot with Daniel about fussing. He throws himself on the ground way too often, kicking his little legs and hyperventalating. I haven't figured out the solution. Time-outs are ok, but not effective enough (i.e. there's too much time to fuss until he turns it off). Daniel doesn't respond very well to swats, either. I don't know. Dennis and I are sort of just praying through it, trying new things, and asking for wisdom from God in how to treat Daniel with both truth AND grace. It's a little hard.

As for school, after yesterday's success, I was sort of thinking today would be smooth. But it was a more challenging day in the McStew house. We all slept late, it was grey and raining, and it was hot and humid. Not a great combination. Annalivia got downstairs before I did and turned on a movie, which I had to turn off to eat breakfast and start school. But we soldiered through, managed the punky attitudes during math, and set some ground rules on tv usage. And it was ok -- not ideal, but ok. That, in and of itself, was sort of comforting.

And now, Emmeliese and I are home alone, getting ready to give her a bath and then put her to bed, clean up the house and get towards bed myself. It really has been a good day, in retrospect. I'm thankful for it.

There was Bach... and it was better

The second day of school went MUCH better than the first. The kids knew what to expect, the waffles were not black, the three-year old kept it together -for the most part, and all went smoothly.

We still finished quickly -- about an hour or so. We're starting with Bible and memory verses during breakfast, then on to handwriting for Annalivia and letter-learning for Daniel. Then math and reading practice for Annalivia followed by read-alouds for everyone. Right now math is simplified -- just practicing writing numbers; tomorrow I'll add the full program, which I hope will be a little interesting to Daniel, too, so I expect it will get a little longer. Once I become more familiar with our spelling program, I'll add it to the mix, too. And our read-alouds may get longer, too, though right now we are reading ahead due to popular demand, so it may not add much time. Art is in the afternoon. I'm hoping to add piano after Christmas.

I was kind of concerned by how quickly everything goes, but if Annalivia was going to kindergarten, she'd be there for about 3 hours and couldn't possibly be doing academics all of that time. Things will get a little more intense, I guess, but for now the schedule is nice and easy. If we start by 8ish, we are finishing up by 9:30 or so which means my niece, who comes to visit in the mornings, gets in on some read-alouds and then we are done.

I like it.

The first day of school

My facebook post of 11 a.m.

The first day of school involved a 2 am wakeup by the 1 yr old, a 25 minute cry by the 3 yr old upon waking, burned waffles and an early recess called by Mommy @ 9:15. Other than that, it was great! :)

Yeah. I had a sneaking suspicion that today was going to be a little tough. I'm blog-friends with enough homeschoolers to know that, behind the cute pictures of children studiously parsing Latin verbs or reciting the third chapter of Leviticus while holding hands, things can be a little rocky on the first day of the new routine.

Still. I will admit -- I might have let myself dream of clean children with smiling faces, gathered around the table, eagerly looking to the mater familias to spark their little imaginations and fuel their fledgling educational desires. And in this vision, there may have been some Bach cello partitas floating in the background. Maybe.

But, ummm, yeah... not so much. I tried to be in bed by 9:30. Got there about 10 and Dennis and I finally stopped talking about 10:45. Then my head started to hurt. Sinuses? I don't know. As I wrote on fb... Emmeliese was up in the middle of the night which is very rare (thank you, Jesus, for that). She was awake and fussy for about an hour and Dennis and I were groggy enough to not choose the simple thing and just change her diaper, feed her and put her back down and hence stretched the treatment out far too long. I set an alarm to get up before the kids, who usually sleep until about 7:30. But Annalivia was awake before 7 wanting her school dress to be buttoned up by her sleeping mother. Emmeliese woke up 10 minutes after that. As we all headed downstairs, Daniel started crying and maintained his wail for about 25 minutes. And he continued to lament off and on for the half-hour after that as he laid on the bathroom floor.

In what I regarded as a sign from God, Eggo waffles are on sale this week at our grocery store, so I got some chocolate chip waffles, which we never have, as a special treat. I burned the first few. And, turns out, the kids don't like treats like that. After finally getting edible chocolate chip waffles on the plates of three hungry kids, I heard, "Mommy, can I please have just regular waffles?"

Annalivia and I did Bible study and began learning our memory verse for the week while Daniel was on the bathroom floor. This greatly upset him when he came to the table. Annalivia had, meanwhile, moved on to handwriting. Then Daniel got upset that he didn't have handwriting practice to do. Finally, I got him dressed and sat on the couch and kissed him until he stopped fussing andn then we did our read-alouds for the day with all three kids leaning up against me. That actually worked well.

After that as we only had one more thing to do and I was loaded with realizations of what worked and what OBVIOUSLY did not and what I can do differently, so I called a recess, turned on Kipper and laid down on the couch. And moaned a little.

Oddly, I would say it really WAS a successful morning. We got everything done we needed to do and Annalivia was excited by everything and the execution of everything worked pretty much like I thought it would... with burned breakfast and crying preschoolers thrown in.

But, tomorrow WILL be better...

Another end-of-one-month-beginning-of-the-next update

:: We found out that the balance in the family is being righted. Our new little one is Peter John and he's doing very well, growing just fine, and not raising his momma's blood pressure at all.

:: Upon hearing the news, I immediately broke out my crochet hook. I started making him a green and brown striped blankie. And I had to buy some blue yarn the next day. HAD TO.

:: Good friends of my sister moved next door to us. The dad of the family is doing some work on the new house for us, which has been very helpful. The house is progressing in leaps and bounds. Dennis and my dad have been working their tails off. Right now, we have drywallers installing drywall on all the ceilings. A friend from church has just formed his own custom cabinetry shop, so we are hiring him to do the kitchen, for not much more than a kitchen from Menards. Then floors need to be sanded and painted or stained and walls need to be painted. Then the whole thing needs to be cleaned. Then we can move in! It's so exciting to see it finally coming together.

:: Far more exciting for Annalivia and Daniel than hired-help living right next door has been that the family has two children near their ages. They spend hours -- literally -- outside playing with them and by themselves hoping the neighbors will come out and join them. We had to do some basic neighbor education, including "no going into another person's house uninvited" ;) but they are getting the hang of it now. I think.

:: Annalivia has had a summer of dental appointments involving a silver crown and culminating in the same tooth being pulled. Poor bug. She got her first visit from the tooth fairy who paid extra for a silver tooth that had been pulled, unexpectedly. The $2.50 sort of made up for the trauma of the visit.

:: Daniel is very 3-years-old this summer. He is so much fun in so many ways, and also testing lots of limits/ learning not to be a baby anymore. It's a neat time. Most of the time.

:: Emmeliese went through a very fussy phase at the beginning of the summer and is now settling down into lots of sweetness. She likes to make us laugh and likes to play with her siblings, especially with whatever they are currently using to play. Her hair is full of curls in the back and constantly in her eyes in the front, since she always pulls out her rubberbands and I'm a lackadaisical mother who no longer cares about disciplining for those things.

:: I'm ready for fall. It's been bloody hot here this year. So far we've made it, but only thanks to air conditioning, ice cream and McDonald's smoothies. Bring on the 70 degree temps and sweaters. That's what I'm ready to experience.

Hope all is well with everyone out there!

Seven years later

Today, Dennis and I celebrated our 7th anniversary. We had a great day. Today is also my mom's birthday, so we started with breakfast there, then went to church. Church was great and my sister and Dennis' mom were with us, which was extra-nice. Afterwards, Dennis' mom brought the kids home and Dennis and I went out to Biaggi's for lunch. Then we took a little drive, ended up meandering around an antique mall, had some ice cream and headed home.

After church and during dinner, we had a great time talking about the next 7 years in light of the past 7 years. Our lives have been so, so, soooooo GOOD since we got married! And sooooo much better than what came before. It was lovely to spend some time thinking about what we can do to make the next 7 even more wonderful (knowing full well that the best laid plans of mice and men...).

During our discussion, we discovered that both of us heard the same thing from God in the space of about 12 hours at completely different locations, circumstances, etc. It was very cool, though a little uncomfortable, since what we heard was that it is time to get rid of some luxuries we've enjoyed. But knowing God gave us both the same thing, an answer we weren't seeking at all, to different questions, is just really awesome.

I'm so proud of my husband. Not only does he sacrifice every day all the time for us, not only does he love me, his wife, and his children wholeheartedly... he also is willing to humble himself to ask for guidance from God AND, best of all, actually follow the direction he receives, even when it's a little tough.

What a guy!

What a GIFT!

I do love him so...

FPU, VBS, RCBC, and AC (a summer update)

Time for an update, I suppose. My poor Wolfie can't sleep. :)

:: We have made it through most of June, thanks be to God. Last week was VBS at our church for 6 days and, oh my goodness, was it ever exhausting! Good, but exhausting.

:: Two Sundays ago, Dennis and I joined Rock Creek Bible Church, which we have been attending for the last year. Our pastor asked us to give our testimony before we reaffirmed our confession of faith and so we did. It was a very meaningful, moving experience for us. I've only ever joined a church when I was 12 years old. It was neat.

:: I'm teaching the junior high Sunday School class for the summer. I have loved, loved, loved being part of our adult Sunday School class, but felt like God was nudging me towards this. It has been wonderful so far! I have 15 kids who are intelligent, well-behaved, inquisitive and totally open to experiencing the Lord in their lives. It's very, very cool.

:: Dennis and I are taking Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class this summer at a church in Bloomington. It is a bit of a hike for us, but they offer free childcare, so we're in. :) It's been very good so far. We had read Dave's books, listened to his show, etc. before, but the videos and class discussion have been great. We're liking it.

:: The house is progressing. Slowly. Dennis was unable to work on it for about a month from mid-May to mid-June. Now we're at the point where we need to get it reappraised and get ready to move in. We have our geothermal/ heat/ ac guy coming to finish vents and run gas lines for us the week after next. Then we're having the kitchen, dining room, and all the ceilings in the house drywalled by actual professionals. I think my wondrous sister is going to come and prime the walls for us next week. And then we have to sand all the floors, put in the bathroom fixtures, mock-up a kitchen, and we can get it reappraised! That's not TOOOOOO much. In the grand scheme of things, I mean.

:: It has been raining, raining, raining all summer here. The kids have been inside far too much, watching far too many movies and being far too antsy. I've done absolutely no gardening. My grapevines and raspberries are being devoured by japanese beetles and there is a weed that is literally trying to pull down one of my apple trees. I need to get over to the new house and put in the rest of the trees/ bushes that are festering over there.

:: Our rental house does not have central AC so we use an aging window unit in the downstairs that occasionally just gives-up-the-ghost. But sometimes it works. So we stay cool with fans, clothes-optional days (for the kids!), and my constant refrain of "Make sure the back door is shut!". And sometimes we just get in the car which has cold air conditioning.

:: And finally -- baby is fine, I'm doing well -- tired, tired, tired. Kids are growing and changing and Dennis is making everything possible. All is well.

I'm going to try to write more often here. We'll see how that goes. Hope everyone is having a good summer!

Heroes

Yesterday I was listening to one of my favorite David Bowie recordings EVER. (Apologies to those of you who expect more out of me. I just love Mr. Bowie.) The kids decided to do some performing and grabbed their "guitars" -- a foam pirate sword and a giraffe thing from one of our sets of building blocks.

An extra effort

Blogging seems to be falling by the wayside once again these days. I think this is the case for two reasons -- 1.) I'm back on facebook (yes, I know, Amalee -- soon I'll be diseased) and 2.) I have this new little phone that has internet and I can do most everything I ever did on the computer in about half the time with it. The only thing I can't do is type very well on it with its teeny little keyboard. Hence, the lack of blog posts.

Apologies.

Anyway, by way of an update -- we are all doing well.

We started homeschool for Annalivia. Since the middle of the school year will be pretty interrupted with the baby in December, I decided to start now. After deliberations ad nauseum, I decided to go with Sonlight, and so far, am loving it because Daniel can be very involved in it and it just seems to fit our family fairly well. We're also using Math-U-See for beginning math and Hooked on Phonics for phonics, which I never thought I would use, but, for some reason, it has really clicked with Annalivia. And we're going to use A Reason for Handwriting, but I've decided to wait until fall to start it. We'll see how all of this goes and how I feel about everything when we take our big Christmas break.

Annalivia and Daniel have been stuck in the house quite a bit so far this spring/ early summer because we've been getting a lot of rain. I send them out to play whenever the ratio of bickering: play heads in the favor of the former. But usually, they're content to draw a lot and build things out of chairs and tables and such, and do lots of pretending together.

Emmeliese is awfully darn cute. She's also frustrated a lot of the time, in that pre-verbal-yet-definitely-has-an-opinion stage of childhood. She loves trucks, trains, and things-that-go. She loves to climb on things, and especially loves to stand on kiddie chairs which freaks her mother out. She has found that, by pushing little chairs up to the kitchen counter and sink or near a drawer, she can reach or get into all manner of fun, formerly-forbidden things. Then she howls with indignation when others dare move her. We have to keep a close eye on this one. :)

Dennis is working hard on the house and coming up with all sorts of innovative ways to do things. Dad has finished putting a skim coat of joint compound onto the plaster walls, save for one room, and is now working on sanding them. I, of course, just want to slap some paint on them, but I'm deferring to the wisdom of others who think the walls should be more finished than I.

And I am doing fine -- feeling fairly well, though totally exhausted in the mid-afternoon and a little green around the gills occasionally. And I'm really hungry for peanut butter, which is odd. But other than that, I'm having a fairly normal early pregnancy for me.

Anyway, that is pretty much our lives in a nutshell. I wanted to upload a video of the kids being rockstars, but I can't get YouTube to cooperate right now. I'll, perhaps, post it later.

Hope all is well with you and yours!

Art in the morning

My new phone makes video-uploading to YouTube a one-step operation. Today, I decided to film Little Miss Helpful trying to do artwork with her siblings. I wish I had kept recording. At the end Daniel said, "Emmeliese! For goodness' sake! NO! I mean 'For baddy's sake'!"

That Peter was sure smart...

Lately I've been finding so much wisdom in Peter's letters. I love how I can read or hear a Scripture over and over again and then, suddenly, it appears, as though brand new, before me! Bread of Life, indeed...

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care; serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” ~ 1 Peter 5:2-4

A different definition of "fruitful"

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post about the fruitful year I was planning to have beginning with the 35th celebration of my birth. I was thinking we'd plant a bunch of fruit trees, some fruit bushes... y'know... perhaps even go so far as to plant some tomatoes. That's what I was thinking...

This week, we found out that God has given us a special birthday gift that won't be delivered for 9 months (right in time to be a stellar Christmas present, too.)

Just a slightly different definition of "fruitful"...

Yeah, it has blown our minds, too. :)

Strawberry Jam without extra sugar

This weekend the kids and I made no-sugar-added Strawberry Freezer Jam. Oh. my. goodness, it is good! We made a special loaf of Honey Oatmeal Wheat bread and the combo is our go-to food for breakfast, lunch and snacks. Fresh strawberries smeared on toasted perfection... what's not to love?

Strawberry Freezer Jam

2 lbs strawberries

1 tube frozen white grape juice concentrate or apple juice concentrate

1 package no-sugar added pectin

2 envelopes plain gelatin

2 T-1/4 c. lemon juice

stevia

Heat juice concentrate to boiling and allow to simmer until reduced to approximately 1/2 cup. Set aside.

Hull and cut the strawberries (we cut ours in 1/2 inch pieces). Crush the strawberries to desired smoothness (we left big chunks). Allow the strawberries to sit for a while, or until a lot of juice has come out of them.

Put strawberries in large pan, then mix in juice concentrate and 2 T of lemon juice. Next add pectin and gelatin and mix until both are dissolved. Heat the pan over medium high heat, stirring frequently. The jam should boil hard and thicken (if it seems too thick, add a teeny bit of water or more lemon juice -- it is better to have it too thick than too runny). It will eventually begin to foam. When this happens, turn off the heat, skim the foam and continue to stir occasionally for a minute or two. Taste the jam (carefully!) and add stevia to taste (Start with 5-10 drops and mix well before re-tasting. Don't add so much that it is bitter. Stevia is not good when it is the first thing one tastes.).

Ladle warm jam into freezer containers and allow to cool before covering and putting in fridge or freezer. It should keep in the fridge for several weeks and the freezer for several months, though, trust me, you'll use it long before that.

Before eating, stir it a little to make it less jello-like. Ours is exactly like regular sugar-filled jam when stirred.

Enjoy (in copious amounts)!

And let me know if you try it!

Edited to add: I forgot the lemon juice! It's fixed now.

Breathtaking

Mommas... I entreat you. Read Ann's words here today.

The fruitful year

This year, at the beginning of May, I turn 35. I have decided to make it my "fruitful year" by embracing the gardening gene long latent within me and plant the bejeebers out of the yard of our new house.

Dennis gave me the go-ahead and so, for a pre-birthday gift, I ordered a significant load of fruits, including:

5 apple trees -- Honeycrisp, Goldrush, Pixie Crunch, Sundance, and Pristine.

2 cherry trees -- Montmorency and Sweet Stella

1 peach tree -- Contender

1 pear tree -- Honeysweet

10 raspberries -- Heritage (above)

3 Currants -- Red Lake

3 Cherry Bushes -- Nanking

2 Native Plums

2 Gooseberries -- Pixwell

2 Grape vines - Cayuga

...and a partridge for the pear tree. :)

Our yard is very large, and the trees are all semi-dwarfs, so they won't get too unmanageable. We cut down some inherited trees -- two pears and an apple -- that were unruly, old, and non-productive, so now we can have the fruit we want.

This weekend was spent digging holes. The raspberries, grape, pear and peach are in. Pristine is waiting in a trench against the garage for her sisters to be delivered. I expect to get an email notifying me of impending delivery soon. I'm eager to meet these ladies.

I'm excited. I think it's going to be a fruitful year. :)

What we've been doing lately

Collecting pebbles/ fish from side of the cellar door/ river


Doing Very Important Tasks with Daddy's hand truck

Building castles in the sky...and the sand

Watching the goings-on patiently...

...Or not so patiently

High-fashion digging

Helping Daddy...

... pants optional.

My new BFF

Keeping eyes open for the risen Christ

Post-Easter has always been a bit of a challenge for me. In pastoral ministry, the focused intention of Lent, Holy Week, and Easter was a gift, especially for a congregation that was, generally, rather purpose-less. After Easter, we had a "now what?" feeling, I think.

This is now my second Easter as a layperson and both Easters, I've been surprised to find that, come Monday morning, the same feeling settled upon our family. Dennis and I talked about how it almost seemed as though we had spent Lent, and especially Holy Week and Easter morning, really carefully shaping our family's devotional experiences only to have Easter pass away with the dawn of Monday morning and a 5 a.m. alarm clock call. The question remains -- now what?

This year, in the face of a bit of malaise, I was smart enough to go back to the Scriptures and read about what the disciples did post-Resurrection. It looks like they had returned to a "normal" pattern of life, to a certain extent. They went to work, ate and slept. But they also shared stories of Jesus. They met together, presumably to remember and perhaps, re-enact what they did with Jesus. And, most instructive to me, they were receptive to meeting the risen Christ wherever they were, even in the most seemingly mundane of settings.

So, this post-Easter, Dennis and I have decided we should do the same. We're back to the day-to-day activities, as per usual. But as we work, eat, sleep, etc., we're going to be intentional about remembering what Jesus did and we'll be trying hard to re-enact what he did, especially how he sacrificed himself. But most of all, we'll be trying to keep our eyes open, ready to meet with the risen Christ wherever we are.

Photo: Dan-o and Annalivia with our Easter cross

Easter photo attempt

We've yet to get a good photo on Easter. I don't think I ever made it into a photo this year. Oh well. Everyone knows what I look like.

This photo was taken outside church. It was incredibly windy, as you may be able to tell. Annalivia and Emmeliese are wearing dresses that Dennis' mom made. They were lovely and are large enough that they should be able to wear them for a good year.

Daniel was supposed to wear a little black Eton suit that I had him try on about a week before Easter. On Easter morning, he put it on and, I kid you not, it was a good 1/4-1/2 inch too short on the sleeves. He looked like he was wearing last year's suit (which it was). Luckily, I stockpile dress clothes for boys several sizes ahead when I find them in thrift stores or on clearance and we were able to put together an entirely different outfit in about 10 minutes. His shorts were a little long for his knee socks, but he looked very handsome and he was SO proud of his tie! ("Just like Daddy's!" he said.)

Since this is our first year at our new church, we left our traditional hats at home. Next year, perhaps.

My Lenten "sacrifice"

I gave up facebook for Lent. It was a fairly easy sacrifice, though I expected it to be more difficult than it actually was. I found that I really enjoyed the silence in my life and that, when I wasn't being filled with online interactions, I actually sought out real humans friendship. Amazing how that happens... :)

One of the best side effects of giving up facebook was that I tended to not think very negatively about a lot of people. I've realized that there really is virtue in our grandmothers' teaching, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I realized as I thought about this during Lent that there are some key people in my life whom I really, greatly admire and one of the things I have always loved about these individuals is that they didn't share all of their opinions with all people. I don't know why the internet gives humans the permission to share things that normal, well-adjusted people wouldn't share in polite society, but it does. I don't need to share what I think about every subject all the time. I realized that it's a good practice to guard speech, in real life, and online, and that there are many subjects that really require relationship with others before most people are able to breech said subjects. Peggy Noonan, Eugene Peterson, and some others get a pass. Most of the rest of us should probably still our fingers when something pithy comes to mind.

During my facebook-fast, I also found that, honestly, I just didn't think about a lot of people I "saw" all the time on facebook. And what I discovered was that I didn't miss them. I don't mean that in a spiteful way. It's just that those people are not in my everyday thoughts. And I realized during Lent -- I don't think they're supposed to be. I think relationships are supposed to be at different levels of knowledge and intimacy.

So, I logged in to facebook again in the evening on Easter. I was on it for about 7 minutes. I read about some friends I hadn't thought about for 6 weeks or so. I looked at some pictures. Then I deactivated my account again. I just don't think it's a wise thing for me. And leaving it behind is not much of a sacrifice.

Love

Dennis by the garage at the house we rent

Christ is risen!

Where, O death, is now thy sting?

Alleluia!

He is risen, indeed!!

Photo: First light of Easter dawn on our resurrection cross

Pruning and being pruned

At our new house, we inherited a very old (30-40 years old), very large, VERY overgrown grape vine.

After watching about a thousand (more or less) YouTube videos on pruning, I attacked the vine today. First, I started by taking out the very obvious dead growth, then I started cutting back on those vines with questionable vitality. I cut until I found live wood, then cut back per my instructional videos.

We ended up with a fairly scraggly vine. I would not be surprised if it does not bear fruit this year, though my mother tells me it is entirely possible that it will. But, hopefully, in a few years, we will have a good crop of grapes.

The entire time I was cutting, I was thinking about the vine illustrations in the New Testament. I know regular gardeners are well aware of this, but pruning is sometimes a fairly drastic action. A whole lot of our vine had to be cut away to reveal life. I find that so often in my spiritual life, I balk at taking the drastic steps that cut away death to reveal a place where new life can occur. But, obviously, that is what is necessary sometimes.

The other thing that occurred to me is that growth is not necessarily a gauge of health. Last summer and early fall, our grape vine was full of green, hard fruit. But the sun couldn't reach much of it, and a lot of the grapes did not develop well because so many vines were pulling energy away from the fruit. Further, the growth on some vines, covered up dead wood and, from a bit of a distance, made everything look quite lush. I thought about the many churches where numerical growth is held up as an indicator of health, while energy-sapping offshoots flourish, death/disease goes unchecked, and individuals are not challenged to grow fully.

I guess I have always known that being pruned is a rather painful process. But until I was cutting away the excess myself, I didn't understand just how much of myself really needs to be pruned.