02 August 2006

Selfish worry of other shoes

I am so ashamed to admit it, but I am in a nervous funk lately.
I've been hearing about little ones who were born early and mothers and fathers learning to cope with grief rather than joy.
I feel like I'm holding my breath.
I don't know if it's because we had a close call with Annalivia. When I was 14 weeks pregnant with her, I had a hemorrhagea on the placenta. One moment I was fine. The next I was bleeding. The next sobbing. Three days later it stopped and after three weeks of bedrest, I was cleared for activity. And the rest of the pregnancy was relatively unremarkable except that we took nothing for granted.
I am now 12 weeks pregnant and perhaps it's just that looming mark of 14 weeks or perhaps the sympathy for others, but I am not breathing freely these days.
And I do know it is very selfish in the midst of others' pain to focus on hypotheticals.
Yet still I cower, half-waiting for the shoe to drop.


Anonymous said...

i am glad you wrote on this today. i have been in a nervous funk of selfish worry and it sure has not been on such important things as yours. does that make sense? anyway, i will be praying for a smooth week 14....wow...can't believe you are that far along. i need to start shopping for "number 2." ---as i am prone to call it. ahhhh how wonderful.

Anonymous said...

Oh April, what a battle you have on your hands, my dear...to keep those vain imaginings under control of the Holy Spirit -and while the hormones are raging, none the less. YIKES

Life is so precious and so longed for, it certainly makes sense to me that we would wrestle with fear over it.

Please know I'll be praying for you. Please try to hold fast to the fact that the Lord's love for you is so great - His plan for your life, for Dennis, Annalivia & Little McStew are good. Not just good, but God-GOOD!!! It's a hard, but precious place to be - in His hands.
(I know you know all this, I'm just reminding you, so that your heart may be encouraged, my dear.)
~Dawn C

April said...

Thanks, friends. I appreciate your care.