Why we don't say "butt"

Today Daniel got his hair cut. It hadn't been cut since Easter; I thought it was time.

We found a nice barbershop with a nice barber a very nice distance from us. Daniel is naturally cute, but he's even cuter in the barbershop because he sits still, mostly, and talks fairly clearly. The barber was sort of enchanted with him and was playfully asking him if I call him Pumpkin (I don't) or Cookie (I don't) or Sweetie Pie (I do and he answered affirmatively with a big smile).

Then the barber asked, "Does your momma call you Stinky Butt?"

Daniel stopped smiling and looked at me with big eyes.

The barber didn't notice and continued very playfully asking him, "Does your momma ever say, 'Come here, you little Stinky Butt!'?"

Daniel looked very serious and shook his head and said, "No. We don't say 'butt'."

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He's right. We don't say butt. We also don't refer to any bodily functions or body parts by their more exciting nicknames.

I realize that we might be almost totally alone in the world in this regard, but there's two very good reasons why...

First, when you are raised to refer to "parts and functions" by their proper names or not at all, you get to experience the thrill of getting to use the nicknames when you and your sisters are far out of the earshot of your mother or at your friends' houses when their mothers are out of earshot.

Second, there is nothing and I mean absolutely NOTHING that compares with the singular joy of hearing a good poo joke or bodily function humor a la Black Adder, or even Shakespeare, for that matter, when you've been raised to believe it's a little naughty. It's just absolutely delicious.

That's why we don't say "butt".