And onward...

We had a very nice Thanksgiving Day here. It was a day of lots of food. I made the rest of the buttermilk roll recipe into cinnamon rolls for breakfast. They were very good and led me to appreciate even more that recipe. The family arrived for pate and other stuff late morning. We were done with that by noon and then on to Lil's for dinner in the early evening. The food was all wonderful and the schedule was fairly relaxed. After our exhausted children got into bed a little before 8, I went out to my parents' house and got to have some really nice, and needed-by-me, conversation with both Dad and Mom. I returned home in time to smell the laundry Dennis had done in my absence. It was a good day.

Today, we are turning towards the next holiday. The fall decorations are in the process of being put away. I got the Advent/ Christmas books out today and set out some of our nativity sets. Tomorrow morning, we'll go help decorate the church and then Sunday is the first Sunday of Advent and we'll start opening the doors of our Advent house calendar. Sunday night my sister, brother in law and I will sing at our Hanging of the Greens service.

I'm looking forward to all of it. In fact, this approach the holidays is so new and different for me right now. I'm very excited to be able to actually focus on contemplating and absorbing and experiencing and worshiping this year. Actually, about two weeks ago, it occurred to me that I hadn't even considered that Advent was approaching quickly. That never, ever, ever happened as a pastor! It was a delicious realization. I'm not sure I've ever been in the position to approach Christmas this way, as a matter of fact. Before pastoring where coordinating church activities absorbed all focus, there was seminary with church and finals, and before that college with finals. My guess is that it has been since I was in high school or before that I have been able to come into the holidays with a blank slate, of sorts. It's definitely the first time in our marriage, which means it's a whole new world for Dennis, too. It's amazing to be able to just savor this time! I pray I make the most of it. (Perhaps by making less of it...) What a gift as life proceeds onward...

A successful first day

Annalivia enjoyed her morning at Preschool. I was excited to find out that she will be taught by one of my favorite people, a wonderful, patient and kind woman who is a member of our church and, actually, the wife of a minister. I am very glad that Annalivia is in her class and Annalivia was full of all sorts of exciting news when she emerged from school. "We saw three x's!" "We read about Douglas with the monster inside him!" "I drew this picture of you!"

To me, the best part of the day was the walk to and from school. We were running late, as usual, and left the house at 8:53. We walked into her classroom at 8:55 and that included a little tumble by Daniel. The walk home took a bit longer but only because we encountered Annalivia's cousins and my sister walking home from kindergarten.

Have I mentioned yet how GLAD I am that we moved back home?! I love it here.

Time flies

I am anticipating that October will be a more reasonable month for us. Every single weekend of September was occupied with moving. Daniel got sick twice, Annalivia was sick once. I was wiped out all of the time, which I found out today is probably due to an extremely low hemoglobin level. Poor Dennis has been a slave to us, work and school.

October will be better, I pray.

And hopefully, I'll be here more often. Thanks to those of you who have been checking in. I hope your Septembers were lovely.

The day we lived

Today is the the two-year anniversary of the auto accident that changed our lives. So much has happened in the years since that day. Surgeries, and therapies, Daniel's birth, another pregnancy, job changes, the alleviation of debt, a move...

Two years later, our lives are totally different, thanks, in large part, to the events set about on that day. On this day, I am so thankful for all that has occurred in the intervening months.

But most of all, today, I am profoundly grateful that on this day, Dennis and Daniel and I lived.

Casual dinner gatherings

I have a few moments while Dennis gets the kids a bath and so I just want to say again -- I love my family. I love that I can call them up on Sunday afternoon, invite them to dinner at 6, serve them dinner at 6:40, and have a lovely time despite unpacked boxes, unclean floors, and unorganized everything.

Grammy and Gramps and Lil's family came over for dinner tonight. It was nice to be able to just get together without pressure of a big to-do. We had homemade pizza -- two kinds; one was sausage, tomatoes from our garden, mushrooms, and onions and the other was chicken, garlic, feta, mushrooms, and mozzarella, with walnuts to put on top since I forgot to put them on the pizza. We also had a simple salad and sliced apples -- all good wholesome food and all tasty, not fussy, etc.

Tomorrow, Dennis' mom is coming for a little visit. She hasn't been to the big house yet. It looks nice and it is neat to be able to have a special place for our visitors, especially her. Annalivia and Daniel saw her on Saturday, but are very much looking forward to her visit tomorrow. She's going to stay with them while I go have a nuchal translucency test, also, so they get to be together without their mean mother around. That's good. They need a little Grandma-spoiling.

We got the guest room clean and arranged with the lovely quilt the church gave me as a parting gift on the bed.

I am feeling the baby, every once-in-a-while. I know that, technically, this is supposed to be impossible, but I felt Daniel moving early when my bladder was full and I feel this one, too. And I know what it's supposed to feel like by now. There's nothing else that feels like a little golf ball rolling around in there! I'm ready to know more about her/ him. It will be good to see that little love tomorrow!

Transitioning

Right now, we are living in a house with some of our stuff, but not all of it. I am tempted to think that those things that have not made it here are not worth moving, but unfortunately, that category includes our medicine cabinet, pantry, baking stuff, laundry and cleaning supplies, etc. We sort of need that stuff.

One thing we are debating NOT replacing is our microwave. At the parsonage, the microwave was included. It seemed to me like we just didn't use it very often. Of course, here, I've found a dozen reasons to use it every day -- warming up butter, heating up leftovers, boiling water for tea. The thing is, with a little patience and/ or forethought, those tasks can be completed without the microwave. Granted, it would be easier to heat up water for tea if I had thought to bring my kettle with me. But a pan works pretty well, too.

The nicest thing we are discovering is something we knew all along -- how great it would be to have family and friends nearby. Mom and Dad came over for dinner last night. Lil and her daughter stopped over on the way back from taking her eldest to school today. We've decided to make a standing date at Mika's, the local amazing coffee shop, on Tuesdays when we take the big kids in our families to school. Friends are trying to organize a get-together nearby. I have been the one holding up the gathering, but it is good to know that these things are possible, and even probable.

In the light of such enjoyment, with the big things being so much easier, the little challenges seem, well... little! And definitely surmountable. Someday.

C'mon energy surge!

The first trimester is done. I recall that this is when one is supposed to have "renewed energy". I don't think my body has gotten the memo yet.

And in better news...

THE OFFICE IS PACKED!!! Thanks almost entirely to my incredible husband who packed as I sorted, it is done! Hooray!

AND -- Daniel is much better, my nephew who was in the hospital last night is expected to be home tonight, sans appendix. And though I had two church members die today, both deaths are blessings and such a huge relief to family and friends, and I know heaven is rejoicing tonight.

Now the bulletin to finish and the sermon to get down on paper...

Not exactly coasting to the finish line

This last week of employ has not been easy. The kids have been sick -- Daniel has been especially hit hard by the typical cough/wheezing/ can't-hardly-breathe thing that he gets every few months. The move is not done. The office is not packed. The sermon is not written. The bulletin is not finished. And last night, we found out that a beloved member of our congregation fell at her care facility, breaking her neck. She is now paralyzed from the neck down and is not expected to live through the weekend. So there will be a funeral to do next week, also, and a very somber gathering on Sunday.

And it has been cloudy and raining and cold -- in the sky and in my spirit. Time for a turnaround.

Big triumph! (And some advice solicited)

I drove down to Eureka tonight. I wasn't sure why I felt it necessary to come down, except that the Rock Falls house is unkempt and overwhelming and I seem to have connected the feeling of morning sickness with it, so whenever I walk in the house, I feel nauseous. (For the record, there are some They Might Be Giants songs that I can't hear without feeling sick because Annalivia listened to them all the time when I was prego with Daniel).

Anyway, it turns out that being down here afforded me the opportunity to sit beside Dennis and watch as he paid off all of our credit cards, one by one. I won't embarrass us by mentioning what that number equals, but suffice to say, it was a lot. And now we are free.

The only debt we now have is my student loans in the amount of about $40,000. We are wondering whether we should just pay those off, or... not. They are financed at an interest rate of about 4.6%. Our current investments have been paying, on average, about 14%, I think.

What would YOU do? And I mean, YOU, not Dave Ramsey. I'd like to hear your opinions.

In the meantime, I think tonight, we may rest a little easier. I know Dennis sure will.

Stuck under boxes... send help...

I thought I should update my cyberfriends as to our actual continued existence on this planet. We ARE alive, after all. Just busy.

We've been packing. Church went well today and I have my sermon and bulletin finished for next week. That just leaves a newsletter and the big-goodbye-service to finish. Not too bad. After church, I threw away lots of stuff in my office. I actually threw away all of my sermons from the last 7 years. I didn't throw away my newsletter articles, a few prayers, bible studies, and special services. Everything else -- gone. Now if I could just magically have the books I want to keep packed up and all the rest meted out to others who would enjoy them, I'd feel ok about the office.

Our house is torn apart and messy and it is wreaking havoc on the kiddos. Moving stinks. Moving with kids is a unique stench all to itself. They are all out of sorts, especially Annalivia. Tonight she had a hard time going to bed that culminated in waking her brother up and having a really, really frustrated mommy. As I told her to get in bed and stay there, she dissolved into tears, sobbing and saying, "You've broken all my life!" to me. I can't wait til she's a teenager. We fixed it a few seconds later but I think we are all just ready for them to just be able to BE somewhere already with toys in their spots and mess contained. I know I am. I can't imagine what their little brains are feeling like.

I have until this Friday to get things together -- that is our big loading day. Folks from church are coming in the evening to load the UHaul. We're moving everything we can on Saturday, though we have til the end of September to be officially out of the parsonage. We have a dumpster in the driveway and, thanks to the multitude of local urchins, about 80% less stuff in our garage after we dragged it out to the curb yesterday. I'm amazed what those kids decided to take, but it was all gone and that's what we were hoping for.

And tomorrow I have what will be, presumably, the last appointment with my OB before I find someone new in central IL. This is difficult for me. I adore this woman. She birthed Annalivia and Daniel and held my hand through difficult, complicated situations in both pregnancies. Her sister in law is a pastor and she has been so understanding, honest, trusting, and trustworthy. I have seriously considered paying the out-of-network premiums on the insurance and just driving back and forth to see her. But given that the baby is due in March amidst ice and snow and I end up being at the doctor twice or three times a week from week 30+ and she will be 119 miles from my house (yes, I checked), that would just be stupid. But it may still be on the table of possibilities.

So -- that pretty much sums up the week behind and the week ahead. I won't be around, but that probably goes without saying. Perhaps on the flip side, I'll post some pictures of us in "the big house" in Eureka. But I may not get around to that, either. :)

Be well!

Gifts

This week, Dennis and I received the check from our accident back in 2006. We deposited it and began the 10 day waiting period while the bank makes sure we are not terrorists. When the check clears, we'll pay off all of our debts, set aside a six-month emergency fund and invest a whole bunch. We might also go out to dinner. Maybe.

Back when we realized that someday we would receive a settlement check, we immediately decided the first 10% would go to God. Since it is our belief that it is because of God's miraculous intervention that we are alive in the first place, this makes complete and total sense to us. I know many of you out there would agree.

Today, I told our board chair that we are giving a portion of the money to the church. We want this money to be used, but we don't want to tell them how to use it. We'd like them to pray about that and figure it out on their own. It's kind of an odd thing to communicate -- take this, use it, but we aren't going to tell you how. Just be as faithful as you can. No pressure.

We also decided that I am done being paid by the congregation. Technically, I have two more paychecks left here, but I'm requesting that they keep the money. Convincing the treasurer that she should not write them out to me anyway and then have me give back the money, will take a little doing. I don't want to be taxed for it, and pay my 15.3% social security on it, after all. We'll see how that discussion goes.

It is nice to be able to give something to this congregation on the way out, when they will not be beholden to us in how they choose to use the money. It is nice to be able to communicate through what I have come to believe is their love language -- the budget-- that they are important to us. I hope these gifts convey the gratitude and appreciation I have for these last seven years.

Life happens offline

We have started our move. It is an incremental undertaking -- a van-load or so at a time. It is slow and laborous, but it is actually happening!

At the new house, we do not have the internet hooked up. I've not missed it. I know I need email to communicate with one of my ongoing extra-familial commitments, but truthfully, I'm debating getting rid of the internet all together. Turns out that a lot more gets done and, more importantly, more gets enjoyed when I'm not online.

I'm headed back to Eureka today. Dennis and the kids stayed at the new house overnight and I came home to do church and get a decent sleep. It was nice, but not as nice as being with my kids and husband. I'm eager for this month to be finished so we can all be together again.

Soon enough, I suppose... soon enough.

"We treat our Interims better than our permanent pastors!"

That quote came from my beloved board chair tonight as we discussed what we should do to celebrate my 7 years of ministry here before I leave. I asked what they've done for other pastors. Turns out... nothing. They've had parties for the interims. But no pastor has ever left this congregation well, so... no precedence.

When I was first started researching the history of this congregation, I realized that one of the most important moments of my ministry would be in my leaving. Maybe that's the way it's just supposed to be for ministers, but especially in this congregation, I have a chance to break a devastating pattern.

The only thing is, a significant part of me doesn't want to have to plan my going-away-activities myself. It seems presumptuous and self-centered until I remember that this really IS incredibly important. This congregation needs to bring something to a healthy close sometime in its history. The time is now and the thing is my ministry, so I guess I'll start planning.

But I think I'll be sneaky. That'll at least be more fun... :)

Awww, shucks...

Thanks, all! I appreciate you sharing the joy with us.

We told the church today. Annalivia is convinced that this is a little girl. She keeps talking about her sister. And does not believe me when I tell her it could be a boy. She was beginning to tell people that we are buying a baby girl after Christmas, so we thought it would be good for them to hear from us. They were all excited and probably doubly thrilled to not have to deal with negotiating maternity leave again! On the way out, one lady hugged me and told me that she hopes it is twins. Another said that since she had three children, I could have three. Another asked how many we are going to have to which another said, "Five" very matter-of-factly...

People are weird.

Whether it wears blue or pink or one of each, we're feeling very blessed right now. If there's one thing the complications of my previous pregnancies have taught us, it's to be grateful for the gift and celebrate from the moment it has been given. So we are.

Thanks for celebrating with us.

Growing things

Our new little garden is growing like mad! I don't know if it is because the soil was very acidic, or because Dennis added a scoop of MiracleGro to each hole, or whether it's just because it has been so humid and rainy this summer, but we have frutifulness here!

We've got some Hungarian Peppers that are ready to be harvested NOW.

And bell peppers that could use a little while longer.

A plethora of cherry tomatoes.
Some Roma, Beefsteak and Early Girl varieties that are growing quite well.

Cilantro that promptly turned into Coriander.


Mint for tea. Someday.
Some spicy globe basil, some purple basil, oregano, rosemary and...


...some other miscellaneous basil...

And something extra special to be enjoyed late winter...

:)

Tired babbling

Tonight I am tired. Dano was up last night until 1:30 a.m. flopping around and kicking me. He finally fell asleep and then Annalivia got up early. Ick.

I'm working on a graveside service for tomorrow. The family wanted a graveside service because they thought a funeral service would be too hard for them. They said they didn't want personal stories, but tonight before the visitation they spent an hour telling me things that they wanted mentioned when I didn't have anything to write with! I'm hoping I remember enough of them to make a mini-meditation meaningful. I'm also supposed to sing at the service and my voice is slowly creeping back after last week's sickness. It is not sounding very pretty, in my mind, but I am praying the Spirit will use raspy vocal chords regardless.

After the funeral, we are headed over to hang out with Sublime Aunt and her family. I'm looking forward to letting someone else chase the kiddos around. Then Thursday is my niece's 5th birthday party and Annalivia is going to stay overnight with her daddy at Grandma's house while Daniel and I head home. Dennis will bring her home after work on Friday. This will be her first overnight away from home! (Though Daddy will be there so I'm not sure it counts...) I hope it all goes well.

It is nice to have a busy week, but time seems to be flying by! Dennis and I decided yesterday that we are definitely having movers pack us up as well as move us, so that's kind of a relief to not have to worry about that. We're getting estimates at the beginning of August from a couple of different companies. I'm looking forward to finding out how it all works and figuring out exactly what we need to do in the interim.

At church, the regional minister who will work with the congregation through the transition of me leaving and beyond is going to be visiting the congregation on Sunday. I think my people are highly anxious about what comes next and are not sure about what to do next. I am assuming that she will answer all of their questions, but in the meantime, I'm trying to convince people that panic is not warranted. We've been receiving resumes at church from itinerant interim ministers who are grossly underqualified, in my mind. (Aside -- how do these people find out that I'm leaving?) I have cautioned my people to not give in to desperate-seeking-of-a-warm-body to fill the pulpit. This group needs to get LOTS of work done in the interim if they want to have even a small chance of survival in the future. But it's difficult for them to hear that from me and it is hard to know what ethical lines I'm crossing by trying to influence this process. So my mouth is mostly shut. Mostly.

But on the other side of leaving, I've had some great conversations lately with friends from home. Today I spent an hour or so on the phone with a friend from college. She was the ministerial intern when I was a senior in high school and had a huge influence on me. Now she is back in Eureka, our college town and my hometown, doing ministry part-time and raising kids full-time. It was great to talk to her. I'm so looking forward to renewing old friendships, though as I shared with her, I am feeling rather terrified about renewing the relationship with my home church. It is hard to go home again, church-wise, and what has really convinced me that my home church is where I need to be is that my sister's family and my parents and grandparents worship there. And I have longed for that sort of interaction since I left it. I'm praying that God helps me be a gracious and non-anxiety-inducing presence there. And that I can have some time off. Which means I'll have to let my Messiah-complex take a sabbatical. And those of you who know me, know that this could be one of the more significant spiritual exercises of my life! :)

Anyway -- all of these things -- rumbling around in this head and I should be asleep by now. Perhaps I'll post more cohesive thoughts some day soon! Good night!

An extra day of Daddy

Tomorrow, Dennis and I have an appointment with our big-shot lawyer in the early afternoon, so he is going to be working four 10-hour days this week. I'm excited to have him here for an extra day. It is a gorgeous, temperate day here in northern Illinois today and so far, we've been in church, at a board meeting, and in the house and basement. It's time to head outside. The garden needs to be weeded and I think we all need to have a little fresh air. After all, we can put off laundry until tomorrow. We've got an extra day of Daddy!

Busy stuff

It's VBS week at our church. Last year was our first year of VBS after a 10-year hiatus, and it went really well, in our minds. We ended up with 20 kids, which is a lot more than the 2.7 who usually attend, 2 of whom are related to the pastor.

Tonight was our kick-off and it went really well. We had 19 kids the first night! That's a big deal for us. It was fun -- exhausting, but fun. Part of the tiring part is that Daniel is about fried by that time of night. Add 20 kids and 10 adults and that is one clingy, grumpy, fragile child. I basically carried him everywhere. If Dennis still lived with us during the week, he'd have Daniel at night. But Daddy is in central Illinois at his new job. So, mommy is doing the leading-of-VBS with Daniel in arms and counting down the days till my only real duty is to hold him in my arms. (66, fyi).

Annalivia, on the other hand, had a great time. She just shines when she's around other kids. Social, social, social. She was worn out, too, though. She almost fell asleep in the 10 blocks between church and home. And both she and Daniel were fast asleep moments after going to bed. I guess the tiring part of VBS is good in that regard!

I am also busy with the Community Clergy Association right now. Last year I was president and for some reason, we didn't elect a new pres in May like we usually do, so I'm still president. We had some murders in our towns this last week and it has shaken everyone up. So we're having a candlelight vigil on Thursday. There are a number of clergy who are irritated because we originally had planned to have a prayer service at noon. But the vigil was planned by some conservative clergy and it seemed ridiculous to me that we should have separate prayer services (like we can't pray together in at least this circumstance?), so we are joining their service. I am hoping people will just deal with it and show up anyway. If not, they can not elect me again in the fall. Oh, wait...

In other news, we had a great little vacation in Eureka on July 3, 4, and 5. We had a nice anniversary and saw a wonderful parade, celebrated Mom's birthday, got to watch fireworks, went on lots of big walks around the college and town and just revelled in the knowledge that we are going to be moving soon. And actually, we'll get to move a whole month sooner, if we wish because my sis and bro-in-law are moving into their house on Aug. 1. So we can move whenever after that, which is great. It won't change my end date, but it sure would be nice to get stuff moved around and in place before we have to live there permanently.

Of course, we're not packing yet...

Thursday thirteen

1. Now that I have officially resigned from church, I cannot tell you how much more I am enjoying being with my children. I don't know why it correlates for me, but it does.


2. We have been enjoying our backyard so much this year. Last year, Dennis fenced it in and put up the play area. This year, we've been out there every non-rainy day. Daniel and Annalivia can play for a long, long time in the sandbox. We have to strip them down and shake them out every time we go inside. Daniel has sand in his hair literally every night. He may or may not have been the one to put it there.


3. I love Daniel's current stage of development. It is just delightful to watch him learn to communicate, play jokes, enjoy moving around, learn to jump. It really is a wonder.


4. Daniel has been reading books to himself lately. His favorite is a deconstructed (not in the literary sense) copy of The Little Engine That Could. He points to the characters and yells a lot.


5. He's also a big fan of tractors and lawn equipment. We went to a playground last week after ballet clahss and he just stood there watching a guy mowing the park. Swings and slides cannot compete with the combustion engine, apparently.


6. This week, we slept too late to get to ballet clahss. Annalivia was remarkably unfazed.


7. Annalivia has been singing a lot of songs lately. She has a great ear for music. She can return to the home key no matter where we've been and loves to make up songs. Her phrasing is great. I also love to hear her sing "This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us Be-Joyce and be glad in it."


8. She is also fascinated with the idea of childbirth and can often be found snuggling and kissing her dolls, talking about their beautiful chins, etc. And she's taken to renaming her dolls, which were previously given the perfectly-respectable names of characters in Kipper and Angelina Ballerina to things like "Gootie" and "Gook" and "Sweeha".


9. I feel like I am channeling Bob McClure lately, going through the house, flipping off lights. I'm practicing my grandfather's "Somebody's paying Cilco!" sing-song for when we move south. (cilco=central IL light company)


10. We have decided to not move any of our pantry when the time comes, so I've been making dinner from canned, frozen, and refrigerated ingredients lately. It's saving grocery money, but it's not very exciting.


11. We may not have to worry about whether our garden will be producing after our departure. The crows have been swarming it, pecking at the ground, and eating off of it lately.


12. Today is Dennis' second-to-last day at the place he was worked for 12 years. It's the end of an era.


13. We have done no packing today, yesterday, or the day-before-that, or the week-before-that. Tomorrow doesn't look good, either.