12 weeks from now?

Tonight I realized that Annalivia, who had the same due date as baby Emmeliese, was born exactly 12 weeks from this point in the pregnancy. That seems really darn quick...

It's an Emmeliese

Back when I was pregnant with Annalivia, Dennis and I talked a lot about names. We had another name chosen for Annalivia before I became pregnant with her, but it just wasn't right. Eventually, we found Annalivia and we both knew it was right when we heard it.

We also knew that our second daughter was going to be named Emmeliese. Emmeliese Elizabeth, to be exact. And from before the time that her elder sister was born, Emmeliese seemed very real to me. It was as though she was just out there waiting to come to us.

In fact, Emmeliese was so real to me that when I got pregnant for the second time, I was almost positive that it her. When the ultrasound tech said that we had a little boy, I was downright shocked. I thought for sure that he was Emmeliese. It took me a while to adjust to the idea of Daniel being Daniel. (This is yet another one of the reasons that we will always find out the gender of our babies, if possible. Knowing who is in there is a big, big deal to me.) Of course, now that he is here, I can't imagine our family without him. He has completed another piece of our family that couldn't be filled in any other way. And I am continually thankful that he is mine.

All of that being said, though, the sense that Emmeliese was out there has not gone away. Several times over the last few years I have dreamed about her. About two or three weeks before I became pregnant with this baby, I dreamed about Emmeliese again. I dreamed that I was calling out her name over and over again. And when I woke up I told Dennis I felt like I was calling her to me. And when, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and Annalivia immediately insisted that she had a baby sister, I felt hopeful that Emmeliese had finally decided to come to us.

But I had been wrong before. After all, I thought Annalivia was a James and Daniel was Emmeliese. So on Monday, when we had an ultrasound, I was prepared to be excited if this baby ended up being a William or Peter or John or whatever.

But -- it's not! It's her! She's actually here with us and we are sooooo excited to finally get to meet our little Emmeliese Elizabeth, if even in utero! Her big sister is particularly thrilled. When the ultrasound tech told her the baby was a girl she started jumping up and down and clapping. And when I asked her what she thought Emmeliese would look like, Annalivia said, "She'll be wearing a beautiful, long dress..." And Daniel has his own song for her, "Baby Liese, Liese, Liese".

Obviously, Emmeliese is already treasured in our family. Today I had another ultrasound. It was really neat to see her little face and her legs and arms. I keep thinking of Psalm 139, " For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." She is indeed fearfully and wonderfully made and she is just beautiful already.

We are soooo grateful, thankful, and very excited about what is to come!

Hooray! It's an Emmeliese!

The things I get away with

Yesterday, after lunch, we ran over to Peoria to get Daniel a nice looking winter coat at Old Navy. I like it when they cut their coat prices in half, which they have recently, so we found a coat that will work for pretty much all-of-the-time and then got back in the car to head home.

It was around dinner time and Dennis and I were not hungry at all, but Annalivia said she wanted to eat. Then she volunteered that she wanted a "roast beef sandwich from Arby's." We had passed an Arby's on the way to the store and were going past it again, but I was thinking it would be better to just eat at home. So I said, "Annalivia, if you wait til we get home to eat, you could have OATMEAL for dinner..."

To which she responded enthusiastically, "Yay!!!"

And we came home and she and Daniel had oatmeal with brown sugar and milk for dinner. With seconds and thirds.

I'm not sure how I ended up with kids who count oatmeal as a big treat, but I'll take it. It's nice to be able to get away with something every once in a while.

Waiting on...

People who have lots of children always say that each pregnancy is different from the others. They're right. In one way, this one has been a lot easier -- no bleeding, no life-threatening auto accidents, no high-doses of narcotics for months on end... and in other ways it is more difficult. We know a lot less about this baby than we did the others. We elected not to do any diagnostic testing in the early stages, because of scheduling issues, my 20-week ultrasound/ bio-physical profile will actually be when I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and I haven't needed extra ultrasounds. In essence, except for the heartbeat checks my doctor does every month, we haven't seen the baby or seen any measurements or had any assurances. Sometimes it is hard to believe that all is well.

The other thing that is really different is that I keep having all of these low-levels on my bloodwork. My hemoglobin was dangerously low. And my B12 level is such that I will have to have injections if it doesn't turn around in a month. And my folate levels are down, too. I am taking multi-vitamins and now additional folic acid and B12 and iron supplements and liquid chlorophyll and trying to eat decently, but something is just off.

I find myself sort of relieved to know that there are actual reasons for symptoms I have been suffering lately. I have been so tired and sooooo grumpy, irritable and easily overwhelmed. My brain feels like slush lately. And the existing nerve damage from the bone graft site at my hip has been almost unbearable lately. I can only stand a few minutes or walk about a block before that leg is just screaming with nerve pain. Turns out, all of these things can be explained by low levels of hemoglobin or B12 or folate. I'm glad for that.

But I'm left wondering -- how does one get these levels up? I have the prescription supplements, of course, but are there other options that can help? Anyone have any clue?

In the meantime, I think this pregnancy is becoming an exercise in faith in ways the other two haven't. As I said, before, we had independent confirmation every week or two that the baby was ok. Even when I was pregnant with Daniel and healing from the accident, I knew that he was as good as he could be in those circumstances.

This time, I just have to wait. This is difficult for me. I'm not a patient person, generally. But it is a necessary discipline and good for me, in the long run. I must rest. I must trust. I must wait.

Rest, trust, wait. It is a prescription in and of itself. I pray I'm wise enough to follow it.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In recent years some good friends of mine have suffered the loss of their children and I cannot imagine the pain associated with such grief. I know there are many more parents who suffer the loss of children than we are aware in our advanced medical times. Today, I offer a prayer on their behalf. If you would like to learn more about this day, please visit the official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day here.

New school

Tomorrow morning, Annalivia has her first day at the preschool housed at our church, about a block from the house. I have kind of agonized over the decision to change schools. She loved the one she has been attending and I really liked it, too. It is associated with the retirement community where my grandparents live and the kids interact with the residents every day. And it has a specifically Christian mission and operation, which I really did appreciate.

But, it was expensive. And Annalivia was there all day on Tuesday and Thursday, which was fine, but pretty soon, doctor's appoinments are going to rule our lives and I thought I needed a few more time slots open. So, when a spot opened up in the other nursery school in town, we took it. It means that Annalivia's going to school on Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 9-11:30 and the tuition for the month is just a few dollars more than a week at the other school. The schedule is very similar to morning kindergarten here and we can walk there very quickly, all of which is a plus, I think. Of course, Daniel and I aren't going to be galavanting about by ourselves all day twice a week anymore, but I think that's probably good for all of us.

Any trepidation or concern I have is not at all shared by my daughter. She is enthused to do something new. She's excited to meet new children. She's looking forward to making new friends.

We always joke in my family about how some of us have "the group gene." I don't know that I've ever encountered anyone who has it so strongly as Annalivia. She's definitely glad to find a group. Hopefully the group will be glad to find her, too.

Casual dinner gatherings

I have a few moments while Dennis gets the kids a bath and so I just want to say again -- I love my family. I love that I can call them up on Sunday afternoon, invite them to dinner at 6, serve them dinner at 6:40, and have a lovely time despite unpacked boxes, unclean floors, and unorganized everything.

Grammy and Gramps and Lil's family came over for dinner tonight. It was nice to be able to just get together without pressure of a big to-do. We had homemade pizza -- two kinds; one was sausage, tomatoes from our garden, mushrooms, and onions and the other was chicken, garlic, feta, mushrooms, and mozzarella, with walnuts to put on top since I forgot to put them on the pizza. We also had a simple salad and sliced apples -- all good wholesome food and all tasty, not fussy, etc.

Tomorrow, Dennis' mom is coming for a little visit. She hasn't been to the big house yet. It looks nice and it is neat to be able to have a special place for our visitors, especially her. Annalivia and Daniel saw her on Saturday, but are very much looking forward to her visit tomorrow. She's going to stay with them while I go have a nuchal translucency test, also, so they get to be together without their mean mother around. That's good. They need a little Grandma-spoiling.

We got the guest room clean and arranged with the lovely quilt the church gave me as a parting gift on the bed.

I am feeling the baby, every once-in-a-while. I know that, technically, this is supposed to be impossible, but I felt Daniel moving early when my bladder was full and I feel this one, too. And I know what it's supposed to feel like by now. There's nothing else that feels like a little golf ball rolling around in there! I'm ready to know more about her/ him. It will be good to see that little love tomorrow!

The morning so far

It is a gorgeous morning here in central IL. The sun is shining and it is cool and crisp and one can tell autumn is not too very far away!

We were all up early today mainly because we all went to bed early. Daniel fell asleep during dinner at 6:30. I fell asleep about 5 minutes after putting him in his crib. Annalivia was in bed by 7:30. Dennis stayed up late and got up early, but he's very noble and good and kind and cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, etc. What a guy...

Today is a Tuesday which means that Annalivia is at preschool. She's attending a little preschool class of 6-8 kids on Tuesday and Thursday at the retirement complex where my grandparents live. And since today is Tuesday, it is the day I get to answer affirmatively when she asks me if she can "Please, please, please go to Noah's Ark today?" unlike the other five days of the week. The kid likes preschool.

Daniel and I are headed up to Rock Falls about 11:30 today so I can meet with the two families for whom I'll be doing funerals this week. We won't get back until 6:30 or later, so I actually planned dinner tonight. I have Porkchops with Artichokes in the crockpot right now. And thanks to my brilliant KitchenAid mixer that mom got me, I was able to whip up some french bread in about 5 minutes. And there's an apple pie finishing its time in the oven.

AND Daniel is playing with his trains in his bedroom upstairs, so I have time to get the kitchen clean and set the table, too. I'm so thankful for this big house and room to play. What a gift.

It's nice to be productive, especially on a beautiful day like this. I guess I should try to get 12 hours of sleep more often!

C'mon energy surge!

The first trimester is done. I recall that this is when one is supposed to have "renewed energy". I don't think my body has gotten the memo yet.

Learnings and reaffirmations of the past 24 hours

1. That old adage "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" is an an old adage for a reason.
2. Spending 15 minutes straightening up the house at night pays big dividends the next day.
3. Forgetting to spend time straightening up the house before Daddy leaves at the end of the weekend requires major deposits in time and energy.
4. Washable crayons and twistable colored pencils are absolutely, positively worth the extra money.
5. The only way to get through the wardrobe into Narnia is to take an afternoon nap.
6. A sewing machine is really only useable when it has been removed from its case.
7. A banana oatmeal coffee cake made with a yellow cake mix will feed hungry kids in the morning almost as well as the uber-nutritious variety one probably should have made.
8. "Shoulds" should be given-up in the first trimester.

Awww, shucks...

Thanks, all! I appreciate you sharing the joy with us.

We told the church today. Annalivia is convinced that this is a little girl. She keeps talking about her sister. And does not believe me when I tell her it could be a boy. She was beginning to tell people that we are buying a baby girl after Christmas, so we thought it would be good for them to hear from us. They were all excited and probably doubly thrilled to not have to deal with negotiating maternity leave again! On the way out, one lady hugged me and told me that she hopes it is twins. Another said that since she had three children, I could have three. Another asked how many we are going to have to which another said, "Five" very matter-of-factly...

People are weird.

Whether it wears blue or pink or one of each, we're feeling very blessed right now. If there's one thing the complications of my previous pregnancies have taught us, it's to be grateful for the gift and celebrate from the moment it has been given. So we are.

Thanks for celebrating with us.

Growing things

Our new little garden is growing like mad! I don't know if it is because the soil was very acidic, or because Dennis added a scoop of MiracleGro to each hole, or whether it's just because it has been so humid and rainy this summer, but we have frutifulness here!

We've got some Hungarian Peppers that are ready to be harvested NOW.

And bell peppers that could use a little while longer.

A plethora of cherry tomatoes.
Some Roma, Beefsteak and Early Girl varieties that are growing quite well.

Cilantro that promptly turned into Coriander.


Mint for tea. Someday.
Some spicy globe basil, some purple basil, oregano, rosemary and...


...some other miscellaneous basil...

And something extra special to be enjoyed late winter...

:)

Hurrah for husbands and the Hippocratic Oath

Dennis got home this evening. Oh, thank you, Lord!!! I am at VBS with Annalivia, and, thanks to some antibiotics and eyedrops, I am feeling much better. And any physical improvement made is magnified by the spiritual and psychological improvement of having my husband home and a second parent in the house.

Though it may be a single-parent household again tonight if I get the chance to flee for a few hours... :)

In the absence of Daddy

It is 12:15 and I have two children who are crying. Neither of them want to go to bed. Daniel is in his crib and Annalivia is in her room. Both distressed.

Dennis started his job today. We actually did really well all day until late this evening. The kids both took naps at 5 p.m. and they DID NOT want to go to sleep tonight.

I have learned that when Daddy is not here, the sleep schedule will be off for a bit. Dennis is central to the nighttime routine and I think when he's not here, they both sort of wait to see if he is going to show up before resigning themselves to falling asleep.

Update -- 1:39 a.m. -- They finally fell asleep about 12:30. And I find myself unable to let myself go to sleep also. I guess they're not the only ones not quite resigned to going to bed without Daddy.

Sticky morning

Daniel was sleeping in late this morning, so Annalivia and I made pancakes. I let her dump all the things in the bowl and then stir up the mix. I would occasionally take the whisk from her and she would say, "Go nice and slow, Mommy, like me." And then, "No, that's too fast. Do it exactly like I do it."

We had blueberries to use and the pancakes were buckwheat. The combo was... not delicious. I think the blueberries weren't the greatest anyway, because everything tasted a little too grassy for me. Annalivia's verdict -- "I don't like blueberries. I like butter!!"

About ten minutes after she had gotten down from the table, she came out into the living room with her mouth full of pancake telling me that she liked MY pancakes. And the syrup on them. I didn't associate that I hadn't actually put syrup on my pancakes and that my plate was already washed and draining. So I wasn't alarmed until she came back to tell me she had spilled syrup on the counter. Suddenly, I realized what had happened. She had dumped the ENTIRE bottle of lovely, expensive Grade B Trader Joe's maple syrup onto the plate of extra pancakes that I had hoped would be breakfast for the next few days! It was a mess, not to mention that the syrup was gone and the pancakes were ruined. I will confess, I did not respond gracefully.

But after a very gentle smackdown by someone far wiser than I, I have realized that it was funny in its own right. And I wish I would have grabbed the camera and laughed a little instead of getting all ticked off.

I guess I've got a lot to learn when it comes to handling sticky situations.

7 months of bad hair is enough

The last time I had my hair professionally cut was on Dec. 1, 2007. I got it cut and I wasn't really happy with it and decided that I was just not going to pay for an icky haircut for the next year.

I made it to last week, when I decided my own haircutting technique (i.e. grab a clump and saw at it with thinning shears) had run its course. I have terrible hair right now. Long haired dogs that have lived on their own in the wild, foraging for squirrels in thickets full of burrs and sticker bushes have looked better. Really.

So, I caved. And I made an appointment at one of the hipper salons in our very non-hip town, asking them for their soonest appointment. I have had to wait until this Tuesday when I will emerge with a new hairdo, hopefully.

I'm excited. I'm not sure what has possessed me to go this long feeling hair-frumpy, but I've learned a lesson -- regardless of the money this experiment has saved, it's really not worth it.

The BIG, GIANT, HUGE, ENORMOUS news

I have spent the day today calling people to tell them that I am resigning as their pastor today.

I know that's not the conventional way to do it, but I also know that sending a letter first to this congregation who really is more like family would be a terrible way to announce this departure. They'll get the letter on Sunday.

In the meantime, I've talked to almost every regular attendee. I tried to visit face-to-face with some folks who have been very important to me. The others have gotten a phone call and an apology that I'm not there in person to tell them.

I kind of hate to admit this, but I am surprised -- almost shocked -- to find out that people are really, really going to miss me! I look back over the last seven years, and it is the gaping holes that are most obvious, the places where I could-have or should-have. I am glad that they have reminded me of the places where I have. Thank God that they were paying attention.

The reason I am resigning is primarily because Dennis has accepted a position as an engineer in Morton, IL. It is an incredible position at a company with a secure future, or, at least, as secure as one can find in the current manufacturing climate. And they have been very, very generous with him.

I am very excited, especially, because their generosity means that I will get to stay home with the kiddos. I have known since they were born that mothering them was my greatest calling. I am very, very, very grateful that I am going to be able to mother them in this new way -- with no sermons to research, no office to visit or not-visit, no congregants to rush off and pastor.

The most wonderful thing is that we know, we know that all of this is exactly what we need to do. It is clear to us that God has provided this way for us. In fact, it has happened in an almost magical way -- divine, really! :) We were not looking to leave and had actually talked to Dennis' mom about staying here and buying property from her and living out there. Then Dennis got a call from a headhunter and the guy had this position in mind for him.

Dennis had an informal interview with the engineering manager who called the headhunter back and told him that she was sure that the company wanted Dennis. The headhunter gave her a salary figure that was just kind of amazing to us and when she balked at it, he told her that Dennis was very worth it.

The company called him back for another interview and it went very well. He was there for a looooonnnnngggg time. It was only 45 minutes after the interview that the company called and offered Dennis the job at the amazing number! I don't think we could have asked for it to happen in a cooler way!

And since then, and really, before that, everything has just been laid out before us in the most amazing ways. We have had some other miraculous financial news and we are just astonished at the events at hand! In 90-ish days, my husband will be working at a job that will obviously value him and his experience and knowledge, I will be home with my kiddos, we will be living in Eureka, we will have all our debts paid, we'll have a six month emergency fund, and we'll have a very, very substantial savings for the future. It will be a whole new life! Resurrection, really.

I am just so amazed, awed and humbled at how God has answered and is answering so many of our prayers. And I am reminded of the thousands of times I have worried and fretted. What have I to fear, really? I need to remember that He is good to His people.

I may have to tattoo that on my forehead.

And those of you who have told me that all would be well have permission to tell me "I told you so."

But only once. :)

Wiggley girl

Annalivia had her dance clahss today. She woke me up at 7:30 and was ready to go by 7:45. Class began at 9. :)

She loved it. She was full of all sorts of information afterwards -- "I held on the big white bar!" and "The teacher told me something and I did it!" and "I danced and danced and danced!" and a bunch of other stuff. I'm glad she enjoyed it. This was literally her first experience with taking instruction from someone other than us and being with other kids her age. We don't have kids at our church and she's not in daycare, so I was relieved.

But something else came up and I'd like your-all's help out there! The parents stayed in a lounge area while the kids went to class and they had a video feed of the class into the lounge. We couldn't hear anything, but it looked to me like she did pretty well. She was very excited to do all the movements, but I noticed that she was constantly moving. If the kids were sitting in a straight line, Annalivia was scooting around the floor. She was mimicking the teacher's arm movements, but was also using her legs and doing all sorts of squiggley things. When they were playing a dance-while-the-music-is-playing, stop-when-it's-not game, she wasn't stopping until far after the other kids.

As I was watching her, I was realizing that Annalivia is always moving! She doesn't just sit or stand in one place anytime! I hadn't realized before that it is not characteristic of other kids her age, but I definitely noticed it today! She's like a little butterfly flitting around! And I'm wondering now what I can do to help her learn to contain herself and focus. Anyone out there got suggestions?

What would be on your list?

As per a recent post about music, I have been trying to make a list of "essential" pieces for my children. It is, of course, subjective and, by no means, meant to be exhaustive. But I'm curious... what would be on your list? What classical music would you want your child to not only hear, but know?

The start of my list...
Bach -- anything and everything, but especially B minor Mass, cello suites, Brandenburg Concertos, Goldberg Variations
Barber -- The Hermit Songs, Adagio and Agnus Dei
Beethoven -- anything, especially The Pastoral Symphony #6, piano sonatas
Brahms -- German Requiem
Copland -- Appalachian Spring, Rodeo, El Salon Mexico, Fanfare for the Common Man
Durufle -- Requiem, Four Motets
Dvorak -- New World Symphony
Faure -- Requiem, Pavane
Gershwin -- Rhapsody in Blue, American in Paris
Handel -- Largo, Water Music, Royal Fireworks
Holst -- The Planets
Ireland -- Greater Love
Mahler -- Symphony #2
Mendelssohn -- Symphony #3, Midsummer's Night's Dream
Mozart -- anything, especially the Clarinet Concerto in A
Palestrina -- Missa Papae Marcelli, motets
Prokofiev -- Romeo and Juliet, Peter and the Wolf
Rachmaninoff-- Piano Concerto #2, Piano Concerto #3, Rhapsody on a Theme by Paganini, Preludes
Rutter -- Requiem, anything else
Schubert -- assorted lieder
Stravinsky -- The Rite of Spring, The Firebird
Vaughan Williams -- The Lark Ascending, Canon on a Theme by Thomas Tallis, choral works and hymns
Vivaldi -- Four Seasons

Yikes

I do not have Photoshop for two main reasons. a.) It costs an arm and a leg and, more importantly, b.) I am infinitely capable of being obsessive and letting all else fester as I photoshop hour after hour.
Despite the fact that I don't have Photoshop and I don't have the familial energy to devote to photoshopping pics, I always read Pioneer Woman's Photoshop posts with interest.
Tonight, I went back to a post by the lovely Miz Booshay and decided to see if I could do the same thing in my JASC program I bought for $10 on eBay. Why, yes, I could. Then, for some crazy reason, I decided to read other Photoshop posts and see if I could do the same sort of things addressed in said posts in my cheapo photo editing software.
TURNS OUT -- I CAN!!!

It involves a little translation and some playing around with settings, but oh my goodness, I have an entire arsenal at my fingertips that I did not know I had!!!
Tonight, I played around with this photo.

It's of my lovely girl, but otherwise was pretty boring, I thought, underexposed and taken on an icky day. So I played -- cropped and lightened and texturized and so on and ended up with this.

Which just makes me smile.

And this is just the start. What in the world have I discovered?