13 November 2006

Return to normalcy -- sort of

Well, today, Dennis got up at 5:30 to go back to work! This is the first time that he has been to work since Sept. 19, when we had our accident. That's a long time!
He is going back for five-hour days for right now until the doctor sees how physical therapy is progressing. I imagine that I will have a tired love when he gets home after lunch today.
I am glad that he gets to go back to work because he needs it. At the same time, I've really liked having him around and still getting an income! But it is time.
Annalivia wondered where he was this morning. She woke up and called his name for a while, then got up and ran out of the bedroom talking to him, then ran to the basement steps to see if he was down there. I explained to her that he is gone and will be home soon and so she moved on to Sesame Street. I guess things are back to normal.
With Dennis gone, I've realized again the importance of routines for me. Although I did manage to get the sink clean and house ordered last night, I didn't set up breakfast, so Annalivia ate a banana and leftover chicken nuggets this morning. Not the worst food ever, but tonight I need to soak pancake batter so we can actually eat real food in the morning. And I need to do little things like setting out my clothes and showering at night to make the a.m. more smooth for her. With Dennis here, I can slack off. Without him, Annalivia is left bearing the slack and that's hardly fair.
I was thinking about this last night and this morning -- about how much easier it is for me to handle things when Dennis is here, but also how much more I don't handle things because he's here. It is stewardship time at church, and I realized that many of us do this. We use our gifts only when it is absolutely necessary -- when someone else doesn't cover our slack. And in our church, I think we've created a self-perpetuating system to uphold this. We don't just offer ourselves -- all of ourselves that we can. Instead, most of the time, we offer out of guilt or worry or fear or anger. It's a begrudging giving and so it's not really giving. We feel like someone else is taking from us, and that's hardly a gift to anyone.
So I've decided to work on my motivation for giving myself to my family and church. It should be about Love, shouldn't it? The Love Divine who gave All should inspire me to give my all.
Or at least it should inspire me to make a better attempt at breakfast!

No comments: