It's an Emmeliese

Back when I was pregnant with Annalivia, Dennis and I talked a lot about names. We had another name chosen for Annalivia before I became pregnant with her, but it just wasn't right. Eventually, we found Annalivia and we both knew it was right when we heard it.

We also knew that our second daughter was going to be named Emmeliese. Emmeliese Elizabeth, to be exact. And from before the time that her elder sister was born, Emmeliese seemed very real to me. It was as though she was just out there waiting to come to us.

In fact, Emmeliese was so real to me that when I got pregnant for the second time, I was almost positive that it her. When the ultrasound tech said that we had a little boy, I was downright shocked. I thought for sure that he was Emmeliese. It took me a while to adjust to the idea of Daniel being Daniel. (This is yet another one of the reasons that we will always find out the gender of our babies, if possible. Knowing who is in there is a big, big deal to me.) Of course, now that he is here, I can't imagine our family without him. He has completed another piece of our family that couldn't be filled in any other way. And I am continually thankful that he is mine.

All of that being said, though, the sense that Emmeliese was out there has not gone away. Several times over the last few years I have dreamed about her. About two or three weeks before I became pregnant with this baby, I dreamed about Emmeliese again. I dreamed that I was calling out her name over and over again. And when I woke up I told Dennis I felt like I was calling her to me. And when, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and Annalivia immediately insisted that she had a baby sister, I felt hopeful that Emmeliese had finally decided to come to us.

But I had been wrong before. After all, I thought Annalivia was a James and Daniel was Emmeliese. So on Monday, when we had an ultrasound, I was prepared to be excited if this baby ended up being a William or Peter or John or whatever.

But -- it's not! It's her! She's actually here with us and we are sooooo excited to finally get to meet our little Emmeliese Elizabeth, if even in utero! Her big sister is particularly thrilled. When the ultrasound tech told her the baby was a girl she started jumping up and down and clapping. And when I asked her what she thought Emmeliese would look like, Annalivia said, "She'll be wearing a beautiful, long dress..." And Daniel has his own song for her, "Baby Liese, Liese, Liese".

Obviously, Emmeliese is already treasured in our family. Today I had another ultrasound. It was really neat to see her little face and her legs and arms. I keep thinking of Psalm 139, " For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made and she is just beautiful already.

We are soooo grateful, thankful, and very excited about what is to come!

Hooray! It's an Emmeliese!

Sarafina

We are not animal people. And when I say "we", I mean, Dennis and I. We are not animal people for many legitimate reasons including allergies, but the biggest reason is that neither of us are fans of the prospect of cleaning up the feces of those who don't share our DNA. Our children, however, have not thought out the whole cleaning-up-after thing and are, therefore, animal lovers. And what they really want is a cat.

Enter Sarafina. Kalin gave me this cat for my birthday when I was in seminary, since it was obvious that I was never going to get a real cat. Annalivia adopted her later and named her Sarafina, after a white cat in a movie she has. When she goes to sleep, Annalivia arranges Sarafina at the foot of her bed like a real cat. Unlike a real cat, when Annalivia kicks Sarafina off the bed at night, Sarafina just lays on the floor quietly. She hasn't taken any revenge that we've detected.

But the person who has become the real owner of Sarafina is Daniel. He plays with her constantly. And he takes her everywhere. Everytime we leave, we have to make sure Sarafina is with us. "C'mon, 'Fina!" he yells. Then he makes her meow in loud, bark-like sounds. Sarafina is a good travel companion. The only time she has caused any distraction is when she was lobbed into the front seat accompanied by Daniel's screams of protest. I am pretty sure Annalivia was behind that.

We have told our kids that one day we will live on a farm or someplace where kitties and maybe even a doggie can live outside. Then they can have lots of animals. And presumably, they'll be old enough to clean up after them. In the meantime, there's Sarafina. And she's a pretty good substitute.

My second completed crochet project

A hat for my goddaughter who stopped by yesterday. It was another very fast project. I added earflaps and scallopped edges. I made it very ruffly in front and less so in back. I probably should have taken more time to get a better fit, or made larger earflaps. I hope it will work for this winter at least.

My first completed project

Ok. I don't mean to be over-dramatic, but I think the universe has shifted. I have actually completed an artistic project. (Those of you who know me can now pick yourselves up off of the floor.) I owe it all to the miracle called crochet.
I think I might be addicted to crochet. Seriously. Dennis caught me creeping out of bed at 12:15 this morning and asked where I was going. "Just downstairs." He asked what I was going to do. "Ummm....just some stuff."
"Let me guess," he said. "Does this 'stuff' involve YARN?"

Last night after puzzling over the heel of the stockings for a few hours, I decided to start a project this morning that I thought I could finish quickly. I had bought this yarn to make a hat and scarf for Daniel and decided to start the hat. I found this wonderful woman's video tutorial on how to make a circle. I studied it and and also watched her video for a how to make a beanie, then I struck out on my own. I made the circle first so that the hat would have a larger, flatter crown to fit my son's giant head. (43 hours of labor. I'm just sayin'...) Then I made short rounds and towards the end, just went back and forth to make the earflaps. The flaps can be worn up or down, and the ties are just a simple chain.

It is definitely not perfect, but it is DONE! And wearable and pretty cute, I think, especially when on his little (or not-so-little) head.

Another thanksgiving

Today, my sister Lil and her daughters came over to spend some time after the eldest daughter got done with Kindergarten. Annalivia had invited her cousin over to watch Sleeping Beauty. There was not much watching going on, but they had a good time. And Lil and I got to sit and chat while I worked some more on my crocheted Christmas stocking. Lillia also got hooked (hee, hee, hooked, get it?) on crochet so I might have a co-conspirator when it comes to figuring out how to do it once she gets hooks and yarn. And everyone in our family might end up with several scarves for Christmas.

After she and the girls left, I felt thankful again for the blessing of family being near. The difference in our lives three months ago and now is so profound. I feel as though I'm a branch grafted back onto the family tree instead of a little shoot trying to put out roots elsewhere. I honestly believe that some people are of the variety that grow better in their own soil and some of us really need the lifeblood flowing to the other branches to feel most completely ourselves. I am in the latter category, I've realized. And I'm thankful, thankful, thankful that I'm here to experience all of this.

Also -- I've moved my thankful list offline. But I've still been doing it -- just in case anyone thought yet another lofty goal had been scuttled aside, as is generally my way. :)

A new project

I'm learning to crochet. Long ago, my maternal grandmother, Ga, made my family Christmas stockings. They were wonderful -- all about the same shape, but all different designs, personalized with names, big enough to fit toothbrushes and socks and books and cd's as well as a larger gift, stretchy enough so that when an orange was put in the toe they hung down another foot... They really were everything a Christmas stocking should be.

The last few years, we've not used Christmas stockings. But the house we are renting has a beautiful fireplace and I want my little ones to have the same sort of experience opening their stocking on Christmas morning. Ga has been gone 11 years now, so I can't ask her how she made them. However, I know they were crocheted and thanks to the miracles of the internet and YouTube and this brilliant woman, I'm forging ahead on my own. I hope to get one done for Daniel and Annalivia by this Christmas. And hopefully, I'll have the other three finished by Christmas 2009!

On Veterans' Day

For this Veterans' Day, I'd like to share one of my favorite recordings made in 1941 when the country was at war. Benny Goodman and Peggy Lee in one of her first studio session recorded an interpretation of the Rodgers and Hart ballad, Where or When. Rather than giving it the full-blown bravado of later more popular recordings, this oneis introspective and sensitive. It speaks to the mood of a nation wondering where or when or even, if, the next encounter with loved ones would occur.

I and most I know have never experienced such sacrifice. But every day, we are the beneficiaries. Most days we are blissfully unaware of the work that has been done so that we many enjoy the liberties we enjoy. But today, we have no excuse for ignorance.

Thank you, Veterans, for your service. It is not enough to say it, but thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

"May the wreaths they have won never wither and the star of their glory never grow dim."

Fake flowers

This summer, before I left the pastorate, a daughter-in-law of a church member came to church to give us a demonstration on how to arrange fake flowers. It was interesting and we made several bouquets for the chancel of the church, but I sort of filed the info under "Things I now know and won't ever use."
Fast forward to the last couple of weeks when I went to a couple of the big craft stores in Peoria and noticed that all of the fall flowers were on 50%-75% off clearance. I found some big hydrangeas, which happen to be one of my flower weaknesses, and then it occurred to me that I know, sort of, how to use those! So I bought some others and came up with these bouquets with the help of two vases from WalMart.

This one is on the library table in our foyer. It is perfect for the space. I like the colors and the fake berries. And I especially like the hanging, spindly leaves and things. My favorite thing is the hydrangeas.


This one is in the entryway right by one of the front doors. Again, it is about the perfect size and you can't tell in these photos, but the leaves hang down and the fuzzy things are a lot more green and protude out. And the eucalyptus has more green in it, too.

I have always kind of been a fresh-flowers only type of snob, but I gotta say -- I like not watering things. And I like that these arrangements are going to last. And I like that I was actually able to arrange them, which I have never, ever been able to do with fresh flowers.

So... fake flowers for me. For now.

The things I get away with

Yesterday, after lunch, we ran over to Peoria to get Daniel a nice looking winter coat at Old Navy. I like it when they cut their coat prices in half, which they have recently, so we found a coat that will work for pretty much all-of-the-time and then got back in the car to head home.

It was around dinner time and Dennis and I were not hungry at all, but Annalivia said she wanted to eat. Then she volunteered that she wanted a "roast beef sandwich from Arby's." We had passed an Arby's on the way to the store and were going past it again, but I was thinking it would be better to just eat at home. So I said, "Annalivia, if you wait til we get home to eat, you could have OATMEAL for dinner..."

To which she responded enthusiastically, "Yay!!!"

And we came home and she and Daniel had oatmeal with brown sugar and milk for dinner. With seconds and thirds.

I'm not sure how I ended up with kids who count oatmeal as a big treat, but I'll take it. It's nice to be able to get away with something every once in a while.

Return to Sunday Dinner

I realized today -- I have simple dreams with simple themes. Home and family are central to most. A comfortable place to live, special traditions, several consecutive nights of uninterrupted sleep... these are the thoughts that set me afire.

Today, I got to realize a long-time dream of mine which was to host a family Sunday Dinner after church. Since college when I interned at a little church in northern Illinois where four generations worshiped together and ate together every. single. Sunday. after church, I have wanted to do so with my family.

We're not up to every Sunday...yet...beware, family... but today we got together after church. I thought it was wonderful. We had pot roast, mashed potatoes and gravy, broccoli with cheese, homemade bread from my sistah, Lil, and old-fashioned three-layer buttermilk chocolate cake for dessert. I got to set the table with a white tablecloth and put out the cloth napkins. We used silver. We even got out the china gravy bowl. And we ate together.

Today, it was only Lil's family and Mom as our guests. Gramps, Grammy, and Freespirit Uncle, in from Arkansas, had their portions to go. Dad was on a boy scout campout all weekend. But it was such a gift to join hands around the table, eat leisurely, have mom wash dishes :), and enjoy the conversation while the kids played, mostly peaceably.

Afterwards, when the families returned home, I sat down and reflected on it all and found myself incredibly moved by the simple act of being able to be together. So many families are not afforded or do not afford themselves such opportunities. So many families do not enjoy being in the presence of each other. So many families are burdened by togetherness. But, we... well, we are blessed. Incredibly, inumerably blessed.

Honestly, I could do this every week. To me, it's a simple dream come true.

On being a conservative now

Last night, as the election results were rolling in and it was clear that Barack Obama would be our president-elect, Dennis said to me that he felt sort of sorry for me that in my first election as a baby-con, I experienced being on the losing side of the presidential election. Then he pointed out that I had been on the losing side of the previous two elections also. Sweet of him, eh?
Actually, I'm 0-4. I've never picked a winning president. And while this is rather pitiful, in many different ways, what it has afforded is the unique position of being part of the losing side and listening to the verbage of the losing side. And I have to say, I'm honored to be part of this losing side this time.
I believe that conservatives have responded, in most part, with grace and honor to this election defeat. I have read and heard many friends' opinions that conservatives are mean-spirited, selfish individuals. And most of us, they suspect, are inherent racists. I believed the same thing back when I was a liberal (which, for the record, was last year). I was wrong. And my many friends who believe the same thing, if they will admit it, are wrong, too.
I was realizing yesterday as I wrote my thankful list, that there are many, many, many people on both sides of the conservative/liberal divide who have a deep appreciation, gratitude, and commitment for and to our country that goes beyond which party is in power. This gratitude is not coupled with a blindness to our failings as a country, but is a very real evaluation of the assets, strengths, past, present and future of the country and a belief that those things overpower and overcome the liabilities, weaknesses and errors we have experienced and will experience.
I will confess, as a liberal, I was not one of these people. I said I loved my country, but I really believed that America was, if not THE problem in the world, at least A problem in the world, that we had brought more suffering on others than we had alleviated, that most of us, if left to our own devices make selfish and self-serving choices, etc...
When my candidates lost in the past, I did not hear other liberals speaking of hope for the future. I did not hear others talking about the strengths we exhibit as a country. I did not hear promises to continue to serve, continue to strengthen, continue to love our country. In short, I never had the sense that our patriotism went beyond our self-interests. If our candidate was not in power, something was very, very wrong with the world.
This time is different. I know that there are conservatives who will go on attack, but most of the conservatives I have read and spoken to are expressing their hope for the country, their resolution to pray for the country and for our president-elect, and their appreciation for the historic nature of Obama's election. Most everyone I know is glad, glad, glad that an African-American family will be in the White House. They rejoice in that. I have heard that religious conservatives are vindictive and judgemental. I found these links here and here at Holly's and I would urge you to read them. Though they express a sadness in some of Obama's choices especially in regards to abortion, I think they also express very aptly what many conservatives will follow up with action, especially through prayer -- a desire for our country to be strengthened, united, and strong.
McCain's concession speech, to me, communicated this commitment. I knew before the election that he would return to the senate and serve the country he loves the same way he has in the past. He confirmed that with the words that follow. I remain glad to have supported such a man.

This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Sen. Obama and my old friend Sen. Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years...

I would not — I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century. Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone, and I thank the people of Arizona for it...

Tonight — tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Sen. Obama — whether they supported me or Sen. Obama.

I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.

Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history.

Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much.

Recipe: Easy, delicious pasta sauce

Sometimes I hate to cook. I admit it. We eat out more often than we should as a family and we are constantly trying to figure out ways to make tasty, simple meals in the easiest possible way, while cooking from scratch. I know that processed food is not great for us. So, for the most part, I've tried to get rid of processed shortcuts and use the real deal.

One processed product that I just will not give up, though, is jarred pasta sauce. I have tried to make my own from scratch and frankly, the work is too much. We generally buy Ragu on sale and I can get if for a few cents more than a can of similarly sized tomatoes. Ragu is pretty healthy, as processed foods go. But I will admit I don't like it straight from the jar. Here is how to doctor it up and make it really, really delicious. My mother taught me this secret which is to use wine. You boil the sauce so that the alcohol cooks out of it, but it will leave a wonderful flavor. I think one might be able to use white grape juice also, but I haven't tried it. I use the wine and it never fails to be delicious.

Delicious Pasta Sauce

1 lb bulk sausage

2 jars of pasta sauce -- I use Ragu Roasted Garlic and Mushroom and Sauteed Onion

2 large cans of crushed tomatoes

1 cup of red wine -- I usually use Chianti or Valpolicella

Brown the sausage in a large pot. Get it really brown. Drain the fat, if necessary.

Pour in some wine to deglaze the pan. Scrape up all the delicious brown stuff on the bottom. Pour the rest of the wine in and bring to a boil.

Pour in the jars of sauce and the cans of tomato.

Bring to a boil, then turn down and let simmer for a few minutes, or as long as you like.

I also like to cook 2 boxes of pasta to use with this and my favorite pasta to us is Rigatoni or Ziti. Combined, this makes two round casserole dishes of pasta. The first night, we eat one and save leftovers for lunch the next day. I pour the rest of the pasta in the other, top with mozzarella and freeze it for some day in the future. On that day, I'll pull it out of the freezer, put it in the oven, covered, at 350 and let it cook until the cheese is melted and bubbly. It's wonderful and still involves a minimum of pots to clean.

There you go -- easy, peasy, delicious pasta sauce to make two-for-one pasta. That's the kind of cooking I can bear.

Election night video

Enjoy this way-too-catchy song while waiting for the returns.

HT: The fabulous Miz Booshay

Thanks: Election edition

41. I am thankful for the United States of America.
42. I am thankful that we consider freedom to be an inalienable right.
43. I am thankful that we are free to vote our consciences.
44. I am thankful that we have men and women who are willing to serve as our elected representatives.
45. I am thankful that we live in a time when all of us have access to lots of info about our elected officials.
46. I am thankful that I can be a campaign volunteer from my living room.
47. I am thankful that tonight, our country will be done voting.
48. I am thankful that regardless of the outcome of the election, many people will go about serving this country tomorrow and the day after that because their patriotism goes beyond political party.
49. I am thankful for the dedication and sacrifice of those enlisted in our armed forces.
50. I am thankful for the endurance of their families.
51. I am especially thankful for my friend, Scott, who is in the Sudan right now.
52. I am thankful for Jessica, his wife, and their children who welcome him home.
53. I am thankful for the way he has chosen to dedicate his life to service of our country despite a near-PhD and the lure of a more secure life.
54. I am thankful for the many others who try to make life better for themselves and those around them.
55. I am thankful for teachers.
56. I am thankful for pastors.
57. I am thankful for those in the medical profession.
58. I am especially thankful for those tending Grammy this morning.
59. I am thankful for civic servants.
60. I am thankful for scientists.
61. I am thankful for engineers, especially my engineer.
62. I am thankful for those in service positions.
63. I am thankful for those who do work others do not want to do.
64. I am thankful for volunteers.
65. I am thankful for students and learners.
66. I am thankful for the opportunity to become what we want to become.
67. I am thankful for the men and women who could not and sought a better future for themselves and others.
68. I am thankful for the knowledge of our country's history.
69. I am thankful for generations of gratitude passed down among its citizens.
70. I am thankful for current scholarship that continues to teach.
71. I am thankful for those who encourage thoughtful and rigorous examination of where we have been and where we are going.
72. I am thankful for a family who engages the world thoughtfully and with rigor.
73. I am thankful for family members who have extended grace in the midst of my own confusion, confrontations and affrontations.
74. I am thankful for the freedom to pass on these values to my children.
75. I am thankful for the commitment of my community to creating a safe, healthy place for children to grow.
76. I am thankful for the innocence of youth and the wisdom brought by age.
77. I am thankful for nice weather for this election day.
78. I am thankful for early voting procedures.
79. I am thankful for absentee ballots.
80. I am thankful for this election.

A month-ish of thanks

There are only 25 days until Thanksgiving! Every year, I find myself at Thanksgiving's door wishing I had spent more time being aware of all the blessings of life. I often read Ann V.'s gratitude lists at her blog and feel inspired to join in, but tend not to move forward in a concrete way. This is the year of changes, however, and I feel the need to reflect on what is and has been and is to come with gratitude. So, I'm going to fill my blog with my thankful lists during November, hopefully every day. If you find lists difficult to read, (I confess, I do, sometimes) I apologize. And if any of you decide to do the same at your spots, please let me know. I'd love to stop by. And I promise I'll read your lists. :)

1. I am thankful for the time change that had everyone in the house up and ready to leave for preschool with plenty of time to have breakfast and enjoy our walk.
2. I am thankful for the walk to the school that forces me to have a little exercise and allows Daniel to look at the big trucks zooming by on Main Street.
3. I am thankful for the way Annalivia points out the trucks to her little brother and is excited by his reactions.
4. I am thankful for the money to buy bright red mary janes for her little feet.
5. I am thankful that Annalivia generally doesn't argue about what she should wear to school or church or out and about.
6. I am thankful for Annalivia's teachers.
7. I am thankful that she enjoys and looks forward to school.
8. I am thankful for enthusiastic stories.
9. I am thankful for full-body motions to accompany narrations.
10. I am thankful for her vivid imagination.
11. I am thankful for a good night's sleep -- early to bed and no children interrupting.
12. I am thankful for little and big kicks from the baby, even when on a full bladder.
13. I am thankful for this beautiful house to live in.
14. I am thankful for cheap rent.
15. I am thankful for a porch to enjoy.
16. I am thankful for comfy porch furniture.
17. I am thankful for Portia, our guard pig and the fact that our children love her, too.
18. I am thankful for a sweet neighbor.
19. I am thankful for a good, reliable van to drive.
20. I am thankful for preschool papers and Thomas coloring books.
21. I am thankful for the high school marching band that played us home almost every day of September and October.
22. I am thankful that Annalivia and Daniel like to sing.
23. I am thankful that they both like to sing by themselves and with each other.
24. I am thankful that there is homemade bread leftover from yesterday's potluck.
25. I am thankful that there is still plenty of Lillia's apple butter.
26. I am thankful that Daniel likes to play with his trains by himself.
27. I am thankful that he knows how to ask for help when he needs it.
28. I am thankful that he has room/s to play.
29. I am thankful for the train table that provides so much fun.
30. I am thankful for books that entertain, too.
31. I am thankful that my children climb up on my lap when they "need some love".
32. I am thankful that they think it is hilarious when we play the same games again and again.
33. I am thankful that I am here right now.
34. I am thankful that I am not worried about whether I've not done something for my job.
35. I am thankful for a husband that is ok with me being with our children.
36. I am thankful for a husband who does laundry and dishes without complaint.
37. I am thankful that we live in a time when our water is heated automatically.
38. I am thankful for such miracles as a washing machine and dryer and laundry soap.
39. I am thankful for such treats as good-smelling fabric softener and cleaning supplies.
40. I am thankful for time to reflect on those things for which I am thankful.

Waiting on...

People who have lots of children always say that each pregnancy is different from the others. They're right. In one way, this one has been a lot easier -- no bleeding, no life-threatening auto accidents, no high-doses of narcotics for months on end... and in other ways it is more difficult. We know a lot less about this baby than we did the others. We elected not to do any diagnostic testing in the early stages, because of scheduling issues, my 20-week ultrasound/ bio-physical profile will actually be when I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and I haven't needed extra ultrasounds. In essence, except for the heartbeat checks my doctor does every month, we haven't seen the baby or seen any measurements or had any assurances. Sometimes it is hard to believe that all is well.

The other thing that is really different is that I keep having all of these low-levels on my bloodwork. My hemoglobin was dangerously low. And my B12 level is such that I will have to have injections if it doesn't turn around in a month. And my folate levels are down, too. I am taking multi-vitamins and now additional folic acid and B12 and iron supplements and liquid chlorophyll and trying to eat decently, but something is just off.

I find myself sort of relieved to know that there are actual reasons for symptoms I have been suffering lately. I have been so tired and sooooo grumpy, irritable and easily overwhelmed. My brain feels like slush lately. And the existing nerve damage from the bone graft site at my hip has been almost unbearable lately. I can only stand a few minutes or walk about a block before that leg is just screaming with nerve pain. Turns out, all of these things can be explained by low levels of hemoglobin or B12 or folate. I'm glad for that.

But I'm left wondering -- how does one get these levels up? I have the prescription supplements, of course, but are there other options that can help? Anyone have any clue?

In the meantime, I think this pregnancy is becoming an exercise in faith in ways the other two haven't. As I said, before, we had independent confirmation every week or two that the baby was ok. Even when I was pregnant with Daniel and healing from the accident, I knew that he was as good as he could be in those circumstances.

This time, I just have to wait. This is difficult for me. I'm not a patient person, generally. But it is a necessary discipline and good for me, in the long run. I must rest. I must trust. I must wait.

Rest, trust, wait. It is a prescription in and of itself. I pray I'm wise enough to follow it.

Porch parapicket

Last week, before the weather decided to skip ahead to the end of November and drive us all inside where we could turn up the heat, Annalivia asked if we could have a porch parapicket (picnic). I said yes.It was chilly and a little windy and we probably should have been wearing sweaters or coats, but we had hot macaroni and cheese.

And when it's a little chilly, hot macaroni and cheese is good.

Really good.

Annalivia decided we should share with our porch guard-pig, Portia.

Daniel took advantage of her distraction and tried her macaroni and cheese, too. Turns out that hot macaroni and cheese is good, but one's distracted sister's hot macaroni and cheese is even better.

Recipe: A really delicious Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookie

I have found that I really like Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookies. I am not a big plain ol' chocolate chip cookie fan; they seem too sweet to me. In fact, I think my favorite cookie these days is oatmeal raisin and walnut made a little less sweet than usual. But Dennis is not a raisin fan and chocolate chip cookies are his favorite. So here's the compromise -- Oatmeal Chocolate Chip.

This is a very, very good recipe, I think. It makes cookies that are crisp outside and chewy inside. They are also just a tad salty, which I love and not TOO sweet because I don't use too many chocolate chips, though each cookie always has plenty in them.

This recipe makes A LOT. I make it in my stand mixer which is powerful and that's good because the dough is substantial. The recipe can be halved, but I like to make it all at once, bake a dozen or two, and then freeze the rest in logs. Then when we are all jonesing for cookies, a log can be removed from the freezer, cut into 12 pieces, popped into the oven while still frozen and a bit later we have nice, hot cookies. And I've still only washed the bowl once.

I'm going to try this recipe with raisins and walnuts instead of chocolate chips sometime. I just know I'll have to make a whole lot less, or find someone else who is a fan of shriveled grapes to share my cookies.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

2 cups brown sugar

2 cups white sugar

4 sticks butter

4 tablespoons milk

4 tablespoons vanilla

4 cups flour

2 t baking soda

2 t baking powder

2 t salt

5 cups rolled oats

1 12 oz. bag chocolate chips

Cream together the sugars, butter, milk and vanilla until fluffy. Mix flour, soda, powder and salt together and add into creamed mixture until incorporated. Mix in oats and chocolate chips at the end.

Drop rounded tablespoonfuls on cookie sheet. Bake 350 til lightly browned. Remove from oven, cool a little, remove from baking sheet, cool a bit more, and eat.

Makes about 6 dozen.

I am one of THOSE moms (alternate title: I am not one of those OTHER moms)

We had a great weekend here with friends and Eureka College Homecoming and more friends, big church yesterday.... Last night I was exhausted. We went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and upon walking in, found that the Halloween costume princess dresses were marked down in a considerable discount. Annalivia had admired them in the past, but they were too expensive and looked a little cheap, I thought. However, a painful calculation in my head later, I realized that buying one of these dresses would provide me with x hours of free time and y hours of not getting frustrated with fabric and lack-of-pattern and z hours of not fretting over the looming deadline of Halloween and, that regardless of how much I want to be the mother who makes the amazing Halloween outfits from nothing, that x multiplied by y multiplied by z ended up being FAR less than the discounted cost of the dress.

Thankfully, Dennis agreed.

So, we brought home a pink princess dress and very happy little girl and the internal promise to myself that NEXT year, I will make a Halloween outfit for Annalivia. Unless, of course, the equation works in the store's favor again. Which -- c'mon -- who are we kidding? It might.

Friends

This is an exciting week for me. Tonight, a good friend from college is coming over for dinner. She is a very dear person and a person that has always just been so EASY for me to be around. I had not seen her for about five years, but just a few months ago happened to see her walking by the sidewalk outside my Dad's office. We talked on the phone and she is living nearby so she is coming over for dinner tonight! I'm really looking forward to it.

This is also my alma mater's Homecoming week which usually means that long-lost friends are around at some point. This year is special, however, because one of my good friends is receiving the Outstanding Young Alum award and is coming into town from Atlanta on Thursday night. She's going to stay with us and other friends are coming over on Friday to hang out with her... and me!

The only thing casting a pall on these events is the fact that our house is just very NOT put-together. We still have boxes all over the place and things in the process of being unpacked and despite having a heroic husband who works really hard while I take one of many "little rests" (like right now, for example), we just can't seem to get on top of it. I've warned my friends and promised that at least the bathrooms will be clean. That's about as good as I can do right now, which is slightly disappointing.

But, on the other hand, friends are going to be here which is just such a gift! And, providing they can look past the mess, I think it's going to be a spectacular few days. I have friends again! And really, even a few dozen boxes and lots of dust can't take the shine off that realization for me.

Fun thing

Go to Google and type "Find Chuck Norris" in the search box. Then hit the "I'm feeling lucky" button.

Fun, eh?

At our house

This afternoon...

Annalivia: We're playing Narnia! Daniel is Edmund and he's with the White Witch but Aslan is going to save him!"

A little while later, after hearing Daniel cry out...

Me: Annalivia, why is Daniel crying?

Annalivia: Well, the White Witch just bonked him on the head...

Guess which character she was playing?

I take it back

We went to the Et Cetera Shoppe today. I found Daniel a 3-piece navy polyester suit for $2, a pinstriped suit vest for him for $1 and a sweet navy and hot pink plaid jumper for Annalivia for $1.50. That's a pretty good haul, in my mind. And we managed to get out of there without any second-hand toys! That's really quite a feat.

Before we left, we also stopped by the Christmas Store in the basement of Et Cetera. I found this antique embroidered tablecloth and 8 matching napkins for $6.95! A good soak in OxyClean and I think they'll be in great shape for the holidays! And there's lots of other good stuff down there that should be examined without two children who want to touch everything in tow. I guess I sort of, a little, understand yesterday's line.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In recent years some good friends of mine have suffered the loss of their children and I cannot imagine the pain associated with such grief. I know there are many more parents who suffer the loss of children than we are aware in our advanced medical times. Today, I offer a prayer on their behalf. If you would like to learn more about this day, please visit the official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day here.

What you don't usually see in Eureka, IL

Today, we got up, got dressed and drove to school, since it was sort of drizzling and we were really, really late. I dropped off Annalivia at preschool and Daniel and I went to Mika's, our local fabulous coffeehouse for a juice box (Daniel), a cup of strong coffee (me), and a large piece of cinnamon swirl coffeecake (both of us, but more Daniel than me, unbelieveably). When we emerged from Mika's at 9:15 a.m., there were about 7 ladies standing in front of the Et Cetera Shoppe.

For those who don't know, the Et Cetera Shoppe is a volunteer-run thrift shop, the proceeds of which are donated to the Mennonite Central Committee. It's a great shop, housed in the old Ben Franklin, and one can go there and find all sorts of treasures -- the sort one needs and doesn't need at all. In fact, one can go almost everyday and spend less than a dollar and come away with something. All of the stuff inside is donated and though some of it can be quite nice, most of it is... used. Like I said, it's a great shop, but not exactly the sort of place one would be waiting to get into.

BUT, this morning, there was this group of ladies standing in front of the Et Cetera Shoppe. I thought they were some church group, maybe, who didn't realize that the Et Cetera Shoppe didn't open until 10. (Apparently, Mennonite church groups who go on trips sometimes stop at the Et Cetera Shoppe -- it's a bit of an attraction, I guess -- or so says a manager). I went into the Hallmark Store across the street from Mika's, next door to the Et Cetera Shoppe and when we came out of there, there were another 15 women in front of Et Cetera. We came back home to get my wallet, returned to the Hallmark Store and by that time, there were about 40 women standing outside of the Et Cetera Shoppe. It was about 9:40 a.m.

This is not the sort of thing one sees in Eureka, IL. There is not really anything that happens in this town that encourages line-standing. Maybe when Reagan came to town back in the 80's, there were a few lines. But, this is not normal for us, especially on a drizzly autumn morning. And my curiousity was piqued.

So, I called my grandparents, knowing that my grandmother would know what was up. She didn't answer the phone and my grandfather didn't know. And rather than make the cardiac patient walk up the stairs to get Grammy, I decided to figure it out myself. So I asked in the Hallmark store when I went to pay for my cards. They didn't know either. About that time, it started to rain and the Et Cetera Shoppe opened letting in the 50-some women outside, so I couldn't ask them. Finally, after pulling in our driveway and getting the garbage cans in, I saw a friend pushing children in a stroller in the rain. "We're on our way to Et Cetera!" she called. I asked her what was going on.

Turns out the Christmas Store opened this morning! That's when they open up the basement which is full of all the Christmas items they've had donated through the year. Every time I've been there, the goods have been... unimpressive. But that must have changed, because apparently, either the stuff is really good down there, or it's just in really short supply because 50-some women HAD TO HAVE IT this morning, in the rain.

I called my Gramps to tell him what prompted the unusal line formation in downtown Eureka, IL.

"Oh," he replied, upon hearing the reason. "That's a good spot they've got down there. I always get my Christmas coffee mug down there."

Well, I told him, he better hurry. There might not be any coffee mugs left given that line this morning.

Pastor Appreciation Month

Did you know that October is Pastor Appreciation Month? It is! Please believe me -- pastors do not hear "thank you" enough! If you've not done anything nice for the people God has called to care for you and your congregation, please take a few moments, write them a note or buy a gift certificate, and celebrate in prayer the good things they have brought you, your family, and your church family.

Tuned in

Last night Dennis hooked up our tv and dvd system. I have been trying to hold out and not have it available to us because I think I use it as kind of a parenting crutch. However, I also recognize that as the pregnancy progresses, there are times when it will be helpful to have the kids distracted by something other than me or something I'll have to clean up later. So -- Dennis set up the tv. But rather than put it in the living room, our main living area, he set it up in our bedroom which is large enough to be three rooms (ok, maybe only 2 1/2).

Having a tv in the bedroom is new for us. I, in theory, am a big fan of a bedroom being a retreat of sorts. BUT in actuality, our bedroom is an area of high usage. It's not only where we sleep, it's where laundry gets folded and kids get dressed. And right now, there's a mat on the floor that Annalivia sleeps on when she gets up in the middle of the night. There's a dresser for baby stuff, which we're waiting to fill till we find out what this baby is. The nursing glider is in there, too, right by the fireplace. And there's plenty of room for more stuff which is good because eventually the baby's co-sleeper will be in there. And probably we'll need another mat for when Daniel wants to climb into bed.

Anyway, the tv is now in our room, too, and last night we fell into bed and watched a little bit of an old Friends episode and then after flipping through our massive seven-channel selection, found a BBC drama, David, on TBN that had us both sort of riveted. I may have been riveted because King David was played by Nathaniel Parker aka Inspector Lynley, but it was also really good! Sheryl Lee who was Laura Palmer on Twin Peaks was Bathsheba. I enjoyed it. I'm going to have to see if it's going to be on tonight, too.

And this morning when Annalivia woke me up, it seemed really early so I turned on the tv and she watched Sesame Street while Daniel and I slept a bit longer. Though it turns out it wasn't really early, it was really nice to have something to distract her because Dennis and I did a stupid thing and stayed up until 3:30 on Saturday night/ Sunday morning. I felt like I needed the extra sleep this morning!

So, while the tv in the bedroom may not be the ideal situation, I think, for now, it is going to be ok, and maybe even a good thing. Maybe. We'll see.

Cookout, cider and celebrations

This afternoon, our family is getting together at my parents' house to press cider from their apple trees. I've never actually been in on one of these pressings since my adulthood, but I've heard they are great fun. And I remember when I was a child, a friend's family pressed cider in our old neighborhood and we were all invited. Drinking the fresh cider was quite the treat.

After the cider pressing, we are having a cookout in honor of Grammy's 84th birthday, which was actually on Wednesday. Sublime Aunt, Jetsetter Uncle, and the cousins will be there. It should be great fun, too. I've made the potato salad and some homemade chocolate ice cream. My sister is bringing angel food cake and vanilla ice cream. It's going to be a tasty affair.

Today also happens to be my parents' 34th wedding anniversary. My parents inspire me in many ways, but one of the most inspirational things is seeing their marriage continue to evolve and turn towards each other. They have worked very hard and continue to work hard at loving each other. I'm glad to honor that bond today, too.

The only thing I'm not excited about celebrating is the dang little no-see-ums that are inhabiting the farm right now. It is 83 today here -- WAY too warm for fall -- and the bugs are out en force. Heat and pregnancy don't meet well for me. Add biting bugs and I feel pretty frazzled. But luckily, the good will far, far outweigh the bad today. It is a day of celebration and I intend to enjoy. Despite the bugs.

How can I keep from singing?

My family is full of good singers. And most of us actually like to sing, though none of us sing in any organized groups anymore. Most of the time, I'm ok that I don't get to sing in a group anymore, but I really do miss good music. And I miss singing beautiful music with other people. I like having tunes and words stuck in my head throughout the day, especially when they are lovely and uplifting and something other than Thomas the Tank Engine songs.

Now that I'm back home, I have a covert plan (or not) to get my dad and sister and brother in law, especially, to sing with me occasionally. I don't want it to be high-pressure or performance-induced, but there are some beautiful songs that we could sing a capella, or with my brother in law strumming along capably on his guitar, that would be really neat to be able to sing with other good voices like this hymn, How Can I Keep from Singing? It has such a beautiful tune and beautiful words, especially in times like these.

My life flows on in endless song;

Above earth’s lamentation

I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation:

Through all the tumult and the strife

I hear the music ringing;

It finds an echo in my soul—

How can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die?

The Lord my Savior liveth;

What though the darkness gather round!

Songs in the night He giveth:

No storm can shake my inmost calm

While to that refuge clinging;

Since Christ is Lord of Heav’n and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

I lift mine eyes; the cloud grows thin;

I see the blue above it;

And day by day this pathway smoothes

Since first I learned to love it:

The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,

A fountain ever springing:

All things are mine since I am His—

How can I keep from singing?

~Robert Lowry

I hope they go for it.

A successful first day

Annalivia enjoyed her morning at Preschool. I was excited to find out that she will be taught by one of my favorite people, a wonderful, patient and kind woman who is a member of our church and, actually, the wife of a minister. I am very glad that Annalivia is in her class and Annalivia was full of all sorts of exciting news when she emerged from school. "We saw three x's!" "We read about Douglas with the monster inside him!" "I drew this picture of you!"

To me, the best part of the day was the walk to and from school. We were running late, as usual, and left the house at 8:53. We walked into her classroom at 8:55 and that included a little tumble by Daniel. The walk home took a bit longer but only because we encountered Annalivia's cousins and my sister walking home from kindergarten.

Have I mentioned yet how GLAD I am that we moved back home?! I love it here.

New school

Tomorrow morning, Annalivia has her first day at the preschool housed at our church, about a block from the house. I have kind of agonized over the decision to change schools. She loved the one she has been attending and I really liked it, too. It is associated with the retirement community where my grandparents live and the kids interact with the residents every day. And it has a specifically Christian mission and operation, which I really did appreciate.

But, it was expensive. And Annalivia was there all day on Tuesday and Thursday, which was fine, but pretty soon, doctor's appoinments are going to rule our lives and I thought I needed a few more time slots open. So, when a spot opened up in the other nursery school in town, we took it. It means that Annalivia's going to school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-11:30 and the tuition for the month is just a few dollars more than a week at the other school. The schedule is very similar to morning kindergarten here and we can walk there very quickly, all of which is a plus, I think. Of course, Daniel and I aren't going to be galavanting about by ourselves all day twice a week anymore, but I think that's probably good for all of us.

Any trepidation or concern I have is not at all shared by my daughter. She is enthused to do something new. She's excited to meet new children. She's looking forward to making new friends.

We always joke in my family about how some of us have "the group gene." I don't know that I've ever encountered anyone who has it so strongly as Annalivia. She's definitely glad to find a group. Hopefully the group will be glad to find her, too.

What the...?

Have y'all heard about the new Anne of Green Gables movie? It's being called Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning. It's being brought to us by the same folks that produced the first two great movies and the third abomination. Here's the description of the fourth, courtesy Wikipedia.

Anne, now a middle-aged woman, is troubled by recent events in her life. Her husband, Gilbert, has been killed overseas as a medical doctor during World War II. Her two daughters are pre-occupied with their own young families and her adopted son Dominic has yet to return from the war. When a long-hidden secret is discovered under the floorboards at Green Gables, Anne retreats into her memories to relive her troubled early years prior to arriving as an orphan at Green Gables and being adopted by the Cuthberts.
Still haunted by her early childhood, the impact of this difficult period has a far-reaching effect on this older woman, once she discovers the truth about her real parents. She begins a delicate search for her birth father. It is a journey through a past fraught with danger, uncertainty, heartache and joy. In the parade of humanity Anne encounters she also faces the root of her desire to find true "kindred spirits", an inspired imagination and the impetus to use her talents as a writer to inspire others.

Gilbert dead. Ick.
AND Barbara Hershey is starring as the grown-up Anne and, from the looks of it, they were able to use some of the props from Beaches.

I swear I remember that exact pose right before Wind Beneath My Wings kicked in.

A very full day

My goodness, am I ever tired! We had a very nice day here together. This morning, we got up late, then went to the store and got food for a picnic and met Daddy at a park near his job. Then we went up to the apple orchard to buy some mums and play on the wooden train. I temporarily lost the keys to the truck, but after hunting around, we found them next to some large pumpkins.

Daniel took a nap on the way home and when we got back, the kids did a little bit of playing then we took a walk down to our landlord's house with the rent check. We kept walking and went to the playground at the school. Then we came back and went to the lake where we hunted some cattails. Then we went to the playground at the lake and while the kids played for a bit, I talked with a long-lost high school friend who happened by with his mom, brother, and niece.

After all of that, we came back to discover that I had burned dinner beyond recognition, so we ate some pizza and Annalivia went to Awanas for the first time. Daniel and I bummed around while she was there and finally, at 8:10, we picked her up, came home and got to baths.

It was just beautiful today -- blue skies and puffy white clouds and cold and crisp. It was a good day to spend with the kiddos. And it's a good day to end a little early with a good book in a nice comfy bed.

Finally fall

WOOOHOOO! We have finally reached that wonderful point in the year when it is beautiful and chilly and pants and long sleeves are not only comfortable, but required! It's 53 degrees here today outside and about 57 in the house. We need to figure out how to turn on the radiators, but in the meantime, we are wearing sweaters, eating oatmeal and soups, and snuggling under down comforters at night.

I LOVE this time of year!!

YAY for FALL!!!

Time flies

I am anticipating that October will be a more reasonable month for us. Every single weekend of September was occupied with moving. Daniel got sick twice, Annalivia was sick once. I was wiped out all of the time, which I found out today is probably due to an extremely low hemoglobin level. Poor Dennis has been a slave to us, work and school.

October will be better, I pray.

And hopefully, I'll be here more often. Thanks to those of you who have been checking in. I hope your Septembers were lovely.

Menu Plan Monday: Family favorites edition

Since my job in the words of my facebook description, "Cog in the wheel of family functionality," I am getting back to menu planning and closer attention to the financial aspects of home management. Here's what we're eating this week.

Monday: Tuna Noodle Casserole, Sauteed Green Peas
Tuesday and a visit from Grandma Alice: Baked Potatoes with optional fixin's -- broccoli, cheese, bacon, and my fave -- cottage cheese and onion, Chocolate Caramel bars
Wednesday: Frozen Ziti and Salad
Thursday: French Toast (Annalivia's request) with Fruit Salad
Friday: Homemade Pizza
Saturday: away at the last hurrah in Rock Falls
Sunday (after church): Roast Chicken, Baked Potatoes, Salad, Grammy's Apple Pie

Grammy's Apple Pie Recipe
6-8 large tart apples (I'm using Jonathan this week), peeled, cored and sliced
1/4 c. sugar
1/2 t. cinnamon
juice of a lemon
Mix together and pour into prepared pie crust. Apples should make a nice mound in crust.

1/4 c. butter
1/2 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar
Cut butter into flour and sugar until pea-sized. Carefully pour over and press into apples. Dot with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon.
Bake at 425 for 20 minutes. Reduce heat to 325 and bake for 30 minutes, or until golden and bubbly.

Groceries for the week were $73 and included some crackers, peanut butter, cheese, potatoes, etc. that we don't really need this week. And I already had the pasta made and the apples purchased. I forgot cottage cheese, but hopefully, I can hold the budget down! We'll see how it goes.
For more menu planning ideas, check out Menu Plan Monday.

Mr. D

Daniel is getting so big now. He's learned how to say, "Mommmeeeeeee!" with this sweet affection and will frequently come up and give me hugs and pat my face and say my name lovingly. I think it's so adorable. Annalivia always called me "Momma" not "Mommy" until she was older. Daniel drags out the "eeeeee" so it it sounds especially sweet.

He's also adopting a lot of other sweet mannerisms. When he answers in the affirmative, he will most likely say, "Yep" even when he is sobbing, which is awfully darn precious. He says, "oh, okeee" a lot and has all sorts of other words too.

And he is still absolutely enthralled with trucks and trains to the extent that he will lie in bed and say the names of the engines on the island of Sodor over and over again, interspersing them with the names of the family. And he can play by himself with trains and trucks and some little construction vehicles for a long time, giving them sound effects and crashing them into each other occasionally. I love watching the little boy emerge from my baby.

He has also perfected the role of persecuted little brother. And so far, Mommy and Daddy have been playing into it. One shriek from him and we immediately say, "Annalivia! What is going on?" It's just recently that I've been realizing that he has been happy to use this to his advantage. We're trying to be more fair.

But regardless of whether we are enjoying him or correcting, it's just a neat time to be around little Daniel. I'm glad to be here.

Church without leading it

Today the kids and I got up, got dressed and walked the block and a half to my home church. Dennis is in Rock Falls packing more of our stuff up, so it was just the three of us. The morning started pretty well. Daniel went to the nursery, Annalivia went to Sunday School and I went to an adult class taught this week by my Dad. Dad had a great lesson, if I do say so myself -- some really wonderful insights.
I was excited for church and only slightly daunted by Daniel sobbing and crying for Mommy when I walked into the nursery. Annalivia was going to stay in Godly Play for church, so we went up to the sanctuary. The opening hymn was The Church's One Foundation and the pipe organ was incredible. I almost cried with gratitude for the music.

Then we read the opening prayer and litany which involved references to this church's history and the association with the denomination, and from there, the rest of the morning seemed like Denomination Propaganda Day. I realized that, in actuality, it must have been Heritage Sunday (though I did not see that listed in the bulletin anywhere), which was used by our denomination back in the day to celebrate our past. There was a sorority from the college there and I just felt sorry for them that they had to be there on a day which was obviously for "insiders." Even as a former insider, I felt like it was a day for a special few. I don't really like that.

Anyway, the music was lovely. The choir sang a great anthem and Daniel was inspired to sing along with it. After that, the kids did not last through the rest of church. We ended up in nursery and a back room and finally, in the courtyard outside the sanctuary, where we could at least hear the organ, for the rest of it.

The best part of the whole morning, though, was sitting by Dad and Grammy and Gramps, my brother-in-law, and my niece. It's just really, really nice to be around family and to worship with them is an extra-special treat, I think.

And as for going to church as a civilian, as it were -- loved it! I'm looking forward to next week.

To end the day

The kids took impossible naps today. They fell asleep on the way home from dinner and stayed asleep until about 7:50. We were just heading back from the drive to a dark house, when Annalivia woke up and said, "Mommy, is Mavis a diesel engine?" I answered her and prayed she'd go back to sleep and as I was beginning that prayer, Daniel woke up and Annalivia said, "Let's sing!" and we launched into the "Engine Roll Call" and that was that. They were awake.

When we got home we noticed that the high school had a football game tonight. Our house is directly across the street from the funeral home in town which backs up to the football field. Folks park in the funeral home lot and watch the game for free sometimes. It's a beautiful night so, after nice baths from Daddy, we went to the store and got a small container of ice cream, then loaded up the wagon with the kids, ice cream, four spoons and a bunch of paper towels and headed across the street to see the last two minutes of the second quarter of the game. Eureka scored a touchdown on our way over and was doing a good job defending their lead by intercepting right before the end of the half. Then we watched the marching band, which, frankly, was a little disappointingly boring, then we came home.

It was a fun treat -- jammies, ice cream, the wagon, the game and the band. We'll have to do this again.

The day we lived

Today is the the two-year anniversary of the auto accident that changed our lives. So much has happened in the years since that day. Surgeries, and therapies, Daniel's birth, another pregnancy, job changes, the alleviation of debt, a move...

Two years later, our lives are totally different, thanks, in large part, to the events set about on that day. On this day, I am so thankful for all that has occurred in the intervening months.

But most of all, today, I am profoundly grateful that on this day, Dennis and Daniel and I lived.

Casual dinner gatherings

I have a few moments while Dennis gets the kids a bath and so I just want to say again -- I love my family. I love that I can call them up on Sunday afternoon, invite them to dinner at 6, serve them dinner at 6:40, and have a lovely time despite unpacked boxes, unclean floors, and unorganized everything.

Grammy and Gramps and Lil's family came over for dinner tonight. It was nice to be able to just get together without pressure of a big to-do. We had homemade pizza -- two kinds; one was sausage, tomatoes from our garden, mushrooms, and onions and the other was chicken, garlic, feta, mushrooms, and mozzarella, with walnuts to put on top since I forgot to put them on the pizza. We also had a simple salad and sliced apples -- all good wholesome food and all tasty, not fussy, etc.

Tomorrow, Dennis' mom is coming for a little visit. She hasn't been to the big house yet. It looks nice and it is neat to be able to have a special place for our visitors, especially her. Annalivia and Daniel saw her on Saturday, but are very much looking forward to her visit tomorrow. She's going to stay with them while I go have a nuchal translucency test, also, so they get to be together without their mean mother around. That's good. They need a little Grandma-spoiling.

We got the guest room clean and arranged with the lovely quilt the church gave me as a parting gift on the bed.

I am feeling the baby, every once-in-a-while. I know that, technically, this is supposed to be impossible, but I felt Daniel moving early when my bladder was full and I feel this one, too. And I know what it's supposed to feel like by now. There's nothing else that feels like a little golf ball rolling around in there! I'm ready to know more about her/ him. It will be good to see that little love tomorrow!

Run, sistah, run!

My sistah, Lil, is running in a half-marathon in St. Charles, Mo today. This means that she is also running in a tropical storm!
Run, Lilly, run!!

Significance

For some reason, the seventh anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks struck me in a profound way this year. I'm not entirely sure why, except that last year, I was having bone graft surgery and the year before officiating my great-uncle's funeral and finding out that the baby I was carrying who turned out to be Daniel had a high risk for a genetic disease. My mind was elsewhere. This year, I've had some time to think about Sept. 11.

Today, I drove up to Rock Falls to officiate a funeral and got to spend lots of time listening to NPR and thinking about the past seven years. I arrived at my church in July before the Sept. 11 attacks. After the second tower collapsed, I went to work and spent the late morning and early afternoon calling people to let them know we were having an impromptu prayer service. I remember very clearly trying to put some words to the shock all of us were feeling and failing miserably. Luckily, everyone else was also failing miserably at processing it all. At least we could fail miserably together.

Remembering that day now, I see the events through the lens of a wife and parent, and my heart feels broken in new ways. And today, again, I fail miserably at putting words to my thoughts. I have a feeling I'm not the only one. So if you still fail miserably at being able to process all that happened and has happened since then, know I'm sitting in solidarity with you tonight. At least we're failing miserably together.

Transitioning

Right now, we are living in a house with some of our stuff, but not all of it. I am tempted to think that those things that have not made it here are not worth moving, but unfortunately, that category includes our medicine cabinet, pantry, baking stuff, laundry and cleaning supplies, etc. We sort of need that stuff.

One thing we are debating NOT replacing is our microwave. At the parsonage, the microwave was included. It seemed to me like we just didn't use it very often. Of course, here, I've found a dozen reasons to use it every day -- warming up butter, heating up leftovers, boiling water for tea. The thing is, with a little patience and/ or forethought, those tasks can be completed without the microwave. Granted, it would be easier to heat up water for tea if I had thought to bring my kettle with me. But a pan works pretty well, too.

The nicest thing we are discovering is something we knew all along -- how great it would be to have family and friends nearby. Mom and Dad came over for dinner last night. Lil and her daughter stopped over on the way back from taking her eldest to school today. We've decided to make a standing date at Mika's, the local amazing coffee shop, on Tuesdays when we take the big kids in our families to school. Friends are trying to organize a get-together nearby. I have been the one holding up the gathering, but it is good to know that these things are possible, and even probable.

In the light of such enjoyment, with the big things being so much easier, the little challenges seem, well... little! And definitely surmountable. Someday.

The morning so far

It is a gorgeous morning here in central IL. The sun is shining and it is cool and crisp and one can tell autumn is not too very far away!

We were all up early today mainly because we all went to bed early. Daniel fell asleep during dinner at 6:30. I fell asleep about 5 minutes after putting him in his crib. Annalivia was in bed by 7:30. Dennis stayed up late and got up early, but he's very noble and good and kind and cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, etc. What a guy...

Today is a Tuesday which means that Annalivia is at preschool. She's attending a little preschool class of 6-8 kids on Tuesday and Thursday at the retirement complex where my grandparents live. And since today is Tuesday, it is the day I get to answer affirmatively when she asks me if she can "Please, please, please go to Noah's Ark today?" unlike the other five days of the week. The kid likes preschool.

Daniel and I are headed up to Rock Falls about 11:30 today so I can meet with the two families for whom I'll be doing funerals this week. We won't get back until 6:30 or later, so I actually planned dinner tonight. I have Porkchops with Artichokes in the crockpot right now. And thanks to my brilliant KitchenAid mixer that mom got me, I was able to whip up some french bread in about 5 minutes. And there's an apple pie finishing its time in the oven.

AND Daniel is playing with his trains in his bedroom upstairs, so I have time to get the kitchen clean and set the table, too. I'm so thankful for this big house and room to play. What a gift.

It's nice to be productive, especially on a beautiful day like this. I guess I should try to get 12 hours of sleep more often!

C'mon energy surge!

The first trimester is done. I recall that this is when one is supposed to have "renewed energy". I don't think my body has gotten the memo yet.

And in better news...

THE OFFICE IS PACKED!!! Thanks almost entirely to my incredible husband who packed as I sorted, it is done! Hooray!

AND -- Daniel is much better, my nephew who was in the hospital last night is expected to be home tonight, sans appendix. And though I had two church members die today, both deaths are blessings and such a huge relief to family and friends, and I know heaven is rejoicing tonight.

Now the bulletin to finish and the sermon to get down on paper...

Not exactly coasting to the finish line

This last week of employ has not been easy. The kids have been sick -- Daniel has been especially hit hard by the typical cough/wheezing/ can't-hardly-breathe thing that he gets every few months. The move is not done. The office is not packed. The sermon is not written. The bulletin is not finished. And last night, we found out that a beloved member of our congregation fell at her care facility, breaking her neck. She is now paralyzed from the neck down and is not expected to live through the weekend. So there will be a funeral to do next week, also, and a very somber gathering on Sunday.

And it has been cloudy and raining and cold -- in the sky and in my spirit. Time for a turnaround.

Hurrah for Sarah Palin!!

Brilliant choice. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant.

(Why, yes... that IS a baby that governor is wearing).

photo HT: Molly's place

She's just so cool!

I logged onto facebook tonight and saw this as my sister's new profile pic.

Isn't she hilarious!?! Her expression is the best part of it.

(I don't have permission to repost this here, but luckily, I've got practice begging for forgiveness from her...)

Big triumph! (And some advice solicited)

I drove down to Eureka tonight. I wasn't sure why I felt it necessary to come down, except that the Rock Falls house is unkempt and overwhelming and I seem to have connected the feeling of morning sickness with it, so whenever I walk in the house, I feel nauseous. (For the record, there are some They Might Be Giants songs that I can't hear without feeling sick because Annalivia listened to them all the time when I was prego with Daniel).

Anyway, it turns out that being down here afforded me the opportunity to sit beside Dennis and watch as he paid off all of our credit cards, one by one. I won't embarrass us by mentioning what that number equals, but suffice to say, it was a lot. And now we are free.

The only debt we now have is my student loans in the amount of about $40,000. We are wondering whether we should just pay those off, or... not. They are financed at an interest rate of about 4.6%. Our current investments have been paying, on average, about 14%, I think.

What would YOU do? And I mean, YOU, not Dave Ramsey. I'd like to hear your opinions.

In the meantime, I think tonight, we may rest a little easier. I know Dennis sure will.

Stuck under boxes... send help...

I thought I should update my cyberfriends as to our actual continued existence on this planet. We ARE alive, after all. Just busy.

We've been packing. Church went well today and I have my sermon and bulletin finished for next week. That just leaves a newsletter and the big-goodbye-service to finish. Not too bad. After church, I threw away lots of stuff in my office. I actually threw away all of my sermons from the last 7 years. I didn't throw away my newsletter articles, a few prayers, bible studies, and special services. Everything else -- gone. Now if I could just magically have the books I want to keep packed up and all the rest meted out to others who would enjoy them, I'd feel ok about the office.

Our house is torn apart and messy and it is wreaking havoc on the kiddos. Moving stinks. Moving with kids is a unique stench all to itself. They are all out of sorts, especially Annalivia. Tonight she had a hard time going to bed that culminated in waking her brother up and having a really, really frustrated mommy. As I told her to get in bed and stay there, she dissolved into tears, sobbing and saying, "You've broken all my life!" to me. I can't wait til she's a teenager. We fixed it a few seconds later but I think we are all just ready for them to just be able to BE somewhere already with toys in their spots and mess contained. I know I am. I can't imagine what their little brains are feeling like.

I have until this Friday to get things together -- that is our big loading day. Folks from church are coming in the evening to load the UHaul. We're moving everything we can on Saturday, though we have til the end of September to be officially out of the parsonage. We have a dumpster in the driveway and, thanks to the multitude of local urchins, about 80% less stuff in our garage after we dragged it out to the curb yesterday. I'm amazed what those kids decided to take, but it was all gone and that's what we were hoping for.

And tomorrow I have what will be, presumably, the last appointment with my OB before I find someone new in central IL. This is difficult for me. I adore this woman. She birthed Annalivia and Daniel and held my hand through difficult, complicated situations in both pregnancies. Her sister in law is a pastor and she has been so understanding, honest, trusting, and trustworthy. I have seriously considered paying the out-of-network premiums on the insurance and just driving back and forth to see her. But given that the baby is due in March amidst ice and snow and I end up being at the doctor twice or three times a week from week 30+ and she will be 119 miles from my house (yes, I checked), that would just be stupid. But it may still be on the table of possibilities.

So -- that pretty much sums up the week behind and the week ahead. I won't be around, but that probably goes without saying. Perhaps on the flip side, I'll post some pictures of us in "the big house" in Eureka. But I may not get around to that, either. :)

Be well!

Uber-cute

Little Daniel is in cuteness overdrive lately. He constantly narrates his actions in this flow of baby-talk that I don't understand at all. He is loving to play with trains and trucks and uses lots of sound effects in that little boy way. He imitates Annalivia incessantly and when he makes us laugh, he likes to perform the trick many, many times. He's also operating independently from Annalivia a lot more often. He initiates the wrestling and the tickling and the playing with her and has accepted the mantle of worthy adversary with gusto.

He's also recently had a haircut, so he looks like a little grown-up kid in a toddler's body.

So sweet. And just uber-cute!

Gifts

This week, Dennis and I received the check from our accident back in 2006. We deposited it and began the 10 day waiting period while the bank makes sure we are not terrorists. When the check clears, we'll pay off all of our debts, set aside a six-month emergency fund and invest a whole bunch. We might also go out to dinner. Maybe.

Back when we realized that someday we would receive a settlement check, we immediately decided the first 10% would go to God. Since it is our belief that it is because of God's miraculous intervention that we are alive in the first place, this makes complete and total sense to us. I know many of you out there would agree.

Today, I told our board chair that we are giving a portion of the money to the church. We want this money to be used, but we don't want to tell them how to use it. We'd like them to pray about that and figure it out on their own. It's kind of an odd thing to communicate -- take this, use it, but we aren't going to tell you how. Just be as faithful as you can. No pressure.

We also decided that I am done being paid by the congregation. Technically, I have two more paychecks left here, but I'm requesting that they keep the money. Convincing the treasurer that she should not write them out to me anyway and then have me give back the money, will take a little doing. I don't want to be taxed for it, and pay my 15.3% social security on it, after all. We'll see how that discussion goes.

It is nice to be able to give something to this congregation on the way out, when they will not be beholden to us in how they choose to use the money. It is nice to be able to communicate through what I have come to believe is their love language -- the budget-- that they are important to us. I hope these gifts convey the gratitude and appreciation I have for these last seven years.

Where's the volume control on this kid?

One of Annalivia's new favorite questions is now, "Is that a boy or a girl, Mommy?"

It's often a legitimate question. I just wish it was not a legitimate question asked in the checkout lane at the grocery store.

Proper gymnastics gear

We watched the Olympics tonight for the first time (we don't have tv down in Eureka). Annalivia had taken a long nap at about 5 p.m. and so I let her stay up to watch the show. She was captivated, of course. And almost immediately, she started doing gymnastics off of the ottoman. After a short while, she came up to me and said,

"Can we get a beam and some bars like for those girls? And some white stuff for my hands? And a red ponytail holder?"

I think a red ponytail holder is counted among that which is necessary for gymnastic performances, don't you?

Life happens offline

We have started our move. It is an incremental undertaking -- a van-load or so at a time. It is slow and laborous, but it is actually happening!

At the new house, we do not have the internet hooked up. I've not missed it. I know I need email to communicate with one of my ongoing extra-familial commitments, but truthfully, I'm debating getting rid of the internet all together. Turns out that a lot more gets done and, more importantly, more gets enjoyed when I'm not online.

I'm headed back to Eureka today. Dennis and the kids stayed at the new house overnight and I came home to do church and get a decent sleep. It was nice, but not as nice as being with my kids and husband. I'm eager for this month to be finished so we can all be together again.

Soon enough, I suppose... soon enough.

My sabbatical

This weekend I saw a good friend of mine who is in the midst of a sabbatical from church. She has had an amazing experience in Italy, has been able to visit friends and family, and still has a few weeks left in her leave. She seemed to sort of glow as she interacted with everyone at our reunion. It was cool to see. But I was jealous.

This weekend, I also saw a couple of folks from my home church in Eureka. This is the church I attended from birth, or whenever it was that my parents first took me there. It is their church and my grandparents' church. The church nurtured me through school and then paid me to be a college intern and then sent support as I was in seminary. They ordained me and allowed me to hang around after ordination and before my call here. And they've been welcoming and interested whenever I've returned in the interim. And now, in about a month, I will return to this congregation to just be a member -- not a Timothy (or Priscilla, or whatever you want to call us) not a visiting pastor, not a student visiting during break, not a person passing through. This time, I'll be back to stay.

It will be an interesting position to occupy. And I think it will involve adjustment on all parts. When I've seen folks from my home church, they've asked first if I will be attending church there. When I say yes, they ask if I'll be singing in the choir? Teaching Sunday School? Working with the youth? On the worship team? Mowing the lawn? (not really)

My answer -- nope. I have been at my church for 7 years without a break. And, I haven't actually had a vacation since Daniel was born and I used my vacation for my maternity leave. (Does that technically even count as vacation?) So I've decided that with the move, I am taking a sabbatical -- a total sabbath and rest from church responsibilities. Basically, until a good while after the baby is born, perhaps until next summer, I am just going to be a consumer. I am ready to rest.

So, though I owe my home church a heck of a lot, they will have to wait a bit to be repaid. I hope that doesn't disappoint too many people. My reserves are low. And I'd like to sparkle and glow like my friend when I think of church again. Right now that seems sort of fanciful.

But who knows...I am only a month away from sabbatical.

Halfway through a GREAT weekend

This weekend we went down to Eureka for my 15-year high school reunion. I was on the committee that organized it, and I must say, it was GREAT! We had a really nice time last night at our formal dinner, a wonderful tour of the high school from the "new" principal (he's been there 13 years!) and a great, casual, family picnic today with PERFECT weather! I just absolutely thoroughly enjoyed myself.

And I wish we could have enjoyed the picnic longer. I stupidly, moronically scheduled a wedding at church and let them set it for 3 p.m., so we had to leave the picnic before folks even finished getting food on plates! I would have liked to stay and chat more.

At the reunion, I found out that one of my high school friends checks in here sometimes (hi, Michelle!) and when I got home, one of my college friends who is related to high school friends had commented here and found me on Facebook and now we get to be in touch again! Sometimes I get tired of my attachment to these electronic forms of communication, but on the other hand the connections made possible by the Internet can be so wonderful, inspiring and life-affirming!

And talk about life-affirming -- tomorrow we are headed back down to Eureka to celebrate Gramps' 85th!!! birthday with most all of the family! I'm very excited to see the McSouths from Arkansas and the McGoods from Chicago and all of my sisters and spouses and kids... I may even be able to muster enthusiasm for Kali's dogs. Maybe. It is guaranteed to be a great time. God is good.

Pictures will come forth soon!