The Special Ks

I was at our church's General Assembly this weekend. I was only there for a brief amount of time, but during that time, I got to see plenty of friends. I was especially excited to see my friend, Kara, aka Special K, aka one of the most hilarious persons on earth.

Special K was a fellow camp counselor in Kentucky when I was in seminary and she was in college. We were co-counselors many times including once for a brand-new cabin that at the time was unnamed. The other cabins in the area were named after historic members of our denomination and we suggested that the new cabins should be named for current-at-the-time leaders. Kara and I called our cabin Updegraff-Spleth after a woman who ended up leaving her position not long after that. The name did not stick, unfortunately. Pity. It was a cool name.

We were also roommates at a couple of Assemblys (Assemblies?) and together witnessed what was surely one of the most comical things I've ever seen when a man tried to run up an escalator that was headed in the "down" direction. He kept tripping, but was not to be deterred. It was the sort of thing that is horrifying, but simultaneously hysterical. Kara, who has the BEST. LAUGH. EVER., began laughing and we could not stop. I still think of that guy and smile.

Anyway, this time, I got to have dinner with Kara and meet her new-ish husband for the first time. He's perfect for her. Totally perfect. When I took their pic, she asked if she could make it to the blog. Here ya go, Special K!

Love always,

Jazzy A

Buying local...or small...or local

As I've gotten older, and maybe since I've had more monetary resources at my disposal, or maybe since I've gotten a tad more patient, I've become more committed to purchasing from small business owners. It's not that I don't appreciate the great deals at Wal-Mart or enjoy the fact that I can zip down to Dollar General for laundry detergent at a moment's notice. I do. But I've found that buying coffee from a local place, even if it doesn't have a drive-thru like Starbuck...or purchasing a book from a local bookseller, even if it means waiting a week for it to arrive unlike Barnes and Noble...or getting yarn from three generations of knowledgeable ladies, even if it costs more than the skeins found in the bins at Hobby Lobby... or even buying groceries at my local store, even though there are not wide-ranging deals like Kroger... it all tends to be a much more peaceful, less... I don't know... consuming ....experience. I also sort of feel like I have a moral obligation to do so, since I believe the small business owner is what makes the American economy function (when it does) and my own family-of-origin was/ is one built on the hard work of the self-employed. Plus, I like it when people are passionate about their work and most small business owners I have met have found a vocation in their employment.

Anyway, today I find myself in a bit of a dilemma. Last night I ran out of yarn while working on a project. The yarn shop I purchased it from is about 40 minutes from here. I called the owner and she has some skeins on hand. And could order more. And so I almost loaded up the kiddos and headed over there to pick it up.

But then I did an online search and found the same yarn sold by a small business owner in New Hampshire who is selling it for $1 less per skein. She also has it in some other beautiful colors and she offers some other items I've been looking for AND also offers free shipping. And it should all be here by Saturday if I order it this afternoon.

I'm probably going to order it online. Aside from the money saved, there's the time and energy and hassle saved. There's the not-bundling-up-the-kids and not-scraping-off-the-van and other things. But I AM feeling a little guilty about it.

Anyone have any input on what you'd do, ideally or not?

Another thanksgiving

Today, my sister Lil and her daughters came over to spend some time after the eldest daughter got done with Kindergarten. Annalivia had invited her cousin over to watch Sleeping Beauty. There was not much watching going on, but they had a good time. And Lil and I got to sit and chat while I worked some more on my crocheted Christmas stocking. Lillia also got hooked (hee, hee, hooked, get it?) on crochet so I might have a co-conspirator when it comes to figuring out how to do it once she gets hooks and yarn. And everyone in our family might end up with several scarves for Christmas.

After she and the girls left, I felt thankful again for the blessing of family being near. The difference in our lives three months ago and now is so profound. I feel as though I'm a branch grafted back onto the family tree instead of a little shoot trying to put out roots elsewhere. I honestly believe that some people are of the variety that grow better in their own soil and some of us really need the lifeblood flowing to the other branches to feel most completely ourselves. I am in the latter category, I've realized. And I'm thankful, thankful, thankful that I'm here to experience all of this.

Also -- I've moved my thankful list offline. But I've still been doing it -- just in case anyone thought yet another lofty goal had been scuttled aside, as is generally my way. :)

Friends

This is an exciting week for me. Tonight, a good friend from college is coming over for dinner. She is a very dear person and a person that has always just been so EASY for me to be around. I had not seen her for about five years, but just a few months ago happened to see her walking by the sidewalk outside my Dad's office. We talked on the phone and she is living nearby so she is coming over for dinner tonight! I'm really looking forward to it.

This is also my alma mater's Homecoming week which usually means that long-lost friends are around at some point. This year is special, however, because one of my good friends is receiving the Outstanding Young Alum award and is coming into town from Atlanta on Thursday night. She's going to stay with us and other friends are coming over on Friday to hang out with her... and me!

The only thing casting a pall on these events is the fact that our house is just very NOT put-together. We still have boxes all over the place and things in the process of being unpacked and despite having a heroic husband who works really hard while I take one of many "little rests" (like right now, for example), we just can't seem to get on top of it. I've warned my friends and promised that at least the bathrooms will be clean. That's about as good as I can do right now, which is slightly disappointing.

But, on the other hand, friends are going to be here which is just such a gift! And, providing they can look past the mess, I think it's going to be a spectacular few days. I have friends again! And really, even a few dozen boxes and lots of dust can't take the shine off that realization for me.

Halfway through a GREAT weekend

This weekend we went down to Eureka for my 15-year high school reunion. I was on the committee that organized it, and I must say, it was GREAT! We had a really nice time last night at our formal dinner, a wonderful tour of the high school from the "new" principal (he's been there 13 years!) and a great, casual, family picnic today with PERFECT weather! I just absolutely thoroughly enjoyed myself.

And I wish we could have enjoyed the picnic longer. I stupidly, moronically scheduled a wedding at church and let them set it for 3 p.m., so we had to leave the picnic before folks even finished getting food on plates! I would have liked to stay and chat more.

At the reunion, I found out that one of my high school friends checks in here sometimes (hi, Michelle!) and when I got home, one of my college friends who is related to high school friends had commented here and found me on Facebook and now we get to be in touch again! Sometimes I get tired of my attachment to these electronic forms of communication, but on the other hand the connections made possible by the Internet can be so wonderful, inspiring and life-affirming!

And talk about life-affirming -- tomorrow we are headed back down to Eureka to celebrate Gramps' 85th!!! birthday with most all of the family! I'm very excited to see the McSouths from Arkansas and the McGoods from Chicago and all of my sisters and spouses and kids... I may even be able to muster enthusiasm for Kali's dogs. Maybe. It is guaranteed to be a great time. God is good.

Pictures will come forth soon!

Back home

I have returned home from a brief trip to Eureka and my alma mater where we were celebrating Alumni Weekend. "Weekend" is a misnomer. It's actually an afternoon and evening. But I suppose Alumni Weekend sounds better than Alumni 8-hour Event.

I am on the alumni board of my college, so I was sort of required to be there, but I wanted to be there also. Friends of mine, T and his wife, were receiving the Outstanding Young Alumni award. I was happy to see that because I nominated them! T and his wife began a charitable foundation in the name and memory of their daughters who died at birth. Their foundation has been around about three years and has donated about $30,000 to our state Children's Hospital and also to the obstetric unit in their own city. Through tears, T told us the story of the foundation and related it back to the ethos of the college which seems to be, in short, "go from here and do something to make this world a better place." It was a great, moving celebration of how they have lived since college and I was really, really proud of him and really very proud to be his friend.

The day itself was beautiful, too. I stayed at Grammy and Gramps' last night and slept in this morning. As my grandmother said, "A mother needs a night of good sleep away from her children every once in a while." She was right. I truly enjoyed the day. The weather was warm, but breezy and the college was in its most beautiful state -- lilacs and flowers blooming, trees and grass green and lush, red brick buildings stately and welcoming as always. I walked around and visited new features -- a graduation brick pathway -- a labyrinth -- I've not visited. I walked the campus and remembered racing around the tall oaks that used to fill the area when Roo and I were little and spent some time driving around town, seeing many people out and about enjoying the day.

And I felt myself really longing for it all. My hometown is part of me in a way I just can't fill elsewhere. Perhaps it is because generations of my family have lived there. Perhaps it's because I can't let go. Whatever it is -- I feel at home there in a way no place else has fulfilled.

So though I returned home to my family tonight, I feel like I also came back to my regular sojourn. And into it, out of this lovely and renewing weekend, I bring the powerful feeling of being back home.

Scenes from our wonderful day

We had just a wonderful day today. We went to church and then headed out to the country to the house Dennis inhabited pre-April to do a little dreaming and scheming. While there, Daniel dozed in the van and Annalivia got out and about in her Sunday outfit.

This morning when getting dressed, I asked her to get on her black shoes (very respectable Mary Janes) and instead, she came out with her red cowboy boots. "Can I wear these?" she asked. "They match my dress." They did, in fact, match her dress. She also wanted to wear a hat. So she did. The boots were great for clip-clopping around on the wood floor in the sanctuary during the Morning Prayer at church. *sigh*

And equally great for exploring Daddy's old house.
They were even going to take her straight across the field to Grandma's house when she noticed her cousins were there.

Instead, she and I walked down to Grandma's on the road, and Daddy and Daniel followed in the car. We decided to come home, get changed and the go back to the country, which we did.
Annalivia got to spend lots of time with Dennis' brother's two eldest children. They played for hours.

Our nephew demonstrated the finer points of tree-climbing in the orchard.

And our niece was happy to wear the dandelion crown I made that Annalivia would not wear.

And Daniel was content to swing with Grandma for quite a while.

We had a lovely time, going between the two farms, eating lunch outside, dreaming, scheming, working and lounging about. Late in our time there, Dennis and his mom talked about the possibility of us purchasing land from her at some point and she responded very favorably to that. We are very excited. It gives a direction to the next few years here that we just haven't had. And that is just wonderful.

In fact, the whole day was wonderful -- full of wonder -- and sunshine and wind and family. Lovely.

Godsends

Right now, Annalivia is playing with our family friend, 14-year old, K. K is here to spend the night and then will go to church with us in the morning. I am SO grateful that she is here and is able to entertain Annalivia while I finish stuff tonight.

My mother-in-law just headed home after having dinner with us tonight. She came over when I had to visit a parishioner in the hospital. Tomorrow she is going to watch the kids while I am at my choir rehearsal and Evensong and then she's coming over on Monday to stay with them while I'm at the doctor's office. Then on Tuesday, she's going to go with us to the Quad Cities and on Wednesday, she's going to watch them during a church service.

Thursday she's going to Wisconsin for a much-needed break.

During this time that Dennis has been gone, it has amazed me how much help I've received from other people. His mom has been available at the drop of a hat; my grandparents entertained us in their basement after an impromptu visit. My sister and mom provided diversions when we got out of the car after our trip south, or before getting back into the car to head north. Friends have watched Annalivia and Daniel run around while I was cleaning up a church dinner and church members have stepped in to lend a hand so I wouldn't have to do so.

We are so blessed. I find every day to be filled with unexpected gratitude for others.

It leads me to pray I never again go through one of those pitiful phases of life wherein I think no one cares about me or the perceived challenges of my life.

The evidence to the contrary is just overwhelming.

In the words of Kermit the Frog

"It's ok. Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it." ~Kermit the Frog as Bob Cratchit in The Muppets' Christmas Carol

One of my dearests passed away yesterday. She had been dealing with congestive heart failure for a long while, but it was a surprise when she actually passed away. I think my congregation is just in shock.

She had long told me that she was looking forward to going to heaven. She always said it with a huge smile on her face. And most everyone I've talked to talks about her return Home. But her family and friends and her church family will just ACHE with her loss. She was one of the kindest, sweetest, most selfless people ever and such a gift to all of us. It's always difficult to part with such dear ones.

And today I started this post in the wee hours of the morning waiting for my godson to arrive to spend a few days with us while his little sister (and our goddaughter) made her way into the world. This evening she arrived safely. And tomorrow we will meet little Caitlin Elyse and welcome this little gift into the world.

Partings. Meetings. Meetings. Partings.

That is, indeed, the way of it.

Snippets.

• Daniel has graduated out of the travel system car seat. That means he weighs 22 lbs. He is a CHUNK. It's crazy how different he is from Annalivia. He is in 12-18 month clothes as he approaches his 9 month birthday. Annalivia was wearing 12-18 month clothing when she was 2 years old. Annalivia was always a 50th percentile child and for girls that's less than boys. Daniel has been at the 75th percentile and he's right on track, I guess. He seems huge. But maybe that's just because I tote him around.
• The farm that Dennis and I have coveted for almost 5 years went on the market this weekend. We have an appointment to see it on Saturday. If it is to be ours, a number of truly miraculous events will need to occur. We'll see how it all unfolds.
• We had a great visit from Annalivia's godfather, Jimmy, this weekend. It was lovely to see him.
• I preached a terrible sermon while Jimmy was at church. There were many mitigating factors, but it just stunk big homiletic doo-doo. One of my favorite parishioners came up to me afterwards and gushed on about how great it was. Then she called me today and talked to me again about how much it helped her and spoke to several circumstances in her life. I'm so grateful that God works. Even when I don't.
• Flylady and I are friends again. I'm sort of doing what she tells me to do. Whenever I do that, life goes so much better. I should just listen to her all the time.
• My childhood best friend and her husband, one of my dearests from seminary, and their family, are moving to the twin city across the river from me. He is going to be the associate at the Disciples church over there. I'm excited. Friends! Here! Less than 3 hours away! I'm giddy with excitement.
• I thought Annalivia was getting better at sharing things with other kids. She had done REALLY well at some different public places sharing toys and, um... intellectual property. But today I had some blood drawn at a clinic in Dixon where they have one of those intricate bead toys attached to a table and when we were leaving, she ran over to it and pushed a child who was considerably younger than she was who dared approach it. The mother looked like she was about to slap Annalivia so I grabbed her and apologized profusely while moving quickly towards the elevator. Luckily someone was holding the door so we had a pretty fast getaway.
• Today while hanging out at our favorite bookstore, Books on First, in Dixon, a place we go at least once a week which is entirely too often, I found out that Dixon has a free concert series put on by the Episcopal church called The Canterbury Concerts (I love those Episcopalians and their gift for naming.) I also found out that our area has a community concert association and we can pay for a subscription and get tickets to some very cool concerts. Last year, Eileen Ivers was one of the featured guests. I think we'll try to subscribe next season. I'm so heartened to find out, after 7 years of living here, that there is some underground cultural opportunities. Lovely.
• Today I got to meet Andrea for the first time! Our husbands drive to work together, so we probably should have met in person long ago, but we met first via blogs. Andrea is young and gorgeous and has a very handsome husband and beautiful, probably very well-behaved, children. (right, Andrea?) Her children were so sweet and her blog has a precious picture of them.
• We met Andrea when we all happened to be at Woods' annual Halloween thing for the kids of employees. This is the first year that we made the trip. Annalivia did pretty well saying, "Trick or treat, please." But not so well with, "thank you," "hello," "I'm fine, thank you," or any of the other social niceties. Daniel was just pretty happy, which was good.
• On the way home, I got to drive the van by myself and Dennis took the kids in the truck. 35 minutes of me-time. I spent most of it talking to Dad. It was lovely.
• We are now into week 4 of no television at our house. It is interesting how my desire for media has diminished to almost nothing. I used to be an information junkie -- on the internet a lot, listening to NPR constantly in the car. Now I get online in the morning, sometimes, to check email and then when the kids go to sleep. I do my blog-jog, but don't comment usually because it takes too long. So apologies to Heather, Amalee, Jan, Jill, Amy, Amy and Jim, Andrea, Kalin, More Cows, other Andrea, Dusty, Geoff and Holly. Among others. I read; really, I do. Keep writing.
• Even though I watch no television and spend less than an hour on the computer, I never get to read. How do you folks with 20 children find time to read? I need to know the secret.

Edited to add: The arm is better (thanks, Julie, for asking). I have a short cast on it and will, hopefully get it off on Nov. 7. The bone graft site is not so good. I still have burning, aching, shooting, prickling, any-other-sort-of-adjective pain every time I walk or stand for more than 2 minutes. I hobble around a lot, but I am choosing to believe that it will all be ok in the end. I'm alive. That's what this has kept in constant focus for me. I'm alive to enjoy my family. And that's more than enough.

Daniel's day off

Today the McStews were visited by some good friends who happen to be interviewing in our fair city-ish for a position. They came for breakfast and some good conversation and then left for the interview, leaving their 2-year old son to play with us for a few hours.

Since I'm apparently raising a little hun (who was recently removed, in dramatic and wailing tears, from a public pumpkin patch by her mother, after pushing a little girl down when the poor child dared to enter a playhouse which my daughter had claimed) I tried to soften Annalivia up to the idea that little E would be coming to visit. "E is coming," I said, "And you're going to be a good and kind friend and share your trains." I said this approximately 9,732 times between last night and this morning, but realized I missed something when I found Annalivia playing with a little car this morning and told her that I would find Daniel's little car of the same style for E to play with and she replied emphatically, "No. E play with trains."

Needless to say, Annalivia was non-plussed by a contender for her trains and cars, books, baby dolls, chair, etc. She had a hard time sharing and spent a good deal of time in the corner or on her bed or in tears.

E, for the most part, played on. He's a daycare boy and knows how to handle other children's temper tantrums, shoves, and shouts of "Noooooo!!! MINE!!" and "STOP, E!!! MINE!!!" and "Shoo, E!! GO AWAY!!! MIIIINNNNNNEEEEE!!!" I think he actually had a pretty good day.

The other person who had a good time was Daniel. Usually he's the recipient of Annalivia's ownership issues. He basically crawled around and destroyed carefully constructed train circles and various other creations, but was largely ignored in favor of the child who could respond in kind with shouts, cries, and attacks. Daniel, unfettered, really enjoyed himself.

And when I was telling Annalivia and E's godfather about the day this evening, I told him that Daniel had the day off and he told me that should be the title of the blog post for the evening. And so it is. Though perhaps "The Rampages of Annalivia the Hun" would be more appropriate.

Illustrated synopsis

Edited to note: Blogger has changed the saving procedure and for some reason it is throwing me off! I keep saving drafts and then forgetting to publish them! Oops!

So the last few weeks have been pretty busy around here. We went down to Eureka on Memorial Day weekend and stopped at a park so Annalivia could play on the way down.We had a great time with our friends Joby and Trina and their son Ethan. We stayed at Trina's parents' house while they were away and then went to my sister Lil's house for breakfast and the Memorial Day parade. The breakfast was wonderful and the fellowship was just spectacular. Annalivia and Ethan chased each other around and Dad introduced Daniel to prolonged leaf-gazing. The parade, which is my favorite of all parades, was very sweet in its brevity. This last weekend was the tribute dinner for my college voice professor. I was in charge of the event and was very worried about it, but it went perfectly and was just a wonderful evening. We laughed, we cried -- it was better than CATS. And speaking of cats, my friend Todd, whom I had not seen for 5 years, and I reprised the Rossini cat duet that we sang for our junior recital. It was great.

The following day was the Eureka College alumni weekend celebration, which I managed to skip out on and got to see my friends Remy and Sarah. It was so good to see Sarah, whom I hadn't seen in a good 3 years. She had never met Annalivia or Daniel. It was nice to spend time together, though far too brief.

When we got home on Sat. evening, I laid down with Daniel at 7:30 p.m. and then slept for the next 11 1/2 hours. It was nice. I probably could have slept for many more. When I got up, we went to church and my sermon went well. We had coffee and treats fellowship after church, which was great, and then we did lots of other errands with the loads of time we have now that are on the summer schedule of having church at 9 a.m.

When Annalivia and Daniel awoke from naps, Annalivia and I took our babies for a walk up and down our street while we waited for Daddy to get home.

These days have been so full. Full, but good. Thanks for sharing them with us.

The gift of good friends

A friend is entering the Search and Call system (our denominational system for matching churches and pastors). He asked me to be a reference and after I completed the questions, I called him and shared my answers.

He said it was uncanny how similar my answers to questions about him and his answers to questions about him actually were. I said that perhaps that's because we know each other pretty well. He said something like, "No, I think it's more than that."

And he's right. It is more than that. We do indeed know each other well, but this friend and another dear one and I have a friendship that goes beyond the basic "knowing each other." We met up in seminary and shared a little corner of C building. We wrote notes to each other in class, ate dinner as cheaply as we could find it, drove miles to see each other's big events, borrowed cars, rescued each other, staged interventions on another's behalf... We laughed and cried, fussed and fought, struggled and grew and we did it together.

The extraordinary thing is that we're still doing it together. We've talked about how we don't know if other seminary friends are still friends like we are. We are friends who talk to each other frequently and by that I mean, sometimes several times a week. We are godparents to each other's children. We are each other's most honest critics and staunchest supporters. We laugh and cry, fuss and fight, struggle and grow, move forward, move back, come in, come out... and we do it together.

He's right. It is more than the fact that we know each other. Perhaps it's that we allow the other to know us so well. I personally think it's that God saw that those three not only needed each other, but that by needing and knowing each other they were going to understand more about God's love and grace than they ever thought possible by themselves. It's that we're blessed. Together.

Amalee's photos

Once again, Amalee is posting gorgeous photos over at her place. It is a visual vacation. Go see.

Happy anniversary to blogger and me

Today marks one year of blogging! I began this blog the day after my 31st birthday, inspired by lots of other cool chicas to create a place where I could process life "out loud."
Through it, my world has become so very much larger. Thank you to all of you who read and/ or comment. You have been quite the blessing.

Three reasons why I've not been here... and may not be for a bit

1. Life has been so incredibly full of, well... life, these last two weeks.

2. In the midst of triumphs and struggles being encountered by friends and loved ones and to a much lesser extent, us, taking time to type one-handed posts while juggling Daniel and ignoring Annalivia has seemed a poor and irresponsible decision.

3. I've been using the time when I juggle Daniel and ignore Annalivia (I hope everyone realizes I'm being facetious) to read some books.

I'll be back very soon.

The sorrow of loss

Today held the sad news that little Sawyer James Rennie died. Sawyer was born to Amy and Jim on Mar. 31. Last night his little organs failed him and he passed away early this morning. Amy and Jim lost their first son Brian who was born prematurely, also. I can't imagine their grief. Their pain must be overwhelming.

This evening, I found out that my dear friend, Bill, my seminary mentor, passed away yesterday after a long, hard fight with acute leukemia. He was an extraordinary person -- a pastor, musician, composer, intellectual, husband, father, grandfather and friend. Though we were not in touch frequently, I'll miss him terribly. I'll be travelling to Kentucky to sing at his funeral on Saturday and remembering how he drove through a snowstorm to be in Illinois for my ordination.

And it's snowing here. The Easter promise of the resurrection seems a little less shiny tonight, though I know it is there. If you are so inclined, I appreciate prayers for my dear friends above.

Little Sawyer James arrives

Little Sawyer James was born to Amy and Jim on Mar. 31 at 2:43 p.m. He was 1 lb. 9 oz., having been born at 23 weeks and 6 days.
Sawyer's got a long way to go, but his dad reports that, "He is an extremely handsome and very feisty little boy already." We're cheering for all of them here, but I know they appreciate your continued prayers as well.

Prayers for baby Sawyer

My friend, Amy, is someone I've mentioned before on this blog. Amy and her husband, Jim, lost their little boy Brian last July when he was born at 22 weeks gestation. Now Amy is now a little past 22 weeks pregnant with their second son, Sawyer, and is experiencing a lot of difficulty. She had a cerclage procedure in which the cervix was sewn closed because she needs to carry little Sawyer as long as possible so that he will have a chance to make it outside of the womb. However, she has been dealing with infections that are causing her cervix to funnel, or open from the inside.

Right now the cerclage is holding. Amy is on complete bedrest and is being cared for by her husband who is also working full-time and her parents. They are all people of strong faith and are counting on God to carry them forward. They know that lots of people are praying for them, but I'd like to ask your prayers also for the entire family. Please pray specifically for Amy and Jim, and especially for little Sawyer. They need physical and emotional and spiritual strength right now. If you'd lift them up, I'd appreciate it.

Praying for Bill

My dear friend, Bill, my supervising pastor in seminary, whom I wrote about here, is entering a phase of intensive chemotherapy. It has about a 30% survival rate and is meant to be a bridge to a transplant procedure that has a 20% survival rate.
If you are so inclined, would you join me in praying for him and his family? Many thanks.