Almost Lent

Yesterday, I made a soap cross out of Ivory and began making lists of what we'll do during Lent. It's only a week away, after all. If you need some inspiration, here are some favorites.

Family Activities
Before and After Easter by Debbie Trafton O'Neal
Family Countdown to Easter by Debbie Trafton O'Neal
A Family Journey with Jesus through Lent by Angela Burrin

Worship, Prayer and Devotionals
Lent and Easter Wisdom from Thomas Merton
Show Me the Way by Henri Nouwen
Stages on the Way by John Bell and the Wild Goose Worship Group
Lent and Easter Worship from Iona by Neil Paynter
Lent and Easter Prayer at Home by Mark Boyer

Music
Take This Moment by The Cathedral Singers
Taize: Instrumental vol. 1
Taize: Instrumental vol. 2
Sacred Dance by Keith Duke

Delicious days

We had such a lovely Valentine's Day weekend here. It was, I think, the most enjoyable Valentine's Day I've ever had. The morning started out early when the kids got up a little after 6. We got dressed and went out to breakfast and they had wonderful behavior.

We ended up back home around noon and Annalivia wrote a song for us on the back of a Valentine card and then she and Daniel played us a bit of a piano recital.

For lunch, we had homemade, heart-shaped pizza. It was soooooo good! I love Dennis' pizza and this was one of the best we've ever had.

We all took brief (far too brief) naps after lunch and then went to visit Grammy. And then Gramps, Mom, Dad and Kalin came over for Valentine's Day dinner. We had marinated broiled steaks, baked potatoes, salad and garlic bread. And there was platter of heart-shaped brownies for dessert.

Which smelled wonderful...

...and were pretty tasty, too.

Then today, Annalivia and I went to church and then the four of us went out for lunch to have walleye sandwiches at Culver's. We did a big shopping trip at WalMart and then came home to take brief (far too brief) naps. And then, I got to top off the weekend by hanging out with my sisters tonight. We went out to dinner and laughed and carried on and had a great time. It is probably my last big sistah-hurrah before Emmeliese arrives and it was just wonderful. And when I got back, the kids were in bed and Dennis had done several loads of laundry. It was an absolutely perfect way to end a really, truly delicious weekend.

My Valentine

Before Dennis and I got together, I had fancied myself in love. It was always in my head, though, and never with people who returned that infatuation. In fact, I had a lot of imaginary things going on in my head. It would be hilarious if it weren't so pitifully piteous. Aside from the imaginary relationships, I also had in my head a timeline and plan for when things were going to happen, how they would happen and what the person would be like who allowed them to happen. I especially had in my head this list of requirements that my future husband would fulfill. On that list were character issues and then there were things like, "Taller than me" and "Is a fan of NPR". I don't recall prioritizing. I wasn't very smart.

Dennis was a member of my congregation and the prospect of dating him would have been frowned on by... everyone, had I actually given anyone, including him, any advance notice. I'm not sure I have ever admitted here that when Dennis and I got together, I realized within four days that I was going to marry him. I can't explain what that felt like. I initially thought Dennis was going to be a nice diversion, but not anything serious. At least, that's what I thought for the first 48 hours. It was sometime on day 3 that I knew... I. just. knew... that we were going to be together forever.

What is embarrassing to remember is that I knew, but I wasn't thrilled by the knowledge. I was sort of excited in a "Wow! This is happening!" sort of way. Dazed, I think, but I really, honestly thought I was going to be settling for this guy who didn't have better offers elsewhere. I should explain, it wasn't a terrifying thought at all. I really believed, and still believe, that, to some extent, we choose to love. And I was prepared to love Dennis. I wasn't prepared to fall in love with him.

We started dating on a Wednesday. By Friday, I knew I was going to marry him. It was on Sunday of that week, that I realized in this sort of startling flash of blinding clarity that Dennis was exactly the person I wanted. I also realized that there was no settling whatsoever going on from my end of the deal. And I fell.

I realized on that day what I have realized a million times since then. It turns out that Dennis was/is honorable and forthright and honest and hardworking and charitable and sensitive and loving and kind and patient and humble and on and on and on... Even though he didn't have the education level I had, he was/is far, far more intelligent than I and so very much less arrogant. I have major character flaws. Dennis doesn't. Really. He is slow to anger, quick to forgive, clever and inquisitive. He is determined and ambitious, but not demeaning or manipulative or opportunistic. He is, in short, absolutely amazing. And if there's anyone who has settled, it is certainly not me.

And as for the non-character things on that list of mine, it turns out that, though he isn't taller than me, he has fulfilled a lot of those things, too, but not in the way I had planned. And some of the things I no longer care about, he still fulfills (i.e. he's the one who does most of the listening to NPR nowadays.) And it occurs to me on this Valentine's Day that, left to my own scheming and planning, and thoughts on what love is and how love worked, I'd be a very lonely person right now. This greatests of gifts in my life could have only come from a God who knows more about love than I will ever understand and who cherishes me very, very much, in spite of what was in my head. The reality He created is so much more wonderful than the imaginary things I had formed. And I'm infinitely thankful that the man God chose for me is mine.

7 Quick Takes on Friday: The re-done version

1. Our long national nightmare is over. Walleye has returned to Culvers. Mmmmmmm....

2. I started my 7 Quick Takes last night because I hate being the last one to the party and wanted to publish it this morning when I awoke. Blogger was being a brat and would not save, would not save, would not save... This morning I awoke and finished typing. Blogger would not save. I accidentally cleared the whole thing. BANG! Blogger saved. Stupid Blogger.

3. The other day I had Dennis bring up baby clothes from the basement because it occurred to me that in three weeks, we will have another child to clothe. It is sort of a joke in my family that my children's wardrobes could have outfitted three or four kids. Maybe five. So, imagine my surprise when I found only one 2-gallon baggie of almost completely impractical baby clothes. No onesies, no gowns, no sleepers. What the heck did I do with the rest of those clothes? I'm sure the purge happened in one of my irrational decluttering fits, but I don't remember it. I'm suspicious that we will find another entire tub of baby clothes sometime in Emmeliese's second year.

4. Last night, Dennis was tickling Annalivia on our bed and Daniel was playing contentedly with his trains in his bedroom. Annalivia was laughing raucously and pretty soon Daniel launched himself into our room shouting at the top of his lungs, "Ticka me, Momma! Ticka me!!" So I did until we were all laughing. It was delightful.

5. Every week, while visiting my doctor, I drive through the town where I was a pastor for 7 years. I always think about those years and what I do and don't miss. Literally, I only miss one thing, though it has two parts. I miss being required to think deeply about scripture. And I sort of miss crafting a worship experience to reflect that deep thinking. I never realized when I was a pastor what a wellspring of sustenance scripture study was for me. It was just another task, most of the time. I'm embarrassed to admit that.

6. I have realized that scripture study, for me, is best done with others as well as by myself. Studying scripture by myself doesn't really fill me. And limiting it to group study is equally wanting. But the two together are such a rich food for my soul! This is one reason I love, love, love, love, love, LOVE my Sunday School class. The discussion is fruitful and insightful. The teachers are deliberate and thoughtful. Almost every week, I just want to relish it and taste it over and over again. I've even considered going to early church every week just so the lasting experience of the day could be Sunday School discussion. But early church is "contemporary" worship. *shudders* It will be a long, long time before I get there.

7. Walleye, friends. Walleye. :)

More from Jen at Conversion Diary.

Still not in control

Today, I went to see my OB and had an ultrasound of Emmeliese. Everything is was actually looking pretty good. My blood pressure was 124/62. I'd lost four pounds from last week, which is good since I gained six all at once. I had experienced a lot of pain/ pressure this week and thought maybe little E was turning, but she's still a breech-baby. And the placenta looks ok, the cervix is still nice and thick, and I remembered to tell the doctor I'd eaten recently so urinalysis did not bring a bedrest sentence this week. That was a very good thing.

I asked my doctor about how a C-section works and got some good information about that. I love my doctor so much; she just sat there and talked with me, answered questions, gave me as much info as I needed, etc. I really, really appreciate that care.

I left the office with many of my previous questions having been addressed. But I also have an entirely different set of things to mull over. I am just simply not a person who can not-think about things and I don't think it is borrowing trouble to puzzle over as many possibilities as I can. I like to think it helps to, in the words of Miss Crawford of Mansfield Park, "prepare oneself for every eventuality." Of course, one can't really do that, but one can try.

In fact, what becomes clear in thinking about this pregnancy, past pregnancies, and possible future pregnancies, is that pregnancy is a constant process of having my arrogance revealed to me. I like to delude myself into thinking that if I make reasonably good choices, follow through with certain actions, etc., that I will reach a certain outcome. But it's not true.

I read once that there is an African proverb that being pregnant is like having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. It startled me. We priveleged Americans don't often think of the risky nature of bringing new beings into the world. And I find I depend on a lot of hubris to prop me up as I stand in that proverb's precarious position. But at some point, hubris is flimsy. It gives way. Then I am forced to realize where I stand.

The truth is, like all of life, almost everything is completely out of my control. For some reason, parenting, and in particular, pregnancy, is the most expedient teacher of that truth for me. The only thing left to do is the best thing -- pray. A heck of a lot. After all, being driven to one's knees is actually a much more stable position than having one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel.

Recipe: Smoky Potato Corn Chowder

Winter is returning to central Illinois with cold rain today. Here is a recipe perfect for warming up some bellies, and at least a corner of the kitchen. I developed it because I had heavy cream to use, but it is good without it and is also tasty without the smoked sausage or with Italian sausage or with spinach or kale or... well, you get it. It's very adaptable.

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Smoky Potato Corn Chowder

6-8 potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks

1 onion, diced

4 celery stalks

1 can sweet corn (drained or undrained -- read on)

1 lb. beef smoked sausage, sliced

1 1/2-2 cups chicken broth

1-2 cups cream

1-2 T butter

black pepper

Put everything except cream in the crockpot. Set on low for 6-8 hours or high for 4 hours. Stir occasionally. Before serving, add cream to desired consistency and stir in butter and add pepper to taste. Mashing up a few of the potatoes will make it more creamy.

Note-- This can also be made on the stovetop. If you make it in the crockpot and aren't home to stir the soup, you may end up with discolored potatoes. They still taste good. Also, if you add the undrained corn to the soup, it will be slightly sweet. Drained corn will make the soup less sweet, but you may need a bit more broth.

731 days later

Daniel on his first day

And this morning on his second birthday.

We went to a church breakfast this morning, had family over for dinner this evening, and in the middle, played on the front porch in our 60-degree weather today. Daniel marked his second birthday with lots of sweetness, a few fits, and an attempt to clean the toilet and other parts of the bathroom all by himself using the toilet brush. :)

My big boy is 2 years old. What a gift...

7 Quick Takes on Friday: The early morning edition

1. Today I am on temporary bedrest. For a large variety of reasons, none of which are interesting and some of which are directly related to me being a moron, I have to take it easy today until I go and see the perinatologist this afternoon. Basically, I get to lie around all day. Why then am I awake at 5 a.m.? I can guarantee that if I was attending the meetings I was supposed to attend today at 9 a.m., I would be sound asleep right now and probably struggling to awake in a few hours.

2. I got the first of two steroid shots yesterday to see if we can speed the development of little E's lungs along, just in case she needs to arrive early. The doctor said, "These may make your blood sugar a little high." That may have been the understatement of the week. Emmeliese probably gained two pounds last night.

3. Tomorrow my baby boy turns 2. About this time two years ago, I was fitfully asleep through contractions before the doc came in and broke my water. I was in Dixon, IL, hometown of Ronald W. Reagan, and positive that Daniel would be born on Feb. 6, his birthdate. I guess not. Oh well.

4. Today I was supposed to go to Eureka College, college home of Ronald W. Reagan and attend meetings and celebrate Founder's Day which is also Feb. 6 ("For it was on this day in 1855, a charter granted by the State of Illinois..."). But I guess not. Oh well.

5. I have been thinking for the last day or so about Jen at Conversion Diary's post about children behaving in worship. I was specifically thinking about the idea that Sabbath worship should be the high point of our week. I know that Catholics view the Mass as a moments in time to come in contact with the real, living presence of the Body of Christ through the Eucharist and so they see that time of corporate worship sacramentally, which is something a lot of Protestants are inclined to just dismiss. But it occurs to me that many of us, especially those of us who celebrate Communion weekly, would do well to consider the significance of the act and its place in worship, and our attitudes surrounding it, and how our behavior reflects those attitudes. Or perhaps just this Protestant should do that.

6. I have not mentioned an update of my Grammy lately because it seems so private, but I think I will share now that Grammy is entering hospice care very shortly. She's not been eating and has lost a great deal of weight and strength. My grandfather is dealing with everything amazingly well, but right now, he's a little sick and I think Grammy and Gramps could just both use more prayers.

7. Now that it is February, I feel like those of us who electively live in states that are usually below freezing from Dec-Mar have the right to begin complaining about the cold -- and effusively. Especially since Phil dealt us a blow the other day. BUT -- it may get out of the 30's here this weekend and for two or three whole days!! Hurrah!!

For more Quick Takes, go here.

Itty bitty crochet heart tutorial

Here is a super-easy, super-fast project that is ideal for last-minute Valentines. I'm making a whole bunch of these this afternoon while waiting at the doctor's office. I'm making them out of different shades of leftover yarn to add to barrettes for Annalivia's female preschool classmates. If I get really organized, I'll show you what I'm planning for the little boys tomorrow.

In the meantime -- the Itty Bitty crochet heart. (Modified from this pattern at Skip to My Lou.)

First, make a magic ring.

Then, chain 4.

Then inside of the magic ring make 2 triple crochet, 3 double crochet, chain 1, 1 triple crochet, chain 1, 3 double crochet, 2 triple crochet, chain 3.

Pull the magic ring tight.

Slip stitch to the center of the circle. Pull the thread through and tie off and then push the thread back through to the back of the heart.

There you are! An itty bitty heart, perfect for Valentine cards or adding to your crochet projects. Have fun!

Momma helps

I was really worried about giving the kids baths tonight. Dennis is on a short-notice business trip for a few days and he is usually in charge of baths. And I have been battling some pregnancy-related sciatic pain lately which, coupled with the long-term bone graft-related nerve pain, is sort of leaving me undone at the end of the evening. Yesterday I found out that leaning over the bathtub was exactly the wrong sort of activity for this particular pain combination and I spent most of the time after the kids were in bed laying around and moaning, though largely inaudibly.

Anyway, as you can tell, my story is very pitiful and today I was full of pity and worried about baths pretty much all day. THEN I realized that I live in the same town now with family and I could just call my mom who had called me earlier in the day to offer help in whatever way and ask for help with baths! And I did. And she came and helped me and then after the kids were in bed, stayed and talked for about an hour or so. The helping with baths and the talking would have been lovely enough, but when I came upstairs to go to bed, I saw that she had also turned down the sheets on my bed for me. It was such a simple gesture, but so sweet I almost cried.

Have I said before that I'm so glad I live here? I am. Thanks, Momma, for your help. What a Momma you are!

A flurry of crochet

I've been crocheting like mad lately, but keep forgetting to take pictures of things before they leave my possession. I made a dress for my niece's birthday in a size 2T or 3T. It was ice pink with hot pink edging. My niece is a little pink girl, though I think the hot pink reflected more of her aunt's taste than hers.

I also finished another baby gift which I'm excited to post pics of sometime after I give it to the recipient. It turned out exactly like I wanted it to look, which is always exciting.

I made this little winter baby bonnet for Emmeliese one evening. It was completely my own design and one that I may not ever repeat because, while it looks sweet on a naked baby doll, It is not so cute just sitting on a shelf. It will, however, cover her ears and keep her warm, which is what I wanted it to do. I'm going to post a tutorial for the tiny heart in the next day or so. It was almost impossible to find a good heart pattern and I modified one to make a little bitty heart that works up incredibly fast (i.e. less than five minutes) and would be adorable for Valentine's Day. So I'll share the love and post that pattern asap.

I also started working on a cardigan for Emmeliese of my own design. I made a square yolk and then was envisioning some sort of flared bottom and sleeves and matching pants with slightly flared legs. In the process of figuring out how to make it, I learned how to do the star stitch which is such a beautiful stitch, especially when used in the middle of other stitches. I then decided to save the star stitch for another project and am finishing this cardigan with just regular-old slightly boring stitches. But I have in mind exactly what I want to do with the star stitch. So now I am having problems focusing enough to finish the cardigan and pants instead of racing off to experiment with the star stitch. I will force myself to finish the first project. But it will be difficult.

And I have some beautiful self-patterning green yarn that I bought to make something for Annalivia or Daniel for St. Patrick's Day. I was thinking I would make Annalivia a sweater, but I might make Daniel a little vest or something instead. Poor kid has not really been subjected to his mother's crochet projects yet. Wouldn't want to deprive him of fodder for future therapy. :)

Breech baby

Today, I had a monthly checkup with the perinatologist and got to have an ultrasound of Emmeliese. The technician printed off a beautiful picture of her face and then I realized that she was scanning her face from the top of my belly. The little stinker has turned! Right now she is breech at 33.6 weeks and is running out of room to turn again. Honestly, I am not nervous about the surgery part of a C-section -- I kind of feel like an old pro at surgeries -- BUT I am terrified of the recovery from a C-section with 3 children to care for, 2 of whom really enjoy climbing on their mother. I know we'll deal with whatever we get, but I'm praying, "Turn, baby, turn!"

I got good news about my blood pressure which has been a problem at this point and to the end of the other two pregnancies. It was 120/72, which is fairly good. I started medication early in the pregnancy to keep it at the right level throughout and it is working. That's very good news.

I am having some troubling issues with my blood sugar, though. I get gestational diabetes right at the beginning of my pregnancies. I've been on insulin and have regulated it very well until this last week when I began running high numbers after meals (150-160 1 hour post-prand) and low numbers in between eating (i.e. 50-60 2 hours post-prand). My doctor in Dixon wants my numbers after meals under 130. And the lows are not good for the baby.

The perinatologist thinks the numbers indicate that the placenta is aging. Soooo... today, we talked plan and calendar. I am going to be getting twice-weekly NST's and biophysicals. And we are scheduling an amnio to test the baby's lungs for Feb. 26 or 27, at which point I will be 37 weeks. And if she is still breech, I will have the C-section in Peoria in the next days after that. OR, if she's not, I will be induced on Mar. 5, when my doc in Dixon will return from vacation.

While I'm not glad that there is anything worrisome going on, I am very glad to have a timeline in mind. And what is funny is that I have been thinking this baby's birthday would be Mar. 3 or Mar. 6 since we found out we were having a baby. I don't know if I shared here -- but Dennis called the birthdates of both of our other children. Annalivia's is 2/25/2005 and Daniel's is 2/7/2007. Easy days for their father to remember. I was very ticked off at him during Daniel's birth because I was induced on 2/5 and Daniel refused to be born until 2/7 and Dennis made the mistake of mentioning how he hoped Daniel would wait until the next day sometime in or around the 31st hour of labor. I told him he was absolutely, positively NOT allowed to make any requests whatsoever regarding Emmeliese's birthdate, but 3/3/09 or 3/6/09 would be nice for her father.

Anyway, that is the news! Just a few weeks to go!!!

Planning Lent for a family

I like Lent. I really, really, really like Lent. It has always been a good time for me spiritually, my three children have been (or will be) born during Lent, and when I was pastoring a church, it always seemed to me that folks were particularly receptive to the Spirit during the cold winter months before Spring. (Do Southern hemispherers experience Lent like this?)

As a pastor, I had a really great time planning Lent. We always had extra opportunities for worship, prayer, and fellowship. And the symbolism and colors were rich and meaningful, I thought. But I was never very good at trying to figure out how to observe it at home. And my kids were sort of pre-cognizant of any religious celebration.

This year, I'm at home, and I'm so excited that at some point in pastoral ministry, I purchased this book Before and After Easter: Activities and Ideas for Lent to Pentecost by Debbie Trafton O'Neal published by Augsburg. I know I thumbed through it at some point and liked it because I also have Before and After Christmas, but I hadn't given it much attention, as was evidenced by its perfect condition.

But, it is a GREAT resource! And I wish I would have paid a bit of attention to its companion book earlier in the year (It includes a great suggestion for building a cross out of the Christmas tree trunk to be used in Lenten worship). This book has a suggested activity for each of the 40 days of Lent centered on a short verse from the Bible. It also has activities for the days of Palm Sunday and Easter and then an activity for the seven weeks between Easter and Pentecost.

The activites are a great mix of crafts, worship, and service-oriented activities. Some of them are more simple -- i.e. cutting forsythia or pussywillow branches to be brought indoors to bloom or making a poster with 7 envelopes at the beginning of Lent to take an ongoing family offering. And some of them are a bit more complex -- i.e. weaving a doormat or taking inventory of one's house and levelling a "tax" for each possession. And there are some that require no crafting or extra activity at all -- i.e. learning a five finger prayer. Each activity is, for the most part, independent of the others, which makes it great for picking and choosing.

Best of all, there are great kid-friendly illustrations to appeal to the whole family. Annalivia and Daniel have enjoyed looking through it and Annalivia has requested some activities.

I think this is going to be a great resource for our family in the coming years, especially. If you and yours check it out, please let me know what you think!

Candlemas dinner

Yesterday, Feb. 2 was Candlemas. Candlemas is the midpoint between the winter and spring and was a time when families brought their candles to a special mass to have a blessing upon them. Candlemas was also tied to the Purification of Mary, which would have happened 40 days after the birth of Jesus and so Candlemas prayers often asked for purification, God's refining fire, etc.

In some places, Candlemas celebrations involve round foods like pancakes or doughnuts to invoke the Sun/ Son. That's the angle we went with here and we had homemade pizza and clementines for dinner and used round plates. And we lit candles. The only candleholder we have is one that is shaped like a deer that I've been trying to give away to my sistah, Kalin. I think it's technically a Christmas decoration. But we used it.

It was a good dinner. We talked about Jesus being the Light of the World and how Spring is coming to remind us that God always makes everything new and gives us all lots of second chances. The kids didn't fight. The only spill occurred before we even sat down. And Daniel almost fell asleep during it.

Then, after baths and the kids' bedtimes, Dennis and I watched Groundhog Day again. We didn't fight or spill either. :)

But I did fall asleep during it.

7 Quick Takes

1. 33 weeks! Probably only 3 1/2-5 to go!

2. I MUST pack bags this weekend. We drive back and forth to doctor's appointments so much; it would be bad if we were stuck somewhere without the necessities for birthing, hanging out at Grandma's etc. Note to self: MUST pack bags.

3. Today is my niece's second birthday! Happy birthday, little Lirah!

4. My husband's diploma for his MBA arrived yesterday in the mail. I don't think I mentioned on this blog that he was finally done with classes and that I am so incredibly proud of him, but I should have. Twenty years after his graduation from high school, he finished his bachelor's and master's which he paid for with the help of employers and himself (no loans) all the while working full-time and, for the last five years, supporting a family. He's so amazing. And I'm so glad a piece of paper that reminds him of that has arrived.

5. I bought some fabric to make a blanket and other stuff for Daniel when we moved into this house back in August. It's been sitting around and I realized this week that I have just been deluding myself into thinking I was going to do anything with it. So, I called up my mother-in-law who is the real seamstress in the family and gave her the stuff for Daniel. She'll probably have blankets made by next week.

6. Do you know about International Justice Mission? I was reminded as I looked at our tax documents that keep arriving that I need to tell more people about them. They do amazing work. Check them out.

7. My daughter was crawling around my feet while I was typing this talking about how my skin on my legs looked so dry. She disappeared for a moment and came back with lotion which she has now spent the last five minutes rubbing into my leg. She even had Daniel come over and rub lotion on me. Then she said, very lovingly, "Your leg is like a little doggie."
It might be time to get the razor out.

For more Quick Takes, go to Conversion Diary.

My weird pregnancy craving

My weird pregnancy craving has hit again. I'm craving fish. And not really just any fish -- more specifically, fried fish. And even more specifically, I'm craving fried cod and walleye, preferably in a sandwich, and really only from Culver's restaurant.

This is a craving I have had during all three pregnancies, and only in the last month. It is weird because I don't usually like fish at all. Frying obviously helps fish, in my opinion, but I will admit that last week, I had it blackened at Red Lobster and the meal sort of scratched the itch. But the itch is really scratched with a good walleye sandwich at Culver's and they only bring those out at Lent around here. (Thank God all three pregnancies have been during Lent and it is quickly approaching again.) Another great thing about the sandwiches at Culver's, in addition to the fact that they taste really good to me, is that they are relatively inexpensive. And they're fast. And fairly readily available in the areas I travel.

I wonder why it is that I crave fish? Maybe I just need the DHA in the fish oil or the fatty acids or something. I have some cod liver oil in my refrigerator and I'm thinking I should take it because I literally could eat fish at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Anyone else have a weird or consistent craving during pregnancy?

Sibling rivalry

When Daniel was born, I was worried about Annalivia being jealous. I had read a lot about older siblings and I was concerned. At some point, I remember my mother cautioning me that it was quite possible Annalivia wouldn't be jealous at all and that I should be careful not to project jealousy upon her that may not be there.

It turned out that she was right. Annalivia adored Daniel from the beginning. She was a little flummoxed by his crying, but she got used to that pretty fast. And in the intervening time, she has become his biggest fan, fiercest protector, and most worthy opponent.

As they've both grown in the last two years, it has been neat to watch them together. They do fuss at each other sometimes. And sometimes they both take delight in causing as much discomfort to the other one as possible. Annalivia sometimes is very bossy. Daniel is sometimes very manipulative. And they compete over absolutely nothing i.e. "I'm the leader today!" "No! I the leader today!" when it is clear that I am, actually, the leader! :) But for the most part, they play so well together and really, genuinely, have a great time together as partners and equals.

This morning after breakfast, I was cleaning up dishes and they were holding hands running in a circle with each other. Daniel was imitating everything Annalivia was doing, which made her laugh hysterically. I headed upstairs and they followed, holding hands. For a moment, Annalivia dropped Daniel's hand to get something to take upstairs and Daniel said, "Livia! Come on!" His voice was anxious; he thought she was leaving him for some other play. She said, "I'm coming!" and ran up to him. Then He threw his arms around her waist and said, "Love you, Livia" and she kissed his head. It was wonderful.

I am so glad that my children are friends with each other. I pray that will continue. I know that the path will not be easy or smooth, but I love, love, love that they see each other, at least once a day, as a real gift. I hope they always are able to see each other that way, despite whatever else has occurred in their lives. Because their doing so is a real gift to me, too.

What one forgets

A couple of weeks ago, I felt Emmeliese moving much differently in the womb. Instead of feeling big flops and kicks, for the most part, I feel lots of stretching and pressing. I don't know why, but I never remember this point until I panic for a bit that the baby movement is decreasing. I wake up four or five times a night, having not felt her move and then remain wide awake until I feel a little foot in my diaphragm or an arm pressing a little more insistently into a bladder. When I think about it, I remember that the other children did this, too, when they got to this growth point. There just isn't enough room for a baby to do big dives any more. But it's always a little disconcerting in the interim.

I also forget how uncomfortable it gets to do simple things like sitting because there's always something pressing against internal organs. And I forget how small the bladder becomes and how a full cup of warm tea can agitate a little one into a bladder-punishing, tummy stretching free-for-all.

And I forget how amazing these last few weeks are -- how discomfort exists hand-in-hand with this incredible awareness of this little person growing inside. Or how energy can be rock-bottom, but a targeted surge can arrive on cue to sort baby clothes or organize a closet. Or how the Non Stress tests can seem so inconvenient but often reveals itself to be a little weekly or semi-weekly gift -- an opportunity to absorb the music of her hearbeat, relax, breathe and think about what comes next.

I'm glad that I'm remembering these things now. And I also am wondering what else I've forgotten!

Flock o' seagulls robins

Yesterday we were out and about and drove by a golf course that has lots of small trees with red berries. I don't know what kind of trees these are, but underneath the trees were, and I swear to you I am not exaggerating -- hundreds of robins! There were robins everywhere! In the branches, on the ground, in the air... And tree after tree had just tons of robins under it. And, though it snowed a couple of inches last night, they were there again today. And yes, Kali, I'm sure they were robins and not small cats. Dennis confirmed it.

Around here in this part of the midwest, it's usually sort of a harbinger of spring to see a robin flitting about. I'm not sure what it means when one sees hundreds!

Anyone else ever seen a flock of robins?

7 Quick Takes Friday

1. I'm joining in at the Conversion Diary's 7 Quick Takes today. This is because I have no less than seven drafts of posts that I've started in the past few days and haven't published. Apparently my brain cannot complete thoughts right now. It may be a 32nd/33rd week of pregnancy thing.

2. Yesterday we went on our weekly trip to see my OB in Dixon, which is about 2 hours from here. Every time someone finds out that I have an OB in Dixon, they are astonished, act like I'm crazy, and have no comprehension of it UNLESS they happen to have had one or two or three complicated pregnancies and then they completely understand. I may just start asking people if they've ever had a complicated pregnancy or two or three before I start explaining the decision. It could cut down a lot of time.

3. Daniel got his hair cut while we were there. I am always amazed at how a haircut makes him look so much older. He definitely looks like a 2-year old, which he will be in about two weeks. I was debating whether we should get him a buzz cut, so as to minimize the expenses of haircuts, and a friend told me that he wouldn't have his blonde hair forever. Not having blonde hair myself, I hadn't realized that many blonde children become darker later. Apparently this has happened to most of the blondes on both sides of the family. I got sort of weepy missing my little boy's blonde hair already. Needless to say -- no buzz cut.

4. The other day, we went through McDonald's and Annalivia got a Happy Meal with one of those little dogs in it. She wanted one of the white dogs, as depicted on the sign, but when she opened the Happy Meal, given to us by a nice young man, she found a brown, sort-of ugly dog in it. She said, "I think, sometimes, boys just don't know what girls want." So true, child, so true...

5. My sister Lil's birthday was yesterday. I gave her a set of bamboo crochet hooks. I also made her a crochet hook holder, but in making it, I realized some design flaws that I'll correct when I make one for myself. I feel sort of bad about that, but not bad enough to get it back and correct it myself.

6. I was sitting in a non-stress test the other day thinking about how jarring it was when Annalivia was born and the nurses asked me about something or other in regards to her and I realized that I had authority over her care. With Daniel, I somehow forgot this and did not insist on the no-bottles/pacifiers/artificial nipples rule and ended up with a little guy who never latched on. I was realizing that I have absolutely no qualms now about requiring the care I want my kiddos to have. It's nice to get to that point of motherhood.

7. I think my insomnia is better. Last night I went to bed by 10 and I could have slept til 10 today, I think. I may even take a nap this afternoon, too.

For more quick takes, go here.

As per your input

Thank you for your wise comments on my handmade gifts query. I've decided to send this little dress and bloomers as part of a package for a friend whose little girl is due towards summer.The yarn is Queensland Bebe CotSoy made of 50% organic cotton and 50% soy. It is soooooo soft! I think it may become the summer yarn of choice for me.
When Annalivia was born, this friend sent me two blue outfits. I'm hoping she still appreciates blue!

Handmade gifts or not?

So, I want your opinions. I have been making some crochet projects intending to give them as gifts to several friends who are expecting new babies. But today, as I was finishing one of them (of course, it was as I was finishing not before I started the project), I was second-guessing myself. Maybe it's not a good idea to foist my crochet obsession on unsuspecting friends?

I was remembering that I got several homemade baby blankets from folks when I had Annalivia and was not very appreciative of them. They all happened to be made of very funky colors. And a couple of the ones I got that were crocheted or knitted were of very scratchy yarn that felt truly horrible. Ultimately, I didn't keep any except some really beautiful soft blankies made for us by our former neighbor.

BUT -- I think I also didn't appreciate them because I'd never done that sort of work. A few years ago, I made a quilt for a friend who had a baby and tried to make it in colors she'd appreciate, etc., but when I gave it to her, it was clear she was unimpressed. My mind immediately flashed back to when I received the other gifts and I prayed I was a better liar than she is and faked my appreciation better.

Anyway, these people for whom I'm considering making things or have made things are people I really care about and I don't want to have to have them fake appreciation for yet another handmade excuse for a gift. So -- if it were you -- would you like a handmade gift (with the caveat that it will be made of good quality materials with an effort to consider the individual's taste)? Or would you prefer something off of a registry?

The obsession continues: More crochet

We have yet another snow day here and this time, since the temperature is headed above zero later in the day, we are busting out. We're going to go see Grammy and then have lunch with Gramps. The kids are thrilled.

I'm taking my recent crochet projects to show Grammy. She was the one who taught me to crochet first, though it didn't really stick. It's still neat to be able to show her some things I've made and let her examine them.

I mostly finished this little dress for Emmeliese last night -- I still need to put on some buttons. I made it from this pattern, but decided to do the skirt in triple crochet and then went back and improvised some sleeves. For the sleeves, I just worked even for two rows, then began decreasing a stitch on each side of the armpit gusset for nine rows, then worked even for another row. And I put on a button placket in the putty color, mainly because I ran out of my ivory, but I think it works.

I think the dress may be a tad big, but I figured I could rip out part of the sleeves and make it short sleeved, if necessary. The yarn is this wonderful Sirdar Snuggly BabyBamboo in 80% Bamboo and 20% wool. It is soooo great to work with and I think my local yarn store is discontinuing it! :( I'll have to find an alternate souce.

I don't know why the cream and pink and tan/taupe/putty palette is so appealing to me, but it is. Emmeliese's entire wardrobe might be in these colors. It seems to be all I'm drawn to buying.

I think next I'm going to make a bonnet out of the pink I used in this dress and the bunting, and then maybe some footed pants out of my last skein of ivory bamboo. Then I probably should move on. Though, clearly, I could spend a lot of time in this category of crochet projects!

Kitchen improv

This morning, I made an improvised recipe of bread dough. I started with the basic french bread recipe, doubled it, replaced half of it with whole wheat and then added some vital wheat gluten, melted butter, sugar and an egg. Other than the fact that it took 5 hours to rise because it was so cold in our kitchen, the loaves turned out well. They are soft and chewy and delicious.

Improvising baked goods sort of reminds me of improvising music. In order to have a nice improvisation, one has to be aware of the basics that provide structure and also have at least a vague idea of what the end product should look like. In music, that means being aware of the harmonics of a piece and the more one knows about how the music should sound, about the period, about the limits of instrumentation, etc., the better the improvisation ends up. In baking, it is knowing the basics of flour to water ratio, what ingredients leaven, what ingredients soften, what texture one should look for, etc., that leads to a nice ending.

And, in both music and baking, improvisations get better and more reliable, the more they are practiced. And sometimes the improv just doesn't work. Today's did. And it will be a tasty addition to tomorrow, too.

What we wear around here on a snow day

Pajamas two sizes too small, rainboots two sizes too big, and if you could see under his pants, you'd find two pairs of Thomas undies and a pair of Cars undies, all over a diaper.

And it was a whopping 63 degrees in here, so her ensemble makes sense, too, right?

Bunting for Emmeliese

I am so excited to finish this project! This is a bunting for little Emmeliese that I'm hoping to use when we bring her home from the hospital.

I created this pattern after making a pattern I found for a sleep sack for a preemie. It just wasn't what we needed and after spending about an hour wide awake one night, I realized how to make this. I ripped out the other one the next day and started on this one. Instead of making it in joined rounds, I split it open, added a button placket and made it close in the front. Then I decided to make puffed sleeves on it. The yarn is Plymouth Suri Alpaca and Merino blend in white with two strands of yarn held together to make a nice thick and very, very soft little bunting. The only downside is that I sneezed my way through making it. I hope after a wash or two, the fibers will calm down, else we might have a sneezy ride home!

I made a hole for the seat belt of her carseat in the back of the bunting. In the front, I made the bottom buttons closer together to compensate for the carseat belt. We've needed a carseat-compatible bunting for both of our other children, but the one we bought was HUGE compared to our kids. They finally got to the point where they would have fit it in about June or July. And then they sort of didn't need it.

A row of double crochet on the bottom provided a place to thread a chain of pink yarn to tie into a bow.

When I decided to make this, I imagined big chunky buttons on the creamy yarn. But darn if I could find any! And I couldn't find much info on the web on how to make any, so I created a tutorial posted below.

I'm so happy with this, aside from the sneezing, and think it turned out almost exactly like I imagined it. And I'm thinking that if we are blessed with more children after Emmeliese and it happens to be a boy born in winter, I may just make new buttons and re-do the sleeves.

Of course, if that's the case, I may just want to make something entirely new! :)

Crocheted buttons: A tutorial

When I looked for directions on crocheting buttons, I couldn't find directions that were very helpful. One of my frustrations with yarn work is that most patterns are written in a series of abbreviations and often don't come with a picture. So, as I figured out how to make these buttons, I thought I'd make a tutorial so there would be at least one on the web. Hopefully someone will find it helpful.

Supplies needed: Yarn, crochet hook (this one is a size E), a yarn needle and plastic rings (these are 1 1/8 inch size). I found these plastic rings at Hobby Lobby. They were not at my local yarn store or at WalMart. I found some plastic rings in the sewing section of Hobby Lobby which were a full $2 more expensive than these, which I found with the drapery hardware. They come in different sizes. Choose the one that, with your thickness of yarn, will fit your buttonhole!

First, make an adjustable ring (or magic ring). Chain two and make 10 half-double crochets in the ring.
(If you don't know about the magic ring, here is a good tutorial.)

Pull your ring closed and then slip stitch to join.

Chain two. This will count as your first half-double crochet. Make another half-double crochet in the space under the stitch, between posts. This will give the yarn a tighter weave. Make two half-double crochets in space under the second stitch. Make one half-double crochet in the space under the third stitch. Repeat the pattern all the way around the ring.

Join in the front loop of the final stitch with a slip stitch. Then chain 3.

Now in the back loop of each stitch, do one double-crochet all the way around. You should end up with a little cup.

At the end of the round, join with a slip stitch and fasten off. Leave a tail of four or five inches and cut.

Next, take one of your plastic rings and put it in the middle of the cup, with the yarn from your magic circle feeding through the center of the plastic ring.

Thread the other end through the needle.

Take the needle and thread it through each stitch, all the way around the cup.

When you reach the end, you should be able to tell that the hole is ready to close. Be sure that the yarn from the magic circle is still sticking out. Then give it a tug and close it up!

Pull the yarn from the magic circle tight and then tie it and your other piece of yarn together.

Make as many as you'd like! You can adjust the stitch from half-double or double crochet to single crochet and half-double, or increase or decrease your beginning amount of stitches, the amount of rows, etc. depending on how big you want your button to be, the thickness of your yarn, etc. It's very adaptable. And doesn't it look cool?

Snow/ pajama/ crochet day

Last night, Eureka got 5 inches of snow. It's only 15 degrees (headed towards a high of 1 degree tomorrow) right now and the wind is blowing. Hence, the school district declared a snow day, which meant Annalivia's preschool followed suit. Which means -- we had no place to go today!

I had been lamenting last night to Dennis that we had to get out of the house every day this week. I'm generally ok with that, but this week has been snowy and cold, cold, cold. I wasn't looking forward to having to bundle everyone up and warm up the car, just to drive a couple of blocks and then return to take off dripping wraps to let them dry for a couple of hours before we did the whole thing again.

But today, we get a reprieve! I went back to sleep for a bit this morning, we had leftover potatoes fried with an egg for breakfast, we're all still in pajamas, and my big plan is to work in afternoon naps for all of us. In the meantime, I'm streaming some of my favorite radio programs and working on finishing a crochet project before starting another one -- or four. :)

Here's to snow days!

Perfecting pizza (a needlessly long dissertation)

Our family loves to eat pizza. I love the cheese and bread. Dennis loves the cheese and tomato sauce. Annalivia and Daniel love the cheese. It's always a meal all of us will like and eat.

One of the things we really miss about northwestern Illinois is the plethora of really amazing pizza places. The pizza up there is all very similar, made on a sweet crust with plenty of cheese that is cooked at a very high temperature until the cheese sort of carmelizes. I had never had it anywhere else before I moved there. And it is amazing.

Around here, we have a few pizza places we like, but nothing stands out in a big way. We've tried pizza at the local popular restaurants and...eh. It's ok, but not great.

We have also tried to find decent frozen pizzas, but frozen pizza can be expensive and the cheap stuff is not good, usually. And I have an issue with sausage on frozen pizzas-- I hate it when sausage tastes sweet or has nutmeg in it and sooooo many of them have really icky sausage on them. What is with that?

ANYWAY -- the answer has been to make our own pizza. And I think we have finally perfected the procedure. We've found that when it comes to speed, nothing beats a pepperoni pizza. So we've been eating it a lot lately which is odd because we never, ever order pepperoni at a pizza place. But it's really easy to open a bag of pepperoni rather than brown a pan of sausage or cut up a bunch of veggies. A lot less cleanup, too. And we've found out that our local store brand of pepperoni is just as good as the brand name and 80 cents cheaper, so we're happy.

We also speed things up by using canned or bottled sauce. We think the generic or store brand of "homestyle" pizza sauce that doesn't have corn syrup in it is good and we also like regular canned tomato sauce found in amidst the tomato products. When we use that, we add Italian seasoning and a little garlic powder to it.

The crust that we've settled on, right now, is white flour. In the past we've used completely whole wheat in the crust recipe and it was good, but not totally delicious like this one. I anticipate that soon we will be working the whole wheat flour back in, but we all really, really like the crust recipe we use now. If you're interested, it's 3 cups of Bob's Red Mill Unbleached Flour (other flours just don't seem to taste as good), 1 1/4 cup water, 1 T yeast, 2 T sugar (or honey, but sugar is sweeter, which is what we were going for), 3 T olive oil, 2 t salt. I put it in the KitchenAid mixer and let it knead, then put it in a bowl with about 1 T olive oil spread around it, cover it with a wet towel and set it on the warming oven. It is ready to be punched down in about 30 minutes and we only let it have one rise. It makes a fairly thick, chewy crust -- I think it could even make two thin crust pizzas, but we'll probably never find out because we like it this way.

I make the crust and after it is in the bowl rising, Dennis does the rest. He worked for Domino's back in the day, after all, and he makes a great pizza. I always put too much or too little sauce on or too much cheese or something. He always gets it right.

The other two things we've discovered is that the right pan makes a difference and the right oven temp is crucial. For a while we used a pizza stone, but ours cracked and then the one we got to replace it made everything taste funky. So we bought two pizza pans and the one that makes the best crust has holes in it. Dennis works the dough on the countertop in some sort of semi-pro way and then puts it on the pan, tops it and then sticks it in a 400 degree oven. The crust ends up crunchy and chewy and delicious, the cheese browned. It's great.

Now that we've got the process in hand, I think we're going to branch back out with different toppings. My favorite is sausage with fresh onion, green pepper and mushrooms. Dennis likes the same with pepperoni on top. And I remember being a big fan of ground beef on pizza when I was little. We'll have to see.

We may have to try it again tomorrow night! :)

Let the little ones come

One of my Christmas presents from Dennis this year was a statue of Jesus, Mary and Joseph, purchased early in the season, right after Thanksgiving. It sat on the library table in the foyer all during Advent. Last week we began taking Christmas decorations down. Around that time, a little piece of some sort of foam packing material kept appearing on the statue. Everytime I saw it, I took it off.

The statue is still up and yesterday, as I was sitting at the table, Annalivia came over, pulled up a chair and put the piece of packing material back on baby Jesus, all the while murmuring loving words about him and his blankie. It seems obvious now. I don't know why I didn't see it before.

The statue has been a great gift for all of us. Both of the kids love to look at the family. Daniel often stands there saying "Ohhhhh, Baby Jesus..." while he strokes Mary's robe.

"But Jesus said, Let the little ones come to me, and do not keep them away: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14

A misunderstanding

Tonight we went out to an Italian restaurant for sandwiches. They had a big picture of the facade of St. Peter's Basilica that was backlit by flourescent lights, one of which was flickering. Annalivia was fascinated by the picture and kept talking about how she wanted to see it someday because she was sure it had secrets in it. It was fun to talk about it and see her so excited. Eventually, I said something like, "Someday, Annalivia, when Mommy and Daddy stop having children, we'll go visit all those places, ok?" She smiled and I thought that was the end of it.

But, about an hour later, we were driving away from Wal-Mart when Annalivia asked me why we would stop having children. I replied that someday God would decide we were done having children and that would be that. She was silent for a moment and then said in a very, very sad, small voice, "But I'm really going to miss you!"

Needless to say, I explained that I meant that someday we would not have any new children and that she's our child forever. But she took some convincing. Poor thing.

As if on cue

Just today I was thinking about being pregnant with Annalivia and Daniel and how, right as I would lay/ lie down in bed and drift towards sleep, they would begin hiccupping. I was thinking how this hasn't happened with Emmeliese yet.
And so it was that at 11:30 tonight, I was awakened from that almost-asleep state by little rhythmic pulses, right under my hip and against my bladder. Precious child. Already perceiving her mother's desires...

Buying local...or small...or local

As I've gotten older, and maybe since I've had more monetary resources at my disposal, or maybe since I've gotten a tad more patient, I've become more committed to purchasing from small business owners. It's not that I don't appreciate the great deals at Wal-Mart or enjoy the fact that I can zip down to Dollar General for laundry detergent at a moment's notice. I do. But I've found that buying coffee from a local place, even if it doesn't have a drive-thru like Starbuck...or purchasing a book from a local bookseller, even if it means waiting a week for it to arrive unlike Barnes and Noble...or getting yarn from three generations of knowledgeable ladies, even if it costs more than the skeins found in the bins at Hobby Lobby... or even buying groceries at my local store, even though there are not wide-ranging deals like Kroger... it all tends to be a much more peaceful, less... I don't know... consuming ....experience. I also sort of feel like I have a moral obligation to do so, since I believe the small business owner is what makes the American economy function (when it does) and my own family-of-origin was/ is one built on the hard work of the self-employed. Plus, I like it when people are passionate about their work and most small business owners I have met have found a vocation in their employment.

Anyway, today I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. Last night I ran out of yarn while working on a project. The yarn shop I purchased it from is about 40 minutes from here. I called the owner and she has some skeins on hand. And could order more. And so I almost loaded up the kiddos and headed over there to pick it up.

But then I did an online search and found the same yarn sold by a small business owner in New Hampshire who is selling it for $1 less per skein. She also has it in some other beautiful colors and she offers some other items I've been looking for AND also offers free shipping. And it should all be here by Saturday if I order it this afternoon.

I'm probably going to order it online. Aside from the money saved, there's the time and energy and hassle saved. There's the not-bundling-up-the-kids and not-scraping-off-the-van and other things. But I AM feeling a little guilty about it.

Anyone have any input on what you'd do, ideally or not?

What if's

Our energy bill last month was about $3 less than our rent. Yeah, you read that right. 3 bucks. This old house has steam heat. And that, apparently, costs a lot. Luckily, my sister lived here for a year and a half before we moved in, so we were prepared, in theory, for a high heating bill. "In theory", because nothing quite prepares one for paying a heating bill equal to rent.

Hence, I have turned down the heat and spent $5 buying myself some slippers. And we're still not in frigid territory yet. Right now, my nose is freezing but the thermometer downstairs is registering at 62 degrees. That's pretty warm, really. Sweater weather, I guess, and conveniently, I'm wearing a sweater right now.

The heating bill coupled with dire forecasts from economists in the news lately coupled with an announcement from Dennis' company that they are unable to contribute to 401k's next quarter coupled with a decision from him to work longer hours voluntarily, so as to demonstrate his necessity to the company has led me to do some big "what if" thinking. What if Dennis lost his job tomorrow? What if we had an emergency of some sort? What if the baby came early? What if, what if, what it?

The problem for me, is that I can get kind of obsessive what-if-ing. So, tonight Dennis and I tackled the what-ifs. What if he lost his job tomorrow? Turns out, we'd be doing fine. We rent a beautiful house and our rent is low, our landlord generous. We have a six-month emergency fund based on Dennis' current gross salary. Which means that it would last longer than six months. Dennis is a hard worker and would do whatever is necessary. I can be resourceful and may be one of God's most stubborn creatures. We'd maybe buy some space heaters. We'd be fine. Same with the other questions. We'd be depending on others more than ourselves, but we'd be smart enough to do that. We'd draw on resources from family and friends. We'd figure out what needs to happen. We'd be fine.

Heating bills and dire predictions and longer hours and less retirement money are no match for Team McStew. We're in whatever together, even if it becomes more than an "if." I feel better.

Growing pains

Generally speaking -- very generally -- as a mainliner, I grew up in, was ordained by, served, and still attend a pretty feel-good church. We occasionally indulge in some guilt, but we tend to prefer it to be as institutional and generalized as possible. But personal pain, we don't do too often. And pain as part of God's will or purpose for us -- nope.

Over the last few years, I've questioned that a lot. A whole lot. I've felt as though whatever God is doing inside of me was this tumultuous process of pushing and pulling. Pregnancy is perhaps the most apt analogy, much like a baby growing, stretching, kicking, turning, pushing to get out...only I'd add a whole lot more prolonged round ligament pain to the analogy when talking about the spiritual growth side of it :). (round ligament pain is a very sharp intense pain, for those who have not been prego).

Anyway, recently I've been realizing that there's a reason that the Bible, in various places, refers to God's actions in an individual's life as... scourging, flaying, sharpening, refining, groaning, aching, burning, hammering. Because, as it turns out, real, honest spiritual growth can be really, really painful. And rather than be frightened by the idea that God intends for us to encounter these periods of great pain, I find it very comforting to find in scripture the hundreds of examples of God's people encountering just that. And then there's the thousands of stories of saints and mystics and servants who in 2000 years of Christianity have found purpose in the midst of suffering.

It doesn't make this growing any less painful, but I have found out that I sure am in good company.

Another terrific Christmas book

Today Annalivia went back to preschool. My grandfather picked her up, and I had grand plans to get a lot done this morning. Instead, I ended up reading to Daniel for over an hour, going through all of the books in the Christmas basket and then some.

During the process, he had me read This is the Stable by Cynthia Cotten about three times. This has proven to be one of our favorites this Christmas, a new book received in a package in a Scholastic book order. I'm so glad that I happened to order that package because it has yielded a couple of very nice nativity books.

This one, however, is the cream of the crop. The Christmas story is beautifully told in verse, but the best thing about the book is the absolutely gorgeous illustrations by Delana Bettoli. They are just remarkable -- beautiful colors and lovely, moving depictions of the nativity story. The illustrations have wonderful texture and symbolism (i.e. the faint angel wings in the sky on the cover pic above) and the characters actually look as though they came from the Middle East. And there are many, many details that captivate little (and big) eyes. I think I can safely say most anyone would be very, very pleased with this book. So if you see it when out and about in this post-Christmas time, scoop it up! You won't regret it.

(If you want to check out the book on Amazon, the link is here, but do, please, consider ordering it from an independent bookseller.)

Looking back, looking forward

Looking back at 2008...

Dennis went to Russia

The kids and I survived Dennis going to Russia

Dennis interviewed for, was offered, and accepted a new job

We settled the insurance claim on our 2006 auto accident

We paid off our debts

We found out we were expecting another baby

Dennis left his employer of 12 years

I left the church I served for 7 years

We moved back to Eureka

Annalivia started preschool

Dennis finished grad school and received his MBA

Looking forward to 2009...

Daniel will turn 2

Annalivia will turn 4

Dennis will turn 40!

We will say hello to Emmeliese

It is very possible we will say goodbye to at least one dearly beloved one

Looking back, looking forward... our lives are so full of God's goodness. Mine is a beautiful life, replete with joys, complete with sorrows. I pray I treasure every moment of it.