21 June 2006

Sending another one home

A beloved church member passed away during the night. She had struggled with a battle against diabetes for years and had lost her mobility, her dignity, even a leg in the course of events. Last night she died peacefully in her sleep.
I had called yesterday to see how she was doing and asked if I could come see her this afternoon. I just had NO idea that she had gotten so bad.
I feel like I failed this family. I should have gone to see her yesterday. I just didn't understand.
Then this morning, I didn't get their call at 7 to tell me she had passed. I called them back when we got up at 7:30, which is a full two hours later than we've been getting up lately. They declined to have me come over and be with them.
I feel terrible, and though I need to apologize, I don't want this family to feel like they need to minister to my regret before I'll minister to their grief. Ugh.
This woman was such a dear person and also such a difficult person sometimes (like all of us, right?). She was so loving towards everyone and also terrified that they didn't love her enough. She always believed the best in people and also saw and wrestled with the worst. She had a faith that was strong one moment and non-existent the next. But, my goodness, did I ever love her. And I'll miss her greatly.
And at the same time, I know she is Home now and she is not in pain. She is no longer bound by a sick body. Her favorite hymn was He Touched Me and I know she is saying, "Something happened and now I know, he touched me and made me whole."
Much love always, Barb.

No comments: