Because I want to remember this

I'm breaking blog silence because the coolest thing happened here yesterday and I want to remember it. Note to self: Start a real journal. :) But this is a good one to share.

Yesterday, my friend, Melissa, came for a little visit. It was a lovely day, temperature-wise, so we had lunch on the front porch. Daniel and Annalivia were doing some playing and at some point, something fell off the porch that Daniel wanted, so he went down the front steps to get it.

The front steps to the porch are sort of in the process of rotting and there are rather large gaps in them in places. We usually walk down one side and up the other. For some reason, he walked down the side with more iffy spots and his foot got caught in a hole. He fell, and in the process, hurt his hand.

When I got to him, he was bleeding but I couldn't tell where the blood was coming from. He was crying a lot and I picked him up and looked him over, discovered the bleeding hand, and started moving him inside.

In the meantime, Annalivia, as soon as she noticed Daniel was bleeding, had run inside and grabbed the box of bandaids. She immediately got out a small one and had it unwrapped and was bringing it to me as I came inside with Daniel.

I got Daniel positioned in front of the sink and washed off his wound and then ran it under cold water. He was sobbing the entire time. Pretty soon, Annalivia appeared with Solarcaine (our wound treatment of choice). I took it from her and about two minutes later, she came back with a baggie full of ice that she had made for him. In order to make the ice pack, she had gotten in the drawer, found the baggie, moved stuff off of a stool, and then had taken the stool over to the freezer, climbed up and had gotten the ice.

We took the ice pack and went back to porch and I had Daniel sit on the settee with me. Annalivia came out a few minutes later with her arms laden with Daniel's toys. She had brought his baby, his doggie, a tractor, and his dump truck. She put it all beside him while, in a very gentle loving voice, saying things like, "Here ya go, buddy-boy; here's your tractor." She disappeared again and came back a few minutes later with water for him in a little glass.

I was so amazed that she had done all of these things without being bidden at all! She saw blood and thought he needed a bandaid. I mentioned to him that we'd put medicine on the ouchie, and she went and got the medicine. She saw him with water running on his hand and knew it needed ice. She saw him suffering and brought things that would comfort him. I was just so proud of her and told her how proud I was a gazillion times yesterday. I told her that she had done exactly what Jesus meant when he told us to treat each other like we want to be treated. And I made sure she heard the whole story again when I told Dennis about it when he got home. Our little girl was just so kind and generous! I'm still sort of in awe.

FYI -- Daniel ended up being ok. We used a couple of creatively placed bandaids to cover his bleeding, and within a little amount of time, he was not even mentioning anything about his injury. Thank God for the healing power of little boys. And thank God for the big sisters who love them.

About blogging...

When I started this blog, I lived away from family and friends. My little girl was growing and changing and I wanted to tell everyone about her. I was also pastoring a church and emerging from what, at the time, felt like a 25-year spiritual drought. I had lots to say and not many, other than a longsuffering husband, to listen to it all.

Things have changed since then. I have three kiddos now, and while the transition to three children from two did not seem as overwhelming as the transition to two children from one, what I find is that I no longer have much actual time to record my thinking about cabbages and kings. When the end of the day comes, or a child actually naps, it seems much more pressing and, frankly, more fulfilling to do a load of laundry or read to another kid or talk to my husband or... any number of things, really, rather than blogging.

I am not sure what will happen in this space. Historically, whenever I decide to step back from blogging, just the thought of stepping back, or the announcement of it -- whichever -- seems to be all I need to spur me forth into a blogging frenzy. Lord knows I have enough pics to fill up an entire summer and some of the fall! So I may appear tomorrow with brand new daily posts.

Or I might not. I find my brain processing lots of thoughts about faith and family right now, but I also don't feel very compelled to spew them all out onto the internet. I've been grateful for the space to process aloud, especially as an extrovert without much people-time that was tank-filling. And to have people interact and give input here and on your own blogs was really great. I've found that lots of people I know read this blog -- which I appreciate. Really. But I've also found that processing things in the open can lead to hurt feelings. And that's my last intention. Really.

So. Here's to the blog and to you who read and have read. I have "met" some amazing and truly-inspiring folks because of blogdom. Thank you. And in case I don't get back to say it any time soon -- serving and loving, together, with you, has been a life-changing experience for me. Thanks again.

Seeking a hand or foot in the Body of Christ

I've been thinking -- if the Church is the Body of Christ and we are all called to serve different functions, would it not follow that there are different times in our lives when we need different parts? For example, perhaps we need a hand at one point in our lives and later the hand has served its purpose and now we need a foot?

I wonder why it is that we believe our individual churches have to function as all parts of the body. Or maybe it's just mainline established denominations and the people in them that tend to think this way? What if joining a church when one is baptized and remaining in it until death is just not the way it is supposed to work?

Sisters

Last night, Annalivia asked if she could "hold the baby." Turns out that the baby is almost too big for her to hold! So Emmeliese sat on Annalivia's lap. And they made-do just fine.

Buds

Emmeliese and my grandfather have a special connection. He was the second person, after Momma, she engaged in smiles. Last weekend we were at my parents' house and Gramps took the opportunity to take his little buddy to his truck to have a conversation. Emmeliese enjoyed it.

7 Quick Takes: The mostly-about-domestic-stuff edition

1. Only 1 week 'til we close on our new house! We're so excited to get to work on it, we can hardly stand it. We drive by the place three or four times a day. And we talk about it constantly. The wait is kind of excruciating, but good for us. We're doing lots of planning and dreaming. It's fun to allow our imaginations to run wild. We basically will have a blank slate at the new place. I think it's going to be a blast to figure out how to fix it up beautifully AND frugally. Endless entertainment!

2. The Habitat Restore is my new favorite place. Both cities near us have a location, which is amazing because there is such wonderful stuff at both places! I love just going in there and drooling over interior doors and crown molding! Last week, I got a $1500 cooktop for $100, a $2500 jacuzzi tub for my sister for $119 and a $350 sink for $25. This week I found a $185 chandelier for $25. I think we are going to furnish our entire house with recycled goods by using Habitat Restore and supplementing with Craigslist. Those two resources are pure gold for people with fixer-uppers.

3. Speaking of recycled goods -- I have been browsing through some antique stores lately and I am wondering why in the world anyone would ever go to one of those furniture places like Oaken Dreams, or whatever they are called, and spend several thousand dollars on fake wood when one could find a decent antique made of real, solid wood for a third of the cost. I wonder if people know that antiques are not that expensive, comparatively? Especially when one compares longevity of the piece in question. To each one's own, I guess...

4. While at those antique stores, I bought a really great quilt. It was inexpensive because it had big brown stains all over it. I brought it home and soaked it in hot water with TONS of Oxyclean. Now I have a beautiful antique quilt with white areas that are really, really white. It's so pretty and it's a relatively uncommon pattern called Arkansas Snowflake. I just wish it was big enough to use on our bed. I don't think my children will properly appreciate its rescue or beauty! :)

5. We are purging again before we move to the new house, whenever that is. We started with the kids' toys. We sorted out two huge containers of toys that are going to the local thrift store and/ or Goodwill. So far, they haven't missed any of the toys we've put aside. And I love how easy it is for the kiddos to clean up their rooms now. In fact, their rooms are some of the only clean spots in the house at this moment! :)

6. My mom and in-town sisters and I figured out menus for the next three weeks the other day.(We each cook one night of the first four days of the week and make enough for the other families and my Gramps.) Since we started sharing cooking duties, we are eating such a variety of foods we wouldn't normally eat, spending MUCH less time cooking, and I'm saving a lot of money! It's WONDERFUL!

7. Tomorrow I get to spend the afternoon completely by myself doing whatever I want to do. Dennis has to work in the morning and I'm going to take the kids to have breakfast with a couple of college sorority sisters and their children (3 adults and 8 kids -- we're crazy) and then I get to be BY MYSELF for a few hours! I'm so excited!

For more quick takes, see Jen's spot.

Two months

Emmeliese Elizabeth turned two months old on Mother's Day. She's getting so big now -- holding up her head a lot, staying awake more and smiling, smiling, smiling (but mainly at Momma only and NEVER when the camera is out). Time is going so fast! What a big girl!

Mothers' Day photos

What one doesn't think about teaching one's kids

Tonight after the whole family got home from being out and about, I stood in my neighbor's yard with Emmeliese, chatting. Annalivia and Daniel tromped up and down his sidewalks, which are apparently more march-inspiring than ours, and then Annalivia disappeared. In a few moments, Dennis disappeared, too, and a few moments after that, I heard Annalivia howling in frustration.

After my conversation with the neighbor, I came inside to find a sobbing Annalivia wearing only a t-shirt. I could tell by her face that she was mad. I asked her what was going on. "Daddy won't let me go pee-pee in the yard!" she yelled.

Turns out Dennis had found her with her dress hiked up, crouching behind some bushes in the side yard -- i.e. the "side-that-faces-Main-Street" yard. And while she had done a fine job concealing herself from the view of our house behind those little bushes, she hadn't considered whether any one else could see her, i.e. someone driving by on Main Street at dinner time when the road is at it's busiest.

It honestly never had occurred to me that I needed to have a conversation about when it is and is not appropriate to go pee outside. It has occurred to me now. The conversation has been had -- with this kid, anyway. I'll move it up a few years with Daniel.

7 Quick Takes

1. TomorrowToday, May 1, I turn 34.

2. I have a rather significant case of the flu right now. It's not very helpful to get sick when the talk-about-town is all about the "pandemic."

3. Annalivia has a preschool program on Saturday. I'm excited to see her perform her songs and do whatever they do. She's excited, too. I pray I feel ok.

4. My mom and two sisters and I are doing something new with meals -- we are each taking a day for four days at the beginning of the week and preparing meals for the rest of the families and my grandfather. It means we don't have to cook for four days, at least, and we have leftovers to eat for lunches/ on the weekends. It's awesome!

5. We made an offer on that house I mentioned long ago. It was accepted. We may have thrown a bit of a wrench in it today, though -- we had planned to pay cash and get a loan for the fix-up, but found out that taking out a mortgage vs. a construction loan saves us 3% in interest rates. Tomorrow Today I have to go sign for a mortgage loan (I sent Dennis on his own today) and pray that the sellers are ok with this switcheroo.

6. Tomorrow Today is also May Day. If I feel well enough, I'm planning to have my kids make paper cones for flowers to take to the neighbors. I'm fairly certain I won't feel well enough, so this might wait until next year.

7. I think my blogging desires are being partially satisfied by Facebook. Instant feedback like that on Facebook is a slightly addictive thing, I think, for those of us who process life verbally. I realized, though, that I really like having a record of our family life in more than just a few words or sentences, so I might try to get back to a more regular blogging schedule. But I might not, too.

For more quick takes, go here.

Conversation at bathtime

Daddy to Annalivia: Annalivia, did you draw on your kneecap today?

Annalivia: (regarding obvious penmark on knee) Ummmm...no.

Daddy: (skeptical) What happened then?

Annalivia: (thoughtfully) Weeeelllll, I think, yesterday, a little bee made a hole in my tights here (points to ankle) and crawled all the way up... and then bit me!

Daddy: Wow. (Looks at knee again) Hmmm. It sorta looks like pen...

Annalivia: It could be.

More Emmeliese pics...

...including this one can be seen here.

The momma is necessary

Last night, I went out with two of my three sisters for a few hours and left Dennis home with the kids. Dennis had been sick this week and, for some reason, I just felt really weary. So, after I got dinner together for the fam, my sisters came and picked me up and we headed out for a bit. We went out for sushi (something I don't make and Dennis doesn't eat, which was my only real request in figuring out where to eat). And then to a bookstore, where they read magazines and I read a couple of chapters in a book I've been trying to get through. It was very nice and when I arrived home, I felt refreshed.

While I'd been gone, though, Dennis had been worked over. Emmeliese was fussy and had been crying -- really crying -- off and on for the three hours I'd been gone. Annalivia and Daniel were fussy, too. (An aside -- I've decided it's one thing to deal with newborn fussiness which is tiring enough. It's quite another to add to it, at the same, time fussiness from two kids who should know better. That's just exhausting.) Consequently, when I arrived home, Dennis, who hasn't been feeling too great, was feeling a tad fussy, too.

Anyway, when I came home and saw that Dennis was overwhelmed and Emmeliese was still awake and fussy, I took Emmeliese. And I took off my shirt and her clothes, snuggled her in the crook of my arm in a little ball and fed her, skin to skin. She took about 20 minutes to do her typical routine of a few cycles quieting down, falling asleep, burping, waking up, eating more, falling asleep again, burping, waking up again before she fell sound asleep on me. I held her for a little while longer and then put her down in her co-sleeper. And there she stayed asleep for about 5 hours. Very nice.

Every-once-in-a-while, I get in a funk about my efficacy, purpose, etc. as momma. Sometimes it feels like everyone needs something from me, but that I have a flawed product to offer. Post-partum this becomes a little sharper for me. So, it was nice last night to take a breather and then come home and be able to do exactly what at least one member of the family needed and thereby, provide relief for another member of the family, too.

I was thinking about it this morning and realized that maybe this is what the momma role is about for our family. Maybe I'm less the cog in the wheel of family functionality and more the lubricant that lets the other parts move against and with each other with greater ease. Whatever. It comes down to this -- I'm necessary. I like that.

Funeral

I found the computer cable and downloaded several hundred pictures this afternoon. I'm hoping to post a few in the days ahead.

Dennis happened on this scene a few days after Grammy's death. Harold the Helicopter, Jeremy the Jet, Sir Topham Hatt in his car, and a couple of miscellaneous cars/ farm equipment are gathered around a little ceramic church. Dennis asked Annalivia what was going on and she said, "They're all at a funeral!"

7 Quick Takes on Friday: IT'S SPRING!!!

1. Things have gotten kind of busy around here lately; it seems like my hands are never free to type up a blog post. Obviously. I'll apologize now if this one remains the only new post for a bit.

2. Spring has finally, FINALLY, arrived in central Illinois! The Spring Beauties are out. We call these flowers Edelweiss in my family, though I'm not certain whether that's just because, perhaps, we were overly-fascinated with Julie Andrews. Anyway, there is an old home here in town with a big front yard that is positively carpeted with Spring Beauties when it finally gets warm enough. And today it was finally warm enough. It was so beautiful -- thousands of little white flowers raising their heads to the sun. I took Annalivia and Daniel by it and sang Edelweiss for them. And then I sang it another 15 times, at Annalivia's request. It may be time to introduce her to Julie.

3. People are always asking me what it's like to be a mother to three kids and here is my answer -- I really truly love being a mother to these three children. My mom is still being a huge help taking the older two kids to her house for several hours almost every day, so, granted -- I don't get the full effect. But everything has been made easier by the fact that both Annalivia and Daniel simply adore Emmeliese. In the morning, when Emmeliese is awake, I put her in the middle of the bed and let Annalivia, and, to a lesser extent, Daniel, talk to her and take care of her and put her pacifier in her mouth. They love it. Daniel reports on the goings-on with mixed up subjects and objects. "She kissin' me!" he says when he kisses her. Or "She touchin' my hand!" when he takes her hand. Last night he said, "She really love me," which, if the pattern holds, means, "I really love her." I believe it.

4. Amy and Sarah were two of my dearest friends in college. We were in the same sorority, lived across from each other, graduated together.... we're dear, old pals. :) We were all pregnant at the same time this year and Sarah delivered a little girl on April 3. Amy's little girl was born this Monday, April 13, after losing two sons in the last two years. I am so happy for both of them, but am especially rejoicing for Amy this week. I think it's so neat that we all had daughters within about a month. And I think they are all about the same size now. Sarah's Lucie was 8 lbs. 9 oz and Amy's Amelie was 9 lbs. 1 oz at birth. And Emmeliese is nearing 10 lbs, I think. I can't wait to meet them someday and take pictures of our girls together!

5. We might still buy the house we have been oggling. We had an inspection done on Wednesday. It turned up what we expected, which is both good and...not so good. We realize that we may be overly enamoured with the house. We've decided that it just doesn't exist elsewhere in this town; i.e. its size, location, age, price, availability, just aren't found in another home. And we can both picture our Christmas decorations there. :) So we'll probably try to buy it. It will be a big project. As my sister said, this house will be our fourth child. And it may require more attention than the other dependents combined.

6. I read a good book recently. Jen, at Conversion Diary, who hosts 7 Quick Takes, had mentioned a book by Holly Pierlot, A Mother's Rule of Life. I read it, and though it is written by a Roman Catholic for Catholic mothers, it has a TON of good info in it. I found lots that was very applicable to our lives. I would highly recommend it, especially for liturgical families, though any Mom capable of filtering theology that is not directly applicable would probably find it useful.

7. Yesterday was a gorgeous, gorgeous day here. The kids and I took a long walk in the morning and then went out to the lake in the afternoon. We saw some turtles sunning themselves and immediately Song of Songs came to mind, "For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; the flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land."
You know, I once was the pastor who didn't know scripture by heart. No longer. Spring is here! Renewal comes.

Come away, loves...

(For more Quick Takes, see Jen's.)

Ten on Tuesday

I've tried starting different blog posts several times in the last week, but for whatever reason, could not coordinate completion of that task. So here are 10 random thoughts which may or may not get me back to blogging.

1. I have lots of pictures I need to share which would be easier if I were to find the camera cable and download them onto the computer.

2. Now that I've had a bit of time to process Emmeliese's birth, I realize I have more to document here. I may get to that someday. But for now let me just say, as a separate number...

3. Re: a C-section -- Oh. my. word. I have NO idea why women would electively choose a C-section over natural childbirth. Even Daniel's uber-long, incredibly painful labor was NOTHING compared to the recovery involved with the C-section. I know part of my discomfort is due to the two vertical incisions I have, but I also have no understanding of why anyone would think a major surgery is better than dealing with some soreness/ swelling. I have absolutely NO idea how women do this with children who are closer together in age or without parents/ helpers nearby. The weight restrictions mean that I can't pick up my older two kids, well, legitimately, at least. (Accidents happen, kids need comfort, you know...) I can't carry Emmeliese in her carseat. If I do, I feel it in a big way. I'd take two epidural-free vag births over a C-section any day. Really.

4. My husband is the most wonderful, amazing, astonishing and self-sacrificing guy ever created. There's much more to say about him, too. But it wouldn't be enough. He's the top. The silver tread on the feet of Fred Astaire, as it were... :)

5. Our church family has been bringing us dinners over the last week or so. And my Gramps and Mom have been making us food, too. We are getting all sorts of yummy treats. Gramps made a meatloaf the other day that the kids absolutely devoured. It was delicious.

6. I've been missing my Grammy a lot. I think I just soldiered through Grammy's death/ Emmeliese's birth/Emmeliese's hospitalization/ Grammy's memorial service and didn't think much about anything other than that which was right before us. But now I have time to think and I am thinking that I will miss my grandmother every day for the rest of my life. And I don't mean that in a depressing way, but I think I will, in fact, miss her that often.

7. We are considering making an offer on a house for sale here in town. It is a great big, old house on a huge lot on a beautiful street and it's cheap because the house needs to be completely and totally redone. The thought of completely and totally redoing a house sort of terrifies me, but it invigorates my husband, so he is doing the coordinating of every meeting/ inspection, etc. I'm being moral support.

8. It snowed 7 inches here on Saturday night/ Sunday morning. Almost all of the snow melted yesterday and now we have thick green grass showing up. It's very exciting to see Spring!

9. Emmeliese still isn't nursing, really. She has nursed a few times and when she does, sucks for about two minutes and then falls asleep. After a whole lotta prayer/ agonizing/ talking-it-over with whomever would listen, I decided to begin pumping only twice a day before bed and upon waking. When she starts nursing -- if she starts nursing -- we'll start with that schedule and then see if I can get her to nurse at other times. This decision to back off the milk production means that Dennis hasn't had to do night bottle feedings. And I am actually getting some sleep, which, at this point, was important for the good of the entire family. I hope Emmeliese will learn to nurse, but you know... if not... life will go on.

10. Our big girl was 8 lbs. 6 oz. at her weight check yesterday. Today she is three weeks old. THREE weeks! Time flies...

Celebrating Grammy

Yesterday, we had Grammy's memorial service. Everything came together well. Friday night, we had a family gathering at my grandfather's house to start the weekend. Emmeliese decided to stay up until 1 in the morning on Saturday, and I ended up being awake until about 3 a.m. I was worried going into yesterday morning, but the whole day ended up being lovely. The visitation was packed. We ended up having to delay the service about 20 minutes to get everyone through the line. The service was very nice. I did the eulogy and it went well. It was incomplete, of course, but since it is rather impossible to sum up an 84-year old saint in 15 minutes, that was ok. Grammy had planned the service itself, had chosen the scriptures and the music and had even written out what she wanted on the bulletin. It was very nice -- very simple and elegant, I thought. Two prayers, two readings, three hymns, and the eulogy. Lovely.

The church had a sorority who had reserved the fellowship hall, so the we weren't able to have the funeral lunch there. We ended up in a much smaller room, that, frankly, I was worried about pre-service. It ended up being perfect. The luncheon was wonderful and my aunt's wonderful friend brought beautiful centerpieces for the table that were just perfect. Folks crowded in the room, sat on couches and radiators, ate and chatted. It was a great mix of formal/ casual that Grammy would have loved.

After the funeral, we came back and everyone in this family took 2 1/2 hour naps. We needed them so badly that we didn't mind sleeping through the 60-degree beautiful day outside. When we got up, we went out to Gramps' for another family dinner. My uncle and cousins set off fireworks in Grammy's memory and we hung out with dad's three cousins, sons of Grammy's sister, who came all the way from California to be part of the remembrance. It was great, too.

And when we got home, Emmeliese and I went to sleep almost immediately. Dennis was not so fortunate, but he eventually got to bed around midnight. Emmeliese was fussy a lot last night and I think Dennis ended up taking care of her a lot, since I got a lot of sleep. The kiddos let us sleep in a bit this morning, but our big plan for today is threefold -- 1. Rest 2. Pickup the messes around the house 3. Do some laundry. And if we don't get to numbers 2 and 3, it will be ok.

7 Quick Takes on Friday

1. Emmeliese is home!

2. Emmeliese is home!

3. Emmeliese is home!

4. Emmeliese is home!

5. Emmeliese is home!

6. Emmeliese is home!

7. I'm pumping lots, sleeping little, writing Grammy's eulogy, being constantly amazed by my super-husband, continuing to be eternally grateful for Mom's willingness to entertain Annalivia and Daniel, not answering the phone (sorry, if you are trying to call), and finding fun discoveries like this at 4 a.m.

But what really matters is this-- Emmeliese is home!! :)

Nursing problems

Well, I was so elated that little Emmeliese knew how to latch on, but the problem is -- nursing requires more than latching on. Darn it.

On Saturday, her IV, which infiltrated three sites in one day, was replaced with a PICC line. That went well and meant she could resume antibiotic treatment. And she came off of the bili-lights and what all of this meant was that yesterday, she finally got a good shot at breastfeeding. And she won't do it.

She opens up wide and has a good mouth position, but she won't suck. She just expects the milk to sort of fall in her mouth. (As if from a syringe. Hmmmm....) When she does suck, she pulls her tongue back in her mouth and sucks very weakly. And she may have, sort of, inherited her mother's lack of patience. She wants the milk and she wants it when she wants it. Period. And if she doesn't get it, she's not afraid to show her displeasure.

Thank God for lactation consultants and a hospital that is large enough to have at least one present every day. They've suggested a number of things, but number one is just being with her skin-to-skin as much as possible. Basically, I am hanging out, literally (*ahem*), by her isolette, curtain drawn, from 8-4 until she comes home, which hopefully will be Thursday. And I'm pumping, seemingly constantly, though in actuality, not enough. I think in the best of circumstances, I have supply issues in the first weeks. These are not the best of circumstances. I've made friends with Fenugreek and, I'm not kidding, drink at least 140 oz of water a day. But I need more milk, faster.

So, that's my update on nursing. In other news, Dennis heads back to work today. He heading back with too little sleep. I worry about him. Daniel and Annalivia I do not worry about because they are with my amazing mother. They are doing wonderfully with her and are learning all sorts of new things and so am I. And the family is all preparing for Grammy's service this coming Saturday, which, for some of us, means coordinating outfits. That would probably sound tacky, unless one knew my Grammy, in which case one would know how that honors her.

And finally -- my youngest daughter ( I love writing that!) is just beautiful. :)

7 Quick Takes on Friday: The from-the-hospital/ different-day edition

1. I sent Dennis home tonight to sleep in our own bed in hopes that he can get some good rest. We had a good day here yesterday. It's the first time in the last week or so that we've pretty much have answers to the question, "What comes next?" It's a good place to be.

This postpartum experience is so different from the previous kids. It is, arguably, the most difficult set of circumstances, both emotionally and physically that we -- Dennis, baby and I -- have faced. Grammy's death, the unexpected C-section, the infection in little E, the extended stay for me, the really extended stay for her... there's just been a lot. But I feel so much more equipped to handle most everything. It's amazing.

2. Today, Emmeliese's jaundice got worse. She was too tired to nurse at every feeding. When this happened with Annalivia and Daniel, I was panicked. But today, I felt calm about it. I wasn't surprised when it happened. I let her try to nurse, woke her up everytime she fell asleep for the first 10 minutes and then handed her off to Dennis who gave her formula from the syringe while I came back to the room and pumped. And when I pumped, I didn't get hardly anything. But rather than freaking out, by now I know that my milk doesn't come in for a few days. And since I've already fed one child formula and had to let go of my formula-will-ruin-a-baby worries, I'm ok with supplementing until we get coordinated. It's very nice to meet breastfeeding without much anxiety.

3. I've been getting up and around and walking a lot, staying in front of the pain from the incision with the meds, etc. I guess I sort of overdid it yesterday and the incision is a little sore and red this morning. The resident will be here soon and I'm guessing she's not going to be super-happy with me.

4. I've been crocheting another little dress for Emmeliese. Once again, I got through the first couple of rows and realized that I could be doing something cool with it instead of the same old thing. So I'm going to be asking Dennis to stop at the yarn store on the way here later this morning. Have I mentioned how much I love that yarn can just be remade in whatever way one desires? I know I have, but it bears repeating. I love it.

5. Yesterday, I had a visit from The Aunties (pronounced the Minnesota way) and my cousin. Sublime Aunt, sister of my dad and daughter of Grammy, walked in the room and said, "Yooooohoooooo!" really softly. It sounded exactly like Grammy. I got sort of verklempt. It was very, very sweet.

6. Really great news -- my blood sugar readings returned to normal yesterday! AND my blood pressure readings have been very, very good -- generally in the 110's/ 60's. This is such good news. If my blood sugar level will go back down and stay down, it would be just wonderful. And, every other pregnancy, my blood pressure has stayed up for a couple of months. But so far, I'm good. I've had I've been very careful to eat well and drink a vat and a half of water each day. So far, it is working well. I'm sort of hungry. But it's good.

7. I think that my mother should be a candidate for sainthood soon. She's been putting little Daniel -- just turned 2 -- on the potty every morning and he's been going by himself. Yesterday, she was asking Annalivia if she needed to use the restroom before they left later in the day and Daniel piped up, "I need go pee-pee!" Mom put him on the potty and he went! He was very, very excited to get to wear Pull-Ups now. I'm just astonished. I had no energy or desire to deal with potty-training and frankly, didn't think Daniel was ready at all. He may not have been ready for Mommy to help. But Grandma is another matter. She really is a saint.

For more quick takes, check out Conversion Diary.

Latch on!!!

Tonight I got to put Emmeliese on the breast at her 8:30 feeding. I was not expecting much, but I had noticed this morning that she was rooting around after we fed her with formula from the syringe. I gave her my finger and she sucked hard on it for about 5 minutes. So tonight, I told the nurse I'd like to just let her use me as a pacifier after she ate even though we did not clear it with the neonatologist. Her nurse suggested I go ahead and try to let her nurse before she had the formula from the syringe. AND, lo and behold, she latched right on and nursed for about 10 minutes!!! I was so excited! She got tired and sleepy eventually and we fed her the formula in the syringe. She never got to the right breast, but she had a great latch on the left and nursed exactly like she should!

I was just so amazed and proud of her. Thank God for the whole no-artificial-nipples drum that we've been beating since before we got here. I think we have annoyed the heck out of all the doctors and nurses, but it's working so far! I can't wait for my milk to come in. I really want her to actually get nourishment from me! Because she knows how to nurse! She latched on! Hurrah!

Little E update

Right now, Emmeliese continues to improve, if slowly. Her oxygen saturation is up and her heart beat is a little more regulated. She got to eat this morning and afternoon and for the afternoon feeding, I was able to pump just a little bit of colostrum to give her in addition to the formula. Daddy has been taking care of the feedings, but I've been able to walk down to the nursery and back and hold her for about 10 minutes or so several times today. That's been very helpful. We also found out this afternoon that she did not have any white cells in her spinal fluid or brain and we are very, very thankful for that. So she will be here for 7-10 days instead of 14-21. Thank you, God!

Today I also got a great gift when I was able to see Annalivia and Daniel. They were very careful to be gentle with me and were excited to see Emmeliese through the window of the nursery and are obviously learning a lot of really good things from Grandma. I am surprised by how much I've missed them and how much energy I got from just seeing them for a little bit. And once again, I am reminded that my calling really IS to mommyhood -- with all its complexities.

Also -- we posted some pics of Emmeliese on Facebook. If you follow this link, you should be able to view the album. More later!

Of meetings, partings, and the best-laid plans

April here.

Right now it is 3:35 a.m. and I am between the taking of vital-signs at 3 and the taking of blood at 4 a.m., so I thought I'd stay awake and try to put together a blog post. Dennis figured out how to get into the hospital's free wi-fi system last night, so we'll be able to post more pics at some point -- as soon as we get the USB cable to hook up our camera. I managed to leave that at home. Packed everything else one could possibly never need in the hospital, but left the cable at home, apparently in a spot where others can't find it. I think Dennis will go home today for a bit, though, so maybe we'll have more pics tomorrow. Or maybe not.

Anyway, we are all doing pretty well here. Thank you so much, all of you out there, for your prayers and love at Grammy's passing. It was difficult to be here in the hospital and not with the family, but I would say, honestly that I am very, very, very thankful that Grammy is Home. And I think the whole family feels that way. Her trust in God's goodness and provision was very real. That comforts all of us, even as we miss her.

Here at the hospital, little Emmeliese is doing better this evening. She was ok at birth, and then had some problems with oxygen saturation and a rapid heartrate. She is, currently, in the nursery hooked up to an IV and a monitor and is receiving antibiotics, which is a good thing, since a blood culture indicated that she has some sort of infection. We hope she'll be able to be unhooked in the next two days or so. She has not nursed yet and has been fed only twice by Daddy with a feeding cup. I am anxious to work on latch-on, etc. with her, but more anxious to just hold her for a long time. This evening, about 9, I finally got to hold her for a while. Before that, I had only held her for about 10 minutes, and had only been with her for about 20. I hadn't realized how much the separation was affecting me emotionally. I've been so weepy today. I think I've just been missing my little girl.

Other than being a big cry-er, I have been recovering from the C-section fairly well. The induction and the labor actually went according to plan until about 7 hours in when I got stuck at 5 cm. We ended up with the surgery because Emmeliese never engaged the pelvis at all. After 13 hours of labor, her head had still never touched the cervix and she hadn't moved down at all. It turns out that, while she had turned head down in the Great Baby Turning of 09, she was also turned sideways somehow and her head was tilted in such a way that it just couldn't leave the uterus. I had some unique experiences of having my water break by itself and having an epidural that, though it took a very, very long time to get in, actually worked PERFECTLY. I basically got to doze for 6 hours while the pitocin created nicely spaced, intense but-not-too-excruciating contractions. That was really quite nice.

When we decided to do the C-section, we found that her position made it impossible for the docs to do a transverse incision on the uterus, or my belly, so I ended up with two vertical incisions. I'm moving slow. Very slow. But the C-section has given me yet another chance to observe my husband as knight-in-shining-armor. He just rises to meet every occasion with patience and determination and thoughtfulness. He's amazing. I am so blessed to be the mother of his children.

As for how long we'll be in the hospital, we are hoping to be able to leave by Sunday. Dennis took this week off of work, thankfully and I'm hoping we don't have to stretch into another week. We're going to be having a memorial service for Grammy on Sat. Mar. 21, which, we hope, will give all of the family the time we need to get there. Grammy donated her body to science and so we do not have the normal time constraints associated with funerals, burials, etc. I had agreed to officiate the funerals of Grammy and Gramps several years ago, but, given the circumstances, am sort of scaling back my involvement to just delivering the homily. Probably. I think I can do that. I've been thinking about what to say about them at their memorial services for a long time. Hopefully, I can gather my thoughts and get something worthy of her memory created sometime next week. We'll see how everything progresses.

So. Thus ends my long and somewhat scattered missive. Thank you again, all of you, for your prayers, love, support, etc. It means a great deal to me, Dennis, and our family.

Emmeliese's Arrival

Kalin here, updating since Apey and Dennis are stuck in the hospital for a bit longer.

Emmeliese made her big appearance at 12:25AM on the 10th via c-section. She weighed 7 lbs, 7 ounces.

They're recovering well. April will update you all with more info later, but here are some pictures!

Grammy

Dennis here.

April's grandmother passed away this evening. She was at home with April's grandfather and her hospice nurse. We understand that she passed away quickly and peacefully.

April is in the first stage of the induction tonight. She and our family are obviously sad about Grammy, but we have all been able to be with her a lot lately. We're glad she is no longer in pain. We don't know what the next few days hold, but we hope to keep you updated.

Thank you for your prayers.

Sweetness

The other day we were heading out and I heard Annalivia telling Daniel to give her his feet. I walked in my room and saw this. She had taken off his shoes and socks and was slathering his feet with lotion. Pretty precious. I'm going to save this pic for sometime when they're teenagers.

Ready... and holding

Well, God's most impatient creature (moi) learns yet another lesson in letting go. The maternity ward in Dixon is full. The doctor in Peoria has other things to do this weekend than deal with an impatient inpatient. So, the induction is scheduled to begin on Sunday at 4 p.m. here in central Illinois.
I think we are ready. Ish. As ready as one can be when a baby is arriving, I guess. In this house, we decided to adapt the master bedroom to another little person rather than worry about fixing up a nursery like we have had for the other two. Our kids sleep near us for the first two years, anyway. We figured we might as well embrace it. :) Plus, it took a lot less work.

We just stuck the changing table mat with a non-slip pad under it on top of one of the dressers in our room. Blankets, diapers, and burp towels fit in the other bins.

The co-sleeper and boppy are ready for their inhabitant. Dennis and I had to switch sides of the bed to set things up this way. We flip alternate sides about twice a year. It always throws me off. I'm such a creature of habit.

The kids have been playing with dolls, practicing holding and feeding and burping, etc. They are ready for a real baby.

One of them may be a little less ready than the other. Right before I took this picture, he was kneeling on the baby. We'll have to keep an eye on him. :)

So, we wait until Sunday. Of course, I could just go into labor before then. For the record, Emmeliese, that would be ok with Mommy. I would like to experience non-pitocin-induced contractions sometime. But what will be, will be. I will be repeating that to myself ad nauseum over the next four days.

Celtic cobblestone crocheted cardigan for Cleya

I recently finished the St. Patrick's day dress I was making for Annalivia. I totally improvised the sweater and not following a pattern apparently took its toll in the sizing. Along the way, I realized that it was going to be way too big for a four year old, so it morphed into a sweater for my niece, Cleya.

I was glad to give it to Cleya because, unlike my daughter, she was glad to receive a sweater, even if it was green. But, though the gratitude was nice, my favorite part of giving her the sweater was what happened when I asked her if I could take her picture in it.

This was, literally, her first response. She immediately started posing for the camera.

I appreciated the refreshing change from photographing my own children who generally stand about a foot from each other and look at each other and the camera suspiciously. Sort of like Daniel is doing here.


Cleya, on the other hand, really likes to experiment with different poses. She smiles and hams it up. In fact, it was hard to get her to act naturally.

Very hard.

But those of us who grew up with her mother are hardly surprised that this sweet apple fell not far from the tree. :) Isn't she great?

Our little squirrel

The scene from Daniel's bedroom tonight. That's a Sodor bridge and race set, Morgan's Mine, a light-up teddy bear, a rubber ducky, three blankets, an extra fitted sheet and -- what one can't see beneath the train stuff -- four books on diggers, trains, and fire engines and two diecast trains. We had to turn on the light and use the flash to get the picture. :)

I wonder what he dreams about...

Guess who turned?!!!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!! Sometime in the last 10 days, little Emmeliese Elizabeth made the flip!

The amnio went well this morning. I found out she'd turned before they did anything and I think the euphoria alone would have sustained me. She's no longer breech! So if the lungs are ready we will induce sometime this week -- more info on when later in the day, I think.

Hurrah!! She turned, she turned, she turned!!!

ETA: Her lungs are ready! We expect she'll be induced Thurs. or Friday. It's a matter of days to baby! :)

7 Quick Takes on Friday

1. Daniel is teething. Right now, he is getting three molars all at the same time. This kid has always teethed hard with multiple teeth coming in at the same time. I had forgotten what a fussy, angry, needy guy he can be with teething because it was so long ago that the teeth all came in. Coupled with this 2-year old particularity that he has developed, it is downright annoying. Yesterday, I spent an hour cuddling him in bed while he had a fever and while he protested pretty much everything. He wanted the tv on -- NO! OFF! He wanted lights on -- NO! OFF! He wanted this train -- no! the other one! Or a certain book or -- no! I finally made him get down and drugged him up with ibuprofen and tylenol at the same time. And 25 minutes later he was relatively happy. I remember at one point in the past, I swore I would not needlessly medicate my children. I'm glad I've over that.

2. We had a weird Ash Wednesday experience, basically because we were faced with doing a good thing vs. doing a better thing for our family. Both Dennis and I knew that we should not take the kiddos to church on Ash Wednesday, but we had planned to do it and he and I both wanted to go, and plus, we always go to church on Ash Wednesday. But both of us just knew we should stay home. And we were right. The whole experience was trying and the night was terrible for us. We were discussing this yesterday and realized that now that we have no legal, ethical or moral obligation to attend church, we need to make wise choices regarding how our family participates. Our first obligation is to our family now. I was thinking that other people reach this point before their first child arrives. We're a little late to the party, I guess.

3. Our Wednesday night was miserable and both Dennis and I felt like we had no sleep when we got up on Thursday. Last night, I went to bed early and was asleep by 9:15. I slept well, despite having to get up for a low blood sugar episode, having to pee three times, and waking up with Daniel fussing a few times. I was realizing today that, next week (next week!), after Emmeliese is here, I will look back on an evening like last night as a luxurious night of rest. Do you mothers out there remember how exhausting those first weeks/ months/ years are? I'm glad I'd forgotten.

4. When planning our Lenten activities, I wrote down what I wanted to do in each week and had sense enough to pick only two or three simple activities for each week. Right now, I'm reading from Thomas Merton each day, doing a scripture study during the week, and working on memorizing Psalm 51. As a family, we're learning the verse "Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, and renew a right spirit within me" while we use our soap cross. The other activities I had hoped to do this week were to make our Lenten cross candle centerpiece and I hoped to make pretzels. I think we're going to get to pretzels today and we'll work on the cross centerpiece on Saturday. It's a pretty relaxed plan and that is good for us.

5. We had our first thunderstorm of the spring yesterday. We had thunder, lightning, wind, tons of rain -- the works. It was neat. Today the temperature dropped again, but yesterday, it felt like early spring. The reawakening of the earth from winter has been so significant to me this year. Each little sign of new life is like a present. It's good to experience.

6. So here's another mother question -- has anyone else been feeling a little skewered by the discussions and condemnations of Nadya (aka Octomom) Sulleman's selfish desire to bear children to fill her own needs, etc? I have been thinking that if someone asked me about having children I'd not describe it the same way she has. And I'd probably use phrases referencing calling and purpose and God. But while I believe I have, indeed, been called to this sacred place of motherhood, I must be honest and say that one of the reasons I wouldn't use her terms is partly because I know it's generally not cool to admit that having kids has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. And that it has fulfilled me in ways I have never found anywhere else and that I'd love to have many more children, even though I am sometimes not "equipped" enough or -- again, if I'm honest -- willing-- to provide the best care for them. And that one of the reasons I'd have more children is because the payoffs I receive from having children are so hugely out of proportion to any sacrifices I make. And I think there are quite a few of us who could be indicted by the "has-children-for-selfish-reasons" argument. Maybe it's just Nadya and me. I know there are other differences between us, but I've been thinking maybe it's not just Nadya, but also me who is, apparently, in need of therapy from Dr. Phil.

7. And speaking of payoffs -- Daniel is currently putting lotion on my legs and feet. And on his hair, too. But as long as more lotion ends up on my legs than his hair, I'm not complaining. :)

For more quick takes, see Conversion Diary.

Totally wiped out

I want to write about Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent, but I am totally, completely worn out. It's the kind of worn out where I almost feel like crying, I'm so tired. So I'm in bed and going to sleep asap. And I cancelled appointments for tomorrow, so I don't have to be anywhere until 4 p.m.

More later.

1461 days later

Annalivia resting on Mommy in her first 24 hours.

And with her party dress taking cake to Grammy last night.

And blowing out candles. She does her own hair these days.

My big four-year-old girl.

10 blurbs for Tuesday

1. I made pancakes this morning out of a store-bought mix. It is supposed to be a hearty whole grain, good-for-you mix and is priced accordingly, but it just stinks. I like my real pancake mix much better. Granted, it needs to be stored in the freezer, but at least it makes pancakes worth eating.

2. My mother has become the hero of this pregnancy for me. She is watching the kids literally every day as I go to the doctor or chiropractor or so on. I am amazed by what a difference it has made to live by my momma. This is, by far, the easiest pregnancy I have experienced. I think that comes down to three things -- First, I have been on a low dose of blood pressure medicine from the second trimester and my bp is good, still. Second, I am no longer the pastor of 150 needy people and third, I live by my mom. Most of these days, I'm inclined to think that #3 is of at least as much influence on my ability to cope with the final weeks of being prego as the other two.

3. Today, I went to the accupuncturist to try to get the baby to turn. It was an interesting experience. He stuck in the needles, which for the most part did not hurt, turned them a few times to make sure I could feel them, and then left me alone for 15 minutes. Emmeliese didn't move much until I started to do some deep breathing towards the end of the time. Then she was moving a whole bunch. Afterwards, I felt a little odd, but it was a decent experience. I'll go back for another session on Thursday.

4. We celebrated Annalivia's birthday tonight. Her birthday is actually tomorrow. I think at this point four years ago, I was about to get an epidural that would only numb one side of my body. I was listening to Taize Instrumentals and thinking about what it would mean to be a parent. I had no idea.

5. Annalivia got a new dress from my mother for her birthday. We went out to show Grammy Adaline the dress and take her some cake before the party. Annalivia is going to wear the dress to school tomorrow. She is over the moon about this dress. I'll post a picture of her in it tomorrow.

6. Daniel has taken to pretending to be a kitty a lot of the time. And whenever he climbs up on us for love, he pretends he's a cat. I have no idea why he has to pretend he's a kitty cat to express affection for us, but he does.

7. I mentioned the other day that Daniel sticks lots of things in bed with him. Last night, he went to bed well, but then we heard him rummaging around in his bedroom. We went in and found approximately 30 of his little metal Thomas trains in bed with him and his arms were loaded down with more. He was ticked when we took them out. Tonight after he went to bed, he got up, but only picked up three -- Harold the Helicopter, Bertie the Bus and James with his tender. I tried to take the tender out of the bed, but he was insistent that he stay. I guess it makes sense. How could James possibly go anywhere without his tender?

8. Tomorrow begins Lent and I'm giving up diet soda and a majority of my internet time. I'm limiting internet to nighttime only after the kids go to bed.

9. We're also picking up a new family worship time during Lent, the centerpiece of which was to be a cross candleholder, fashioned out of branches. I hadn't found branches until today when I drove by Annalivia's preschool teacher's house and saw several by the curb. I called to ask if I could have them and Dennis is going to go pick them up, as I type. We'll have a cross candleholder, after all! Lent is saved! :)

10. We have flowers pushing their way up through the ground at our house. On Monday, we glimpsed them through the snow. It was such a great sign of spring bursting forth! Tomorrow it is supposed to be in the 50's again! Hurrah for new life!

Shrove Tuesday

We're having pancakes (with syrup courtesy of the kitty cat) for breakfast today. Anyone else enjoying this traditional Shrove Tuesday feast?

Baby 'Liese update

1. Still breech.

2. Went to my last perinatologist appointment today. I think.

3. The amnio is scheduled for next Tuesday at 10:30. We should know by late afternoon if her lungs are ready.

4. If lungs are ready, the C-section will be next Wednesday, if she's still breech.

5. If she turns, I'll be induced on Thursday.

6. That's a baby in a little over a week! :)

7. Tomorrow and Thursday, I'll see an accupunturist in a last-ditch effort to get her to turn.

8. Turn, baby, turn!

Big boy bed

Last night, when we got home from our date, Mom told us that she had put Daniel to bed in his toddler bed. We've had the "big boy bed" set up in his room for about a month or so to get him accustomed to it. We used the same tactic when we moved Annalivia to a toddler bed. They've played on the bed and climbed on it and such, but we've been putting him to bed in his crib each night.

About a week ago, I was telling mom that we realized that if I have a C-section, we were going to have to have Daniel in the toddler bed because I won't be able to lift him out of the crib in the morning. I mentioned we planned to move him to the crib, but we hadn't done so. So Momma did it for us.

And it went great! Daniel woke up once during the night and cried and then tried to get out of bed. We both took turns putting him back into bed. The first three times he got up, we put him in bed, covered him up and told him we loved him. After that, we came and laid right back down in our bed and when he arrived in our room five seconds later, we got up and just led him back to bed without talking to him. He fussed about being going back to the bed and wouldn't climb up, but we just went back to bed without talking. On about the fifth time, he draped himself on the bed, wailed for a bit and then climbed into bed. He cried for about a minute or so and then went back to sleep and was still sound asleep when Annalivia woke up at 8.

Tonight he went to bed and didn't fuss or come into our room. Daniel has this crazy need to have all sorts of things in bed with him. Tonight he started out with two bears and a rubber ducky. We heard him get up and when I checked on him, he had a Thomas the Tank Engine suitcase thing, a book, and part of his plastic sword in bed with him. Which meant he got out of bed, picked out those things, and then got back into bed. And now he's asleep.

I'm so proud of our big boy. And us. And thankful for Mom getting us on track. Here's to a good night and better tomorrow.

7 Quick Takes on Friday

1. Tonight is DATE NIGHT!!! It's our second date night this week and our third since we moved here in October! Pretty exciting. I love how a destination at the end of the day can motivate one to move through a day.

2. Several cool things are happening in the coming week. First, my Grammy is returning home under hospice care and 24-hour care on Monday. Second, Annalivia's birthday party is Tuesday night. Her 4th birthday is Wednesday. So is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent. I also have doctor's appointments and other things the other days. It's going to be a busy week.

3. Our church is showing the movie Fireproof this weekend. Dennis and I saw it last weekend and really enjoyed it. I was pleasantly surprised by how well-done it was and I thought about it a lot this week. I realized while watching it that, these last few years, I really like being stretched theologically in pretty much any direction. I'm recommending the movie to most any theologically conservative friends. I've also been recommending it to theologically liberal friends who are able to find value in theology with which they may not be comfortable. This means I've recommended it to exactly one lib. theo. friend.

4. Has anyone else noticed that boys you knew in 7th grade either look exactly the same 20 years later, or radically different, but not very often anything in between? Facebook has been proving this to me lately. One of my recent Friends has reminded me of this, so I went back and checked the photos of the other kids I knew back then, now grown. I swear, there are varying degrees of change among the girls, but for the most part, the boys are either larger versions of their 7th grade selves or their fathers.

5. Thanks to our Valentine's Day brownie making experience, I've realized that the effect of those specialty pans that bake brownies into "edges" can be accomplished with a muffin tin. Just make sure the tins are well-oiled or sprayed and keep an eye on the brownies because they cook quickly. Muffin tins make great brownies though -- chewy and delicious.

6. I have never taken a picture of my pregnant belly before, even in my other pregnancies. I have a large belly anyway, so I never really wanted a pic of it being even bigger. Plus, I have to give myself shots that make it all bruised and icky looking. Last week, though, it occurred to me that I'd like to have a picture of me pregnant. So far, every attempt taken by myself is just ridiculous because the lighting is terrible. And I keep forgetting to ask Dennis to do it. Yesterday, I gave Annalivia my camera and asked her to take one. I ended up with six pictures -- two of my head, one of my knees and three of the wall behind me. Maybe this weekend, we'll get an actual photo accomplished. Though you should not look for it here.

7. Yesterday, I was in northern Illinois at the doctor's office. I stopped by an Amish store on my way through the country and picked up 20 jars of this wonderful no-sugar added jam they carry. It is made with just fruit, white grape juice concentrate and pectin -- no splenda or anything -- and is soooooo delicious. I have been unable to find it anywhere else, so I bought it in bulk yesterday. Last night I carried it in to the house but did not put it away before dinner. About halfway through the evening, Annalivia came upstairs to tell me that she had put the jelly away in the refrigerator so it could get cold. She talked about how heavy the bags were and how she had lifted them very carefully into the refrigerator drawers. She was really proud of herself. I went downstairs and she had crammed the bags into the produce drawers in the bottom of the refrigerator. It was pretty sweet, if you'll pardon the pun. I love glimpsing altruism in my kids.

7.5. Northern Illinois is supposed to get 6-8 inches of snow tonight. Down here, we may get some accumulation. Welcome back, winter. Now, go away.

More quick takes are over at Jen's.

Liquid clorophyll users out there?

Ok -- momma-specific question -- has anyone out there used liquid chlorophyll to boost milk supply? I was remembering that I had read about it and it seems like it would be a wise idea to up my intake of it in these last few weeks. Anyone had any experience with it?

Compromise

This morning, the kids were arguing over the perennial question at our house, "who is the leader today?" FYI, I have never initiated this question. It migrated from Annalivia's preschool. Chalk one up for the argument-for-homeschooling.

Anyway, it is an argument that happens every. single. day at our house, several. times. per. day. Annalivia will be walking somewhere. Daniel will follow. She'll say, "I'm the leader today." He'll say, "No! I da leader!" and back and forth it will go in escalating decibels, "No! I'm the leader!" "NO! I DA LEADER!!" Daniel has no idea what it means -- he just realizes that he can bait his sister and enjoys the interaction. Probably needless to say, it all irritates the heck out of me.

Today the argument was near the back staircase and was ratcheting up and I was on the verge of yelling, "NEITHER of you is the leader today!" Then I heard Annalivia say, "Daniel, how about I'm the leader in the front and you can be the leader in the back?"

He said, ok.

What a compromise, eh?

Earliness

It's too early to be awake here and I've been awake for an hour, which makes it WAY too early to be awake. My blood sugar was low and my bladder was full but what finally propelled me out of bed was realizing that I hadn't felt an baby movement for a long time. I ate and waited. Nothing for about a half hour. Now she is kicking, squirming and testing the fullness of the previously emptied bladder.

For some reason I just can't sleep now. I tried to do some other things to make myself tired again. I am working on a crocheted dress for Annalivia and did a few rows on it before realizing that crochet wasn't helping me get sleepy again. This dress started out as a sweater for St. Patrick's day with some green and brown and grey and white tapestry yarn that was just really beautiful all knitted up in a fair isle pattern at the yarn store. Crocheted, it is not the same. It's pretty, but not what I wanted it to be. Annalivia was disappointed that the sweater was not pink, but was somewhat consoled by the thought of a dress, even if it green and brown and such. I keep considering just ripping it all out, but that would be kind of stupid as right now as it is between sweater length and dress length and involves a skein and a half of yarn. I think I'll just keep going. It might end up rather cool after all.

One of the big problems with sleeping, or rather...not sleeping, is that I'm involved in some extra-familial commitments that are consuming a lot of thought lately. I'm on the alumni board at the College and involved with several committees through it and have gotten myself into the position of dealing with survival strategy and politics and various other things. I think I am genetically pre-disposed to get into these positions, but I am realizing that I need to avoid them to great extent. I'm understanding that there's a reason that people advise mothers to concentrate on mothering first. The mental energy drain elsewhere is seductive, for me. But the 4 a.m. sleeplessness doesn't help anyone here at home.

In other, more interesting news, I am going to my sister's chiropractor on Friday to be adjusted and see if that helps the baby turn. With Annalivia, I went to the chiro monthly. I really think it helped her birth. It was fairly easy for a first, induced labor at 36 weeks -- 14 hours and 45 minutes of pushing. When I was prego with Daniel, I neglected the chiro. And y'all know my whiny story of his birth. And I've neglected the chiro during this pregnancy also. We'll see if some last-minute rescue helps. I've also got two appointments for an accupuncturist next week, if the baby still needs help turning. I've never done accupunture. I'm eager to see how it works.

AND in the best news of all -- Dennis and I are getting not one but TWO date nights this week! Last night, my aunt wanted to watch our children at Gramps' house. When we picked them up, they were fed, bathed and ready for bed. Tomorrow, Mom and Dad are watching them. We're going to go get Annalivia's birthday present and maybe get a Redbox movie. Can you tell we only believe in hot dates here? :)

And now I think I can sleep again. Thank goodness for blogging!

Almost Lent

Yesterday, I made a soap cross out of Ivory and began making lists of what we'll do during Lent. It's only a week away, after all. If you need some inspiration, here are some favorites.

Family Activities
Before and After Easter by Debbie Trafton O'Neal
Family Countdown to Easter by Debbie Trafton O'Neal
A Family Journey with Jesus through Lent by Angela Burrin

Worship, Prayer and Devotionals
Lent and Easter Wisdom from Thomas Merton
Show Me the Way by Henri Nouwen
Stages on the Way by John Bell and the Wild Goose Worship Group
Lent and Easter Worship from Iona by Neil Paynter
Lent and Easter Prayer at Home by Mark Boyer

Music
Take This Moment by The Cathedral Singers
Taize: Instrumental vol. 1
Taize: Instrumental vol. 2
Sacred Dance by Keith Duke

Delicious days

We had such a lovely Valentine's Day weekend here. It was, I think, the most enjoyable Valentine's Day I've ever had. The morning started out early when the kids got up a little after 6. We got dressed and went out to breakfast and they had wonderful behavior.

We ended up back home around noon and Annalivia wrote a song for us on the back of a Valentine card and then she and Daniel played us a bit of a piano recital.

For lunch, we had homemade, heart-shaped pizza. It was soooooo good! I love Dennis' pizza and this was one of the best we've ever had.

We all took brief (far too brief) naps after lunch and then went to visit Grammy. And then Gramps, Mom, Dad and Kalin came over for Valentine's Day dinner. We had marinated broiled steaks, baked potatoes, salad and garlic bread. And there was platter of heart-shaped brownies for dessert.

Which smelled wonderful...

...and were pretty tasty, too.

Then today, Annalivia and I went to church and then the four of us went out for lunch to have walleye sandwiches at Culver's. We did a big shopping trip at WalMart and then came home to take brief (far too brief) naps. And then, I got to top off the weekend by hanging out with my sisters tonight. We went out to dinner and laughed and carried on and had a great time. It is probably my last big sistah-hurrah before Emmeliese arrives and it was just wonderful. And when I got back, the kids were in bed and Dennis had done several loads of laundry. It was an absolutely perfect way to end a really, truly delicious weekend.

My Valentine

Before Dennis and I got together, I had fancied myself in love. It was always in my head, though, and never with people who returned that infatuation. In fact, I had a lot of imaginary things going on in my head. It would be hilarious if it weren't so pitifully piteous. Aside from the imaginary relationships, I also had in my head a timeline and plan for when things were going to happen, how they would happen and what the person would be like who allowed them to happen. I especially had in my head this list of requirements that my future husband would fulfill. On that list were character issues and then there were things like, "Taller than me" and "Is a fan of NPR". I don't recall prioritizing. I wasn't very smart.

Dennis was a member of my congregation and the prospect of dating him would have been frowned on by... everyone, had I actually given anyone, including him, any advance notice. I'm not sure I have ever admitted here that when Dennis and I got together, I realized within four days that I was going to marry him. I can't explain what that felt like. I initially thought Dennis was going to be a nice diversion, but not anything serious. At least, that's what I thought for the first 48 hours. It was sometime on day 3 that I knew... I. just. knew... that we were going to be together forever.

What is embarrassing to remember is that I knew, but I wasn't thrilled by the knowledge. I was sort of excited in a "Wow! This is happening!" sort of way. Dazed, I think, but I really, honestly thought I was going to be settling for this guy who didn't have better offers elsewhere. I should explain, it wasn't a terrifying thought at all. I really believed, and still believe, that, to some extent, we choose to love. And I was prepared to love Dennis. I wasn't prepared to fall in love with him.

We started dating on a Wednesday. By Friday, I knew I was going to marry him. It was on Sunday of that week, that I realized in this sort of startling flash of blinding clarity that Dennis was exactly the person I wanted. I also realized that there was no settling whatsoever going on from my end of the deal. And I fell.

I realized on that day what I have realized a million times since then. It turns out that Dennis was/is honorable and forthright and honest and hardworking and charitable and sensitive and loving and kind and patient and humble and on and on and on... Even though he didn't have the education level I had, he was/is far, far more intelligent than I and so very much less arrogant. I have major character flaws. Dennis doesn't. Really. He is slow to anger, quick to forgive, clever and inquisitive. He is determined and ambitious, but not demeaning or manipulative or opportunistic. He is, in short, absolutely amazing. And if there's anyone who has settled, it is certainly not me.

And as for the non-character things on that list of mine, it turns out that, though he isn't taller than me, he has fulfilled a lot of those things, too, but not in the way I had planned. And some of the things I no longer care about, he still fulfills (i.e. he's the one who does most of the listening to NPR nowadays.) And it occurs to me on this Valentine's Day that, left to my own scheming and planning, and thoughts on what love is and how love worked, I'd be a very lonely person right now. This greatests of gifts in my life could have only come from a God who knows more about love than I will ever understand and who cherishes me very, very much, in spite of what was in my head. The reality He created is so much more wonderful than the imaginary things I had formed. And I'm infinitely thankful that the man God chose for me is mine.

7 Quick Takes on Friday: The re-done version

1. Our long national nightmare is over. Walleye has returned to Culvers. Mmmmmmm....

2. I started my 7 Quick Takes last night because I hate being the last one to the party and wanted to publish it this morning when I awoke. Blogger was being a brat and would not save, would not save, would not save... This morning I awoke and finished typing. Blogger would not save. I accidentally cleared the whole thing. BANG! Blogger saved. Stupid Blogger.

3. The other day I had Dennis bring up baby clothes from the basement because it occurred to me that in three weeks, we will have another child to clothe. It is sort of a joke in my family that my children's wardrobes could have outfitted three or four kids. Maybe five. So, imagine my surprise when I found only one 2-gallon baggie of almost completely impractical baby clothes. No onesies, no gowns, no sleepers. What the heck did I do with the rest of those clothes? I'm sure the purge happened in one of my irrational decluttering fits, but I don't remember it. I'm suspicious that we will find another entire tub of baby clothes sometime in Emmeliese's second year.

4. Last night, Dennis was tickling Annalivia on our bed and Daniel was playing contentedly with his trains in his bedroom. Annalivia was laughing raucously and pretty soon Daniel launched himself into our room shouting at the top of his lungs, "Ticka me, Momma! Ticka me!!" So I did until we were all laughing. It was delightful.

5. Every week, while visiting my doctor, I drive through the town where I was a pastor for 7 years. I always think about those years and what I do and don't miss. Literally, I only miss one thing, though it has two parts. I miss being required to think deeply about scripture. And I sort of miss crafting a worship experience to reflect that deep thinking. I never realized when I was a pastor what a wellspring of sustenance scripture study was for me. It was just another task, most of the time. I'm embarrassed to admit that.

6. I have realized that scripture study, for me, is best done with others as well as by myself. Studying scripture by myself doesn't really fill me. And limiting it to group study is equally wanting. But the two together are such a rich food for my soul! This is one reason I love, love, love, love, love, LOVE my Sunday School class. The discussion is fruitful and insightful. The teachers are deliberate and thoughtful. Almost every week, I just want to relish it and taste it over and over again. I've even considered going to early church every week just so the lasting experience of the day could be Sunday School discussion. But early church is "contemporary" worship. *shudders* It will be a long, long time before I get there.

7. Walleye, friends. Walleye. :)

More from Jen at Conversion Diary.

Still not in control

Today, I went to see my OB and had an ultrasound of Emmeliese. Everything is was actually looking pretty good. My blood pressure was 124/62. I'd lost four pounds from last week, which is good since I gained six all at once. I had experienced a lot of pain/ pressure this week and thought maybe little E was turning, but she's still a breech-baby. And the placenta looks ok, the cervix is still nice and thick, and I remembered to tell the doctor I'd eaten recently so urinalysis did not bring a bedrest sentence this week. That was a very good thing.

I asked my doctor about how a C-section works and got some good information about that. I love my doctor so much; she just sat there and talked with me, answered questions, gave me as much info as I needed, etc. I really, really appreciate that care.

I left the office with many of my previous questions having been addressed. But I also have an entirely different set of things to mull over. I am just simply not a person who can not-think about things and I don't think it is borrowing trouble to puzzle over as many possibilities as I can. I like to think it helps to, in the words of Miss Crawford of Mansfield Park, "prepare oneself for every eventuality." Of course, one can't really do that, but one can try.

In fact, what becomes clear in thinking about this pregnancy, past pregnancies, and possible future pregnancies, is that pregnancy is a constant process of having my arrogance revealed to me. I like to delude myself into thinking that if I make reasonably good choices, follow through with certain actions, etc., that I will reach a certain outcome. But it's not true.

I read once that there is an African proverb that being pregnant is like having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. It startled me. We priveleged Americans don't often think of the risky nature of bringing new beings into the world. And I find I depend on a lot of hubris to prop me up as I stand in that proverb's precarious position. But at some point, hubris is flimsy. It gives way. Then I am forced to realize where I stand.

The truth is, like all of life, almost everything is completely out of my control. For some reason, parenting, and in particular, pregnancy, is the most expedient teacher of that truth for me. The only thing left to do is the best thing -- pray. A heck of a lot. After all, being driven to one's knees is actually a much more stable position than having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

Recipe: Smoky Potato Corn Chowder

Winter is returning to central Illinois with cold rain today. Here is a recipe perfect for warming up some bellies, and at least a corner of the kitchen. I developed it because I had heavy cream to use, but it is good without it and is also tasty without the smoked sausage or with Italian sausage or with spinach or kale or... well, you get it. It's very adaptable.

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Smoky Potato Corn Chowder

6-8 potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks

1 onion, diced

4 celery stalks

1 can sweet corn (drained or undrained -- read on)

1 lb. beef smoked sausage, sliced

1 1/2-2 cups chicken broth

1-2 cups cream

1-2 T butter

black pepper

Put everything except cream in the crockpot. Set on low for 6-8 hours or high for 4 hours. Stir occasionally. Before serving, add cream to desired consistency and stir in butter and add pepper to taste. Mashing up a few of the potatoes will make it more creamy.

Note-- This can also be made on the stovetop. If you make it in the crockpot and aren't home to stir the soup, you may end up with discolored potatoes. They still taste good. Also, if you add the undrained corn to the soup, it will be slightly sweet. Drained corn will make the soup less sweet, but you may need a bit more broth.

731 days later

Daniel on his first day

And this morning on his second birthday.

We went to a church breakfast this morning, had family over for dinner this evening, and in the middle, played on the front porch in our 60-degree weather today. Daniel marked his second birthday with lots of sweetness, a few fits, and an attempt to clean the toilet and other parts of the bathroom all by himself using the toilet brush. :)

My big boy is 2 years old. What a gift...

7 Quick Takes on Friday: The early morning edition

1. Today I am on temporary bedrest. For a large variety of reasons, none of which are interesting and some of which are directly related to me being a moron, I have to take it easy today until I go and see the perinatologist this afternoon. Basically, I get to lie around all day. Why then am I awake at 5 a.m.? I can guarantee that if I was attending the meetings I was supposed to attend today at 9 a.m., I would be sound asleep right now and probably struggling to awake in a few hours.

2. I got the first of two steroid shots yesterday to see if we can speed the development of little E's lungs along, just in case she needs to arrive early. The doctor said, "These may make your blood sugar a little high." That may have been the understatement of the week. Emmeliese probably gained two pounds last night.

3. Tomorrow my baby boy turns 2. About this time two years ago, I was fitfully asleep through contractions before the doc came in and broke my water. I was in Dixon, IL, hometown of Ronald W. Reagan, and positive that Daniel would be born on Feb. 6, his birthdate. I guess not. Oh well.

4. Today I was supposed to go to Eureka College, college home of Ronald W. Reagan and attend meetings and celebrate Founder's Day which is also Feb. 6 ("For it was on this day in 1855, a charter granted by the State of Illinois..."). But I guess not. Oh well.

5. I have been thinking for the last day or so about Jen at Conversion Diary's post about children behaving in worship. I was specifically thinking about the idea that Sabbath worship should be the high point of our week. I know that Catholics view the Mass as a moments in time to come in contact with the real, living presence of the Body of Christ through the Eucharist and so they see that time of corporate worship sacramentally, which is something a lot of Protestants are inclined to just dismiss. But it occurs to me that many of us, especially those of us who celebrate Communion weekly, would do well to consider the significance of the act and its place in worship, and our attitudes surrounding it, and how our behavior reflects those attitudes. Or perhaps just this Protestant should do that.

6. I have not mentioned an update of my Grammy lately because it seems so private, but I think I will share now that Grammy is entering hospice care very shortly. She's not been eating and has lost a great deal of weight and strength. My grandfather is dealing with everything amazingly well, but right now, he's a little sick and I think Grammy and Gramps could just both use more prayers.

7. Now that it is February, I feel like those of us who electively live in states that are usually below freezing from Dec-Mar have the right to begin complaining about the cold -- and effusively. Especially since Phil dealt us a blow the other day. BUT -- it may get out of the 30's here this weekend and for two or three whole days!! Hurrah!!

For more Quick Takes, go here.

Itty bitty crochet heart tutorial

Here is a super-easy, super-fast project that is ideal for last-minute Valentines. I'm making a whole bunch of these this afternoon while waiting at the doctor's office. I'm making them out of different shades of leftover yarn to add to barrettes for Annalivia's female preschool classmates. If I get really organized, I'll show you what I'm planning for the little boys tomorrow.

In the meantime -- the Itty Bitty crochet heart. (Modified from this pattern at Skip to My Lou.)

First, make a magic ring.

Then, chain 4.

Then inside of the magic ring make 2 triple crochet, 3 double crochet, chain 1, 1 triple crochet, chain 1, 3 double crochet, 2 triple crochet, chain 3.

Pull the magic ring tight.

Slip stitch to the center of the circle. Pull the thread through and tie off and then push the thread back through to the back of the heart.

There you are! An itty bitty heart, perfect for Valentine cards or adding to your crochet projects. Have fun!

Momma helps

I was really worried about giving the kids baths tonight. Dennis is on a short-notice business trip for a few days and he is usually in charge of baths. And I have been battling some pregnancy-related sciatic pain lately which, coupled with the long-term bone graft-related nerve pain, is sort of leaving me undone at the end of the evening. Yesterday I found out that leaning over the bathtub was exactly the wrong sort of activity for this particular pain combination and I spent most of the time after the kids were in bed laying around and moaning, though largely inaudibly.

Anyway, as you can tell, my story is very pitiful and today I was full of pity and worried about baths pretty much all day. THEN I realized that I live in the same town now with family and I could just call my mom who had called me earlier in the day to offer help in whatever way and ask for help with baths! And I did. And she came and helped me and then after the kids were in bed, stayed and talked for about an hour or so. The helping with baths and the talking would have been lovely enough, but when I came upstairs to go to bed, I saw that she had also turned down the sheets on my bed for me. It was such a simple gesture, but so sweet I almost cried.

Have I said before that I'm so glad I live here? I am. Thanks, Momma, for your help. What a Momma you are!

A flurry of crochet

I've been crocheting like mad lately, but keep forgetting to take pictures of things before they leave my possession. I made a dress for my niece's birthday in a size 2T or 3T. It was ice pink with hot pink edging. My niece is a little pink girl, though I think the hot pink reflected more of her aunt's taste than hers.

I also finished another baby gift which I'm excited to post pics of sometime after I give it to the recipient. It turned out exactly like I wanted it to look, which is always exciting.

I made this little winter baby bonnet for Emmeliese one evening. It was completely my own design and one that I may not ever repeat because, while it looks sweet on a naked baby doll, It is not so cute just sitting on a shelf. It will, however, cover her ears and keep her warm, which is what I wanted it to do. I'm going to post a tutorial for the tiny heart in the next day or so. It was almost impossible to find a good heart pattern and I modified one to make a little bitty heart that works up incredibly fast (i.e. less than five minutes) and would be adorable for Valentine's Day. So I'll share the love and post that pattern asap.

I also started working on a cardigan for Emmeliese of my own design. I made a square yolk and then was envisioning some sort of flared bottom and sleeves and matching pants with slightly flared legs. In the process of figuring out how to make it, I learned how to do the star stitch which is such a beautiful stitch, especially when used in the middle of other stitches. I then decided to save the star stitch for another project and am finishing this cardigan with just regular-old slightly boring stitches. But I have in mind exactly what I want to do with the star stitch. So now I am having problems focusing enough to finish the cardigan and pants instead of racing off to experiment with the star stitch. I will force myself to finish the first project. But it will be difficult.

And I have some beautiful self-patterning green yarn that I bought to make something for Annalivia or Daniel for St. Patrick's Day. I was thinking I would make Annalivia a sweater, but I might make Daniel a little vest or something instead. Poor kid has not really been subjected to his mother's crochet projects yet. Wouldn't want to deprive him of fodder for future therapy. :)

Breech baby

Today, I had a monthly checkup with the perinatologist and got to have an ultrasound of Emmeliese. The technician printed off a beautiful picture of her face and then I realized that she was scanning her face from the top of my belly. The little stinker has turned! Right now she is breech at 33.6 weeks and is running out of room to turn again. Honestly, I am not nervous about the surgery part of a C-section -- I kind of feel like an old pro at surgeries -- BUT I am terrified of the recovery from a C-section with 3 children to care for, 2 of whom really enjoy climbing on their mother. I know we'll deal with whatever we get, but I'm praying, "Turn, baby, turn!"

I got good news about my blood pressure which has been a problem at this point and to the end of the other two pregnancies. It was 120/72, which is fairly good. I started medication early in the pregnancy to keep it at the right level throughout and it is working. That's very good news.

I am having some troubling issues with my blood sugar, though. I get gestational diabetes right at the beginning of my pregnancies. I've been on insulin and have regulated it very well until this last week when I began running high numbers after meals (150-160 1 hour post-prand) and low numbers in between eating (i.e. 50-60 2 hours post-prand). My doctor in Dixon wants my numbers after meals under 130. And the lows are not good for the baby.

The perinatologist thinks the numbers indicate that the placenta is aging. Soooo... today, we talked plan and calendar. I am going to be getting twice-weekly NST's and biophysicals. And we are scheduling an amnio to test the baby's lungs for Feb. 26 or 27, at which point I will be 37 weeks. And if she is still breech, I will have the C-section in Peoria in the next days after that. OR, if she's not, I will be induced on Mar. 5, when my doc in Dixon will return from vacation.

While I'm not glad that there is anything worrisome going on, I am very glad to have a timeline in mind. And what is funny is that I have been thinking this baby's birthday would be Mar. 3 or Mar. 6 since we found out we were having a baby. I don't know if I shared here -- but Dennis called the birthdates of both of our other children. Annalivia's is 2/25/2005 and Daniel's is 2/7/2007. Easy days for their father to remember. I was very ticked off at him during Daniel's birth because I was induced on 2/5 and Daniel refused to be born until 2/7 and Dennis made the mistake of mentioning how he hoped Daniel would wait until the next day sometime in or around the 31st hour of labor. I told him he was absolutely, positively NOT allowed to make any requests whatsoever regarding Emmeliese's birthdate, but 3/3/09 or 3/6/09 would be nice for her father.

Anyway, that is the news! Just a few weeks to go!!!

Planning Lent for a family

I like Lent. I really, really, really like Lent. It has always been a good time for me spiritually, my three children have been (or will be) born during Lent, and when I was pastoring a church, it always seemed to me that folks were particularly receptive to the Spirit during the cold winter months before Spring. (Do Southern hemispherers experience Lent like this?)

As a pastor, I had a really great time planning Lent. We always had extra opportunities for worship, prayer, and fellowship. And the symbolism and colors were rich and meaningful, I thought. But I was never very good at trying to figure out how to observe it at home. And my kids were sort of pre-cognizant of any religious celebration.

This year, I'm at home, and I'm so excited that at some point in pastoral ministry, I purchased this book Before and After Easter: Activities and Ideas for Lent to Pentecost by Debbie Trafton O'Neal published by Augsburg. I know I thumbed through it at some point and liked it because I also have Before and After Christmas, but I hadn't given it much attention, as was evidenced by its perfect condition.

But, it is a GREAT resource! And I wish I would have paid a bit of attention to its companion book earlier in the year (It includes a great suggestion for building a cross out of the Christmas tree trunk to be used in Lenten worship). This book has a suggested activity for each of the 40 days of Lent centered on a short verse from the Bible. It also has activities for the days of Palm Sunday and Easter and then an activity for the seven weeks between Easter and Pentecost.

The activites are a great mix of crafts, worship, and service-oriented activities. Some of them are more simple -- i.e. cutting forsythia or pussywillow branches to be brought indoors to bloom or making a poster with 7 envelopes at the beginning of Lent to take an ongoing family offering. And some of them are a bit more complex -- i.e. weaving a doormat or taking inventory of one's house and levelling a "tax" for each possession. And there are some that require no crafting or extra activity at all -- i.e. learning a five finger prayer. Each activity is, for the most part, independent of the others, which makes it great for picking and choosing.

Best of all, there are great kid-friendly illustrations to appeal to the whole family. Annalivia and Daniel have enjoyed looking through it and Annalivia has requested some activities.

I think this is going to be a great resource for our family in the coming years, especially. If you and yours check it out, please let me know what you think!

Candlemas dinner

Yesterday, Feb. 2 was Candlemas. Candlemas is the midpoint between the winter and spring and was a time when families brought their candles to a special mass to have a blessing upon them. Candlemas was also tied to the Purification of Mary, which would have happened 40 days after the birth of Jesus and so Candlemas prayers often asked for purification, God's refining fire, etc.

In some places, Candlemas celebrations involve round foods like pancakes or doughnuts to invoke the Sun/ Son. That's the angle we went with here and we had homemade pizza and clementines for dinner and used round plates. And we lit candles. The only candleholder we have is one that is shaped like a deer that I've been trying to give away to my sistah, Kalin. I think it's technically a Christmas decoration. But we used it.

It was a good dinner. We talked about Jesus being the Light of the World and how Spring is coming to remind us that God always makes everything new and gives us all lots of second chances. The kids didn't fight. The only spill occurred before we even sat down. And Daniel almost fell asleep during it.

Then, after baths and the kids' bedtimes, Dennis and I watched Groundhog Day again. We didn't fight or spill either. :)

But I did fall asleep during it.

7 Quick Takes

1. 33 weeks! Probably only 3 1/2-5 to go!

2. I MUST pack bags this weekend. We drive back and forth to doctor's appointments so much; it would be bad if we were stuck somewhere without the necessities for birthing, hanging out at Grandma's etc. Note to self: MUST pack bags.

3. Today is my niece's second birthday! Happy birthday, little Lirah!

4. My husband's diploma for his MBA arrived yesterday in the mail. I don't think I mentioned on this blog that he was finally done with classes and that I am so incredibly proud of him, but I should have. Twenty years after his graduation from high school, he finished his bachelor's and master's which he paid for with the help of employers and himself (no loans) all the while working full-time and, for the last five years, supporting a family. He's so amazing. And I'm so glad a piece of paper that reminds him of that has arrived.

5. I bought some fabric to make a blanket and other stuff for Daniel when we moved into this house back in August. It's been sitting around and I realized this week that I have just been deluding myself into thinking I was going to do anything with it. So, I called up my mother-in-law who is the real seamstress in the family and gave her the stuff for Daniel. She'll probably have blankets made by next week.

6. Do you know about International Justice Mission? I was reminded as I looked at our tax documents that keep arriving that I need to tell more people about them. They do amazing work. Check them out.

7. My daughter was crawling around my feet while I was typing this talking about how my skin on my legs looked so dry. She disappeared for a moment and came back with lotion which she has now spent the last five minutes rubbing into my leg. She even had Daniel come over and rub lotion on me. Then she said, very lovingly, "Your leg is like a little doggie."
It might be time to get the razor out.

For more Quick Takes, go to Conversion Diary.

My weird pregnancy craving

My weird pregnancy craving has hit again. I'm craving fish. And not really just any fish -- more specifically, fried fish. And even more specifically, I'm craving fried cod and walleye, preferably in a sandwich, and really only from Culver's restaurant.

This is a craving I have had during all three pregnancies, and only in the last month. It is weird because I don't usually like fish at all. Frying obviously helps fish, in my opinion, but I will admit that last week, I had it blackened at Red Lobster and the meal sort of scratched the itch. But the itch is really scratched with a good walleye sandwich at Culver's and they only bring those out at Lent around here. (Thank God all three pregnancies have been during Lent and it is quickly approaching again.) Another great thing about the sandwiches at Culver's, in addition to the fact that they taste really good to me, is that they are relatively inexpensive. And they're fast. And fairly readily available in the areas I travel.

I wonder why it is that I crave fish? Maybe I just need the DHA in the fish oil or the fatty acids or something. I have some cod liver oil in my refrigerator and I'm thinking I should take it because I literally could eat fish at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Anyone else have a weird or consistent craving during pregnancy?

Sibling rivalry

When Daniel was born, I was worried about Annalivia being jealous. I had read a lot about older siblings and I was concerned. At some point, I remember my mother cautioning me that it was quite possible Annalivia wouldn't be jealous at all and that I should be careful not to project jealousy upon her that may not be there.

It turned out that she was right. Annalivia adored Daniel from the beginning. She was a little flummoxed by his crying, but she got used to that pretty fast. And in the intervening time, she has become his biggest fan, fiercest protector, and most worthy opponent.

As they've both grown in the last two years, it has been neat to watch them together. They do fuss at each other sometimes. And sometimes they both take delight in causing as much discomfort to the other one as possible. Annalivia sometimes is very bossy. Daniel is sometimes very manipulative. And they compete over absolutely nothing i.e. "I'm the leader today!" "No! I the leader today!" when it is clear that I am, actually, the leader! :) But for the most part, they play so well together and really, genuinely, have a great time together as partners and equals.

This morning after breakfast, I was cleaning up dishes and they were holding hands running in a circle with each other. Daniel was imitating everything Annalivia was doing, which made her laugh hysterically. I headed upstairs and they followed, holding hands. For a moment, Annalivia dropped Daniel's hand to get something to take upstairs and Daniel said, "Livia! Come on!" His voice was anxious; he thought she was leaving him for some other play. She said, "I'm coming!" and ran up to him. Then He threw his arms around her waist and said, "Love you, Livia" and she kissed his head. It was wonderful.

I am so glad that my children are friends with each other. I pray that will continue. I know that the path will not be easy or smooth, but I love, love, love that they see each other, at least once a day, as a real gift. I hope they always are able to see each other that way, despite whatever else has occurred in their lives. Because their doing so is a real gift to me, too.

What one forgets

A couple of weeks ago, I felt Emmeliese moving much differently in the womb. Instead of feeling big flops and kicks, for the most part, I feel lots of stretching and pressing. I don't know why, but I never remember this point until I panic for a bit that the baby movement is decreasing. I wake up four or five times a night, having not felt her move and then remain wide awake until I feel a little foot in my diaphragm or an arm pressing a little more insistently into a bladder. When I think about it, I remember that the other children did this, too, when they got to this growth point. There just isn't enough room for a baby to do big dives any more. But it's always a little disconcerting in the interim.

I also forget how uncomfortable it gets to do simple things like sitting because there's always something pressing against internal organs. And I forget how small the bladder becomes and how a full cup of warm tea can agitate a little one into a bladder-punishing, tummy stretching free-for-all.

And I forget how amazing these last few weeks are -- how discomfort exists hand-in-hand with this incredible awareness of this little person growing inside. Or how energy can be rock-bottom, but a targeted surge can arrive on cue to sort baby clothes or organize a closet. Or how the Non Stress tests can seem so inconvenient but often reveals itself to be a little weekly or semi-weekly gift -- an opportunity to absorb the music of her hearbeat, relax, breathe and think about what comes next.

I'm glad that I'm remembering these things now. And I also am wondering what else I've forgotten!

Flock o' seagulls robins

Yesterday we were out and about and drove by a golf course that has lots of small trees with red berries. I don't know what kind of trees these are, but underneath the trees were, and I swear to you I am not exaggerating -- hundreds of robins! There were robins everywhere! In the branches, on the ground, in the air... And tree after tree had just tons of robins under it. And, though it snowed a couple of inches last night, they were there again today. And yes, Kali, I'm sure they were robins and not small cats. Dennis confirmed it.

Around here in this part of the midwest, it's usually sort of a harbinger of spring to see a robin flitting about. I'm not sure what it means when one sees hundreds!

Anyone else ever seen a flock of robins?

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. I'm joining in at the Conversion Diary's 7 Quick Takes today. This is because I have no less than seven drafts of posts that I've started in the past few days and haven't published. Apparently my brain cannot complete thoughts right now. It may be a 32nd/33rd week of pregnancy thing.

2. Yesterday we went on our weekly trip to see my OB in Dixon, which is about 2 hours from here. Every time someone finds out that I have an OB in Dixon, they are astonished, act like I'm crazy, and have no comprehension of it UNLESS they happen to have had one or two or three complicated pregnancies and then they completely understand. I may just start asking people if they've ever had a complicated pregnancy or two or three before I start explaining the decision. It could cut down a lot of time.

3. Daniel got his hair cut while we were there. I am always amazed at how a haircut makes him look so much older. He definitely looks like a 2-year old, which he will be in about two weeks. I was debating whether we should get him a buzz cut, so as to minimize the expenses of haircuts, and a friend told me that he wouldn't have his blonde hair forever. Not having blonde hair myself, I hadn't realized that many blonde children become darker later. Apparently this has happened to most of the blondes on both sides of the family. I got sort of weepy missing my little boy's blonde hair already. Needless to say -- no buzz cut.

4. The other day, we went through McDonald's and Annalivia got a Happy Meal with one of those little dogs in it. She wanted one of the white dogs, as depicted on the sign, but when she opened the Happy Meal, given to us by a nice young man, she found a brown, sort-of ugly dog in it. She said, "I think, sometimes, boys just don't know what girls want." So true, child, so true...

5. My sister Lil's birthday was yesterday. I gave her a set of bamboo crochet hooks. I also made her a crochet hook holder, but in making it, I realized some design flaws that I'll correct when I make one for myself. I feel sort of bad about that, but not bad enough to get it back and correct it myself.

6. I was sitting in a non-stress test the other day thinking about how jarring it was when Annalivia was born and the nurses asked me about something or other in regards to her and I realized that I had authority over her care. With Daniel, I somehow forgot this and did not insist on the no-bottles/pacifiers/artificial nipples rule and ended up with a little guy who never latched on. I was realizing that I have absolutely no qualms now about requiring the care I want my kiddos to have. It's nice to get to that point of motherhood.

7. I think my insomnia is better. Last night I went to bed by 10 and I could have slept til 10 today, I think. I may even take a nap this afternoon, too.

For more quick takes, go here.