A very fine day and notes on being an aspiring domestic

We had a great early day here at Casa McStew! Just great. And all because we actually functioned like normal people.
The day technically started while we were in bed, but our day started at 4:30 a.m. when I got up to use the restroom, thereby waking Dennis up, and neither of us could get back to sleep. For some reason, Annalivia hadn't awakened at all, so we both figured that the reason we were awake was because we'd actually gotten six hours of good sleep and since we function on about four hours decent sleep and another five of toddler-in-bed-exercising-her-diggy-toes sleep normally, our bodies were just confused. We thought perhaps we should get up, but instead we just lay there and talked about Christmas gift-giving until we were tired enough to go back to sleep.
Anyway, Annalivia slept til 5:30, then came into our room and slept for a little more than two more hours. We got up at 8 and got ready for church and all of us actually went to church for the first time since our accident.
And church was wonderful! For some reason, lots of folks were there including one of our college students home for a visit. Dennis' sister visited from Chicago this weekend and was a big help to Dennis with Annalivia. My sermon was really good, if I do say so myself; I'm finishing up a series I called Christian Basics 101 and today's topic was Forgiveness. Folks liked it and it was actually meaningful, which is just a nice combo, you know?
Anyway, after church, we went to breakfast at our neighborhood diner with Dennis' mom and sister and that was only minorly painful with an antsy toddler. Then we went to Sears and Dennis got an incredible deal on a floor model scroll saw that he's been wanting forever. When we got home, Annalivia was asleep and she took a pretty good nap.
And this evening, I tried my hand at making fried chicken. For some reason, the ability to make consistently good, tender, moist and flavorful fried chicken is one of my great aspirations as a domestic. I don't know why. I just want to be able to make delicious fried chicken.
Tonight's experiment was more of a success than previous attempts, but I'm not really satisfied with it. A woman in my church makes THE BEST fried chicken ever. It falls of the bone, is crispy and full of flavor. It's amazing. She doesn't ever just give out the recipe, so I have to quiz her every once in a while with pointed questions, i.e. "Do you marinate your fried chicken in anything?" So far I've found out that she fries it and then cooks it in this special pan with an open mesh screen and she fills the bottom of the pan with water, which she thinks keeps the chicken moist.
Tonight I tried it, but I think I need to cook it for a lot longer and maybe at a lower temp than 350. Next time I'm going to try to soak it in buttermilk for a while, even though Gerri doesn't do that to hers and then double dip it. I've also realized that it needs the skin.
Anyway, my poor husband is going to be eating fried chicken every time there is a sale on thighs and drumsticks. Someday I'll get the hang of this fried chicken stuff. By then, everyone will probably be sick of my fried chicken. But at least I'll know that I know how to make it!
So. Thus ends the report. It's been a good day -- a very, very good day.

Friday Five: Word association

Five random words provided by the RevGals and my associations and some considered thoughts on why:

Whirlwind: Romance -- which, in my opinion, is the only way to have it. I told Dennis I was marrying him within the first two weeks. It's been bliss so far.

Foundation: Stone -- although the visual image in my mind was a keystone of an arch.

Lightning: Storm -- boring.

Den: Davenport -- as in "Grampa is in the den napping on the davenport" aka couch, sofa,

Prey: Birds o' -- and the visual image of this is my sistah Marissa and her excited expression as a sixth grader when she was particularly fond of spotting birds of prey on drives and I'd point out spots on the windshield as stunning examples. I've never been very good with animals.

Relief

We just received word today, almost four weeks after our accident, that the police report is finally complete and names the southbound vehicle as the culpible party. Now we can refer the hospital and anesthesiologists and surgeons and therapists and supply providers and other miscellaneous doctors to that driver's insurance. I don't think I can describe the relief this brings, so I won't try. Suffice to say, we are relieved. Very, very relieved.

A Pastor's Prayer

O gracious Spirit, I come before Thee.
Renew my heart, I pray.
When I seek Thee, do not stand far from me.
Come and fill me this day.

Let the words of my mouth and meditations of my heart
Be acceptable in Thy sight
Empty me of my incompetence
Fill me with Thy glory and might.

Let those who see me not see me,
but instead see the Son.
For it is in Thy name and by Thy power
that I pray these things will be done. Amen.

Clairvoyant Clergy: A brief rant

For some reason, every few months, my congregation conducts a highly un-scientific experiment to determine whether I am, in fact, not clairvoyant. Generally these experiments occur randomly, and I don't think they ever occur consciously, but I have noticed that they also seem to be scheduled for times of absence i.e. vacation, maternity leave, emergency care from a serious motor vehicle accident...
Today, I found out almost completely by accident and almost entirely by my own initiative ("almost" because I assume the Spirit is at work in this...) that a member of my congregation is in the hospital and has been there since Tuesday and that he is dying and that a group of 20 women in a Bible study knew about this Wednesday, including my mother-in-law, and though five (5!!) people called the prayer chain captain to tell her about it, everyone -- said mother-in-law, said prayer chain captain, the three elders sitting in the bible study -- all just assumed someone else would let April know. How does one explain that to a grieving wife and children? "Uhhh....yeah... I know that everyone else knew this and that you've been getting card and calls for the last four days and that an elder has been to visit, but I didn't know about it..."
Also at this time, one of our guys has suffered a stroke, another fell, a woman has had surgery and another has had a heart attack. Five people in various hospitals all over northern Illinois. Guess who didn't know these things either?
And it's not as though we don't have a system/ systems in place. It's just that by mass unspoken agreement, the decision is made not to use the systems, and -- voila! Ignorant pastor and congregation wondering why April isn't showing up.
Ugh. So tomorrow I get to give the semi-annual, "I cannot read minds" lecture, wherein I'll remind folks that I'd rather hear something 35 times than not at all. And I will try to make up for the absence of the last few days with presence in the next, while giving stern talks to my elders who, for goodness' sake, should know better.
And I'll start preparing for the next experiment which I assume will occur during the next maternity leave. Apparently, the fact that I always fail the clairvoyance test is not a deterrent.
Though, God knows, I wish it was.

Friday Five: Comfort, comfort ye, my people

With very cold and blustery sunshine-y weather and a congregant headed over this way any minute with soup and sandwiches for lunch, it's a great moment for a Comforting Friday Five from the RevGals.

1. Comfort drink

Constant Comment tea with a little bit of honey (best with shortbread, of course!)
When sick... really hot orange juice or lemonade

2. Comfort chair

I am in search of a comfort chair. We have a nice chair in our living room, but it doesn't just let one sink into it. In my sorority house, we had a great loveseat-type chair and ottoman that was perfect for homework and lounging, and probably snuggling, had I had anyone with whom to do that! I'd like a chair with that feeling someday. Actually, come to think of it, 10 years later, that chair is probably still there.

3. Comfort read

Whenever I have a chance to read for fun/ comfort, I always return to young adult fiction. Madeline L'Engle, Laura Ingalls Wilder, Trixie Belden and Nancy Drew, Lloyd Alexander, Narnia, Harry Potter...

4. Comfort television/dvd/ music

Well, we watch Intolerable Cruelty every few weeks and I love an Alias marathon whenever possible, but I'm not sure that's for comfort. Comfort music is mainly classical -- Bach's Mass in B Minor, or Rachmoninoff Piano Concertos, or Palestrina, or Vaughn Williams' Tallis. Hymns in a church with a marvelous organ and people actually singing -- that's the ultimate comfort music, to me.

5. Comfort companions

Most of the time, my sweet big love and my sweet little love. Other times, my sistahs. Sometimes my seminary friends. Sometimes my oldest friend, Trina, and a cup of coffee. And a shortbread. Shortbread makes everything more comfortable.

Anyone else want to play? You don't have to be a revgal! Let me know if you do.

A heartbreaking loss

I just received word that beloved Jenna's little boy, Ezra Lee, was born today at 19 weeks gestation, and did not survive.
Will you please pray for Jenna and her family? They had longed and prayed for this little one, struggled with the possibility of losing him, and have been through more than I can imagine.
My heart is breaking for this family this evening. I pray for a deep peace and comfort that can only come from Jesus. Hold them tightly, Lord, and don't let them go.

First snow!

Today, when Annalivia and I awoke, (we slept late -- hurrah!) we arose to a gorgeous day of blue sky spotted with clouds and a fine dusting of snow on the ground! We had French Toast casserole and cafe au lait and were very thankful for our warm house and beds. What a lovely way to wake up!

Our latest progress report

Well, lots has happened since last Tuesday...
On Friday, we went back to our surgeon's office and got regular sized casts on our arms. After the accident and our surgeries, we had massive surgical splints on our arms that reached from our elbows to the first joint of our fingers. No clothes fit over them and it was impossible to do anything at all. However, they did provide a lot of stability, which we needed.
On Friday, the folks at Rockford Orthopedic took off the crazy Popeye casts and we got matching black casts. The feeling of having nothing around our wrists was akin to some sort of vertigo. Poor Dennis was really hurting as they had to bend his wrist and fingers all around. But now my fingers are out and I can sort of do a lot of things. Dennis has three fingers available and the best thing is that we can both move our elbows, so sleeping is a lot more comfortable.
We were alone for the weekend and it went well. I did a wedding rehearsal on Friday night and a wedding on Saturday night, which was really quite nice. The couple being married are about my age -- 30 and 31 -- and really wanted to do the whole thing right. They did the counseling, read the books, took the quizzes, and above all, wanted to make sure that their relationship with each other incorporated their love for God from the very beginning. It was one of the best weddings I've ever seen. Really lovely.
On Sunday, I went to church. Dennis and Annalivia stayed home. Church was good, though there were probably half the folks there than usual. I felt like I was garnering a lot of pity by explaining why I wouldn't be driving much this week or preaching very long sermons for the next few weeks or hugging folks after the services, but in church, I've found that it's better to err on the side of communicating too much than not enough. Anyway, church went well, my short sermon was really really good, if I do say so myself, and I was WORN OUT afterwards.
On Monday, Mom came up to help out and she really was a HUGE help. She just does things, you know? And we had a surprise when my sister, Lillia, and her daughter, Cleya, came to visit. Cleya is 3 and Annalivia is fascinated by her. Annalivia had a great time following her around and Cleya was so patient with her. And Lil and I got to go through Annalivia's baby clothes. Lillia and her husband, Jake, are expecting baby #2 about three weeks before Littler McStew is due and baby Hartter is a girl. I am excited to get to share the ridiculous amount of clothes that Annalivia wore as a winter baby with my new niece.
Yesterday, Tuesday, because Mom was here, I got to go and get my hair cut, which was the first time in about five months. I was pretty shaggy. It's amazing how much better a haircut can help one to feel!
Today, without visitors and on a cloudy, cold day, we had a really great day! Dennis made a wonderful omelette for breakfast for all of us and we all ate around the table. Annalivia has taken to sitting on one of the regular chairs and was making both of us laugh til we cried. Then I got to go back to sleep after breakfast, which was amazing. When Annalivia went down for a nap, Dennis and I cleaned up and moved stuff that had been rearranged to accomodate the wheelchair back to original positions. So tonight we have a clean house and we were able to get rid of papers and put away things and things feel about as normal as they have since all of this occurred.
So. That's our big update. We continue to get better. And for all of these things, we are very, very grateful!

Our latest progress report

Well, lots has happened since last Tuesday...
On Friday, we went back to our surgeon's office and got regular sized casts on our arms. After the accident and our surgeries, we had massive surgical splints on our arms that reached from our elbows to the first joint of our fingers. No clothes fit over them and it was impossible to do anything at all. However, they did provide a lot of stability, which we needed.
On Friday, the folks at Rockford Orthopedic took off the crazy Popeye casts and we got matching black casts. The feeling of having nothing around our wrists was akin to some sort of vertigo. Poor Dennis was really hurting as they had to bend his wrist and fingers all around. But now my fingers are out and I can sort of do a lot of things. Dennis has three fingers available and the best thing is that we can both move our elbows, so sleeping is a lot more comfortable.
We were alone for the weekend and it went well. I did a wedding rehearsal on Friday night and a wedding on Saturday night, which was really quite nice. The couple being married are about my age -- 30 and 31 -- and really wanted to do the whole thing right. They did the counseling, read the books, took the quizzes, and above all, wanted to make sure that their relationship with each other incorporated their love for God from the very beginning. It was one of the best weddings I've ever seen. Really lovely.
On Sunday, I went to church. Dennis and Annalivia stayed home. Church was good, though there were probably half the folks there than usual. I felt like I was garnering a lot of pity by explaining why I wouldn't be driving much this week or preaching very long sermons for the next few weeks or hugging folks after the services, but in church, I've found that it's better to err on the side of communicating too much than not enough. Anyway, church went well, my short sermon was really really good, if I do say so myself, and I was WORN OUT afterwards.
On Monday, Mom came up to help out and she really was a HUGE help. She just does things, you know? And we had a surprise when my sister, Lillia, and her daughter, Cleya, came to visit. Cleya is 3 and Annalivia is fascinated by her. Annalivia had a great time following her around and Cleya was so patient with her. And Lil and I got to go through Annalivia's baby clothes. Lillia and her husband, Jake, are expecting baby #2 about three weeks before Littler McStew is due and baby Hartter is a girl. I am excited to get to share the ridiculous amount of clothes that Annalivia wore as a winter baby with my new niece.
Yesterday, Tuesday, because Mom was here, I got to go and get my hair cut, which was the first time in about five months. I was pretty shaggy. It's amazing how much better a haircut can help one to feel!
Today, without visitors and on a cloudy, cold day, we had a really great day! Dennis made a wonderful omelette for breakfast for all of us and we all ate around the table. Annalivia has taken to sitting on one of the regular chairs and was making both of us laugh til we cried. Then I got to go back to sleep after breakfast, which was amazing. When Annalivia went down for a nap, Dennis and I cleaned up and moved stuff that had been rearranged to accomodate the wheelchair back to original positions. So tonight we have a clean house and we were able to get rid of papers and put away things and things feel about as normal as they have since all of this occurred.
So. That's our big update. We continue to get better. And for all of these things, we are very, very grateful!

The balance changes

Today we got to get out of the house and head over to Dixon to my OB for an ultrasound and appointment.

While we were there, we got to see some great pictures of .... our son!

That's right!! Littler McStew is apparently of the male variety, totally and completely shocking his mother and father. I don't know why, but I was quite sure that was a little girl in there. So much for that.

Anyway, we saw our little boy and right now all looks good on the ultrasounds. Since the accident, our perspectives on this genetic testing have changed a lot. Before it seemed unthinkable to not know for sure. Now it seems most important that we know we are all alive.

So we're preceding a little differently. Since we knew we would not terminate regardless of the test outcomes, we've decided to wait to do the amnio. My abdomen absorbed considerable blunt trauma in the accident and it needs time to heal. Hence we will continue to get monthly or bi-monthly growth scans and if anything worrisome appears, we'll get the amnio. Otherwise we'll wait 'til 32 weeks or so, since 32 weeks is on Christmas day. This way we'll still have the info going into labor and delivery and minimize any risks to baby. And me, I suppose.

The only odd thing is that I feel like we will be holding back a little part of ourselves and our possible excitement til that amnio gives us definitive answers. But we'll deal with that. We are all here -- Daddy, Mommy, big sister and baby boy.... a baby boy!!! (how crazy is that?)

For now we'll focus on enjoying all of this.

The incident

WARNING!!! the following are accident pics. You may not want to look at them. They kind of make me ill.

Ours is the green van. We were headed north on IL Rt. 2 behind a tractor trailer. The white car was headed south and crossed over the center line knocking the back axle off the truck, then swung into our path. We hit it going 55-65 miles an hour. Here's what it looked like later, minus the tractor trailer.



The guardrail kept us from the river.




The damage done to the driver's side was from when she hit the semi.


We did the damage to this side.

We're ok and the other driver will be, too. Thank God!!

Another scintillating update

Dennis and I are home from the hospital. The surgeries on our arms went well. The damage on my wrist was much worse than the surgeon originally expected and it took about five hours to reconstruct the two bones with plates and screws. Since they had done a lot of the hard work with Dennis' last surgery, this one went well and as expected. The hospital experience this time was fairly excruciating. Lots of waiting, delays in receiving pain meds, and misplaced meals were all par for the course this time. We were glad to be home.
We are improving slowly but surely in marked ways that are very encouraging. Our sprained ankles are holding more weight more often, bruised ribs are less painful, and we are able to get up and down out of chairs far easier. Today Dennis figured out how to get on the floor and play with Annalivia which did both of them a world of good. And I was able to rock her to sleep and get her in her crib one-armed and only had to drop her a couple of inches ;).
Annalivia has had a hard time today with lots of melt-downs and such. We are hoping tomorrow will be more peaceful for all of us.
We continue to have great help from our parents who have all had to majorly rearrange their lives to be here. The church folks are kicking into gear a dinner brigade and a neighbor came down and mowed the lawn, all of which has been great.
And, of course, we continue to receive well-wishes via virtual and real-life friends in notes and cards and flowers, particularly this gorgeous, gorgeous bouquet of roses from my college friends and dear old pals, Amy, Remy and Sarah.
Anyway, we are here and getting better every single day. Thanks again.

When the adrenaline wears off...

When the adrenaline wears off, everything hurts. Ribs, fingers, shoulders, belly, legs, rear end... even parts we didn't know we had, hurt. We continue to be thankful for fact we can even feel the hurt, but, I must admit we are getting a little punky.
We have surgery scheduled for both of us on Tues. at Rockford Memorial to fix our arms. We'll be there at least a night, perhaps two for me, depending how the baby is doing. Hopefully, when we come home we can get to work on really feeling better.
Dennis will be off work for about 6 weeks. I'm going to try to get back to the pulpit Oct. 8, but we'll see how it goes. Since neither of us will be driving anytime soon, we're getting our Netflix subscription set up tomorrow. And I'm sure we'll be dealing with insurance companies ad nauseum which will keep us busy.
Anyway....
There are so many of you to whom I should respond individually, but frankly, it takes forever to type anything and, actually, kinda hurts. So, please know that we are SO, so grateful for your concern and prayers. It all means the world to us.

One handed thanks

Hi, all. Dennis and I are home and will be ok. Dennis is in a wheelchair and we are moving incredibly slowly, but we are alive and lucid except for the influence of Vicodin, and able to look upon and love on our baby girl, so we know all will be well.
I'll try to get on and post an update, or have my lackey/sistah, Kalin, do so every once in a while. We will both have surgery next week on our wrists/ arms and will be in the hospital again for a few days -- maybe even in the same room this time!
Thank you all so, so much for your prayers. The engine compartment of our van was completely destroyed, in fact the engine was on the other side of the guardrail, we hit so hard. I don't rhink there's any chance we should be alive, let alone blogging! I believe we have been covered in prayer for days and that gave us our extra layer of protection! So thank you all. Those words are inadequate to express the gratitude we feel.

A Post from an Outsider

This is Kalin, the youngest of the McClure 4 (as we are known on the streets and also in the old west).

April and Dennis were in a car accident on Tuesday on their way to the hospital to get the tests done on the baby. They managed to escape with some broken bones from what sounds like a horrible accident.

April said that they were driving on the highway behind a tanker truck when a car coming towards them crossed the center line. It clipped the back of the truck and spun around to be sideways in front of them. April and Dennis had no room to stop as they were only a couple car lengths away and they hit the car going about 55mph. Their van is totalled and the paramedics took pictures of it which the hospital staff have seen. Apey said they keep coming in and saying, "How are you alive?"

April fractured her right arm and sprained her leg and ankle. There was some bleeding, but the baby is OK. They'll operate on Apey's arm as soon as they can work out what kind of anesthesia and such they can use with the baby. The genetic testing will have to wait for a while.

Dennis had a compound fracture in his arm and broke both of his feet. He had surgery on his arm and left foot last night.

April's relaxing in the wing of the hospital created for mothers at risk. She's got a cushy bed, a private bathroom and a window with a view. Dennis is in a different wing on the same floor with an annoying roommate who kept the TV turned on loudly to ESPN until all hours of the night.

They'll be gimping around as best they're able, but since both of them broke their right arms things (IE: updating blogs) are going to be harder rather than easier.

Keep them in your prayers and thank God for protecting them.

Edit: I forgot to mention that Annalivia was not in the car with them. She was staying with Dennis's mom.

The pressure cooker: my new best friend

Avoiding all topics theological, I have not raved here about my new pressure cooker and the amazing difference it has made to our eat-at-home lives lately. I cannot praise it highly enough. In fact, I will make this shocking generalization... every family needs a pressure cooker.
Mine is the cheap-o version from Farm and Fleet. It cost $29.99, I believe, and is aluminum. If you are interested in getting a pressure cooker and are fazed by the sticker price on the all-clad and stainless steel varieties, heed not those lovelies who will tell you that the aluminum kind simply won't work. For now, it will. Maybe someday, I'll graduate. On the other hand, maybe I'll pass this one on to my children.
ANYWAY, the beautiful thing about a pressure cooker is that it makes previously time-consuming meals incredibly quickly. Which is wonderful for any busy person, but particularly the kind who forget to turn on crock-pots in the morning. Pretty much anything you can make in a crockpot you can make in a pressure cooker in under an hour. And it will taste wonderful. Trust me.
For example, in the three weeks since I've purchased my pressure cooker, I've made two chuck roasts -- one with potatoes and onions cooked together with the meat (done in an hour -- and all these times take into account bring the cooker to pressure and letting the cooker depressurize), the other by itself for 55 minutes, then removed and covered with foil while the pressure cooker cooked potatoes and cauliflower together for 7 minutes which I then mashed with milk, butter and parmesan; pork loin roast covered with apricot jam, cooked for 35 minutes; Indian red lentils, cooked for 15 minutes and eaten over rice; chicken breasts and rice with cream soup and mushrooms, cooked for 17 minutes; chicken broth, cooked for 30 minutes with onions, carrots, celery, etc. (it tasted like it had stewed for hours!). Check out pressure cooker recipes online to see the variety of what you can make!
All of these meals would have taken hours in the oven which in turn, would have heated up the house and used quite a bit of energy. I love that I can have these comfort foods on the table in so little time and with so little effort -- I put the ingredients in the pressure cooker and let it come to pressure, turn down the heat and turn on the timer. Then I can make salad or a side dish and we can still eat very quickly after the food goes in the cooker.
Tonight I'm making Tuscan Chicken, Bean and Potato soup from frozen chicken thighs because tomorrow it will be cold here -- only 50 for a high-- and we will be getting in from the hospital and testing a little late. So right now the house smells absolutely delicious and tomorrow we won't have to worry about anything other than heating up the pot and adding some rolls and a salad.
If any of you have a pressure cooker and have recipes you'd like to share, I'd LOVE to receive them!!
In the meantime, here's one for you!

Tuscan Chicken, Bean and Potato Soup
4 chicken thighs, stewed and deboned
5 cloves garlic
1 onion
2 potatoes peeled
1 can cannellini beans or great northern beans, drained
1/2 -1 tsp. rosemary (or if you are fortunate enough to have Herbes de Provence on hand, for goodness sake, use that!)
1/2 t. fresh black pepper
1 t. salt
1 T butter
4-5 cups chicken stock

If you haven't cooked the chicken, add it, the garlic, onion, rosemary, salt and pepper to your cooker. Cover with stock. Bring to pressure and cook 10 minutes -- 20, if frozen. Release pressure with quick cool method (running water over the edge of the cooker). Remove thighs, debone, strain stock and add back to cooker, mince onion and garlic. Add back the chicken.
If you're using leftover chicken, saute the garlic and onion in a little olive oil. Add stock and chicken.
Peel and cut the potatoes into 2 inch sections and add to the pot. Add beans. Add butter.
Cover and bring to pressure. Cook 6 minutes. Use quick-cool method and release pressure. Enjoy.
(You can also add a couple handfuls chopped escarole, endive, or kale and return soup to heat until wilted.)
This is great topped with parmesan and accompanied by a salad and rolls!

Oh, and you can also cook this all in a pot, if you'd like. Cook til potatoes are done. It's still delicious, just not quite as fast!!

Because some things AREN'T better IRL (in real life)

Tonight I was talking to my friend, Jimmy, who had apparently spent some time reading this here blog. In the course of conversation he said, "You know, you really come off quite well on that blog. If I didn't know you myself, I'd be terribly impressed."
Precious, isn't he?

Does God want you to be rich?

I've been slowly reading my way through our latest issue of Time. This is the cover story: Does God Want You to Be Rich? You can read an abstract from CNN here. (Shame on Time for not making the entire article available.)
It's interesting that Prosperity thinking is on the rise at the same time that the Crunchy Con and Emergent movements seem to be addressing the same target group with completely differently oriented messages.
I plan to add more thoughts when I actually have any mental clarity, but in the meantime I'd be interested to hear from anyone else who has read the article or has knowledge/ understanding of/ or experience with the movements mentioned above.

A Frivolously Famous Friday Five

From the RevGals, a Friday Five of frivolity -- something needed this week.

1. Tell us about a time you met someone famous.

I met Tom Everett Scott and Steve Zahn at Red, Hot, and Blue in Lexington, KY when I was in seminary. I was eating dinner with my friend Melissa, and realized who they were and worked up the courage to ask Tom for his autograph by saying, "Hey, you're Tom Everett Jones, aren't you?" Didn't occur to me to get Steve Zahn's autograph because I was blushing and flustered and unintelligible in the first place and secondly, I'm a big dork. They were very gracious then got the heck out of there. They're both far cuter in real life, by the way.
My latest brush with greatness came last year when I was at a local restaurant with our clergy group at Senator Dick Durbin (D-Illinois) came in to speak with the local Chamber of Commerce. My daughter had a dirty diaper and was fussing, so I went to the restroom with her. While in there, I heard his aides praising the hand dryers. When I emerged, he said hello and then his aides began talking about how beautiful Annalivia was. He started towards her and we headed outside, not because I have anything against the guy, but I had a very fussy child. She didn't need to be political fodder at that moment.

2. Tell us about a celebrity you'd like to meet.

Well, knowing I'd be far too nervous and intimidated to actually speak to anyone I met, I'd love to meet Anne Lamott and just absorb her presence. Or Madeline Albright. I like listening to her. Or Ira Glass.
Less cerebrally, I'd love to meet Clive Owen, my celebrity boyfriend. We've been dating since he was in the Mystery series, Second Sight, and that's a long time to carry on a relationship with someone without the other person knowing.

3. Tell us about someone great who's NOT famous that you think everyone oughta have a chance to meet.

I think everyone should meet my grandfather. And my sistahs. And my husband and daughter.

4. Do you have any autographs of famous people?

No, I unfortunately lost Tom Everett Scott/Jones' autograph about 24 hours after I got it. Oops.

5. If you were to become famous, what would you want to become famous for?

Philanthropic greatness, I guess. Or having really kind children.

Late night thoughts on arrogance

It is 3:12 here and I've been up for about an hour. Wide awake -- cannot sleep. My mind is racing and yet, I'm so tired. I need to get back to bed.
However, I've been thinking about arrogance and how I have been and probably will be guilty of gross arrogance throughout my life. This has been brought into sharp focus for me as we've pondered the possibility that something is really wrong with our baby. I've realized my arrogance of assumption that I would have a healthy baby, my belief that I could prevent something being wrong if I just did everything "right", my belief that somehow I'd have the answers to whatever would come next...
I've also realized the arrogance I've applied to others. I've thought that I have answers for them, that I would handle situations better than they have, that my solutions and thoughts would clearly make their lives much better if they were somehow just able to receive my superior wisdom...
And most of all, I've realized the theological arrogance that I've bought into. I've realized this before, but in talking to people in my congregation and hearing how they perceive God to be working both in their own lives and in the life of my family, I realize that often I have dismissed their views as lesser than my own. What I often haven't realized is that the theology they hold close brings them peace and comfort. The theology they hold has, in most cases, been earned by more suffering, pain, joy -- by more life than I have, or may ever, experience.
My arrogance is humbling and humiliating. I don't know why I've needed to define myself in superior smug self-satisfaction, when clearly I am neither superior nor self-satisfied and any smugness is a facade.
The truth is -- I have no answers, really. I don't know how to handle what comes next. I am groping to find God in the midst of all my fears and anxiety.
In short, there is no room for arrogance here. And that -- well, that is very scary.

Possible prenatal problems

There have been better days...
Today, on the drive home from the cemetery after the burial for my great-uncle, Jerry, I got a call from the nurse at my OB's office telling me Dr. Stone wanted to speak with me. FYI, it's not a good thing when the doctor wants to speak with you herself.
Anyway, turns out that my quad screen test showed a very high risk for Trisomy 18. The test said the risk factor is 1:10, however the numbers apparently just aren't good.
So, next Tuesday (a whole freaking week!!) Dennis and I will go to Rockford Memorial to meet with a geneticist and then have an amniocentesis. Normally a Level II ultrasound is done before the amnio to look for markers, however because of the numbers I've opted to do the amnio.
After that, we have to wait a week to get preliminary results and then 3 (three!!) weeks to find out for sure what is going on.
And then we'll figure out what's next.
Ugh.
I'd appreciate any and all prayers.

Well, knock me over with a feather...

...and that's really saying quite something...
We Disciples are apparently organized enough to have a blog ring! I am astonished and astounded and immediately signed up, though now the pressure to post something relevant, or at least, responsible is on.
This adds a level of accountability heretofore unknown on this here blog. We Disciples are only about 800,000 strong. You can't throw a rock at an assembly without hitting someone you know. I'm now on notice. But quite excited by it. Really.

Getting kicked around

I remember when I was pregnant with Annalivia waiting anxiously for that first flutter that would indicate she was actually in there and moving around. I think it came about 18 weeks and for the longest time, I was bewildered by what was going on.

This time around, at 17 weeks, Littler McStew has been relentlessly pummeling his/her momma for the last month. But today in church -- oh my goodness!! I think this kid has a bone to pick or something!

It is funny how less than two years have passed and I've already forgotten what it was like with Annalivia. I don't remember sharp jabs and round ligament pain. I don't remember overwhelming tiredness or the forgetfulness I experience now. I do remember time passing incredibly slowly and feeling very unsure about what comes next.

This afternoon, Annalivia and I are getting ready to head down south to my hometown to prepare for the funeral for my great-uncle Jerry. Annalivia is so old now and I can't help but look at her as she pulls her clothes out of the drawers to "help" me pack and think about how she was swimming in those newborn outfits a year and a half ago. As she sprawls across me when I rock her before her nap, I think about her curled up under my chin when she was first born. I'm glad I get a second chance to take note of all those things again. Maybe this time I'll actually remember.

Tired and also weary, and yes, those are different things

Today was church cleanup day. I did almost jack-squat, having been commanded by my doctor to take it easy for a couple of days on Tuesday, and having milked that comment for all it was worth to get out of a board meeting among other things. I spent the first three hours chasing my child, making coffee and arranging snacks for the other workers. In the last hour I finally picked up a spade and did some edging interspersed with frequent reminders to Annalivia to not go into the street and because I am a big slug, my shoulders hurt from that scant activity. So I'm tired.
And I'm weary. My great-uncle, Jerry, passed away this weekend and on Tuesday, I'll be celebrating his life by officiating at the funeral. Uncle Jerry was a fixture in my life growing up, part of most family parties and always included in the god-bless song, but I never really knew him as an individual in my adult life. I'm sorry that it is only in death that I'll get to know him.
I am, however, honored that my great-aunt Audrey has asked me to celebrate his life and honored that I get to serve my family in this way. I've shared with other clergy that I'm doing this funeral and I've also shared with clergy colleagues that I have verbally contracted to celebrate the lives of my other elderly relatives when the time comes, including my dear grandfather and grandmother. This tends to freak some of my clergy colleagues out and I get little mini lectures about letting go of control, and allowing others to minister to me in my grief and blah blah blah.
I know that these comments are generally motivated out of concern for my well-being, but I don't seem to be able to communicate how this position of celebrant is such a sacred duty -- one that is, of course, very difficult -- but one that is also very important to me. I have been trusted by my family to lift up our beloveds' souls, to hold forth those memories that refract our beloveds' meaning and personhood. It is what I do in my heart and head anyway. To have that recognized by my family and to have them allow me to do it for them when they are unable to do it for each other -- I see that as a real gift from them.
Anyway, this is the first of these occasions and I am weary from last week's funeral and this week's hospital calls and tired from total-lack-of-cleanup and minor prenatal uterine activity, so I'm praying for strength and stamina to be able to perform this very sacred service for my aunt and cousin and the rest of my family and honor Jerry with the words and emotion they are trusting I can.

Friday Five

The RevGalBlogPals have a weekly Friday Five game going. Here are five things I enjoyed this week:
1. Labor day at home in Eureka.
2. A couple of really, really good naps
3. Very nice weather and the discipline to leave the air conditioner off
4. Mighty fine sugar cookies
5. Driving down to school with Dennis last night

You can find other Friday Fives by checking out the RevGalBlogPal site here.

Some realtively unformed thoughts on "literal meaning"

Thanks to another provocative discussion at the CH forums, I have realized that I have a difficulty getting over the word, "literal" when someone says, "I believe the Bible is literal" or "I take the Bible literally."
I know what they mean. They mean -- the Bible is true, inspired, infallible. But the word "literal" is so very difficult here.
The things is, language is, by its very nature, representative, which means that it will ALWAYS need to be interpreted. And though some might argue that, well, yes, of course, language is interpreted, but we all KNOW what words really mean, I would point out that all of us, at some time or another, have misinterpreted the language that is very clearly set before us. How many of us have read an email from a dear friend and missed the humor or sarcasm therein? Or how many of us have read a post by someone we don't know and have inferred something about their character or compassion by their writings?
When it comes to the Bible, I do believe the Bible is inspired by God. And I could even say that I believe that what God inspired is infallible -- without error. I believe it to be unquestioningly true. However, the Bible has been interpreted by fallible humans for over 2500 years. Even if we believe the Holy Spirit gives us the power to interpret, we are still human. We are still imperfect beings trying to glean from language, some of which has been copied and re-copied and translated and re-translated for over 20 centuries, a representation of God, who is beyond all human representation and comprehension.
And this -- this reminder that we can only grasp small glimpses of God in metaphors and representations -- this is what most of all, bothers me about the word, "literal." God simply IS NOT literal. God is beyond literal. God is beyond what humans can possibly conceive of as fact, meaning, truth, exactness, etc.
All of this is absolutely, unequivocally, not to say that the Bible is meaningless. It is FULL of meaning. I would just posit that the meaning is far greater than we will ever, ever, ever understand. God is revealed and is being revealed in our reading of the text, but we will never, ever get to grasp God's fullness until we are Home.
To say that the Bible can be understood "literally" seems to me to imply that we grasping it IS attainable. That if we just study and pray and dig enough, someday, we'll "get it."
What I personally find is that the more I study the Bible, the more I learn about the language, the bigger God seems. The bigger the process appears. The bigger the picture represented by the words. I begin to understand why Paul said, "now we see only in part, then we will see the whole."
So as I've been turning over these thoughts in my head and pondering the nature of this most instructive and revealing of books I think I've realized that, the more I read the Bible, the less and less "literal" it seems to me.
But, of course, that could just be this weirdo...

Recipe: Really good, but not quite "it" sugar cookies

I made some sugar cookies yesterday that were really quite delicious. They aren't, however, what I've been craving. The cookies I've been craving are from a lady in our church who makes these amazing, crumbly, melt-in-your-mouth sugar cookies. She offers to give me the recipe whenever I ooh-and-aahhhh, but she never follows through. Even if I call her and ask her for it, she finds some reason to put off handing down the recipe.
ANYWAY, these cookies are not quite Ruth's but are as close as I've come. I'm going to try adding 1 teaspoon cream of tartar next time and see how that changes the flavor if favor of the recipe in my head. Regardless, these are delicious and very easy and don't even have to be refrigerated, which is great if you are ENFP like me and don't generally plan beyond the end of your nose, let alone 24 hours before cookies are to be baked.

Old-Fashioned Sugar Cookies
3/4 cup butter, softened, but not TOO soft
1 cup sugar
1 egg
1 t. vanilla (or double it or add almond extract or lemon extract -- all delicious)
Cream all together
2 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
Mix together and add to the creamed mix.
Either refrigerate, or go ahead and roll into balls, then roll in sugar and flatten with hand or bottom of glass. Bake in the upper half of a 375 degree oven for about 8 minutes. These will spread out quite a bit and the bottom will brown very fast.
Allow to cool for about a minute on the pan, then remove!
Enjoy with milk or hot tea or plain!

Photos, photos, photos

We've had such a good time enjoying this fall weather around here with a couple trips to the park in the last week. Last Thursday, Dennis took the day off so that he could finish a paper and I could do work on a funeral. After I spent the morning at church and he spent the morning with Annalivia, we all went out to the park for lunch.
Here we enjoy an ultra- nutritious lunch.

Annalivia learned how to climb up and down the steps to the play equipment.

Then she learned how to go down the slide by herself. The static on her hair was hilarious.

On Labor Day, Annalivia and I went down to Eureka to give Dennis some time to study. We got to spend the end of Labor Day with the aunts and cousins. This is my youngest sister, Kalin with Annalivia. Kalin is universally adored by her neices and nephews, though she does absolutely nothing to merit such devotion. I try to take pictures of her holding Annalivia whenever possible. I have two such photos. In this one, she's actually smiling.






We met over at Miller Park Zoo in Bloomington and ate Avanti's subs for dinner. Here are cousin Rhys (Marissa's son) and cousin Cleya (Lil's daughter).

We did some playing, too.

Annalivia enjoyed swinging.

The highlight, though, were these stairs that allowed Annalivia to go up AND DOWN them like a big girl. She went up and down about 30 times.

The cousins had a pretty good time together.

And here's Kalin and Rhys being best friends. She really is a great aunt.

Godsecrets

If you want to see some interesting/ challenging/ moving God stuff, check out this blog. There are some good things in there!

Another glimpse of the man I married

On Saturday at a funeral, an older lady in our congregation told me that she hopes that this baby will be a boy and that we'll name him, "Enough."
While I hate comments like that (i.e. 'I hope you're through!' or 'You don't need more than two children!') I haven't really figured out a way to respond to them. I was telling Dennis about this and my dilemma in figuring out how to respond and he said, "Well, I would have said, 'Don't worry. You'll probably be dead by the time we have number three!'"
I guess there's a reason he's not the pastor.

When sensible shoes return

There are a hundred reasons that I am rejoicing that fall is just around the corner, not least of which is that I get to start wearing my comfortable and sensible, yet funkily hip shoes again! My sister Lil discovered these and immediately indoctrinated the sistahs as to their efficacy when it comes to arch support, as well as their hipness. (Lil is very hip. We don't doubt her when she speaks.) Now Marissa and I both have Keens also, and although Kalin is holding out, we know that eventually she'll topple and be dragged into our like-minded shoe-wearing. It's really futile to resist, Kali.
Anyway, it's crazy how I get so excited over the little things, but these didn't really work in the summer months and my feet have paid for it. Today as I kicked out the heels I've been wearing for the last two days, I thought, 'gosh darn it, fall is almost here and the time for socks and funky maryjanes is right 'round the corner! Hurrah!!'
Hurrah, indeed.

Just when you think they've got it all figured out...

They don't.
Isn't it amazing how so many of us spend so much time and effort searching for answers and solutions and tips and tricks and models and methods?
And, inevitably, we find that all along, whatever answer we really wanted someone else to provide for us had to be uncovered or discovered by our own searching and wondering and prayer?
I'm reminded that we are beautifully and wonderfully made and what works for even the dearest sister or brother in Christ, may not be the mold into which we are to be pressed.
Lovely. And frustrating and terrifying, too. But mainly -- lovely.

An IMperfect storm

We had a member of the congregation pass away on Wednesday in the early morning hours. He had struggled mightily for a long, long time tended by a very weary wife. We are all thankful he is Home and no longer in pain.
Having said that, I will now become an insensitive cretin and say that this did not exactly come at a convenient time for me. (FYI, lest you think me a real creep, there's a wedding in his family the day of his funeral and his family and I were all laughing about how this guy seemed to know when the most difficult time for everyone was and always got sick or fell or something right when everyone else needed to put attention elsewhere.)
ANYWAY, things have gotten incredibly busy here. Dennis started a hellish class schedule last week and had his first paper, worth 20% of his grade, due today. I hired a new secretary at church last month and so this is her first time doing the newsletter and since she was trying to be fancy, the whole thing got all messed up. I've had meetings all week and have been trying to do fall planning and don't have a sermon yet for Sunday and now have a newsletter, bulletin, sermon and funeral all to get to done by Saturday evening.
So. I've been feeling pretty sorry for myself and whining about how this was The Perfect Storm -- all things converging to make this week extremely unliveable.
HOWEVER, perhaps only a pastor can appreciate this, but I realized that The Perfect Storm, is not, in fact this week, but would be if all of this happened the week before Christmas when Dennis has finals AND papers due and there are TWO services and three bulletins and a newsletter to get out as well as sermons for the most crucial days of the year, a choir cantata to pull off, presents to wrap and cookies to bake. THAT would be The PERFECT Storm.
In comparison, this is a little rain shower.

Overheard tonight

Speaking of Queen Elizabeth I...

....England's power was never greater and British actresses always had a role to play when they got to a certain age. ~Marge Simpson

Does What Would Jesus Do apply to you, too?

I've got a question for those of you who are in the more conservative camp? When you read scripture, especially in the epistles, do you apply it against the actions and words of Jesus? I guess I'm asking, do you ask yourself, "What would Jesus do?" or does it matter?
I'm wondering this because I think there is a tendency in the liberal mainline tradition to do this, at least where I come from, especially when thinking critically about passages of contention or contrary messages, i.e. passages on the authority of women to teach.
I think my people tend to look to Jesus as the big authority and sometimes disregard Paul as lesser spokesperson, whereas I see a lot of conservative church practice and policy based pretty strongly on Paul and less so on Jesus in these points of contention.
I know it's more complex than this, but am I misreading this? Or is this the way it really is?

Ooooph... that hurts...

From an interesting and very personally resonant article in the New York Times...

For the most part, congregations want a young married man with children, according to research Ms. Lummis conducted in 2001. “The whole demographic image of a pastor had not changed much since the 1950’s,” she said.

Smaller, poorer congregations will hire a woman, but often, only grudgingly, clergy members said.

“When we met with the search committee in Louisville, people on it said to me, ‘We really didn’t want a woman, because we know that we’re dying when we get a woman,’” the Rev. Lucia Oerter said of her experience at John Knox Presbyterian in Louisville three and half years ago.

Ugh. Not sure if anyone would admit it here, but I'd say this feeling is probably pretty close to the surface in Rock Falls, IL, too...

What God calls a girl to be

Recently, we've been having an interesting conversation at the Choosing Home Forums about the role of women in the church, which is complimentary to a conversation carried on that the CH Blog a month ago or so.
What I think is really interesting in these discussions is the idea that seemed to be simmering beneath the surface that God creates women to be wives and/ or mothers and that one of the primary reasons women should not be in church leadership is because women with families are not fulfilling or are compromising their primary role to their families.
This is interesting to me because I think I have always assumed that what God has created us to be first and foremost is servants of Him, not our families, regardless of how noble that idea actually is. The idea that women should only be wives and mothers, is to me, as ridiculous as saying that women should only be attorneys and police detectives.
It is true that the calling to ordained leadership is one of sacrifice and often one of sacrifice borne by the family of the one called. But the calling of helpmeet and mother is one of sacrifice, too, and the family of the one called bears the sacrifices therein, regardless of whether the sacrifices are as obvious as Daddy having to put the Bug to bed because Momma's at a meeting. I would love to stay home with my kids, but I also know that if I get that chance, my poor husband and children are going to have to deal with a wife learning to handle restlessness, seeking ways to engage her brain, and longing for friendship and adult human interaction. And I know that if that's where God wants me to be, we'll figure out a way to deal with it, just like we figure out ways to deal with meetings and hospital calls and funerals.
Isn't all calling, when it comes down to it, about dying to self? Yes, being a pastor means that I have to balance the time I spend online blogging, with the time I spend on the floor playing, with the time I spend researching a sermon, with the time I spend calling my peeps. I often fail at dying to self, but I'm fairly certain that I'll always struggle with it. Because if I am following my God-chosen path whether in motherhood or ministry, won't that always mean I am giving up something ?
Edit to add: Molly actually JUST posted on an aspect of being a faithful woman at her blog. Check it out.

My varied reading material

A couple of months ago, I subscribed to three journals using my book and journal allowance (one of the true perks of being a pastor!) -- Christian Century, Sojourners, and Christianity Today. I got Christian Century because I need to read it, not only to keep up with my colleagues, but also to hear the voice of my religious tradition in a thoughtful, well-edited format. I got Sojourners because I thought it would cause me to think and I got Christianity Today, expecting to agree with hardly any of it, but again, knowing that I need to hear/ read the stuff therein.
What has surprised me is that while I enjoy Christian Century, and Sojourners just ticks me off with its earnestness (is that a word?) the thing I really look forward to reading is Christianity Today.
I don't know if it's because Christianity Today is a voice I don't usually hear so it's interesting to be exposed to it, or whether it's becuase Christianity Today is really, really good at writing engaging articles, or whether it's because the format is really very similar to the news magazines I have always loved, but I have really enjoyed this magazine!
I am also surprised at how much I actually agree with what is said/ written. Perhaps this is because I hang out with the evangelicals online or because I'm learning to read for what I can learn from something, rather than what I can prove to something. Whatever it is, I like it.
I have some colleagues who have been shocked/ borderline- disgusted that I have considered fraternizing with "the others" in this regard (i.e. reading and paying for! their publications). These are the same colleagues who generally launch into loud rants about what "they" do or do not believe/ practice as contrasted with whatever "we" do or do not believe/ practice, which is, of course, far superior. Interestingly, these same colleagues apparently refuse to expose themselves to "their" writings, so I'm not quite sure how these folks have figured out what "they" believe, but y'know... I'm sure they're justified somehow... or not.
ANYWAY, it has been a JOY, an absolute and complete JOY to become informed. I feel like the world is much bigger now and I'm really quite enthralled by how much I don't know. Perhaps I'm getting ready to shake the dust off of Fowler's Fourth. Or perhaps I've still a long way to go...

mp3 posted for Jesus Christ the Apple Tree

At the bottom of the original post here.

Intentional consciousness

Please click here to read about this wonderful idea.

Dennis and I are seriously considering taking part, though we're not sure we'll do all 30 days. I think Tonia's come up with a brilliant way to stand in solidarity with those whom we affluent Christians are all too eager to ignore. This has been on my heart for a while. I'm pleased to begin thinking about doing something constructive with these concerns.

Unpublished symptom of motherhood: Increased sensitivity to darkness

I remember being about five months pregnant with Annalivia when the sensitivity to darkness hit me hard. We had gotten a subscription to Time Magazine with an order of maternity clothes, of all things, and as one who actually enjoys knowing what is going on in the world, I read the first issue pretty voraciously. Skip ahead five hours and you would have found me huddled in bed, sobbing, trying not to let Dennis hear my tears for the child of a murdered mother, the story of whom was detailed in the issue.
I thought it was just hormonal surges for the next three months that had me asking Dennis as he began a tale of current events, "Does this story end well?" before he was allowed to continue, turning off the radio at the sound of any report from the middle East, and avoiding the television after 8 p.m. just in case I stumbled into one of those forensic science or special victims unit shows.
What truly surprised me was that post-partum motherhood, if anything, only made the sensitivity greater. Having actually nurtured another body and shielded another little spirit within my own, it was difficult to hear tales of any human suffering. I remember telling my mother in the first weeks after Annalivia's birth that I didn't understand how women could become mothers and not believe in God; surely if anything turns one to prayer, it is facing the prospect of raising one's children in this broken world.
Since then I've decided that motherhood is not only a breaking apart of one's body to bear another into this world, it is a breaking apart of one's heart to allow others into one's own world. As mothers our lives are not our own and, for the most part, that's a good thing. But it is also difficult. Part of our hearts are always walking around about six feet or six hours or six days from us in the children we love. One can't guard one's heart as well, when one has given it to another. And it is much harder to see others' hearts as expendible when one recognizes another as someone's child and therefore a keeper of someone else's heart.
So as the unavoidable info about the Jon Benet case is published amidst stories of burials for six-month olds in Lebanon and news of the struggles of dear friends dealing with the loss of their little one, I find my heart full and often breaking with this news of darkness. Sometimes it is a struggle to fill the cracks with luminescence again. But then I find myself clinging to my daughter, pressing kisses into her temple, breathing in her scent and letting the sound of her fill my ears. And I pray for the Light to surround us all ... and soon.

"I saw Eternity the other night
Like a great Ring of pure and endless light,
All calm as it was bright ;"
~ from The World by Henry Vaughn

Hilarious Homer

"The Rapture is nigh, Marge, and these books will help me figure out just how nigh. Let's see here, I just need to do some calculations...
404 verses in Revelation
times the number of people at the Last Supper....
....minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible..."

Jesus Christ, the Apple Tree

Today on our way back from Peoria, with a very punky daughter in tow, I stopped at Tanners' Apple Orchard. We were not there to get apples or even peaches. We just needed a place to stop and I remembered that they have goats and Annalivia would be excited by that.
Turns out that the apple orchard has apples! Go figure. They apparently ship them in from someplace that is already harvesting apples. (Where would that be?) One of the other great things about Tanners', aside from the goats, is that they have samples of their wares out for general consumption, so Annalivia and I ate some very crisp, very tart apples slices.
In the process of seeing goats and wandering around the orchard, we happened to get a really good look at an apple tree coming into fruition. I don't actually think I've been near a gorgeous orchard apple for a long time -- since I was a kid, probably. I looked up into these branches, absolutely laden with beautiful fruit, fecund with its offering that is on the precipice of ripeness and I thought about this lovely early American hymn...

Jesus Christ the Apple Tree
The tree of life my soul hath seen,
Laden with fruit and always green:
The trees of nature fruitless be
Compared with Christ the apple tree.

His beauty doth all things excel:
By faith I know, but ne'er can tell
The glory which I now can see
In Jesus Christ the apple tree.

For happiness I long have sought,
And pleasure dearly I have bought:
I missed of all; but now I see
'Tis found in Christ the apple tree.

I'm weary with my former toil,
Here I will sit and rest awhile:
Under the shadow I will be,
Of Jesus Christ the apple tree.

This fruit doth make my soul to thrive,
It keeps my dying faith alive;
Which makes my soul in haste to be
With Jesus Christ the apple tree.

Edit to add: Listen to a setting by Elizabeth Poston here. This is performed by Nova Singers, an amazing group of professional singers in Galesburg, IL with whom I was priveleged to sing for two seasons!

One of the million reasons I love my husband

Last weekend the three of us went for a little drive on Sunday evening. My husband works for Woods Equipment Company and designs and engineers industrial cutters (read "big lawn mowers" for fellow laypeople.) He is also, essentially, a farm boy with a love of tractors and combines and planters and all sorts of things with names I don't really understand.
All of this means that whenever we go someplace where there is an implement dealer, we take a detour through their lots. We drive around and Dennis says things like, "Oh, they've got a Kabutosan R2D2C3PO!" And I nod.
One of our local implement dealers just happens to be next door to the local Super Walmart, so when we go out there Dennis asks, "Mind if I drive through Peabudy's?" So we do. This particular day, we went through Peabudy's and suddenly Dennis stopped the car. They happened to have a competitor's version of something that he is working on and so he jumped out and started fiddling with things on this massive cutter, then came back and asked for a piece of paper and wrote down a bunch of chicken scratches that meant nothing to me.
The whole time I watched him and my heart was just so full of love for him. I love that Dennis knows how to do stuff that I just completely and totally don't understand. I really wish I did because the poor man is never able to talk about his work or his interests with me. I can try to understand, but even if I went to school for a hundred years, I wouldn't be able to comprehend what he can comprehend. He sees the world differently than I do. He sees cause and effect, pieces and parts that fit together to make a whole. And because of that he can understand literally everything.
He's also able to do everything. There's nothing I do that he can't do. Well, except childbearing and breastfeeding, but only because he's not anatomically equipped. Otherwise, I'm sure he'd do a fine job. He doesn't cook, but he could and does when he has instructions to follow and then he does it far better than I. He doesn't like to write, but he certainly could. He could preach every Sunday, if he wanted to do so. He parents with more patience and attention than I. He's just remarkable.
The thing is, I'm not jealous about this. If anything, I love him more for it. I can do what I can do. Not so with Dennis. He can do whatever he wants to do. It's neat to know someone with infinite possibilities -- even neater to be married to and loved by them. If left solely to my own devices, I never would have chosen to be this man's partner for the rest of our lives. He's so much better than me and I've never really appreciated a challenge! But, thankfully, God is much bigger than this girl's imagination.
And so here we are -- me nodding, him figuring out calculus in his head. And I love it.

Perspective

Today I am at my parent's house in Eureka. I came in last night, actually, to participate in a wedding rehearsal. One of the girls who was in my youth group back in Kentucky is getting married today and I'm reading I Corinthians 13 in her wedding. It's neat to be a part of it.

What's not so neat is that I have left my daughter at home. She's with Daddy today and they are getting along great, of course. They love to be together and Dennis is such a good father.

But, I've realized that it is counter to every instinct as a mother to get into a car and leave your child two hours behind you. I know that it probably gets easier over time, but I'd imagine that it's always a process of leaving behind a little part of you when you leave your child. I mean, jeez, going to the grocery store is sometimes hard enough. Overnight... well, it's just not natural.

What this time does afford is a chance to gain a little perspective. I am incredibly blessed to be able to be with Annalivia so much of the time. It is not a blessing that has come without sacrifices, but goodness, are those sacrifices ever worth it! I have friends who send their children to daycare every day. They wake up at 7 and take their children to daycare by 9 and pick them up at 4 and put them to bed by 8. They get to parent their children for about 6 hours a day, if they're really lucky. And for the most part, this pleases them.

Not me. I knew when I was carrying Annalivia that THAT would not work for me. I love that I get multi-hour interruptions to sermon work, that I get to take crayon breaks, that I know when she is mad or frustrated or bored, that I can help change all those moods by playing with her or reading to her or tickling her.

But I don't always remember this. And I need to. I am one incredibly blessed woman. And I'm thankful.

Some crazy videos

Wanna hear possibly the most catchy, and hence, annoying!! song in the world. Click here.
*muttering* stupid song was going through my head literally EVERYTIME I woke up last night... hmph.

Wanna see some folks who are more coordinated that I could ever dream? Click here.

The gap

Between the probable and proved there yawns
A gap. Afraid to jump, we stand absurd,
Then see behind us sink the ground and, worse,
Our very standpoint crumbling. Desperate dawns
Our only hope: to leap into the Word
That opens up the shuttered universe.

~ from A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

Liturgical liberals de l'heure

Yeah, that was the only way I could get in the alliteration.
ANYWAY, liturgical friends, rejoice! I know most of us have known about Phyllis Tickle for a while, but did you know that you can get the Divine Hours on the computer?
I have set it up as my homepage, as per a recommendation from Ann V. of Holy Experience of Listening at Tonia's site.
These great links were introduced at brilliant Molly's blog. Poor Molly is enduring a bit of a scraping of her outer skin because of this recommendation. If you don't agree with the philosophy/ theology present in the rest of the site, please don't disregard the value of praying the Hours. This discipline has been practiced for centuries. Personally, I think there's a bit of wisdom in the tested and true. See what you think.

The nakey everything bandit

Annalivia learned how to take her diaper off today. It was pretty hilarious -- she'd disappear and I'd hear a thunk and she'd reappear completely naked. This happened three times before I finally put on clothes she couldn't remove.
The thunk was from her throwing it down the basement stairs. Our basement doesn't have a door, just a safety gate. Tonight she has been throwing other things down the stairs. Crayons, canned goods, books, pillows. Fun times at Casa McStew.

As parsonages go...

ours is really quite nice. We live about a mile from the church in a different neighborhood in town and we really do have a lovely backyard complete with two apple trees (though one got split by the last big storm). My mother brought the first improvement after I moved in-- she put in flowers the first spring I was here and bulbs that first autumn. The summer after our first anniversary, my beloved husband built a lovely deck onto the existing cement slab that has made all the difference to our enjoyment of the space. We've added inexpensive patio furniture and a grill over the years (and a whole bunch of weeds in mom's garden, sadly).
Here's the view from our deck.
Today was beautiful and Annalivia and I spent the afternoon in the backyard. Dennis brought in a slide from his mom's house in the country. At first, Annalivia was befuddled by it, but she figured it out and spent almost an hour sliding down and clapping, then running around to slide down again. This photo is of a very pleased little girl.
With the wonders of wireless broadband, I spent the time on my laptop working on church planning.
This weather is such an incredible blessing! Is anyone else just wanting to loll about soaking up every moment of it?

Mid-day munching dilemma

For some reason, I am not good at making lunch. I don't know why. It's not that I can't make a good lunch. I can and VERY occasionally, I do. But most of the time when mid-day arrives and a hungry Little Bug starts squirming for something to eat we do one of three things: go get something someone else has made at some restaurant/ fast food place, heat up leftovers from the night before, or scavenge around eating little snippets of cheese and crackers and fruit and whatever salads we have on hand until we aren't hungry any more.
Hence, I am looking forward to all the great ideas people will post this week at the Choosing Home blog. And to help myself to feel a little better about stealing all the ideas I will find therein, I'm contributing some recipes we use on any given more-organized week around here. Since it is fresh produce time, I have been hungry for salads. These I can make a couple nights before and have on hand. Some require some chopping, or using a mini food processor, but most are pretty easy. So... here are some favorite salad recipes.

Three Bean Salad
1 can kidney beans
1 can great northern beans
1 small package frozen green beans, thawed
1/3 cup olive oil
1/4 cup vinegar (I use raw apple cider vinegar)
salt and pepper to taste
1/2 onion, very finely chopped, optional

Drain and rinse beans and combine in large bowl. In small bowl, combine vinegar and oil and salt and pepper. Pour over bean mix and combine with onion, if using. Let sit for at least 1/2 hour.
This is an incredibly easy and incredibly cheap salad and you can use any different mix of beans
-- lima, black, butter, in addition to fresh green beans that have been steamed a little.

Panzanella (Tomato and Bread Salad)
1 loaf stale or toasted Italian bread
3 T extra virgin olive oil
2 T red wine or balsamic vinegar
4 cups ripe tomatoes, cut into pieces
2/3 cup red or vidalia onion, sliced thinly
1/2 cup fresh basil, cut into long thin strips (roll up leaves stacked up to cut easier)
fresh mozzarella, cut into slices
salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Soak the onions in a small bowl with cold water and 1 teaspoon salt for an hour, then drain on paper towel.
Cover bread with cold water and soak for about ten minutes. Squeeze out as much water as possible. Crumble the bread into large pieces into a large serving bowl.
Add the tomatoes, onion and basil.
Toss.
Drizzle on the olive oil and the vinegar. Add more olive oil and vinegar, to taste, if you'd like.
Season to taste with sea salt and fresh pepper.
Toss well. Add the mozzarella, if using, around the edge of the bowl.
Garnish with more whole basil leaves.

Spinach Salad
about 1 quart fresh spinach, chopped
3 green onions, chopped
1/2 cup celery, chopped very fine
2 hardboiled eggs, chopped
4 oz. mushrooms, sliced
8 slices cooked, crumbled bacon

Dressing:
1/4 c. vinegar
1/2 c. sugar
1/2 c. water
2 t. cornstarch
grease from bacon

Heat dressing, stirring frequently.
Pour over greens and add remaining ingredients. Serve warm.

Layered Salad
Shredded lettuce
5-6 hard boiled eggs
1 bag frozen peas, thawed and drained
1 head cauliflower, chopped
1 lb. bacon, cooked and crumbled
1 bunch green onions, chopped
2 cups mayo mixed with 1/4 cup sugar
2 cups cheddar cheese
Layer in a nice glass bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Refrigerate for a couple hours or overnight.


Note: The following salads all use my grandmother's mayo mix, which is 2 parts mayo to a 1 part of miracle whip. If you are not a friend of miracle whip, try using another part of mayo mixed with a teaspoon or two of apple cider vinegar and a teaspoon or two of sugar.

Grammy's Tuna Salad
2 cans tuna, drained
1 small onion, chopped finely
2 hardboiled eggs, diced
1 1/2 teaspoon sweet pickle relish
2 stalks celery, chopped, optional
mayo mix (see above)

Combine all the ingredients. Chill. Eat.
I don't have specifics for the dressing mix because every family likes their tuna a little less or more wet than others. Also, even if you hate sweet pickles, try the sweet pickle relish. I detest sweet pickles, but the sweet pickle relish gives this a great flavor.

Easy Peasy Tuna Pea Salad
1 small box small pasta shell
1 can tuna, drained
1 package frozen green peas, thawed (or use fresh)
1 small onion chopped
mayo mix (see above)
salt and fresh pepper to taste

Cook the pasta according to directions and drain. Add drained tuna, frozen peas, and onion. Add enough mayo to make it slightly dry and then add apple cider vinegar to start (start with less than a tablespoon and add a teaspoon of sugar -- you just want a hint of sweetness).

Crab and Cabbage Salad
1 package frozen imitation crab legs, thawed and cut into pieces
1 package prepared coleslaw mix (OR one head cabbage, shredded)
1 small onion, chopped, finely
mayo mix (see above)
salt and fresh pepper to taste

Mix. Eat.

Blessed restoration

Doesn't my title sound like some sort of early 18th century hymn?

Actually it refers to the fact that FINALLY in week 13 some of my energy/ interest in anything other than lounging about is returning to me!

I think I've been helped considerably by the weather which is GORGEOUS!! It has just enough foretaste of autumn to be truly, tantalizingly invigorating in some basic ways.

Today I actually thought about making dinner, but not in the oh-my-Lord-why-do-we-have-to-eat-daily? sort of way I've been thinking about it the last 3 months, but instead in the I-think-I'll-make-dinner sort of way! And sitting out on our deck this evening, I realized that we need to do some work out there so that we can enjoy this late summer/ early fall outside in fresh air as opposed to on the couch as per the last 12 weeks. So Dennis and I have made plans to actually do a little physical labor as opposed to just him doing the physical labor as I recline on the aforementioned couch.

Thank GOD for this restoration, no matter how brief!! I was beginning to think slugdom was going to be a semi-permanent way of life. Glad to see that's not the case!

More thoughts on motherhood

"If you aspire to be a mother, you aspire to a job without pay that is harder than any job you'll be paid for. It's a job with no time off, only time away. [D0] not have children to derive anything from them—not love or joy or fun or a legacy. It is possible that any or all of these may come, but there will be long stretches when little fulfillment is in sight."

"I did not know when we started our family... that each birth would deliver into my arms an immeasurable weight of vulnerability and terror, but I guessed that parenting would bring a profligate, extravagant, others-centered life. As it has. But there has been a kind of death involved, make no mistake. 'Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed,' Jesus taught. 'But if it dies, it produces many seeds.' My ambitious dying life is far from over."

From the article The Case For Kids by Leslie Leland Fields in Christianity Today.

To me, this is the crux of the problem with our modern understanding of motherhood. There seems to be an expectation that one need not give up anything. That children exist to reward us. That we can remain self-focused and self-interested and still be good parents.
I am ashamed to admit that I still struggle to die to self. Through prayer and the mighty acts of God on my heart, I occasionally see glimpses of the seed bearing fruit that nourishes and sustains others. It is SO hard, but even those brief snippets I've seen -- oh my goodness, is it ever GOOD!!

The way a family might be

My friends from "that" side of the religious spectrum will probably have already seen this link at Molly's place, but for those who haven't, here is a great article. I personally, radical crazy fool that I am, think that it's especially important for people on "this" side of the religious spectrum to consider these ideas. No conversion necessary, but read with an open mind, and I guarantee you'll find this article at least pretty provocative.
Reading it and thinking about the way the family is portrayed in our media nowadays reminded me of why I loved Madeline L'Engle growing up. The families of her heroes and heroines were 4-8 children families where siblings respected each other and also made mistakes, argued, and hurt each other. Parents were a team, an imperfect team sometimes, but a team. The table was always a central setting in her stories. Even recognizing that she wrote fiction, I remember wanting all that then. I still want that now.
But, jeez, try to explain this to some of my friends and you'd think I've suggested the possibility of moving to Lebanon. (Actually, that might be more accepted, especially if I went with a peace banner!) The idea of foresaking a brand new minivan and the possiblity of family vacations at Disneyworld and embracing the likelihood of a creaky house, worn furniture and a very used car all of which will serve a happy family of people who love each other more than status or achievement is delusional and most certainly a waste of my extensive and expensive education. That or it's somehow something we are "lucky" to be able to consider because they simply "can't" sacrifice income or comfort.
Hmph.
Well, now I'm just ranting away. Anyway, don't let this deter you. Read the article. Let me know what you think, ok?

Inane but fun quiz

Your French Name is:

Hortense Tremblay

What's Your French Name?

Don't like the first name you get? Play again.

A brief rant

Dear fellow mainline "liberals" -- can we please, please, PLEASE quit implying that those on the "conservative" or "fundamental" side of Christianity are simple-minded, unintelligent, uninformed morons?
And dear evangelical "conservatives" -- can we please, please, PLEASE quit inferring that those on the "liberal" or "progressive" side of Christianity are weak-faithed, untested, unsaved relativists?
Faith is too important, too personal, too essential to keep doing this to each other! Enough already, ok?

Too large a helping of Grace?

I know it's possible to have too much of a good thing. In fact, I think I could be a case study for said principle. But I've been wondering lately about the theology of Grace thanks to marvelous Molly's Grace vs. Law discussion over at her blog. Then brilliant Dawn began dissecting an article about homeschooling, part of which deals with legalism. And I've been reading some other articles and blogs, mostly written by evangelicals/ conservatives which deal with the prevalence of legalism in the evangelical mindset. Through all of these articles, I've realized that (warning: generalization to follow!) tending towards legalism is a problem the mainline church simply doesn't have. In fact, any wrestling with legalism that occurs in our churches is generally from marginalized voices from within who are calling for, well, laws to govern us and our behavior. We manage to squash this dissent, or at least talk louder, by pointing to the love of Jesus and the grace of God and the necessity for Spirit-led living.
But before we pat ourselves on the back and recline in smug self-satisfaction, I think we should examine the possibility that perhaps we have erred on the side of grace. Perhaps too much grace is also not a great thing.
Now I can already hear the roar of my liturgical-dance clad sisters and perhaps, brothers, as they wave their dowel-mounted ribbons and shake their heads in wounded indignation. Too much grace? How could such a thing be possible?
Well, I think however it is possible, we've managed to do it.
Here's how I came to this realization -- Dawn in her blog post mentioned the parable of The Prodigal Son and her past tendency to teach it from the perspective of it being about the wages of sin.
I ashamedly admit that I was shocked! I have never heard that parable taught or preached from that perspective. Literally every time I have heard it, read it, preached it, it has been from the perspective of the father who offers an unconditional and in fact, abundant, pardon. And though, I believe, that is the point of the parable, having skipped over the wages-o-sin aspect of it, I think I have had a much less full understanding of that parable.
Now you may think that I'm the only moron who has ever single-sidedly read this passage of scripture, but I would say in imagined defense of myself that I have studied this parable a lot. I have read it, prayed it, written on it, preached it. I know the offense brought by the son against the father in a historical context. I know the father's right to refuse the son. I know the bones of this parable, but I have to admit, before the last few days, I did not understand the spirit. I had not ever considered the utter failure of this son. I hadn't ever considered the wanton and brazen disregard and disrespect offered by the offending son. I hadn't, in short, ever truly considered the sin.
And, I would guess, there are lots of folks like me in the mainline church. I could be wrong. I am a lot of the time, after all. But my guess is that there are many of us who prefer to skip over sin and get right to grace. We prefer to skip over our fallibility and get to the part about pardon from God. We prefer to skip over our mortality and get to the part about immortality promised by Christ.
But, in doing so, I think we're doing ourselves a big disservice.
Don't get me wrong -- I don't think we need to go full-fledged into wallowing in our sinfulness, especially because our shortcomings can and do become a source of pride. There are plenty of enormous Calvary Fill-in-the-Blank Churches in the world.
No, I don't think God creates us to remain in the pig pen even a short while. But I think we do ourselves a disservice if we don't recognize that that is where we ought to be. We're the ones who have chosen a path other than what God creates us to be. The pigpen is what we deserve.
And here's the crux of the matter -- without realizing and really contemplating what we deserve, we can't fully understand what a gift it is to be elsewhere, namely safe in the arms of our Father.
And that's what Grace is really all about, right? Being safely at Home even though we should still be wandering.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Gramps!!

83 years young and a blessing to us all everyday. We're proud to be your progeny.

(Gramps is the handsome gray-haired gent in the middle!)