How can I keep from singing?

My family is full of good singers. And most of us actually like to sing, though none of us sing in any organized groups anymore. Most of the time, I'm ok that I don't get to sing in a group anymore, but I really do miss good music. And I miss singing beautiful music with other people. I like having tunes and words stuck in my head throughout the day, especially when they are lovely and uplifting and something other than Thomas the Tank Engine songs.

Now that I'm back home, I have a covert plan (or not) to get my dad and sister and brother in law, especially, to sing with me occasionally. I don't want it to be high-pressure or performance-induced, but there are some beautiful songs that we could sing a capella, or with my brother in law strumming along capably on his guitar, that would be really neat to be able to sing with other good voices like this hymn, How Can I Keep from Singing? It has such a beautiful tune and beautiful words, especially in times like these.

My life flows on in endless song;

Above earth’s lamentation

I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation:

Through all the tumult and the strife

I hear the music ringing;

It finds an echo in my soul—

How can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die?

The Lord my Savior liveth;

What though the darkness gather round!

Songs in the night He giveth:

No storm can shake my inmost calm

While to that refuge clinging;

Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;

I see the blue above it;

And day by day this pathway smoothes

Since first I learned to love it:

The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,

A fountain ever springing:

All things are mine since I am His—

How can I keep from singing?

~Robert Lowry

I hope they go for it.

A successful first day

Annalivia enjoyed her morning at Preschool. I was excited to find out that she will be taught by one of my favorite people, a wonderful, patient and kind woman who is a member of our church and, actually, the wife of a minister. I am very glad that Annalivia is in her class and Annalivia was full of all sorts of exciting news when she emerged from school. "We saw three x's!" "We read about Douglas with the monster inside him!" "I drew this picture of you!"

To me, the best part of the day was the walk to and from school. We were running late, as usual, and left the house at 8:53. We walked into her classroom at 8:55 and that included a little tumble by Daniel. The walk home took a bit longer but only because we encountered Annalivia's cousins and my sister walking home from kindergarten.

Have I mentioned yet how GLAD I am that we moved back home?! I love it here.

New school

Tomorrow morning, Annalivia has her first day at the preschool housed at our church, about a block from the house. I have kind of agonized over the decision to change schools. She loved the one she has been attending and I really liked it, too. It is associated with the retirement community where my grandparents live and the kids interact with the residents every day. And it has a specifically Christian mission and operation, which I really did appreciate.

But, it was expensive. And Annalivia was there all day on Tuesday and Thursday, which was fine, but pretty soon, doctor's appoinments are going to rule our lives and I thought I needed a few more time slots open. So, when a spot opened up in the other nursery school in town, we took it. It means that Annalivia's going to school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-11:30 and the tuition for the month is just a few dollars more than a week at the other school. The schedule is very similar to morning kindergarten here and we can walk there very quickly, all of which is a plus, I think. Of course, Daniel and I aren't going to be galavanting about by ourselves all day twice a week anymore, but I think that's probably good for all of us.

Any trepidation or concern I have is not at all shared by my daughter. She is enthused to do something new. She's excited to meet new children. She's looking forward to making new friends.

We always joke in my family about how some of us have "the group gene." I don't know that I've ever encountered anyone who has it so strongly as Annalivia. She's definitely glad to find a group. Hopefully the group will be glad to find her, too.

What the...?

Have y'all heard about the new Anne of Green Gables movie? It's being called Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning. It's being brought to us by the same folks that produced the first two great movies and the third abomination. Here's the description of the fourth, courtesy Wikipedia.

Anne, now a middle-aged woman, is troubled by recent events in her life. Her husband, Gilbert, has been killed overseas as a medical doctor during World War II. Her two daughters are pre-occupied with their own young families and her adopted son Dominic has yet to return from the war. When a long-hidden secret is discovered under the floorboards at Green Gables, Anne retreats into her memories to relive her troubled early years prior to arriving as an orphan at Green Gables and being adopted by the Cuthberts.
Still haunted by her early childhood, the impact of this difficult period has a far-reaching effect on this older woman, once she discovers the truth about her real parents. She begins a delicate search for her birth father. It is a journey through a past fraught with danger, uncertainty, heartache and joy. In the parade of humanity Anne encounters she also faces the root of her desire to find true "kindred spirits", an inspired imagination and the impetus to use her talents as a writer to inspire others.

Gilbert dead. Ick.
AND Barbara Hershey is starring as the grown-up Anne and, from the looks of it, they were able to use some of the props from Beaches.

I swear I remember that exact pose right before Wind Beneath My Wings kicked in.

A very full day

My goodness, am I ever tired! We had a very nice day here together. This morning, we got up late, then went to the store and got food for a picnic and met Daddy at a park near his job. Then we went up to the apple orchard to buy some mums and play on the wooden train. I temporarily lost the keys to the truck, but after hunting around, we found them next to some large pumpkins.

Daniel took a nap on the way home and when we got back, the kids did a little bit of playing then we took a walk down to our landlord's house with the rent check. We kept walking and went to the playground at the school. Then we came back and went to the lake where we hunted some cattails. Then we went to the playground at the lake and while the kids played for a bit, I talked with a long-lost high school friend who happened by with his mom, brother, and niece.

After all of that, we came back to discover that I had burned dinner beyond recognition, so we ate some pizza and Annalivia went to Awanas for the first time. Daniel and I bummed around while she was there and finally, at 8:10, we picked her up, came home and got to baths.

It was just beautiful today -- blue skies and puffy white clouds and cold and crisp. It was a good day to spend with the kiddos. And it's a good day to end a little early with a good book in a nice comfy bed.

Finally fall

WOOOHOOO! We have finally reached that wonderful point in the year when it is beautiful and chilly and pants and long sleeves are not only comfortable, but required! It's 53 degrees here today outside and about 57 in the house. We need to figure out how to turn on the radiators, but in the meantime, we are wearing sweaters, eating oatmeal and soups, and snuggling under down comforters at night.

I LOVE this time of year!!

YAY for FALL!!!

Time flies

I am anticipating that October will be a more reasonable month for us. Every single weekend of September was occupied with moving. Daniel got sick twice, Annalivia was sick once. I was wiped out all of the time, which I found out today is probably due to an extremely low hemoglobin level. Poor Dennis has been a slave to us, work and school.

October will be better, I pray.

And hopefully, I'll be here more often. Thanks to those of you who have been checking in. I hope your Septembers were lovely.

Menu Plan Monday: Family favorites edition

Since my job in the words of my facebook description, "Cog in the wheel of family functionality," I am getting back to menu planning and closer attention to the financial aspects of home management. Here's what we're eating this week.

Monday: Tuna Noodle Casserole, Sauteed Green Peas
Tuesday and a visit from Grandma Alice: Baked Potatoes with optional fixin's -- broccoli, cheese, bacon, and my fave -- cottage cheese and onion, Chocolate Caramel bars
Wednesday: Frozen Ziti and Salad
Thursday: French Toast (Annalivia's request) with Fruit Salad
Friday: Homemade Pizza
Saturday: away at the last hurrah in Rock Falls
Sunday (after church): Roast Chicken, Baked Potatoes, Salad, Grammy's Apple Pie

Grammy's Apple Pie Recipe
6-8 large tart apples (I'm using Jonathan this week), peeled, cored and sliced
1/4 c. sugar
1/2 t. cinnamon
juice of a lemon
Mix together and pour into prepared pie crust. Apples should make a nice mound in crust.

1/4 c. butter
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
Cut butter into flour and sugar until pea-sized. Carefully pour over and press into apples. Dot with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon.
Bake at 425 for 20 minutes. Reduce heat to 325 and bake for 30 minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Groceries for the week were $73 and included some crackers, peanut butter, cheese, potatoes, etc. that we don't really need this week. And I already had the pasta made and the apples purchased. I forgot cottage cheese, but hopefully, I can hold the budget down! We'll see how it goes.
For more menu planning ideas, check out Menu Plan Monday.

Mr. D

Daniel is getting so big now. He's learned how to say, "Mommmeeeeeee!" with this sweet affection and will frequently come up and give me hugs and pat my face and say my name lovingly. I think it's so adorable. Annalivia always called me "Momma" not "Mommy" until she was older. Daniel drags out the "eeeeee" so it it sounds especially sweet.

He's also adopting a lot of other sweet mannerisms. When he answers in the affirmative, he will most likely say, "Yep" even when he is sobbing, which is awfully darn precious. He says, "oh, okeee" a lot and has all sorts of other words too.

And he is still absolutely enthralled with trucks and trains to the extent that he will lie in bed and say the names of the engines on the island of Sodor over and over again, interspersing them with the names of the family. And he can play by himself with trains and trucks and some little construction vehicles for a long time, giving them sound effects and crashing them into each other occasionally. I love watching the little boy emerge from my baby.

He has also perfected the role of persecuted little brother. And so far, Mommy and Daddy have been playing into it. One shriek from him and we immediately say, "Annalivia! What is going on?" It's just recently that I've been realizing that he has been happy to use this to his advantage. We're trying to be more fair.

But regardless of whether we are enjoying him or correcting, it's just a neat time to be around little Daniel. I'm glad to be here.

Church without leading it

Today the kids and I got up, got dressed and walked the block and a half to my home church. Dennis is in Rock Falls packing more of our stuff up, so it was just the three of us. The morning started pretty well. Daniel went to the nursery, Annalivia went to Sunday School and I went to an adult class taught this week by my Dad. Dad had a great lesson, if I do say so myself -- some really wonderful insights.
I was excited for church and only slightly daunted by Daniel sobbing and crying for Mommy when I walked into the nursery. Annalivia was going to stay in Godly Play for church, so we went up to the sanctuary. The opening hymn was The Church's One Foundation and the pipe organ was incredible. I almost cried with gratitude for the music.

Then we read the opening prayer and litany which involved references to this church's history and the association with the denomination, and from there, the rest of the morning seemed like Denomination Propaganda Day. I realized that, in actuality, it must have been Heritage Sunday (though I did not see that listed in the bulletin anywhere), which was used by our denomination back in the day to celebrate our past. There was a sorority from the college there and I just felt sorry for them that they had to be there on a day which was obviously for "insiders." Even as a former insider, I felt like it was a day for a special few. I don't really like that.

Anyway, the music was lovely. The choir sang a great anthem and Daniel was inspired to sing along with it. After that, the kids did not last through the rest of church. We ended up in nursery and a back room and finally, in the courtyard outside the sanctuary, where we could at least hear the organ, for the rest of it.

The best part of the whole morning, though, was sitting by Dad and Grammy and Gramps, my brother-in-law, and my niece. It's just really, really nice to be around family and to worship with them is an extra-special treat, I think.

And as for going to church as a civilian, as it were -- loved it! I'm looking forward to next week.

To end the day

The kids took impossible naps today. They fell asleep on the way home from dinner and stayed asleep until about 7:50. We were just heading back from the drive to a dark house, when Annalivia woke up and said, "Mommy, is Mavis a diesel engine?" I answered her and prayed she'd go back to sleep and as I was beginning that prayer, Daniel woke up and Annalivia said, "Let's sing!" and we launched into the "Engine Roll Call" and that was that. They were awake.

When we got home we noticed that the high school had a football game tonight. Our house is directly across the street from the funeral home in town which backs up to the football field. Folks park in the funeral home lot and watch the game for free sometimes. It's a beautiful night so, after nice baths from Daddy, we went to the store and got a small container of ice cream, then loaded up the wagon with the kids, ice cream, four spoons and a bunch of paper towels and headed across the street to see the last two minutes of the second quarter of the game. Eureka scored a touchdown on our way over and was doing a good job defending their lead by intercepting right before the end of the half. Then we watched the marching band, which, frankly, was a little disappointingly boring, then we came home.

It was a fun treat -- jammies, ice cream, the wagon, the game and the band. We'll have to do this again.

The day we lived

Today is the the two-year anniversary of the auto accident that changed our lives. So much has happened in the years since that day. Surgeries, and therapies, Daniel's birth, another pregnancy, job changes, the alleviation of debt, a move...

Two years later, our lives are totally different, thanks, in large part, to the events set about on that day. On this day, I am so thankful for all that has occurred in the intervening months.

But most of all, today, I am profoundly grateful that on this day, Dennis and Daniel and I lived.

Casual dinner gatherings

I have a few moments while Dennis gets the kids a bath and so I just want to say again -- I love my family. I love that I can call them up on Sunday afternoon, invite them to dinner at 6, serve them dinner at 6:40, and have a lovely time despite unpacked boxes, unclean floors, and unorganized everything.

Grammy and Gramps and Lil's family came over for dinner tonight. It was nice to be able to just get together without pressure of a big to-do. We had homemade pizza -- two kinds; one was sausage, tomatoes from our garden, mushrooms, and onions and the other was chicken, garlic, feta, mushrooms, and mozzarella, with walnuts to put on top since I forgot to put them on the pizza. We also had a simple salad and sliced apples -- all good wholesome food and all tasty, not fussy, etc.

Tomorrow, Dennis' mom is coming for a little visit. She hasn't been to the big house yet. It looks nice and it is neat to be able to have a special place for our visitors, especially her. Annalivia and Daniel saw her on Saturday, but are very much looking forward to her visit tomorrow. She's going to stay with them while I go have a nuchal translucency test, also, so they get to be together without their mean mother around. That's good. They need a little Grandma-spoiling.

We got the guest room clean and arranged with the lovely quilt the church gave me as a parting gift on the bed.

I am feeling the baby, every once-in-a-while. I know that, technically, this is supposed to be impossible, but I felt Daniel moving early when my bladder was full and I feel this one, too. And I know what it's supposed to feel like by now. There's nothing else that feels like a little golf ball rolling around in there! I'm ready to know more about her/ him. It will be good to see that little love tomorrow!

Run, sistah, run!

My sistah, Lil, is running in a half-marathon in St. Charles, Mo today. This means that she is also running in a tropical storm!
Run, Lilly, run!!

Significance

For some reason, the seventh anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks struck me in a profound way this year. I'm not entirely sure why, except that last year, I was having bone graft surgery and the year before officiating my great-uncle's funeral and finding out that the baby I was carrying who turned out to be Daniel had a high risk for a genetic disease. My mind was elsewhere. This year, I've had some time to think about Sept. 11.

Today, I drove up to Rock Falls to officiate a funeral and got to spend lots of time listening to NPR and thinking about the past seven years. I arrived at my church in July before the Sept. 11 attacks. After the second tower collapsed, I went to work and spent the late morning and early afternoon calling people to let them know we were having an impromptu prayer service. I remember very clearly trying to put some words to the shock all of us were feeling and failing miserably. Luckily, everyone else was also failing miserably at processing it all. At least we could fail miserably together.

Remembering that day now, I see the events through the lens of a wife and parent, and my heart feels broken in new ways. And today, again, I fail miserably at putting words to my thoughts. I have a feeling I'm not the only one. So if you still fail miserably at being able to process all that happened and has happened since then, know I'm sitting in solidarity with you tonight. At least we're failing miserably together.

Transitioning

Right now, we are living in a house with some of our stuff, but not all of it. I am tempted to think that those things that have not made it here are not worth moving, but unfortunately, that category includes our medicine cabinet, pantry, baking stuff, laundry and cleaning supplies, etc. We sort of need that stuff.

One thing we are debating NOT replacing is our microwave. At the parsonage, the microwave was included. It seemed to me like we just didn't use it very often. Of course, here, I've found a dozen reasons to use it every day -- warming up butter, heating up leftovers, boiling water for tea. The thing is, with a little patience and/ or forethought, those tasks can be completed without the microwave. Granted, it would be easier to heat up water for tea if I had thought to bring my kettle with me. But a pan works pretty well, too.

The nicest thing we are discovering is something we knew all along -- how great it would be to have family and friends nearby. Mom and Dad came over for dinner last night. Lil and her daughter stopped over on the way back from taking her eldest to school today. We've decided to make a standing date at Mika's, the local amazing coffee shop, on Tuesdays when we take the big kids in our families to school. Friends are trying to organize a get-together nearby. I have been the one holding up the gathering, but it is good to know that these things are possible, and even probable.

In the light of such enjoyment, with the big things being so much easier, the little challenges seem, well... little! And definitely surmountable. Someday.

The morning so far

It is a gorgeous morning here in central IL. The sun is shining and it is cool and crisp and one can tell autumn is not too very far away!

We were all up early today mainly because we all went to bed early. Daniel fell asleep during dinner at 6:30. I fell asleep about 5 minutes after putting him in his crib. Annalivia was in bed by 7:30. Dennis stayed up late and got up early, but he's very noble and good and kind and cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, etc. What a guy...

Today is a Tuesday which means that Annalivia is at preschool. She's attending a little preschool class of 6-8 kids on Tuesday and Thursday at the retirement complex where my grandparents live. And since today is Tuesday, it is the day I get to answer affirmatively when she asks me if she can "Please, please, please go to Noah's Ark today?" unlike the other five days of the week. The kid likes preschool.

Daniel and I are headed up to Rock Falls about 11:30 today so I can meet with the two families for whom I'll be doing funerals this week. We won't get back until 6:30 or later, so I actually planned dinner tonight. I have Porkchops with Artichokes in the crockpot right now. And thanks to my brilliant KitchenAid mixer that mom got me, I was able to whip up some french bread in about 5 minutes. And there's an apple pie finishing its time in the oven.

AND Daniel is playing with his trains in his bedroom upstairs, so I have time to get the kitchen clean and set the table, too. I'm so thankful for this big house and room to play. What a gift.

It's nice to be productive, especially on a beautiful day like this. I guess I should try to get 12 hours of sleep more often!

C'mon energy surge!

The first trimester is done. I recall that this is when one is supposed to have "renewed energy". I don't think my body has gotten the memo yet.

And in better news...

THE OFFICE IS PACKED!!! Thanks almost entirely to my incredible husband who packed as I sorted, it is done! Hooray!

AND -- Daniel is much better, my nephew who was in the hospital last night is expected to be home tonight, sans appendix. And though I had two church members die today, both deaths are blessings and such a huge relief to family and friends, and I know heaven is rejoicing tonight.

Now the bulletin to finish and the sermon to get down on paper...

Not exactly coasting to the finish line

This last week of employ has not been easy. The kids have been sick -- Daniel has been especially hit hard by the typical cough/wheezing/ can't-hardly-breathe thing that he gets every few months. The move is not done. The office is not packed. The sermon is not written. The bulletin is not finished. And last night, we found out that a beloved member of our congregation fell at her care facility, breaking her neck. She is now paralyzed from the neck down and is not expected to live through the weekend. So there will be a funeral to do next week, also, and a very somber gathering on Sunday.

And it has been cloudy and raining and cold -- in the sky and in my spirit. Time for a turnaround.

Hurrah for Sarah Palin!!

Brilliant choice. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

(Why, yes... that IS a baby that governor is wearing).

photo HT: Molly's place

She's just so cool!

I logged onto facebook tonight and saw this as my sister's new profile pic.

Isn't she hilarious!?! Her expression is the best part of it.

(I don't have permission to repost this here, but luckily, I've got practice begging for forgiveness from her...)

Big triumph! (And some advice solicited)

I drove down to Eureka tonight. I wasn't sure why I felt it necessary to come down, except that the Rock Falls house is unkempt and overwhelming and I seem to have connected the feeling of morning sickness with it, so whenever I walk in the house, I feel nauseous. (For the record, there are some They Might Be Giants songs that I can't hear without feeling sick because Annalivia listened to them all the time when I was prego with Daniel).

Anyway, it turns out that being down here afforded me the opportunity to sit beside Dennis and watch as he paid off all of our credit cards, one by one. I won't embarrass us by mentioning what that number equals, but suffice to say, it was a lot. And now we are free.

The only debt we now have is my student loans in the amount of about $40,000. We are wondering whether we should just pay those off, or... not. They are financed at an interest rate of about 4.6%. Our current investments have been paying, on average, about 14%, I think.

What would YOU do? And I mean, YOU, not Dave Ramsey. I'd like to hear your opinions.

In the meantime, I think tonight, we may rest a little easier. I know Dennis sure will.

Stuck under boxes... send help...

I thought I should update my cyberfriends as to our actual continued existence on this planet. We ARE alive, after all. Just busy.

We've been packing. Church went well today and I have my sermon and bulletin finished for next week. That just leaves a newsletter and the big-goodbye-service to finish. Not too bad. After church, I threw away lots of stuff in my office. I actually threw away all of my sermons from the last 7 years. I didn't throw away my newsletter articles, a few prayers, bible studies, and special services. Everything else -- gone. Now if I could just magically have the books I want to keep packed up and all the rest meted out to others who would enjoy them, I'd feel ok about the office.

Our house is torn apart and messy and it is wreaking havoc on the kiddos. Moving stinks. Moving with kids is a unique stench all to itself. They are all out of sorts, especially Annalivia. Tonight she had a hard time going to bed that culminated in waking her brother up and having a really, really frustrated mommy. As I told her to get in bed and stay there, she dissolved into tears, sobbing and saying, "You've broken all my life!" to me. I can't wait til she's a teenager. We fixed it a few seconds later but I think we are all just ready for them to just be able to BE somewhere already with toys in their spots and mess contained. I know I am. I can't imagine what their little brains are feeling like.

I have until this Friday to get things together -- that is our big loading day. Folks from church are coming in the evening to load the UHaul. We're moving everything we can on Saturday, though we have til the end of September to be officially out of the parsonage. We have a dumpster in the driveway and, thanks to the multitude of local urchins, about 80% less stuff in our garage after we dragged it out to the curb yesterday. I'm amazed what those kids decided to take, but it was all gone and that's what we were hoping for.

And tomorrow I have what will be, presumably, the last appointment with my OB before I find someone new in central IL. This is difficult for me. I adore this woman. She birthed Annalivia and Daniel and held my hand through difficult, complicated situations in both pregnancies. Her sister in law is a pastor and she has been so understanding, honest, trusting, and trustworthy. I have seriously considered paying the out-of-network premiums on the insurance and just driving back and forth to see her. But given that the baby is due in March amidst ice and snow and I end up being at the doctor twice or three times a week from week 30+ and she will be 119 miles from my house (yes, I checked), that would just be stupid. But it may still be on the table of possibilities.

So -- that pretty much sums up the week behind and the week ahead. I won't be around, but that probably goes without saying. Perhaps on the flip side, I'll post some pictures of us in "the big house" in Eureka. But I may not get around to that, either. :)

Be well!

Uber-cute

Little Daniel is in cuteness overdrive lately. He constantly narrates his actions in this flow of baby-talk that I don't understand at all. He is loving to play with trains and trucks and uses lots of sound effects in that little boy way. He imitates Annalivia incessantly and when he makes us laugh, he likes to perform the trick many, many times. He's also operating independently from Annalivia a lot more often. He initiates the wrestling and the tickling and the playing with her and has accepted the mantle of worthy adversary with gusto.

He's also recently had a haircut, so he looks like a little grown-up kid in a toddler's body.

So sweet. And just uber-cute!

Gifts

This week, Dennis and I received the check from our accident back in 2006. We deposited it and began the 10 day waiting period while the bank makes sure we are not terrorists. When the check clears, we'll pay off all of our debts, set aside a six-month emergency fund and invest a whole bunch. We might also go out to dinner. Maybe.

Back when we realized that someday we would receive a settlement check, we immediately decided the first 10% would go to God. Since it is our belief that it is because of God's miraculous intervention that we are alive in the first place, this makes complete and total sense to us. I know many of you out there would agree.

Today, I told our board chair that we are giving a portion of the money to the church. We want this money to be used, but we don't want to tell them how to use it. We'd like them to pray about that and figure it out on their own. It's kind of an odd thing to communicate -- take this, use it, but we aren't going to tell you how. Just be as faithful as you can. No pressure.

We also decided that I am done being paid by the congregation. Technically, I have two more paychecks left here, but I'm requesting that they keep the money. Convincing the treasurer that she should not write them out to me anyway and then have me give back the money, will take a little doing. I don't want to be taxed for it, and pay my 15.3% social security on it, after all. We'll see how that discussion goes.

It is nice to be able to give something to this congregation on the way out, when they will not be beholden to us in how they choose to use the money. It is nice to be able to communicate through what I have come to believe is their love language -- the budget-- that they are important to us. I hope these gifts convey the gratitude and appreciation I have for these last seven years.

Where's the volume control on this kid?

One of Annalivia's new favorite questions is now, "Is that a boy or a girl, Mommy?"

It's often a legitimate question. I just wish it was not a legitimate question asked in the checkout lane at the grocery store.

Proper gymnastics gear

We watched the Olympics tonight for the first time (we don't have tv down in Eureka). Annalivia had taken a long nap at about 5 p.m. and so I let her stay up to watch the show. She was captivated, of course. And almost immediately, she started doing gymnastics off of the ottoman. After a short while, she came up to me and said,

"Can we get a beam and some bars like for those girls? And some white stuff for my hands? And a red ponytail holder?"

I think a red ponytail holder is counted among that which is necessary for gymnastic performances, don't you?

Life happens offline

We have started our move. It is an incremental undertaking -- a van-load or so at a time. It is slow and laborous, but it is actually happening!

At the new house, we do not have the internet hooked up. I've not missed it. I know I need email to communicate with one of my ongoing extra-familial commitments, but truthfully, I'm debating getting rid of the internet all together. Turns out that a lot more gets done and, more importantly, more gets enjoyed when I'm not online.

I'm headed back to Eureka today. Dennis and the kids stayed at the new house overnight and I came home to do church and get a decent sleep. It was nice, but not as nice as being with my kids and husband. I'm eager for this month to be finished so we can all be together again.

Soon enough, I suppose... soon enough.

My sabbatical

This weekend I saw a good friend of mine who is in the midst of a sabbatical from church. She has had an amazing experience in Italy, has been able to visit friends and family, and still has a few weeks left in her leave. She seemed to sort of glow as she interacted with everyone at our reunion. It was cool to see. But I was jealous.

This weekend, I also saw a couple of folks from my home church in Eureka. This is the church I attended from birth, or whenever it was that my parents first took me there. It is their church and my grandparents' church. The church nurtured me through school and then paid me to be a college intern and then sent support as I was in seminary. They ordained me and allowed me to hang around after ordination and before my call here. And they've been welcoming and interested whenever I've returned in the interim. And now, in about a month, I will return to this congregation to just be a member -- not a Timothy (or Priscilla, or whatever you want to call us) not a visiting pastor, not a student visiting during break, not a person passing through. This time, I'll be back to stay.

It will be an interesting position to occupy. And I think it will involve adjustment on all parts. When I've seen folks from my home church, they've asked first if I will be attending church there. When I say yes, they ask if I'll be singing in the choir? Teaching Sunday School? Working with the youth? On the worship team? Mowing the lawn? (not really)

My answer -- nope. I have been at my church for 7 years without a break. And, I haven't actually had a vacation since Daniel was born and I used my vacation for my maternity leave. (Does that technically even count as vacation?) So I've decided that with the move, I am taking a sabbatical -- a total sabbath and rest from church responsibilities. Basically, until a good while after the baby is born, perhaps until next summer, I am just going to be a consumer. I am ready to rest.

So, though I owe my home church a heck of a lot, they will have to wait a bit to be repaid. I hope that doesn't disappoint too many people. My reserves are low. And I'd like to sparkle and glow like my friend when I think of church again. Right now that seems sort of fanciful.

But who knows...I am only a month away from sabbatical.

Halfway through a GREAT weekend

This weekend we went down to Eureka for my 15-year high school reunion. I was on the committee that organized it, and I must say, it was GREAT! We had a really nice time last night at our formal dinner, a wonderful tour of the high school from the "new" principal (he's been there 13 years!) and a great, casual, family picnic today with PERFECT weather! I just absolutely thoroughly enjoyed myself.

And I wish we could have enjoyed the picnic longer. I stupidly, moronically scheduled a wedding at church and let them set it for 3 p.m., so we had to leave the picnic before folks even finished getting food on plates! I would have liked to stay and chat more.

At the reunion, I found out that one of my high school friends checks in here sometimes (hi, Michelle!) and when I got home, one of my college friends who is related to high school friends had commented here and found me on Facebook and now we get to be in touch again! Sometimes I get tired of my attachment to these electronic forms of communication, but on the other hand the connections made possible by the Internet can be so wonderful, inspiring and life-affirming!

And talk about life-affirming -- tomorrow we are headed back down to Eureka to celebrate Gramps' 85th!!! birthday with most all of the family! I'm very excited to see the McSouths from Arkansas and the McGoods from Chicago and all of my sisters and spouses and kids... I may even be able to muster enthusiasm for Kali's dogs. Maybe. It is guaranteed to be a great time. God is good.

Pictures will come forth soon!

Oatmeal Banana Coffee Cake (the cheater version)

This was the cake I mentioned in my previous post. It's pretty good. It's not a very sweet cake, in my opinion and may be good with a cream cheese frosting/ glaze on top instead of oatmeal streusel. Or in addition to it.

Honestly, it would be a lot better with a homemade mix (like this one or preferably one that had a little whole wheat, I think. This is a hearty cake.) I think the industrial taste of boxed cake mix detracts from the mostly-wholesome ingredients. But, in a pinch, it will do!

Oatmeal Banana Coffee Cake
3 ripe bananas
2 cups oatmeal
1 cup yogurt
3/4 cup water
4 eggs
1 T vanilla
1 T cinnamon
1 box yellow cake mix (thanks, Becky!)

Dump all in a bowl and mix approximately 2 minutes on medium speed, or until well-combined. Cake will be lumpy due to oatmeal and bananas.

Pour into greased 9x11 cake pan.

If desired, top with streusel topping -- oatmeal, whole wheat flour, sugar, and butter mixed together -- and sliced bananas (beware--they will turn brown as they sit -- they still taste good, but look a little peaked).

Bake at 325 for about 40 minutes or until a knife inserted in the center comes out clean.

Cool a little, slice, eat.

Learnings and reaffirmations of the past 24 hours

1. That old adage "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" is an an old adage for a reason.
2. Spending 15 minutes straightening up the house at night pays big dividends the next day.
3. Forgetting to spend time straightening up the house before Daddy leaves at the end of the weekend requires major deposits in time and energy.
4. Washable crayons and twistable colored pencils are absolutely, positively worth the extra money.
5. The only way to get through the wardrobe into Narnia is to take an afternoon nap.
6. A sewing machine is really only useable when it has been removed from its case.
7. A banana oatmeal coffee cake made with a yellow cake mix will feed hungry kids in the morning almost as well as the uber-nutritious variety one probably should have made.
8. "Shoulds" should be given-up in the first trimester.

Narnia VBS, Aslan, and us

Tonight, Annalivia went to Narnia Vacation Bible School. The VBS is co-hosted by our fellow Disciples congregation, but the VBS is located in the Presbyterian church.

The church has done an amazing job setting the stage. They have big pavilions set up and covered to look like the pavilions in the movie. To enter the sanctuary, they have a large wardrobe created and fur coats hanging on hangers. Once inside the sanctuary, there are Christmas trees with snow on them everywhere and a HUGE set with mountains, the beavers and Aslan. It was just very, very cool.

Daniel and I stayed with Annalivia from dinner through the opening, then I asked her if she wanted me to stay or go and she said, "GO!" so we left. Daniel and I went to Wal-Mart and walked around and looked at bikes, trucks, tractors and trains until he got tired. Then we bought some diapers and headed back to get Annalivia. When we got back to the church, she was crying because she had tripped/ been pushed. But apparently, for the most part, Annalivia had a good time.

Now we are home and it is 9:30 and though she's had no nap today, she is WIRED and wanting to watch Narnia for the gazillionth time. Dennis is gone back to central Illinois which means this will be a long night before the kiddos decide to give it up and give in to sleep. So Narnia in pj's it is. Sometimes being a slacker mom is entertaining.

Point of clarification

A friend from college called me the other day. We had not talked for almost two years and he had tracked me down. He had also found my blog and had caught up with my life via my postings. When he mentioned Daniel he said, "Sounds like he's a little monster, eh?" "No, no!" I said, hastily, "He's a very sweet little guy!".

I thought briefly about how he was portrayed on this blog, but then didn't think about it until a few days later when a friend and I were chatting and she mentioned something about Daniel being difficult somehow. I realized that I need to put a point of clarification in print, lest y'all get the wrong idea about my little guy.

Daniel is a very sweet little boy. Yes, he's clingy, and yes, he can be fussy, especially if he's not getting held when he wants to be held. He's not easy-going, nor is he particularly adaptable.

All of that being said, though, he is a very, very sweet boy and I enjoy 98% of my time with him. He is incredibly affectionate -- he gives hugs and sweet, sloppy kisses with his mouth all puckered up. He loves to make us laugh and is a little joker. He is a master of pratfalls and among his favorite things is finding something that will make his sister laugh. He loves music and singing and dancing. He's a big fan of tractors and trucks right now and he also is fond of trains. He likes to color and draw and write. He loves books, especially his tractor and truck and construction vehicle books. He's very helpful -- he loves to pick things up and put them away and loves to bring shoes to whatever member of the family has left them around.

Best of all, he loves his mommy and likes to be with me almost all of the time! That can be an inconvenience and sometimes a rather large inconvenience, but for the most part, it's just a really good thing. He loves to sit on me and have me read to him. And he loves for me to carry him around and show him things, dance with him, tickle him and work him over, and pay him attention of any kind.

Every single day, I am absolutely delighted to be Daniel's mommy and every day I thank God several times that I get to have this little one in my life. I am very in love with this little boy and I think he's just a marvelous little creature. No one should think for a minute that the trying times overshadow the miraculously enchanting times with my little Daniel. And if I have communicated that, I have done him and myself a disservice. He's my very sweet big boy and I love him very, very much.

"We treat our Interims better than our permanent pastors!"

That quote came from my beloved board chair tonight as we discussed what we should do to celebrate my 7 years of ministry here before I leave. I asked what they've done for other pastors. Turns out... nothing. They've had parties for the interims. But no pastor has ever left this congregation well, so... no precedence.

When I was first started researching the history of this congregation, I realized that one of the most important moments of my ministry would be in my leaving. Maybe that's the way it's just supposed to be for ministers, but especially in this congregation, I have a chance to break a devastating pattern.

The only thing is, a significant part of me doesn't want to have to plan my going-away-activities myself. It seems presumptuous and self-centered until I remember that this really IS incredibly important. This congregation needs to bring something to a healthy close sometime in its history. The time is now and the thing is my ministry, so I guess I'll start planning.

But I think I'll be sneaky. That'll at least be more fun... :)

Awww, shucks...

Thanks, all! I appreciate you sharing the joy with us.

We told the church today. Annalivia is convinced that this is a little girl. She keeps talking about her sister. And does not believe me when I tell her it could be a boy. She was beginning to tell people that we are buying a baby girl after Christmas, so we thought it would be good for them to hear from us. They were all excited and probably doubly thrilled to not have to deal with negotiating maternity leave again! On the way out, one lady hugged me and told me that she hopes it is twins. Another said that since she had three children, I could have three. Another asked how many we are going to have to which another said, "Five" very matter-of-factly...

People are weird.

Whether it wears blue or pink or one of each, we're feeling very blessed right now. If there's one thing the complications of my previous pregnancies have taught us, it's to be grateful for the gift and celebrate from the moment it has been given. So we are.

Thanks for celebrating with us.

Growing things

Our new little garden is growing like mad! I don't know if it is because the soil was very acidic, or because Dennis added a scoop of MiracleGro to each hole, or whether it's just because it has been so humid and rainy this summer, but we have frutifulness here!

We've got some Hungarian Peppers that are ready to be harvested NOW.

And bell peppers that could use a little while longer.

A plethora of cherry tomatoes.
Some Roma, Beefsteak and Early Girl varieties that are growing quite well.

Cilantro that promptly turned into Coriander.


Mint for tea. Someday.
Some spicy globe basil, some purple basil, oregano, rosemary and...


...some other miscellaneous basil...

And something extra special to be enjoyed late winter...

:)

Broken thumb, mending spirit

Annalivia broke her thumb today. She was kicking a ball around the living room and somehow slipped and landed on her thumb. She screamed and cried and fussed for a long time. I noticed it was getting black and blue and so called the doctor. And after x-rays were taken, little Annalivia ended up with a splint on her thumb.

She is doing pretty well now, but in the midst of the trauma, she was doing very poorly. In fact, at some point, she looked up from her macaroni and cheese and dramatically told me through tears, "I don't think I'm going to make it, Mommy."

Luckily she has indeed made it. So far. An ice cream cone after the x-rays may have helped a bit. We'll see how she feels when she finds out that splint has to go back on after her bath.

Jingle a la Annalivia

Heard from the backseat tonight, "Save 5 dollars, save 5 dollars, when you shop Menards..."

Tired babbling

Tonight I am tired. Dano was up last night until 1:30 a.m. flopping around and kicking me. He finally fell asleep and then Annalivia got up early. Ick.

I'm working on a graveside service for tomorrow. The family wanted a graveside service because they thought a funeral service would be too hard for them. They said they didn't want personal stories, but tonight before the visitation they spent an hour telling me things that they wanted mentioned when I didn't have anything to write with! I'm hoping I remember enough of them to make a mini-meditation meaningful. I'm also supposed to sing at the service and my voice is slowly creeping back after last week's sickness. It is not sounding very pretty, in my mind, but I am praying the Spirit will use raspy vocal chords regardless.

After the funeral, we are headed over to hang out with Sublime Aunt and her family. I'm looking forward to letting someone else chase the kiddos around. Then Thursday is my niece's 5th birthday party and Annalivia is going to stay overnight with her daddy at Grandma's house while Daniel and I head home. Dennis will bring her home after work on Friday. This will be her first overnight away from home! (Though Daddy will be there so I'm not sure it counts...) I hope it all goes well.

It is nice to have a busy week, but time seems to be flying by! Dennis and I decided yesterday that we are definitely having movers pack us up as well as move us, so that's kind of a relief to not have to worry about that. We're getting estimates at the beginning of August from a couple of different companies. I'm looking forward to finding out how it all works and figuring out exactly what we need to do in the interim.

At church, the regional minister who will work with the congregation through the transition of me leaving and beyond is going to be visiting the congregation on Sunday. I think my people are highly anxious about what comes next and are not sure about what to do next. I am assuming that she will answer all of their questions, but in the meantime, I'm trying to convince people that panic is not warranted. We've been receiving resumes at church from itinerant interim ministers who are grossly underqualified, in my mind. (Aside -- how do these people find out that I'm leaving?) I have cautioned my people to not give in to desperate-seeking-of-a-warm-body to fill the pulpit. This group needs to get LOTS of work done in the interim if they want to have even a small chance of survival in the future. But it's difficult for them to hear that from me and it is hard to know what ethical lines I'm crossing by trying to influence this process. So my mouth is mostly shut. Mostly.

But on the other side of leaving, I've had some great conversations lately with friends from home. Today I spent an hour or so on the phone with a friend from college. She was the ministerial intern when I was a senior in high school and had a huge influence on me. Now she is back in Eureka, our college town and my hometown, doing ministry part-time and raising kids full-time. It was great to talk to her. I'm so looking forward to renewing old friendships, though as I shared with her, I am feeling rather terrified about renewing the relationship with my home church. It is hard to go home again, church-wise, and what has really convinced me that my home church is where I need to be is that my sister's family and my parents and grandparents worship there. And I have longed for that sort of interaction since I left it. I'm praying that God helps me be a gracious and non-anxiety-inducing presence there. And that I can have some time off. Which means I'll have to let my Messiah-complex take a sabbatical. And those of you who know me, know that this could be one of the more significant spiritual exercises of my life! :)

Anyway -- all of these things -- rumbling around in this head and I should be asleep by now. Perhaps I'll post more cohesive thoughts some day soon! Good night!

Resolution

Our appointment with our lawyer went well. Incredibly well. Miraculously, amazingly, astonishingly well. We are kind of on a high here from which we may not come down anytime soon. Almost two years after the accident, this thing is almost over. Wow.

An extra day of Daddy

Tomorrow, Dennis and I have an appointment with our big-shot lawyer in the early afternoon, so he is going to be working four 10-hour days this week. I'm excited to have him here for an extra day. It is a gorgeous, temperate day here in northern Illinois today and so far, we've been in church, at a board meeting, and in the house and basement. It's time to head outside. The garden needs to be weeded and I think we all need to have a little fresh air. After all, we can put off laundry until tomorrow. We've got an extra day of Daddy!

Not pictured here...

My beloved Nikon D40x is BROKEN! :( :( :(

It was working great and then yesterday -- nuthin'! It won't turn on, won't even slightly light up, won't focus or click or anything!

I was reading online that apparently this is a problem that some Nikons have. The customer service guy was nice and I guess I just have to send it off and have it fixed. I'll get it back in about 3 weeks. Three weeks! Do you know how many photo ops will have passed by then?

Hurrah for husbands and the Hippocratic Oath

Dennis got home this evening. Oh, thank you, Lord!!! I am at VBS with Annalivia, and, thanks to some antibiotics and eyedrops, I am feeling much better. And any physical improvement made is magnified by the spiritual and psychological improvement of having my husband home and a second parent in the house.

Though it may be a single-parent household again tonight if I get the chance to flee for a few hours... :)

Rotten-ness

I am feeling terrible right now. I have a horrible sore throat and almost no voice. It hurts to swallow and my ear is aching and ringing and full of fluid. My eyes are itchy and my nose is stuffed up and my wrist hurts and on and on and on...

This is VBS week -- not the time to be sick. And tomorrow night, we are supposed to have our community prayer vigil for the recent murders in our community. I am supposed to open the service, but I'm going to pass it off to someone else tomorrow morning. And then I'm going to pass off my VBS responsibilities to someone else. And then I'm going to curl up on the couch and pray my children are entertained by Kipper videos while I moan and try to feel a little better.

That's the state of things 'round here.

The Fourth (as per Kali)

Kali has some great pics and commentary of our Fourth of July breakfast on her post, Da Fo'th. Go see the revelry!

Busy stuff

It's VBS week at our church. Last year was our first year of VBS after a 10-year hiatus, and it went really well, in our minds. We ended up with 20 kids, which is a lot more than the 2.7 who usually attend, 2 of whom are related to the pastor.

Tonight was our kick-off and it went really well. We had 19 kids the first night! That's a big deal for us. It was fun -- exhausting, but fun. Part of the tiring part is that Daniel is about fried by that time of night. Add 20 kids and 10 adults and that is one clingy, grumpy, fragile child. I basically carried him everywhere. If Dennis still lived with us during the week, he'd have Daniel at night. But Daddy is in central Illinois at his new job. So, mommy is doing the leading-of-VBS with Daniel in arms and counting down the days till my only real duty is to hold him in my arms. (66, fyi).

Annalivia, on the other hand, had a great time. She just shines when she's around other kids. Social, social, social. She was worn out, too, though. She almost fell asleep in the 10 blocks between church and home. And both she and Daniel were fast asleep moments after going to bed. I guess the tiring part of VBS is good in that regard!

I am also busy with the Community Clergy Association right now. Last year I was president and for some reason, we didn't elect a new pres in May like we usually do, so I'm still president. We had some murders in our towns this last week and it has shaken everyone up. So we're having a candlelight vigil on Thursday. There are a number of clergy who are irritated because we originally had planned to have a prayer service at noon. But the vigil was planned by some conservative clergy and it seemed ridiculous to me that we should have separate prayer services (like we can't pray together in at least this circumstance?), so we are joining their service. I am hoping people will just deal with it and show up anyway. If not, they can not elect me again in the fall. Oh, wait...

In other news, we had a great little vacation in Eureka on July 3, 4, and 5. We had a nice anniversary and saw a wonderful parade, celebrated Mom's birthday, got to watch fireworks, went on lots of big walks around the college and town and just revelled in the knowledge that we are going to be moving soon. And actually, we'll get to move a whole month sooner, if we wish because my sis and bro-in-law are moving into their house on Aug. 1. So we can move whenever after that, which is great. It won't change my end date, but it sure would be nice to get stuff moved around and in place before we have to live there permanently.

Of course, we're not packing yet...

Five years later...

I'm just so glad he continues to put up with me! Happy anniversary, sweetheart.

In the absence of Daddy

It is 12:15 and I have two children who are crying. Neither of them want to go to bed. Daniel is in his crib and Annalivia is in her room. Both distressed.

Dennis started his job today. We actually did really well all day until late this evening. The kids both took naps at 5 p.m. and they DID NOT want to go to sleep tonight.

I have learned that when Daddy is not here, the sleep schedule will be off for a bit. Dennis is central to the nighttime routine and I think when he's not here, they both sort of wait to see if he is going to show up before resigning themselves to falling asleep.

Update -- 1:39 a.m. -- They finally fell asleep about 12:30. And I find myself unable to let myself go to sleep also. I guess they're not the only ones not quite resigned to going to bed without Daddy.

Woohoo!

We had a GREAT flood relief event at church today! We served about 200 people, made a good amount to donate, and had a great time. After church, I think there were quite a few of us who were worried about whether folks would show up. They did. (of course -- why DO we worry about these things constantly?) And the other church that helped in the event was amazing and it was so cool to see vastly different parts of the body of Christ coming together to make a difference. The food was wonderful, the activities were just plain fun (it was kind of funny to see how many adults were really excited to ride the firetruck!), and the atmosphere was festive. It was truly a wonderful experience.

If you'd like to see pics, click on over to my church blog.

Ok, seriously

If you are not reading "Et Tu?" you should start now. It's just brilliance all over the place. Jen's latest column about her transformation from being pro-choice to pro-life is stunning, I think. She articulates wrestling with faith as a reasoned individual in such eloquent and readable ways! I'll recommend her to everyone from any background. Fabulous stuff.

This just made me smile

There's more at YouTube -- Search for Matt Harding dancing.

Thursday thirteen

1. Now that I have officially resigned from church, I cannot tell you how much more I am enjoying being with my children. I don't know why it correlates for me, but it does.


2. We have been enjoying our backyard so much this year. Last year, Dennis fenced it in and put up the play area. This year, we've been out there every non-rainy day. Daniel and Annalivia can play for a long, long time in the sandbox. We have to strip them down and shake them out every time we go inside. Daniel has sand in his hair literally every night. He may or may not have been the one to put it there.


3. I love Daniel's current stage of development. It is just delightful to watch him learn to communicate, play jokes, enjoy moving around, learn to jump. It really is a wonder.


4. Daniel has been reading books to himself lately. His favorite is a deconstructed (not in the literary sense) copy of The Little Engine That Could. He points to the characters and yells a lot.


5. He's also a big fan of tractors and lawn equipment. We went to a playground last week after ballet clahss and he just stood there watching a guy mowing the park. Swings and slides cannot compete with the combustion engine, apparently.


6. This week, we slept too late to get to ballet clahss. Annalivia was remarkably unfazed.


7. Annalivia has been singing a lot of songs lately. She has a great ear for music. She can return to the home key no matter where we've been and loves to make up songs. Her phrasing is great. I also love to hear her sing "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us Be-Joyce and be glad in it."


8. She is also fascinated with the idea of childbirth and can often be found snuggling and kissing her dolls, talking about their beautiful chins, etc. And she's taken to renaming her dolls, which were previously given the perfectly-respectable names of characters in Kipper and Angelina Ballerina to things like "Gootie" and "Gook" and "Sweeha".


9. I feel like I am channeling Bob McClure lately, going through the house, flipping off lights. I'm practicing my grandfather's "Somebody's paying Cilco!" sing-song for when we move south. (cilco=central IL light company)


10. We have decided to not move any of our pantry when the time comes, so I've been making dinner from canned, frozen, and refrigerated ingredients lately. It's saving grocery money, but it's not very exciting.


11. We may not have to worry about whether our garden will be producing after our departure. The crows have been swarming it, pecking at the ground, and eating off of it lately.


12. Today is Dennis' second-to-last day at the place he was worked for 12 years. It's the end of an era.


13. We have done no packing today, yesterday, or the day-before-that, or the week-before-that. Tomorrow doesn't look good, either.

Just because

Last night, Dennis took a little longer than usual to get home. When he arrived, I was holding a sleeping child and he peeked around the corner and then presented this beautiful bouquet. He said it occurred to him that in this time of transition, I'd be dealing with a lot of upheaval, so he wanted to do something, "just because..."!

Aren't they gorgeous?

Sticky morning

Daniel was sleeping in late this morning, so Annalivia and I made pancakes. I let her dump all the things in the bowl and then stir up the mix. I would occasionally take the whisk from her and she would say, "Go nice and slow, Mommy, like me." And then, "No, that's too fast. Do it exactly like I do it."

We had blueberries to use and the pancakes were buckwheat. The combo was... not delicious. I think the blueberries weren't the greatest anyway, because everything tasted a little too grassy for me. Annalivia's verdict -- "I don't like blueberries. I like butter!!"

About ten minutes after she had gotten down from the table, she came out into the living room with her mouth full of pancake telling me that she liked MY pancakes. And the syrup on them. I didn't associate that I hadn't actually put syrup on my pancakes and that my plate was already washed and draining. So I wasn't alarmed until she came back to tell me she had spilled syrup on the counter. Suddenly, I realized what had happened. She had dumped the ENTIRE bottle of lovely, expensive Grade B Trader Joe's maple syrup onto the plate of extra pancakes that I had hoped would be breakfast for the next few days! It was a mess, not to mention that the syrup was gone and the pancakes were ruined. I will confess, I did not respond gracefully.

But after a very gentle smackdown by someone far wiser than I, I have realized that it was funny in its own right. And I wish I would have grabbed the camera and laughed a little instead of getting all ticked off.

I guess I've got a lot to learn when it comes to handling sticky situations.

7 months of bad hair is enough

The last time I had my hair professionally cut was on Dec. 1, 2007. I got it cut and I wasn't really happy with it and decided that I was just not going to pay for an icky haircut for the next year.

I made it to last week, when I decided my own haircutting technique (i.e. grab a clump and saw at it with thinning shears) had run its course. I have terrible hair right now. Long haired dogs that have lived on their own in the wild, foraging for squirrels in thickets full of burrs and sticker bushes have looked better. Really.

So, I caved. And I made an appointment at one of the hipper salons in our very non-hip town, asking them for their soonest appointment. I have had to wait until this Tuesday when I will emerge with a new hairdo, hopefully.

I'm excited. I'm not sure what has possessed me to go this long feeling hair-frumpy, but I've learned a lesson -- regardless of the money this experiment has saved, it's really not worth it.

Owwww.

Yesterday morning before ballet clahss, I was at the dairy getting some lovely fresh milk and I tripped over a large rock and managed to fall flat on my face while carrying a gallon glass jar of milk to the car. I was hurrying and not paying attention to the big ol' rock that the dairy owners use to prop open the milk shed door. I fell hard, knocking the glasses off my face and scraped up my knees and elbows. I'm very, very thankful that I was carrying the milk (which did not break, by the way) because I did not have time to drop it and put my hands out to catch myself. I'm pretty certain I would have broken again my already-broken right wrist that is being held together with screws and plates. Thank God for LARGE favors!

Yesterday afternoon and this morning, I did not feel too bad. But this afternoon.... uuuuuggggghhhhh! And.... owwwwwwwww. Everything hurts. I feel like going to bed and staying there for the next few days.

Is there a point in one's life where one doesn't make a fool of oneself, imperiling life and limb?

If so, I think I may be past it.

Impromptu service project

So, on the way out of pastoring, I am feeling energized to do ministry again and have spent some of the evening rounding up folks to put on a Summer Picnic/ Old Fashioned Church Sundae Sunday/ Ice Cream Social (we're still debating what we'll call it) to benefit flood victims. And we've decided to do it Sunday, June 29, after worship.

Nothing like a little fire under our seats to get us going again.

I'm excited, and as far as I can tell, so is our congregation. We love any project that involves food and so much of our congregation has family or friends who have been affected by the flooding. I think it's perfect.

A little soon, but perfect.

A special treat

I found this set the other day at an antique store in town. Isn't it neat? I love the large thermoses with the old corks, red pop-off lids and nesting cups... the long sandwich box... the great plaid container... everything fits inside just so. Annalivia is enthralled with our new set for "parapickets" (picnics).

I'm picturing fall parapickets with soup and sandwiches and a thermos of cider...

Another piece of the puzzle

One of the most wonderful pieces of this life-change puzzle that has been falling into place is our living arrangements come September. We will be renting the house that my sister, Lil, and her family are vacating when they move into their new home.

This house is not just any house, however. It is an absolutely gorgeous, amazing, and very large home built in the early 1900's. It has been in the family of the current owner since shortly after it was built. It is wonderful -- two stories and a walk-up attic, woodwork everywhere and chestnut pocket doors, gorgeous big windows, a gracious front porch, an amazing entry and banister, lovely plantings... these things are just the beginning. The owner is a man who has taken very good care of the place. He is a meticulous caretaker and his house shows it.

Living in this house is sort of a dream for me. When I was growing up, my grandparents lived just down the block from it, in another large house on Main Street in Eureka. I used to walk by the house we will be living in and admire it. I was inside it once when I was in grade school and thought it was the most beautiful place I'd ever seen. When I was in college, I decided that it was the house I'd most want to own in Eureka. Then Lil moved in and I've lived vicariously through her, coveting that house all the while. No longer -- in September we'll get to be the tenants there!

The only thing that would make this whole thing better would be if we were actually buying it. We've always wanted to have a lovely old house that needs enough work that the price is such that we could buy it, but not enough work that we'd be stupid for buying it! :) Dennis can fix anything and the senseless romantic in me is always much happier with creaky floors and high ceilings around me. Maybe someday...

In the meantime, I plan to cook at the stove and weed the gardens and sit on the porch and pretend like it's mine. I'll be enjoying every moment of it.

It will still be a dream come true.

Of course, I didn't have my camera!

We had a terrific day here.
Church went well. Everyone is so demonstrative with their affections now that I'm leaving! It's refreshing.
After church, we got in the car and drove north. We came upon a small town that was having its annual Fire Department Waterfight Day. The firefighters were decked out in their gear and had out two firehoses. They were aiming them full blast at a plastic barrel and trying to get the barrel over the other teams' line to win a "round". We joined about 40 spectators for a few minutes to watch the crazy ritual, realized I had left the camera at home, and moved on.
We then drove over to the Mississippi River and headed up towards Galena. Right along the river, we saw a large BNSF coal train and travelled with it for a few miles. It was right beside us and the kids were over the moon to see the big orange train and coal cars so close.
We stopped an an army depot near the river and on the way into the depot, saw a home in the backwaters of the Mighty Miss, flooded to the extent that it was an island. On the way out of the depot, we saw a HUGE snapping turtle -- probably two feet long -- in the road. Annalivia and I got a really, really close look at it when Dennis pulled over. It was ugly, but very, very cool.
On the way to Galena, the sun came out and we had just incredibly lit vistas everywhere. Galena was nice and we had gelato and then drove around a bit and headed up to Dubuque. There is flooding everywhere, but we mainly just drove around and enjoyed the beautiful scenery.
From Dubuque, we headed south along the river and saw cranes, swans, and turtles. We went through a little Luxembourg village and near an abbey. We saw a huge ELCA church that rivaled any Catholic church around here. We followed a beautiful, charming little road a couple of miles and saw a neat old farmstead, a very old cemetery and a chapel built by a devout Catholic after a treacherous trip across the Atlantic from Luxembourg in 1852.
We saw a beautiful little town by Lock and Dam #12 and missed our chance to have homemade pies. But we drove through more flooding to Clinton, bought a picnic and then headed to a great little park in Fulton where the kids played for an hour.
Then we headed towards home and took a little sunset-lit walk through the slough, listened to the frogs and the red-winged blackbirds and enjoyed an incredibly brilliant red-hued sunset before heading home to baths.
It was just a perfect, wonderful, impulsive day, spent with the family, grateful for Daddy, and all that we enjoy. I wish I would have gotten pictures, but it was very special and I suppose the lack of photos mean this day was uniquely ours.
Hope everyone out there had a wonderful Fathers' Day, too.

The BIG, GIANT, HUGE, ENORMOUS news

I have spent the day today calling people to tell them that I am resigning as their pastor today.

I know that's not the conventional way to do it, but I also know that sending a letter first to this congregation who really is more like family would be a terrible way to announce this departure. They'll get the letter on Sunday.

In the meantime, I've talked to almost every regular attendee. I tried to visit face-to-face with some folks who have been very important to me. The others have gotten a phone call and an apology that I'm not there in person to tell them.

I kind of hate to admit this, but I am surprised -- almost shocked -- to find out that people are really, really going to miss me! I look back over the last seven years, and it is the gaping holes that are most obvious, the places where I could-have or should-have. I am glad that they have reminded me of the places where I have. Thank God that they were paying attention.

The reason I am resigning is primarily because Dennis has accepted a position as an engineer in Morton, IL. It is an incredible position at a company with a secure future, or, at least, as secure as one can find in the current manufacturing climate. And they have been very, very generous with him.

I am very excited, especially, because their generosity means that I will get to stay home with the kiddos. I have known since they were born that mothering them was my greatest calling. I am very, very, very grateful that I am going to be able to mother them in this new way -- with no sermons to research, no office to visit or not-visit, no congregants to rush off and pastor.

The most wonderful thing is that we know, we know that all of this is exactly what we need to do. It is clear to us that God has provided this way for us. In fact, it has happened in an almost magical way -- divine, really! :) We were not looking to leave and had actually talked to Dennis' mom about staying here and buying property from her and living out there. Then Dennis got a call from a headhunter and the guy had this position in mind for him.

Dennis had an informal interview with the engineering manager who called the headhunter back and told him that she was sure that the company wanted Dennis. The headhunter gave her a salary figure that was just kind of amazing to us and when she balked at it, he told her that Dennis was very worth it.

The company called him back for another interview and it went very well. He was there for a looooonnnnngggg time. It was only 45 minutes after the interview that the company called and offered Dennis the job at the amazing number! I don't think we could have asked for it to happen in a cooler way!

And since then, and really, before that, everything has just been laid out before us in the most amazing ways. We have had some other miraculous financial news and we are just astonished at the events at hand! In 90-ish days, my husband will be working at a job that will obviously value him and his experience and knowledge, I will be home with my kiddos, we will be living in Eureka, we will have all our debts paid, we'll have a six month emergency fund, and we'll have a very, very substantial savings for the future. It will be a whole new life! Resurrection, really.

I am just so amazed, awed and humbled at how God has answered and is answering so many of our prayers. And I am reminded of the thousands of times I have worried and fretted. What have I to fear, really? I need to remember that He is good to His people.

I may have to tattoo that on my forehead.

And those of you who have told me that all would be well have permission to tell me "I told you so."

But only once. :)

Wiggley girl

Annalivia had her dance clahss today. She woke me up at 7:30 and was ready to go by 7:45. Class began at 9. :)

She loved it. She was full of all sorts of information afterwards -- "I held on the big white bar!" and "The teacher told me something and I did it!" and "I danced and danced and danced!" and a bunch of other stuff. I'm glad she enjoyed it. This was literally her first experience with taking instruction from someone other than us and being with other kids her age. We don't have kids at our church and she's not in daycare, so I was relieved.

But something else came up and I'd like your-all's help out there! The parents stayed in a lounge area while the kids went to class and they had a video feed of the class into the lounge. We couldn't hear anything, but it looked to me like she did pretty well. She was very excited to do all the movements, but I noticed that she was constantly moving. If the kids were sitting in a straight line, Annalivia was scooting around the floor. She was mimicking the teacher's arm movements, but was also using her legs and doing all sorts of squiggley things. When they were playing a dance-while-the-music-is-playing, stop-when-it's-not game, she wasn't stopping until far after the other kids.

As I was watching her, I was realizing that Annalivia is always moving! She doesn't just sit or stand in one place anytime! I hadn't realized before that it is not characteristic of other kids her age, but I definitely noticed it today! She's like a little butterfly flitting around! And I'm wondering now what I can do to help her learn to contain herself and focus. Anyone out there got suggestions?

Dance clahs

Tomorrow, Annalivia has her first dance class. (Or if she is talking about it, it's her "dance-clahss" -- I'm pretty sure it's an Angelina thing.) She's excited to wear her leotard, her ballet shoes, and her hair in a braid. We've discussed how important it is that she listen to the teacher and do what the teacher says even if other children aren't following the teacher's instructions. It's her first time with organized instruction from another adult. We'll see how it goes. I may be sleeping with fingers crossed.

Mini-vaca

So, we have been gone on a teeny-tiny vacation since, um... Sunday after church! Teeny-tiny. Miniscule, in fact.

We had to be in central Illinois this morning, so Dennis took a vacation day today and we went down to Peoria after church yesterday. We took a winding journey through the country and ended up at Glen Oak Zoo -- a little non-fancy zoo in Peoria. We walked around on a sweltering day, had ice cream at a local landmark, and then headed to a hotel where we swam for a while. Then we got pizza for dinner, took a drive, and came back. This morning, we went and visited the great-grandparents, did some playing and lunching, and got in a grandma-and-aunts-and-cousins visit in the afternoon. Then we headed home.
It was a great little mini-vacation. I felt like we got to do something different and that's a nice feeling as I see the same-ol' dishes and laundry facing me at home!

There is a balm...

...and it might be on the internet. Thanks so much, all of you -- those who commented, emailed or called re: my last post.

I met with the folks in this family who are members of the congregation today. It was a good visit. We had lots of conversation, lots of laughter. I've apologized directly to those who are most hurt -- not church members -- but still part of the family. I feel as though I have done what I can. I've realized through talking with some of you that part of my guilt is misplaced. Part of it isn't, but I appreciate your wisdom and willingness to speak truth in love.

In other news -- we found out that the insurance company of the woman who hit us back in Sept'06 has agreed to pay us the full limits of her policy coverage. This is huge! And it means that the lawsuit could perhaps be resolved in the next month or two or three. I am praying for it to be resolved sooner rather than later, but y'all know me -- I'm impatient. :) It is very good news, though, and I'm grateful for it, grateful for this day and how things have gone, grateful for all of you out there. Thanks, friends.

I have screwed up

I have really messed up a situation at church and am having to beg forgiveness from a family I truly love. They have made mistakes, too, but my mistakes are greater.

I don't know whether I can make the situation better and I just don't know how to convey my complete contrition to them. The relationship is hurt. Very hurt.

And the situation is leading me to do some serious praying, thinking, and pondering about the future and ministry.

The answer so far is not easy...

Grumpy girl

Dennis is on a business trip, Daniel is still going through far too many diapers (and pijamas...and sheets for his crib...and sheets for our bed), Annalivia has been helpful in all the wrong ways today, the house is a mess, we have a visitor coming tomorrow, a secretary leaving for the weekend, a good dose of uncertainty around here, and I am very, very, very grumpy.

How in the world do those of you with husbands who are gone consistently keep from becoming a resentful, brooding, walking ball of irritation?

Oh, yeah.... there is prayer...

Life moves

And we can either enter into the journey of our own accord, or be pulled along unwillingly.

A prayer for this season of life, found somewhere online, sometime in the past...

Jesus of the road, Jesus of the street
Jesus of the sky, Jesus on the beat
May I come with you, along your roads today
and see where you are, and what you do and say
and be involved, in some small way?
May I do it, Jesus?
In your name I pray.

Desperate temps call for desperate measures

We've not really had desperate temps, but today it got up to 86 degrees here and we were all a little hot. So, we made ice cream.

I made the custard yesterday -- a little bit of very dark chocolate, agave nectar, cream, milk, vanilla and eggs. So simple.

We got it out of the fridge this afternoon and poured it in the frozen bowl and let the KitchenAid mixer do its magic. Have I mentioned here how much I adore my KitchenAid? Mom got it for me and I love, love, love it!!

About 25 minutes later, we turned it off and sampled.

With fresh milk from the dairy, we get SO much cream! We can have a quart and a half of homemade deliciousness every week, if we want. Next week's version may have to be made with fresh strawberries from my brother in law's garden! Mmmmmm.