03 August 2007

More on modeling

Thank you to all of you who commented on the last post. I want to clarify a bit.

I think sometimes I convey on this blog only the critical thoughts of my heart. And I mean "critical" in all senses of the word. I think these posts are accurate, in that they are a reflection of my thoughts, but they are not necessarily complete.

I'm being master-of-the-obvious, aren't I?

In any case, to further explain the last post -- what I am coming to realize is that I WANT my family to have many wonderful character traits. I WANT us to be kind and compassionate. I WANT us to be disciplined and thoughtful. I WANT us to be grateful and generous. I WANT us to be joyful and forgiving. Most of all, I WANT us to be faithful and loving.
The problem is, that I don't take any real, tangible steps to bring to fruition many of those things. I am undisciplined and have an attitude of ingratitude. I am better at being kind and compassionate, but tick me off, and that flies right out of the window. I tend to forget my temporary moments of joy and forgiveness is something I constantly struggle with.

I wish I could say that I'm doing the best I can. But I'm not.

And, honestly, it's not that I'm being overly-critical. It's that I CAN do better and MUST do better. And this fact has been brought into focus by one of the great loves of my life who, like her mother, gives kisses readily and greets people smilingly and cares a lot about other people, but... also throws temper tantrums and gets angry and frustrated and whines and fusses and on and on...
But the big point of my last post, though this might have been lost, is that I realize that, by myself, I'm just not able to become the things I want to be. It is only in the grace of God that I have a chance, I think.
So, many apologies if my post seemed to be graceless towards you or myself. That's not what I was trying to convey.


Amy said...

Our kids become who we are. The good, the bad, and otherwise. And the good stuff that they get--well it sometimes feels not so good when they are you.

My oldest has a great sense of justice. However, when he's 6, and not super articulate about his feelings, his sense of justice turns into a tantrum. (Sounds a lot like his mom--hmmm).

Keep working on it, April. Modelling justice and mercy, talking about it, bringing it to your home--those things will get you there!

April said...

Thanks, Amy. Good perspective, as always!